How To Maximize The Bachelor Pad

Any guy who wants to move the relationship or casual dating to the next level needs a great place. Not saying it needs to be a swinging bachelor pad à la Austin Powers. It is important to present as an adult who has some taste and style. For men who are natural interior designers, this article is not for you. It is a stereotype that men are bad with their living situation. There are too many memes about the “no headboard man / navy sheets dude.” How can a guy curate the perfect “woman magnet” home?….

Location, location, location….

Cannot say this enough. Location is what is going to help you seal the deal. For a man who is living a casual lifestyle, the easier to get to your place, the better. Pick location over the size of the place. You are better off with a studio near town than a one-bedroom further away. Be walking distance to bars, restaurants, coffee shops, etc.

The basics….

Sheets on the bed, plenty of pillows, curtains, two night stands, lamps…. you get it. Not saying you need to splurge at an expensive store. You can thrift lamps, nightstands, and all that. This does not mean your place has to look “girly.” The color choices and fabrics can lean toward masculine. For example, a more industrial style with leather furniture can create a masculine environment. Stick to white sheets or something faintly colored. When you have white bedding they are easier to clean when you throw them all together and use bleach. It gives a hotel vibe that is crisp and clean-looking. Going back to the pillows, you don’t need 50 decorative pillows. You can go more zen and have four functional pillows.

The extras….

What do you have to entertain with? This is under the assumption that you want a woman to stay over. Do you have a TV with Netflix? Bar cart? Record player? All of these things are nice additions and will give her a reason to swing by.

Plants….

Plants are really nice to have around. Not only will it be great for the air quality, but it looks zen. She will subtly think you are capable of taking care of something. Your place doesn’t have to look like a jungle, a few larger and smaller plants around can be a nice touch. You can get away with more bare walls and less decor.

Art….

Art can be tricky to get correct. Unless you are an artist, it is tempting to put up “joke art” from the thrift store. Or have band or movie posters taped on the wall. You are better off with no art if it stresses you out. Even if movie posters are framed (unless they are vintage and arty), it can come across as juvenile.

Furniture placement….

You are better off with fewer furniture pieces rather than a cluttered look. Many men get inherited furniture from past roommates or relatives. It is important to see what is actually working in the space. The basics are a couch (if you have a living room) and maybe an armchair, etc. Make the space for you especially if you work from home. (Have a desk and things you need). But there should be a place to sit and possibly eat. You can have a large coffee table as a “dining room” table. Most food situations is ordering take-out and watching TV. You don’t need a full dining set up with a table and chairs. Whatever you do, make sure the placement makes logical sense and has a “flow.”

Dishes, cups, silverware…..

This is again a time where you can thrift a set of simple dishes and some glassware. It isn’t necessary to have a full cabinet, but have at least a few different glass styles available. You will want two shot glasses, a few wine glasses, medium size cups, and one or two coffee mugs. Have the option to offer a drink, even if it’s just water.

Bottom Line….

A stunning bachelor pad will definitely be a woman magnet. It honestly can work too well, so be mindful with your goals. There are men who do not want women hanging around or spending the night. You can be protective of your place and not bring just anyone there. Have an upscale environment for YOU! It’s not all about being a great host and impressing people. A clean, well-curated home is great for your mental health. You will be able to focus and be more creative. All of these things can be done at a low cost. I always encourage thrifting over buying things brand new. (However, Wayfair is a great option for affordable pieces if there are no thrift options). You can go the route of keeping things minimal and calming with fewer furniture pieces and more plants. Lastly, just because you are intentional with decor does not make your space feminine. It is possible to get a masculine feel by fabric choices and the color palette. Overall, think simple and practical with a little extra.

How To Navigate The Break Up As The Dumper

Whether the break up was serious or from a situationship, it can still be awkward. Long-term, it is better to be classy and be respectful of who you dumped. Even if he cheated or was awful, it is better to take the high road. It is sort of like being asked in an interview about why you left. It would be silly to drag down the former boss or employees. It only makes you look bad. I give the “lay low” advice a lot in situations, and this is another time where you should be discreet. Here’s how….

Never post on socials…..

Back in the olden times you would be “Facebook official” and then… (dramatic music)… you would be single! It was very juicy for others. Nowadays, most couples aren’t too entangled through social media. However, if you are dumping him out of anger, it is tempting to air your dirty laundry online. Resist that urge!

Make sure the door is closed….

This could be a situation where he is blindsided. He might be shocked you want to end it. You have to be gentle, yet firm and not give false hope. He needs to understand this is a break up, not you being wishy-washy. Of course, do this where he has proven that he can not change, etc.

Don’t send an “I miss you” text….

In fact, you should delete his number. Maybe keep some line of communication open, like muting on Instagram just in case something dramatic happens. Having access to a phone number can be tempting after a lonely night with some wine. It will only confuse him, and you only felt it for a second that you missed having a boyfriend, not him.

Keep everything discreet and private….

Any new dates, or you having fun, should be under the radar. Try your best to be kind and avoid your former date spots with him. Give him the space to go there. It is best not to run into him, especially with a new date.

Try not to spread rumors….

It is tempting to complain to your bar friends about your ex. As long as they have no idea who he is, then it can be ok. Either way, it is best to not talk sh*t about him around town. It could get back to him, or make you look like you aren’t over it.

Have a time limit to talk about him with others…..

You can process the breakup in different ways. It is best to not involve your friends or therapist too much. You will become a broken record and start to annoy people. If you need to get it out of your system, try to journal about it. This will be easier if he is out of sight, out of mind.

If you see him, act accordingly…..

A dirty rotten cheater should be treated slightly different than a mutual breakup. The bad guy should be ignored and brushed aside. He needs to know that what he did was wrong. A guy who was nice, but not the right fit, can be treated more humanely. It is fine to wave hello and smile, but try to avoid being cornered and feeling awkward.

Bottom Line….

Whether he was an awful person, or he just wasn’t the right fit, you should handle it basically the same. Overall, it is best to be discreet and classy. No need to slash tires or leave a psychotic note on his car. It is best long-term to take the high road. Make sure to set yourself up for success. It is better to mute him on Instagram and delete his number. Eliminate temptation in weak moments when you miss having a boyfriend, not him. Make sure there are no loose ends or the door cracked for him to come back if you are firm in your decision. There should be no confusion on how you feel and it is cruel to mess with his emotions.

How To Hint To Get The Date You Want

When talking about masculine and feminine energy, there is some confusion on date planning. The most masculine way to plan a date is to pick a location, time, and maybe even make a reservation to lock it down. There is a gray area of not wanting to be dragged along on a date, but still trying to come across as flexible. How can the feminine energy person suggest without becoming the social director?….

Speak about things you like….

Be enthusiastic about what bars, cafés, and restaurants you enjoy going to. In the initial “getting to know you” conversation, there will be questions about hobbies and weekend activities. Be specific about certain places you love going to, while still having somewhat of an open-to-explore attitude.

Your date wants to impress you….

It would be rare if a date went rogue and took you to a bizarre location. A home run-foolproof plan starts with knowing what will impress you.

Try to be fairly flexible….

You should venture a little out of your comfort zone. Branch out and explore new spots and don’t take every single date to one location. As an alternative it is ok to go to a favorite location before the date to get into the zone.

The 48-hour period….

Plans to meet should be happening sooner than later. Poking the bear after a week, or suggesting you meet up will probably fall apart. Keep the 2-day rule where he can make a plan and you can chime in with suggestions. If a date does not have a time and location, then you do not have a date.

Try to suggest a fun date if possible….

Not every city has fun activities. (I wish my city would bring back mini-golf.) Cities that have access to a beach or anything that can get you in play mode should be encouraged. You can try your hand at trivia night if you feel you excel in it.

You can counter the request one time….

He might suggest a place and you are not feeling it. You are allowed to have one counter place that you both could agree on. Don’t get into an argument and make the date planning super stressful. When you make it too much of an issue and can’t go with the flow, he will cancel the date.

Try not to be greedy….

Do women deserve a 5-star restaurant date with lobster and champagne? Yes. However, you need to focus more of your energy on the conversation and if you can have fun together. Being wined and dined can be wonderful, but with the wrong person you might as well have gone for fast food.

He is lazy and you want him to step it up….

There will be a case where there is zero effort. He might suggest you come over to his home. In this instance, it is best to go with your standards and say you only do public dates. More than likely he will ghost. Either way, this is better than going along with the bare minimum.

Bottom Line….

Showing your standards is a great thing. However, when you come off as too controlling, it can ruin the vibe and make him change his mind. You can suggest the type of things you love to do in a breezy way. It is better to say what you enjoy in passing rather than demanding he take you to a specific location. Be realistic about how fancy the date should be. Yes, you deserve a nice date, but keep your expectations in check and go for a middle-of-the-road place for the first meeting. The opposite of this is the bottom-of-the-barrel type date. In this case, you should decline when he refuses to meet you in public.

The “Good On Paper” Date

You know the rule…good on paper, bad in bed” – Samantha Jones.

This is a specific issue that women face in dating. On the whole, a woman dates for the long-term and is willing to give a guy a chance. Versus men, who are attracted first, then see if there is anything to go off of. Why do women fall into this type of date, and what can men learn about how dating decisions are made?….

“Give him a shot”….

Society wants woman to give men a chance. This can be valid if the pattern is only being attracted to bad boy heartbreakers. With the apps, and women putting themselves out there, they are more prone to being asked out by a guy who she isn’t bursting at the seams about.

“Ya never know”….

Can attraction really build, or is chemistry an instant feeling? I personally believe that you can build trust or see if a man is worthy of a relationship. However, chemistry and that spark is instant. So trying to wait for a spark can make a woman feel like she is settling.

Should you go on a good-on-paper date?….

It depends on your initial pattern of dating; it also depends on if you are trying to get more serious with a person rather than casual. A date with a “good on paper” guy will feel boring to you if you only do Jell-O shots and hook up in the parking lot.

Ask yourself if you want to settle down….

Most people who encourage a good-on-paper date are well-meaning friends or your mom. They want you to snag an eligible reliable husband. Most people claim they want a long-term monogamous partner while they are out every weekend partying. Really get to the bottom of what you truly want. Most people who claim to want a stable relationship actually desire a cat-and-mouse chase and the za za zoo.

My year of yes….

Last year, I went on every date who asked. I would say that I was only looking forward to maybe a handful. There is something to be said for having chemistry, being attracted, and intrigue. A first date should not feel like a chore; you need to look forward to it and be excited.

Don’t be bullied into a date….

This can happen to men when their mom or aunt wants to set them up with so-and-so’s daughter from the church. A forced set up is not creating a romantic vibe and you will feel like the whole date is one big favor.

Bottom Line….

The good-on-paper date usually falls onto women. You will be mad at yourself when he doesn’t make you feel anything. He might be a successful lawyer, and owns a home, or has his sh*t together. And yet, you would rather say yes to the struggling artist who is living paycheck to paycheck. It is something to examine if you are sabotaging yourself from a long-term partner. Anyone in a toxic pattern tends to feel comfortable with the familiar, rather than what is healthy. However, I don’t think settling and making someone else happy is going to be a long lasting situation for you. Be honest to at least yourself of what you truly want out of dating. It is ok to admit you want the “will they or won’t they” passion. A hot spark might fulfill you more than sweatpants and Chinese take-out on the couch.

Should You Have Unflattering Pics In Your Dating App Profile?

Everyone would rather hear, “wow, you look so much better in person,” versus, “hmm…kinda disappointed.”Give yourself permission to have fun with your photos and get creative. You can have the photos tell a story or have a color theme. This is, of course, not necessary, but try your best to think outside of the box and stand out. How can you lower expectations for your benefit?…..

Use the right filters….

Yes, there are beauty filters, and yes, you will look amazing. I do not encourage you to use them in a profile. You are misleading a guy and it can only lead to disappointment. However, there are filters you can use. I like the “light leak” filter because it does not distort the face, but it gives a cool lighting effect. You can play around with this if you are too scared to have all your photos raw.

Lighting….

I have purchased a tiny beauty “donut” light off of Amazon. It fits on your phone or you can hold it. It will elevate any candid photo. Good lighting is not a crime, but you still want your features to look like you.

Go au natural….

A good way to make you look less attractive is to do bare-face photos. You will always wear makeup and good hair on the date, so you will look like an upgrade. It is fine to take a pic with your hair up sans makeup.

Body shots can be slightly unflattering….

It sort of comes down to what you are most insecure about. If you feel insecure about your body, I would lean into a slightly unflattering body pic. It can be a mistake to kitten fish and show how your body looked like a decade ago when you were on two sports teams and had metabolism.

Unflattering does not mean boring….

I never think a photo should be boring. You can still make it interesting, but you are not misleading and eventually disappointing. Gym selfies, home bathroom selfies, or car selfies are simply blending in with the masses. You can always make a photo more interesting by the location or lighting. Take an opportunity to do a selfie if you find yourself in a cool bathroom or art exhibit.

Bottom Line….

With your dating profile, it is better to think long-term rather than short-term. You are better off looking hotter on the dates versus on the profile. It will calm your nerves before the date when you know you will impress rather than disappoint. Yes, you might match with fewer men, but long-term, you are weeding out the highly superficial f*boys. The guys who demand more photos to prove you are “real” should be avoided. They are not interested in your personality or getting to know you. To start out, I would pepper in photos that aren’t glamour shots. Not to say every photo needs to be hideous; it is more about stripping down the photo and making you not look all dolled up. Again, you want to hear a “wow” in person, not a “oh…”

Spring Forward Into Fresh Date Outfits

Spring is a transitional season. You aren’t covered up by a heavy jacket and hat, but you still have some modesty with a light jacket. Having that extra layer can give you that structure and polish to an outfit. Spring cleaning should extend into your closet. Do a try-on-and-donate day. It is best to still see what fits and what is not flattering. I always say you can make this fun by inviting friends over to give you feedback. It is helpful to hear what outsiders have to say and get a second opinion. What are some clothing options to look out for on your next shopping trip?….

The Jean Jacket….

When I go thrifting, I make sure the jacket is from The Gap, Old Navy, or Levis, etc. I would steer away from trendy cropped or too-many-detailed designs. Even the wash is important. It should not be an acid wash or ripped. This will help you be able to continue to wear the jacket for years and not have to donate it after a few months. When done right, the jean jacket looks casually dressed up and adds an extra layer of freshness to any outfit.

Watch fashion YouTube videos….

Watching a YouTube video will at least show you what is in style. It does not mean you have to participate in every trend. It gives you a sense of what lengths and cuts are in style, and more importantly, what is outdated. Classics, such as a trench coat or a little black dress, stay in style, but certain cuts of jeans will change. Speaking of jeans, it is an easy way to update your overall look by going for what the current denim trends are.

Remember this is a date….

Dating outfits will probably be slightly different from your regular going-out looks. It’s important to dress more feminine and less trendy, mainly because certain trends may not be that flattering. Not to say you have to wear a mini skirt and high heels. Try to stay away from unisex shoes (guilty). I love my boots, but there are different types of boots you can choose that give more of a girly look. Make sure your clothes overall fit you and are not super oversized. It is best to show your shape without feeling naked. Try to wear skirts and dresses as much as you can no matter the length.

Dress for your body type….

You can determine what your natural shape is by taking a few quizzes online. There are things certain body types should either avoid wearing or embrace. For example, if you are more of an hourglass, it is always advised to showcase your waist. This could be through a belt, or more fitted clothing. When the waist is lost, visually you might look shapeless. This also means showcasing your assets. It is best to pick the body part that you are confident to show off. Be brave and wear shorter skirts if you love your legs, for example.

Wear what is going to make you feel confident…..

There is nothing worse than feeling completely uncomfortable in your clothes. Make sure your clothes are physically not too tight or pitching you and wear your actual size. We get obsessed with the number on the size, but you need to ignore it and pick clothes that actually fit your body. This does not mean wear sweatpants and a large tee shirt because it is comfortable. You do have to get out of your comfort zone a little bit. However, certain fabrics and cuts can give you that comfort while giving you the structure of an outfit.

Fabric choices….

Please donate all your 100% polyester clothes! You need your fabrics to be breathable in every season and be easy to clean. I love cotton the best since it does not have the wrinkle look of linen. However, linen can be a great material as well. There might be certain blends that you come across, but try your best to stick to a mainly cotton blend. A Spandex blend can be a good material since it is stretchy and does not wrinkle.

Bottom Line….

Before you know it we will be putting our heavy coats into storage. It is best to get ahead of it by doing a closet clean out now and to determine what outfits really work. My favorite thing to shop for is jackets. I feel no matter the outfit a jacket can really tie an outfit together. Be cautious of a loud statement jacket that could read as outdated later on. It’s best to stick with the classics and the foolproof cuts. I can’t say enough about a great denim jacket. Not only is it on trend currently, but it will always be a classic for a reason. Try not to veer too hard into a current jean jacket trend and stick to the classic cuts and lengths. Remember that date outfits should be slightly more feminine and put together than a typical doing errands look. It is best to think about your natural shape and to pick an outfit that flatters your body. There will be trends that simply won’t look great on every body type (low rise jeans) so resist hopping on a “flash in the pan” look. Lastly, consider the fabric. Cotton is your safest bet for breathability and ease of care.

What To Do If He Hasn’t Said “I Love You” Yet

The first couple months are a test to see if the relationship can have legs. Certain couples have zero issues in expressing how they feel. There are women who will say it first and have no regrets. I am speaking to the majority population of women who would not feel comfortable saying “I love you” first. After the six-month mark, there is the inner panic. I am here to give some insight on how to handle it and collect data as to what is actually going on in the relationship. What can be done if he hasn’t said “ I love you” yet?…..

Remain calm….

I know that sounds impossible, but you need a clear mind. He might have been showing you how much he loves you and simply has not verbalized it yet. Men who have been burned in the past, or have thought they said it too soon, will be extra careful. Men typically aren’t trying to be the bad guy and want minimal drama. Actions do speak a lot louder than words. A man who is an “acts of service” kind of guy might be filling up your car and fixing your sink.

See how he writes a card….

He might have already said it in writing, but not out loud. When he gives you a birthday card, see if he says “love” or “from.” Men will not mislead you and just write “love” for no reason.

Try not to focus too much on a timeline…..

Every relationship is at a different pace. However, if it’s been a year, then it’s a little worrisome. I would reevaluate the relationship as a whole and see why he might not have expressed it verbally yet. At six months, I feel it is ok to gently bring up the elephant in the room. This is not your opportunity to say “I love you” to him hoping he reciprocates. You never want an “I love you” out of peer pressure.

Why should you not say “I love you” first….

Again, you want him to proclaim it first. (Like I said, not every woman out there feels this way). It is hurtful to hear a mild, “I am just not there yet.” Or the dreaded “thank you.” It leaves you feeling cheap and yucky.

Can you speed up the process?….

I would examine how much you are giving him without much in return. He might feel great just coasting and getting pampered. I feel a woman feels better to be chased down instead of him settling for you. If you spend every waking moment with him, I would consider pulling way back. See how he reacts by you suddenly getting busy and not available for his every whim.

Should you call it quits?….

In my opinion, a man knows how he feels about you early on. Usually on the first date he knows if you are girlfriend material for him. I would hate for anyone to have years wasted from a guy who does not love her. Not saying you should be love bombed in the first week or anything dramatic. Most likely, the guy has told you he is recovering from the last relationship where he jumped the gun and said it too soon. If he doesn’t know within a reasonable time frame, then he is taking advantage to a certain degree. I would figure out what he is getting out of the relationship besides simply being in your presence.

Bottom Line…..

The lack of a simple phrase can really screw up a relationship. Yes, men could be cautious in not blurting it out too soon. However, his actions should be speaking volumes that he cares for you and wants to be together. It’s tempting just to say it to get his reaction, but it will hurt you to hear something underwhelming from him. Men pretty much know early on how they feels about you. On the first date he put you in a box of someone he could see a future with. Having said that, users will be happy to play “make believe boyfriend” for a warm bed and a roof over their head. Really examine how much you are giving and how much he is taking.

Why The Super Bowl Can Be A Great Date

You don’t have to be a football fanatic to enjoy the Super Bowl. It’s the only time when you actually want to watch commercials, and sports and non- sports fans can come together. Most bars will get in on the action and provide food and drink specials. Host your own party (if you have cable) and make it a fun mixer event where everyone brings a friend. Why should you take a date with you to a Super Bowl event?….

First of all, make sure this is a real date…..

You will more than likely get left in the dust by a guy who didn’t intentionally invite you to the event. He will be more invested in the game than you. Having said that, it’s a good test of how they feel about you.

The pressure is off….

Unlike a date where it is an interview at a coffee shop, there are things going on. You don’t have to feel like you need to entertain him or work overtime to impress him. See how your date interacts with others and how passionate they are.

You won’t have time to trauma dump….

The spectacle and noise will keep you busy without a chance to overshare. This is great for people who tend to treat a first date like a therapy session. It is good practice being present and not overthinking the date. You can remain mysterious and intriguing while coming off as easy to be around.

Drink and food specials….

Go to a bar that has drink and food specials. You are going to get hungry and want drinks anyway, so you might as well save a few bucks.

You can dress casually, but still cute….

If you are the heel whisperer, then please wear them. It isn’t expected to look decked out, but it’s a nice opportunity to look casual, yet pretty. Make more effort to do your hair and makeup instead of the outfit. It does make me think of a Y2K style where you wear jeans, but wear a cute “going out” top.

If the date goes south you can still enjoy the event….

Obviously if it’s super-dramatic then maybe not, but if you aren’t vibing, you can situate yourself elsewhere and still enjoy the game and the half-time.

Bottom Line….

The Super Bowl is not marketed as a romantic event, which makes it easier to snag a date. I don’t think a man has ever said, “I don’t believe in the Super Bowl,” or it is “overrated.” It is easier to suss out a connection faster by seeing how you are treated at the event. He should be making sure you are having a good time, rather than having his eyes glued to the screen and not saying a word to you. Although, a distraction can be a good thing on a date where you aren’t telling him all of your dramatic woes. Practice being in your feminine energy by being in the present moment and receiving. The pressure is off to entertain and dazzle him, so you can relax and enjoy yourself.

7 Myths About Women And Casual Dating

I wanted to break down some myths when it comes to how women navigate casual dating. It is possible to compartmentalize and not get immediately attached to men. Yes, feelings can still be hurt and egos bruised, but many are fine with doing casual if they are in that headspace. These are seven myths that I have noticed that men / people may think about women doing casual….

Myth #1: If she slept with you (men) once, it is forever on the table….

This one is a biggie. Most women are perfectly fine with leaving things as a one-night stand or fun weekend. She can easily become fickle and sweep it under the rug if the experience was not up to her standards. Or she is fine to let the experience be a one-time thing and move on. The misconception is when a woman has sex with any man she gets chemically attached to. This is not always the case.

Myth #2: She secretly wants to get a boyfriend and is playing “the cool girl”….

In certain instances, yes, this is what is going on. However, many women simply want to have fun and are not trying to lock a guy down.

Myth #3: She can only handle a bedroom buddy….

In the majority of cases, she is mature enough to handle chilling outside of the bedroom. As long as there is clear communication and respect, she is fine to grab a beer here and there.

Myth #4: She feels bad about herself and is settling….

Some women have only known a committed relationship and need dating to be less serious. It might feel liberating to her that it won’t go anywhere and she can get a good sampling of what kind of men are really out there.

Myth #5: She is very masculine and leads with this energy, or is a “pick me chick”….

There are feminine women and even commitment-minded women who just want to have fun. There should be no shame in letting her hair down and enjoying herself. Also, it is better not to put all your eggs in one basket.

Myth #6: She has no boundaries or self-worth….

You can certainly have boundaries and have very high self-worth and still chose to casually date. If anything, when you date casually, you need more boundaries and are mostly playing defense so you aren’t walked all over.

Myth #7: She is only looking for a one-night stand….

Her version of casual might be she kisses men in bars or flirts in coffee shops. It does not always mean she is sleeping with every man she goes on a date with.

Bottom Line….

Being casual can be a phase or a lifestyle, and both are perfectly fine. More women who have not gotten data on the type of men she is attracted to should try to date abundantly. She shouldn’t feel shame from having a fun night or weekend. It is a misconception that all women get chemically attached to a man after sleeping with him. Most can compartmentalize and be ok with having a friends-with-benefits where they can hang out outside the bedroom. Women are allowed to define what casual dating means to her and not be judged.

Should You Try Sober Dating?

Bad dating habits are sparked by one too many shots at the bar. One minute you are calm and collected then at the end of the night you are holding onto your heels and calling an Uber. Your dates might feel like a broken record of men shoving you into a casual dating box. If this is happening, it might be a good time to try sober dating. Unfortunately, there are some cons to doing so and some sacrifices. I had a sober period for a seven-year stretch or so and had many first dates in brightly lit coffee shops. (A huge con of sober dating is the atmosphere, usually is not romantic enough to set the mood and tone. I would encourage you to at least meet in the evening to create a cozy environment). But regardless of all that, here are some signs you should give yourself a sober dating challenge….

All your first dates end in a hook up….

Liquid courage can take it a little too far and dissolve your boundaries. You are not giving yourself a chance to let him get to know you.

Men only view you as the “fun girl”…..

“The fun girl” is not exactly a compliment coming from men. It is hurtful since you probably have an education you worked hard at and managed to make a decent life for yourself. Yet all he sees is how many shots you can take.

You launch into therapy mode….

Trauma-dumping and spilling the beans is your go-to. It’s hard to recover from what has been said and you can’t unsay it. It’s tempting to go into intense sharing mode and it ruins your greatest power in early dating which is intrigue and mystery.

Your memory is not at its best….

If you happen to get a second date, you probably don’t remember the initial “getting to know you” conversation. He might accuse you of not listening to him and therefore not caring.

The good vibes shift into bad….

There are different types of drunks. The worst kind will completely shift the vibe and get angry or defensive. You could start fights or get confrontational out of nowhere.

Safety is not your #1 concern….

Staying safe in any regard needs to be a priority on a first date. You don’t know this guy and also you need to consider a safe way to get yourself home. He might take advantage of your helplessness in a dramatic way or mild way, or you put yourself and others in danger by being careless.

Bottom Line…..

At worst, you are becoming reckless with drinking, but even just giving off the wrong impression can be bad. Listen….. not saying you should never have a classy wine date, etc. My point is if you are relating to any of the signs, then it might be a great opportunity to rein it in a little. We all have different stages of casual dating whether we want total abundance or want to be intentional. Personally, for me, the pendulum has swung to taking a hiatus and regrouping after a year of saying yes to anything. January is the perfect time to reflect and decide what is working and what isn’t. I use the whole month to get focused on goals and to set the tone for the rest of the year. Understand what you are dating for. What are your dating goals? Don’t go by society standards and really figure out what type of dating will work best for you. Or maybe it’s a great time to be truly single and not have all the noise of dating to distract you.