How To Have A “Vacation Mindset” In Your Own City

Summer is approaching and soon everyone will be on vacation. It got me thinking about how people act on a trip versus their day-to-day life. I see celebrities or just friends of mine posting stories on Instagram and everything looks shinier and special. You are more intentional when you travel; you know it will end soon so you try to cram all the fun and knowledge into the experience. What if you could do that in your own city?

Shop local…..

If you are a shopping at Walmart and then grabbing dinner at a drive-through, you need to rethink your life. I am sure there are wonderful local businesses and restaurants you could be going to. It helps out your local economy and it is better quality.

There are probably events in your city…..

Sometimes it can get overwhelming to go to every event on the local calendar. You have a mindset of, “oh well, I will catch it next time.” Then you stick to your same routine of staying in and watching Netflix. Try your best to be open to going to events and talking to new people. It doesn’t have to be daily; you can do it once a week.

Art shows….

Most cities have art openings at local galleries. You will feel cultured sipping on wine and browsing the artwork in a quiet environment. You can also go to a local indie cinema and watch a film.

Local bakery…..

I see all the time that when people go to Europe they have a chocolate croissant and a coffee. Why not do that locally? Take a morning to grab a bite and coffee and then go on a nice walk after.

Have quick hangouts with friends…..

Most people say as adults they never see friends anymore. Why not incorporate grabbing a coffee with friends before you do errands. Even a 45-minute hang is more fulfilling than being too tired to see anyone at the end of the week.

Changing up your routine will help you meet new people….

The point in switching up your schedule and lifestyle is to get in a new vibration and welcome new types of people and new experiences. It will put you into a more open mindset for change.

You are more free on vacation….

When I am traveling I always think, “I will never see these people again.” So, I have more of a live-in-the-moment sort of energy. Not saying you should embarrass yourself, but you should be more open to chatting with a stranger or getting up and singing karaoke.

You don’t have to exchange numbers…..

While on a trip you would find it silly to exchange contact info. You enjoy the experience for what it is and keep that memory. Not saying you shouldn’t be trying to connect with people in your town. However, not every interaction you have needs to be repeated. It is good to be in the present moment and not worry about the future.

Bottom Line…..

Live everyday like you are on vacation. It can really be your choice and your mindset. While we are traveling we have a totally different attitude and agenda of how we spend our days. Every city has local bakeries, restaurants, bars, and grocery stores. We can get in a loop of only spending our time in stressful stores and cheap fast food. An outing can be a simple walk with a freshly brewed coffee or tea. When you open yourself to a more relaxed state of mind, you are welcoming that vibe with different types of people. Practice being braver in public and allow yourself to experience joy and living in the present moment.

Rewarding Good Behavior in the Courting Phase

Positive reinforcement is a better tactic with any person, rather than negative. Yes, boundaries and limits are needed. You should be stating what you are not ok with. However, as far as everything else, you need to lead with positivity. Praise always resonates more than scolding. How can you reward good behavior in early dating?….

Men always complain about “nagging”…..

Nagging is correlated to a fussy teacher or parent. It isn’t sexy to be called a nag. Even if you feel you are being reasonable and you should express your distain, it will fall on deaf ears.

Positive reinforcement is feminine…..

When you use phrases like, “ l love it when….” or add in compliments, it makes any person want to repeat the behavior and please you. It is the feminine and relaxed way to get what you want versus being forceful and punishing.

Men rarely get compliments…..

It is expected that he do his job and he probably hasn’t gotten a compliment since grade school. You should express your gratitude if he spends his hard-earned money on you. A “I’m proud of you” goes a long way.

Men who take you on dates versus chatting….

Avoid a penpal by not entertaining it. In 48 hours there should be a date suggestion. Anything beyond that is he being bored at work. Do not reward a man who doesn’t even want to meet you; your time is valuable.

Be gracious….

Don’t expect a guy to pay. If he does pay, he thought you were worth the investment. A sweet thank you and expressing gratitude will encourage him to treat you.

Don’t make him feel like he is a loser…..

When you brag and boast it will make him feel worthless. There is no need to brag about how much money you make or how educated you are. Focus on the reason why you are dating him, not his shortcomings. It will not motivate him to get a better job or go back to school. Never date potential.

Bottom Line…..

A thank you and a compliment goes further than you would expect. Most men simply want their efforts to be appreciated. The more you use positive reinforcement the more it teaches him to continue that behavior. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar as the saying goes. No one wants to be scolded or to be punished. He will associate you in a parent or teacher role which is not sexy or desirable. It is more feminine to praise the positive and gives you a gentle energy. Lastly, you will not motivate him to change by bragging about your own accomplishments or comparing him to ex-boyfriends, etc. You can only inspire and put energy towards the positive, rather than the negative.

Why You Need To Let Go Of The “Why”

Women who have been rejected or ghosted always want the reason. They will frame it as closure and maybe a tool to help not make the same mistake next time. However, with women dating men it can come down to a very simple lack of attraction. You can come up with a million excuses, but to men, attraction is the only driving force they have. The best practice in general no matter the reason is to not waste time worrying about it. You can waste months analyzing the text threads and your outfit choices. Let it go….how can you give your brain a rest and chalk the rejection up to lack of a spark?….

You waste time….

It can be disheartening to be rejected or be ignored. You have to understand it is out of your control. It could be he likes brunettes and you are a blonde. Or he was disappointed that you didn’t look like your pics in your app profile. Anything other than him doting on you (buying you drinks, asking you questions, making sure you got home safe) means he wasn’t interested.

Why app dating will be brutal….

It is so hard to capture an in – person vibe and appearance. Sure, you can do a video etc. but your voice, mannerisms, and your smile are completely different from a 2D picture. You will get more rejections from dating apps or set ups.

“He ghosted out of nowhere!”….

More than likely he met someone he liked better. Men are hunters and will not stop until they find the prize. He probably was keeping you around until he met someone he preferred more.

“Was it something I said?”….

I feel you are allowed one mistake in the beginning stages. You might have gotten too tipsy and chatty, or you said something cringeworthy. He will let it go if he thinks you are worth it. When he didn’t like you that much in the first place, he can place blame on your actions.

Everyone is dating everyone….

Most ghosting and fading is mainly a volume issue. Distance, not aligning, and lack of a spark won’t make the cut. Not to say you are a terrible person or ugly etc. It comes down to timing and having the right fit for them.

Expect VIP treatment….

Going back to how he treats you on dates. Some men will be fine with spending an evening with you. However, he will not offer to buy you any drinks or insists you split the bill at a restaurant. Men show they are invested though money. Keep in mind a good investment to him might be spending $500 at a strip club. And yet $40 on you is out of the question. Don’t waste time on low-effort dates; he is more than willing to spoil the right woman.

Bottom Line….

A “why” can make anyone spiral. It can hurt to just chalk it up to lack of attraction on his end. Men are pretty simple, visual creatures. All people have a type, but it is important to either delete the apps or be honest about how you are presenting yourself. You will get confused on why he asked you out and didn’t treat you well on the date. It comes down to the physical for men and it is their driving force, versus women who want a great personality first and his lifestyle. Get your face out there in person more and let men approach you. You will know for sure that they see you and find you pretty to them. It can ease your mind.

The Magic Of The Introduction

We all know about a “setup,” but what if a setup was live in-person? Introductions used to be more common in the polite society of the past. It would be seen as rude when you were not introduced to a new person. I want to suggest the planned introduction, which can be used to your advantage to create your own “spontaneity.” It is in the same vein as “dropping the hanky” technique. How can you orchestrate an introduction?….

Be more social in general….

You need to get comfortable being social and work on small talk. You cannot expect other people to do the heavy lifting for you. Don’t discuss the tragedies in the world and stick to light topics. The introduction will be a lost cause if you lose the person after saying hello.

Expand your social circle….

Your 2nd- and 3rd-tier friends are the key to expanding your network. Close friends are great, but it is more high risk for you and them. No one wants to cause a riff in their social circle.

An introduction should be fairly breezy and can only be executed once….

Getting introduced multiple times to the same person is madness. Only pull the trigger when you are truly ready. When you have your eye on someone and you know a mutual friend, then plan accordingly.

To him it can be seen as spontaneous….

The introduction is great because it is not you doing the introduction. There is some innocence to it and it might seem like it came out of nowhere. In the show “How I Met Your Mother,” Barney would make casual introductions left and right to get the ball rolling.

The introduction can be seen as a “meet cute”….

Any meeting other than a bar and an app is seen as romantic. An introduction, compared to a setup, takes three seconds in person, yet can make a huge impact if it goes well.

Bottom Line….

There is back-end planning for a solid introduction. It can be disappointing if you really took the time to orchestrate everything and it falls flat. It is better to have a policy with friends to introduce you to people at a house party or get- together. To them, it shouldn’t be seen as a big favor, compared to a full-blown setup. You need to do the pre-work of getting your surface level topics in check. The good news is right away you will know his interest level. His continuing the conversation and asking for your number is a great start.

The Cinco De Mayo Date

Any sort of drinking holiday can be a memorable time that brings people closer. I love great Tex-Mex food on a regular day, but on Cinco de Mayo, it hits different. The weather is warmer, you have an excuse to drink tequila. And, truthfully, it is a license to act boldly. What can you do to minimize the drama and maximize the fun?…..

Go to a restaurant earlier….

Every town has the Mexican restaurant hot spot. You might be waiting an hour to be seated. The better way to do it is start early, get some Michaladas with lunch, and keep the party going. Most bars will have specials and you can hopefully call it earlier than later.

Do not order a Margarita pitcher….

I will sound like a conspiracy theorist, so forgive me. Personally, I don’t believe there is tequila in the pitchers. In the past I have ordered them and not felt a thing. It is easy to hide from a customer because the mix is so strong it would cut the taste regardless. I also feel they are not that great tasting; most are from a cheap mix and you are just drinking sour sugar water. If you are sitting at a bar and watching the bartender make you a single margarita, that is different. You can see them pouring tequila and mixing your drink. But…not going to stop you from ordering a pitcher if you want; that has just been my experience.

What drinks should you order?….

Order tequila shots (silver) with salt and a lime slice. You can also order a Corona with lime to sip on in-between. If you are anti-beer, then a lime-flavored hard seltzer should be fine. A can cocktail could be an option since they have gained popularity.

Who should you bring?….

This date could be with your friends-with-benefits or someone very low stakes. This is not a night you will be impressing anyone. Pick a guy who can hold his liquor and can hang. You want the guy to be fun, but not put you in a dangerous position. Goes without saying to take Uber and be safe.

Food choices….

I always order a large queso for the table regardless. The chips and salsa are free so you can always munch on something. As far as food, if you are starting early, there is the breakfast Mexican items like Huevos Rancheros. I personally love a Torta, which is a Mexican sandwich. Get your favorites or be adventurous. It’s your choice.

If you choose to take friends instead of a date….

Delete all numbers from your phone who you should not text. (You know who they are). You might feel liberated to do so in the moment, but then you spend the whole evening pouting that he didn’t text you back. Focus on meeting guys in the wild or just having a great time out with friends.

Bottom Line…..

This holiday is better as a planned thing with room for spontaneity. You don’t want to wait in line for a hour. Start the party earlier if possible. Go for lunch and enjoy a Mexican breakfast with Michaladas (they are awesome). Then take the party train to the bars later on. This will probably not be a great first date or with anyone that is a high stakes crush. Take your casual thing, or your friends. Let the tequila make you bold in a positive way, not destructive.

Common Fashion Phobias And How To Combat Them

Why are you so dressed up?….I shudder when I hear that phrase…. most people fear looking too pulled together. On top of that you can trigger criticism from insecure people. This can cause you to dress down and play it very safe to please others. This dovetails into what I call “fashion phobias.” Basically, it’s when you have decided there are certain clothing items that are forbidden. What are some common ones and how can you give yourself exposure therapy?…..

“The Leather Jacket”…..

“I’m not cool enough to wear this.” I felt this way for a long time. I thought it was reserved only for people in a punk band. I finally broke down and bought one at a thrift store last year. My tip is to go with a classic cut. Avoid any studs or dated designs. Mine is simple, and has a tie to cinch the waist. Yes, you can go with a Moto jacket since it does not go out of style, but stick with the classics and don’t buy anything too bulky.

“The White Outfit”….

“I will spill ketchup on it.” White does not look great on every skin tone. For me, I don’t look good in white since it washes me out. For those who look stunning in white you should not deprive yourself. When you wear all white it gives off a generational wealth vibe. You should wash your whites in bleach to keep them looking crisp. As far as life happening, save your white look for something more upscale. It isn’t a great choice to wear to a BBQ.

“The Heels”….

“I will twist my ankle.” Certain heels are for the brave. You really have to be honest about how balanced you are when you walk. My solution is to wear a block heel. It still reads as feminine and it can ease your mind. I would pick a nude or tan option to streamline your look and make your legs look longer.

“The Tight Dress”…..

“I will look like a sausage in casing.” There is such a thing as too tight, but usually women stay away from anything remotely fitting. Oversize items are a safety blanket and can make you feel you are wearing a magic invisibility cloak. There is a way to wear oversized, but to have everything oversized is not the way to go. Because of Kim Kardashian shape-wear is popular for a younger dynamic. You will feel more confident in a more fitted dress when you have the protection of Spanx or Skims.

“Trendy Jeans”…..

“I will look like I am trying too hard.” Denim can be a good way to try something trendy without too much risk. You need to resist any trend that does not flatter your particular body. That could mean the ultra high waist or low waist, skinny, baggy, all that. A classic for any clothing item is the middle. Not too baggy, not too tight, not too low rise. Sometimes you get lucky and a denim trend that looks amazing on you comes back around. Go with brands like Levi’s or vintage Gap. When you get a flattering cut and wash you will look effortless and not that you are overdoing it.

Bottom Line….

There was an amazing sketch on “Saturday Night Live” that was titled “fashion coward.” It was women who could only stomach wearing gray hoodies. This is hilarious because it is so relatable. When you are not feeling confident you want to blend into the background, picking oversized plain clothing without any style. You can be discouraged by others when you start to level up your look. They will say passive-aggressive things like, “Wow, where are you going all dressed up!” Resist apologizing for looking good. Say a simple thank you and keep it moving. Having a total fashion overload can be overwhelming. Take baby steps to step outside your comfort zone on your next shopping trip. Pepper in more stylish items with the basics. You deserve to look good and be noticed.

Should You Give Feedback In Dating?

Our society loves a review. We will Yelp our favorite restaurant and give an Amazon item five stars. But is it the right thing to review a person? Dan Savage, the columnist and podcaster, goes by the “campground rule” for relationships, which is, “leave it better than you found it.” It could be interpreted as to correct them. I see it more as to not traumatize them or break their self-worth. When you are in a heated moment, you are tempted to spew out why you are breaking up and all their faults. Should we ever give feedback in dating?….

Overcorrection….

My biggest reason to not review a person is because of “overcorrection.” You might hate a behavior, however, the next person could be obsessed with it. For example, you could hate that he or she is overly communicative, but an average healthy person would expect that. You have to understand that you might be the toxic one and it is unfair to break a person down to meet your level.

Any criticism is remembered…..

As humans, we will only remember the negative. This is to protect us from further harm and it is our ego protecting us. When you absorb that feedback it will impact future relationships. We create limiting beliefs from outsiders’ opinions. This can be a problem when you want to wipe the slate clean and get back out there.

What if he/she asks for it?….

This can be a trick and should be proceeded with caution. Some people do want to improve for the next relationship and probably deserve an explanation if they were blindsided. But beyond cheating or something very obvious, there might not be a reason. Some relationships simply don’t make the cut to the more serious level. This is nothing personal, it truly is a matter of not fitting. You can only really give the generic, “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup sometimes. It is better to say something if they cannot move on without an explanation.

Adding insult to injury….

There might be “icks” that come up in relationships. You can be turned off by the tiniest thing and then see that person in a different light. For example, there could be the guy who clears his throat after every sentence, or the girl who eats all your fries when she said she wasn’t hungry. You have to think if they can change these things and how much they bother you. Remember everyone comes with quirks and most are already aware of them. It is difficult to rewire a brain to stop doing impulsive actions.

Would you want someone to change you?….

“Love me at my worst” is a problematic saying. The sentiment is sort of true….we are not perfect. There will be days when you are not your best. And to be be judged like you are a contestant on a reality show is brutal. People who love to give feedback see themselves as superior. It is easier to correct others than to look inward.

You don’t want to become their dating guru….

In general terms, when a man wants feedback after a breakup they might treat you like an unpaid dating coach. It is hard to open up the floodgates of giving someone a nugget of feedback when all of the sudden you become his “wing man.” Some people really want answers and it can become exhausting. It would seem annoying to mold a man into this great guy only to give him to the next girl.

What if a pattern is forming….

If you are receiving the same generic feedback and everyone breaks up with you, then you are the problem. Notice actions and patterns over words. It is best to go inward and really examine what you could be doing wrong. If you are still having issues pinning it down, go to an unbiased friend who can be straight with you. Friends do recognize what you are doing wrong, yet are afraid to voice opinions to avoid conflict.

Bottom Line…..

We are used to giving feedback and touting our two cents with product reviews or giving friends advice. It feels natural to mold a person into the perfect partner. Sure, you could do the “compliment sandwich” if it’s a tiny thing you want to change. It is hard to erase a behavior that is ingrained. You can’t change how a person sneezes or laughs. You probably wouldn’t want someone to come in and “strip you for parts” either. Most relationships run out of gas and have no definitive reason why they don’t work. Mostly, it is because they do not fit right with goals or family/friends, etc. Most importantly, it is crucial for you to recognize patterns of the rejections. If you can’t figure it out, a close friend will know. Finally, keep the rule of thumb to “leave them better than you found them.”

Dating App Tips For Men Who Are Not Matching

The apps can be hard to navigate no matter who you are, but…it is overwhelmingly easier for women. Getting matches and dates only require a woman to look halfway decent in the photos. Most guys will play the numbers game and match with everyone and then sort though them later. Yes, pretty privilege is real for all the sexes. Anyone will get more of a response when you look attractive. However, an average Joe can use some strategy to get noticed. What are a few changes that can be made to increase matching on the apps?….

Your first photo is your most important….

Think about how swiping works. It happens in lightening speed and all decisions are made from the first pic. When the photo is too far away and not an attention grabber you will easily be swiped aside. Not to say you should look like a model, but it should make her stop for a second. This can do with the location, pose, or clothing. Try to step out of a typical car selfie.

Bio ….

When you leave things blank, its “sus” and when you say the wrong thing, it’s “cringe.” It can be seen as a f-boy move to only have pics of you in the gym with no bio. The worst thing you should do is have the attitude that you are above the apps. I see a ton of guys saying the app is stupid, etc. Negativity in any form will halt any connections.

Prompts….

This can get hard to convey your personality. Women want a funny man who doesn’t take himself too seriously. However, all the prompts should not be seen as a “joke.” It is important to pepper in info about yourself briefly in an intriguing package. Speak in story not facts, meaning paint a picture, even when it’s a sentence.

Get an outside opinion….

Ask your female friends or sister, etc, to glance at your profile. You might be surprised how you are coming off. Like I said, the order of your photos really matters and can make or break if she swipes right. Also, inconsistencies can really hurt your chances with “kitten fishing” (photos from you playing high school baseball to now). Keep a timeline in the present. Your photos on the apps should not be older than two years.

Lead with your strengths…

You have to think what women are looking for in a partner. At the base level, she wants you to be independent and have some financial security. Having your sh*t together can really help you in the long run. Not saying you should be bragging about how you invested in Crypto. It is important to take advantage of the basic info where it says what college you went to or your occupation. You don’t have to put your job on blast, but you can communicate what industry you are in.

Think about what women are attracted to, not men….

Women can make this mistake as well. They make a profile that she would love, not men. (Maybe her prompts are too snarky and she is not emphasizing her photos). Always take your audience into consideration. Women are interested in what you have to say and if you have a personality. Bonus points if you have extra-curricular activities like being in a band or soccer team. Make sure your photos look good, yet effortless. Having a professional head shot can look stiff and make your look too serious and not sexy. Not to say you shouldn’t have quality photos. Just avoid any photos where it looks like a school photographer took it or having the appearance of a passport photo.

Humor can be hard to convey….

The whole article has been about being seen as funny and having a personality. I do want to be clear what that actually means. I see “my love language is sarcasm” too much. I understand you don’t want to be seen as “the nice guy.” It is hard to capture if you are truly a lovable a**hole, or just a jerk. The tone should be more silly and playful since it gives off positive vibes. You can be witty and smart without being negative.

Bottom Line….

The stats out there are only a minority of men get all the matches. Yes, appearance matters, however women can fall in love with a personality more than men can. If you are smart and funny, then lead with that. Make an effort to pick the right prompts that will bring out your humor or personality. Having a job and cool hobbies is a strength. Even if you are into nerdy stuff, there are nerdy girls out there who will connect with that. Try to switch things up, and most importantly, make sure your first pic is a show-stopper. Do not despair if things are still not clicking after you make changes. The apps are on their way out and in-person will be become more of the trend again. Try your best to not spend all day on the apps. Practice being social and gain more 2nd- and 3rd-tier friends. Your network will lead to more authentic connections that matter more than how many matches you get.

How To Maximize The Bachelor Pad

Any guy who wants to move the relationship or casual dating to the next level needs a great place. Not saying it needs to be a swinging bachelor pad à la Austin Powers. It is important to present as an adult who has some taste and style. For men who are natural interior designers, this article is not for you. It is a stereotype that men are bad with their living situation. There are too many memes about the “no headboard man / navy sheets dude.” How can a guy curate the perfect “woman magnet” home?….

Location, location, location….

Cannot say this enough. Location is what is going to help you seal the deal. For a man who is living a casual lifestyle, the easier to get to your place, the better. Pick location over the size of the place. You are better off with a studio near town than a one-bedroom further away. Be walking distance to bars, restaurants, coffee shops, etc.

The basics….

Sheets on the bed, plenty of pillows, curtains, two night stands, lamps…. you get it. Not saying you need to splurge at an expensive store. You can thrift lamps, nightstands, and all that. This does not mean your place has to look “girly.” The color choices and fabrics can lean toward masculine. For example, a more industrial style with leather furniture can create a masculine environment. Stick to white sheets or something faintly colored. When you have white bedding they are easier to clean when you throw them all together and use bleach. It gives a hotel vibe that is crisp and clean-looking. Going back to the pillows, you don’t need 50 decorative pillows. You can go more zen and have four functional pillows.

The extras….

What do you have to entertain with? This is under the assumption that you want a woman to stay over. Do you have a TV with Netflix? Bar cart? Record player? All of these things are nice additions and will give her a reason to swing by.

Plants….

Plants are really nice to have around. Not only will it be great for the air quality, but it looks zen. She will subtly think you are capable of taking care of something. Your place doesn’t have to look like a jungle, a few larger and smaller plants around can be a nice touch. You can get away with more bare walls and less decor.

Art….

Art can be tricky to get correct. Unless you are an artist, it is tempting to put up “joke art” from the thrift store. Or have band or movie posters taped on the wall. You are better off with no art if it stresses you out. Even if movie posters are framed (unless they are vintage and arty), it can come across as juvenile.

Furniture placement….

You are better off with fewer furniture pieces rather than a cluttered look. Many men get inherited furniture from past roommates or relatives. It is important to see what is actually working in the space. The basics are a couch (if you have a living room) and maybe an armchair, etc. Make the space for you especially if you work from home. (Have a desk and things you need). But there should be a place to sit and possibly eat. You can have a large coffee table as a “dining room” table. Most food situations is ordering take-out and watching TV. You don’t need a full dining set up with a table and chairs. Whatever you do, make sure the placement makes logical sense and has a “flow.”

Dishes, cups, silverware…..

This is again a time where you can thrift a set of simple dishes and some glassware. It isn’t necessary to have a full cabinet, but have at least a few different glass styles available. You will want two shot glasses, a few wine glasses, medium size cups, and one or two coffee mugs. Have the option to offer a drink, even if it’s just water.

Bottom Line….

A stunning bachelor pad will definitely be a woman magnet. It honestly can work too well, so be mindful with your goals. There are men who do not want women hanging around or spending the night. You can be protective of your place and not bring just anyone there. Have an upscale environment for YOU! It’s not all about being a great host and impressing people. A clean, well-curated home is great for your mental health. You will be able to focus and be more creative. All of these things can be done at a low cost. I always encourage thrifting over buying things brand new. (However, Wayfair is a great option for affordable pieces if there are no thrift options). You can go the route of keeping things minimal and calming with fewer furniture pieces and more plants. Lastly, just because you are intentional with decor does not make your space feminine. It is possible to get a masculine feel by fabric choices and the color palette. Overall, think simple and practical with a little extra.

How To Navigate The Break Up As The Dumper

Whether the break up was serious or from a situationship, it can still be awkward. Long-term, it is better to be classy and be respectful of who you dumped. Even if he cheated or was awful, it is better to take the high road. It is sort of like being asked in an interview about why you left. It would be silly to drag down the former boss or employees. It only makes you look bad. I give the “lay low” advice a lot in situations, and this is another time where you should be discreet. Here’s how….

Never post on socials…..

Back in the olden times you would be “Facebook official” and then… (dramatic music)… you would be single! It was very juicy for others. Nowadays, most couples aren’t too entangled through social media. However, if you are dumping him out of anger, it is tempting to air your dirty laundry online. Resist that urge!

Make sure the door is closed….

This could be a situation where he is blindsided. He might be shocked you want to end it. You have to be gentle, yet firm and not give false hope. He needs to understand this is a break up, not you being wishy-washy. Of course, do this where he has proven that he can not change, etc.

Don’t send an “I miss you” text….

In fact, you should delete his number. Maybe keep some line of communication open, like muting on Instagram just in case something dramatic happens. Having access to a phone number can be tempting after a lonely night with some wine. It will only confuse him, and you only felt it for a second that you missed having a boyfriend, not him.

Keep everything discreet and private….

Any new dates, or you having fun, should be under the radar. Try your best to be kind and avoid your former date spots with him. Give him the space to go there. It is best not to run into him, especially with a new date.

Try not to spread rumors….

It is tempting to complain to your bar friends about your ex. As long as they have no idea who he is, then it can be ok. Either way, it is best to not talk sh*t about him around town. It could get back to him, or make you look like you aren’t over it.

Have a time limit to talk about him with others…..

You can process the breakup in different ways. It is best to not involve your friends or therapist too much. You will become a broken record and start to annoy people. If you need to get it out of your system, try to journal about it. This will be easier if he is out of sight, out of mind.

If you see him, act accordingly…..

A dirty rotten cheater should be treated slightly different than a mutual breakup. The bad guy should be ignored and brushed aside. He needs to know that what he did was wrong. A guy who was nice, but not the right fit, can be treated more humanely. It is fine to wave hello and smile, but try to avoid being cornered and feeling awkward.

Bottom Line….

Whether he was an awful person, or he just wasn’t the right fit, you should handle it basically the same. Overall, it is best to be discreet and classy. No need to slash tires or leave a psychotic note on his car. It is best long-term to take the high road. Make sure to set yourself up for success. It is better to mute him on Instagram and delete his number. Eliminate temptation in weak moments when you miss having a boyfriend, not him. Make sure there are no loose ends or the door cracked for him to come back if you are firm in your decision. There should be no confusion on how you feel and it is cruel to mess with his emotions.