How To Hint To Get The Date You Want

When talking about masculine and feminine energy, there is some confusion on date planning. The most masculine way to plan a date is to pick a location, time, and maybe even make a reservation to lock it down. There is a gray area of not wanting to be dragged along on a date, but still trying to come across as flexible. How can the feminine energy person suggest without becoming the social director?….

Speak about things you like….

Be enthusiastic about what bars, cafés, and restaurants you enjoy going to. In the initial “getting to know you” conversation, there will be questions about hobbies and weekend activities. Be specific about certain places you love going to, while still having somewhat of an open-to-explore attitude. 

Your date wants to impress you….

It would be rare if a date went rogue and took you to a bizarre location. A home run-foolproof plan starts with knowing what will impress you. 

Try to be fairly flexible….

You should venture a little out of your comfort zone. Branch out and explore new spots and don’t take every single date to one location. As an alternative it is ok to go to a favorite location before the date to get into the zone.

The 48-hour period….

Plans to meet should be happening sooner than later. Poking the bear after a week, or suggesting you meet up will probably fall apart. Keep the 2-day rule where he can make a plan and you can chime in with suggestions. If a date does not have a time and location, then you do not have a date. 

Try to suggest a fun date if possible….

Not every city has fun activities. (I wish my city would bring back mini-golf.) Cities that have access to a beach or anything that can get you in play mode should be encouraged. You can try your hand at trivia night if you feel you excel in it. 

You can counter the request one time….

He might suggest a place and you are not feeling it. You are allowed to have one counter place that you both could agree on. Don’t get into an argument and make the date planning super stressful. When you make it too much of an issue and can’t go with the flow, he will cancel the date. 

Try not to be greedy….

Do women deserve a 5-star restaurant date with lobster and champagne? Yes. However, you need to focus more of your energy on the conversation and if you can have fun together. Being wined and dined can be wonderful, but with the wrong person you might as well have gone for fast food. 

He is lazy and you want him to step it up….

There will be a case where there is zero effort. He might suggest you come over to his home. In this instance, it is best to go with your standards and say you only do public dates. More than likely he will ghost. Either way, this is better than going along with the bare minimum. 

Bottom Line….

Showing your standards is a great thing. However, when you come off as too controlling, it can ruin the vibe and make him change his mind. You can suggest the type of things you love to do in a breezy way. It is better to say what you enjoy in passing rather than demanding he take you to a specific location. Be realistic about how fancy the date should be. Yes, you deserve a nice date, but keep your expectations in check and go for a middle-of-the-road place for the first meeting. The opposite of this is the bottom-of-the-barrel type date. In this case, you should decline when he refuses to meet you in public. 

What To Do If He Hasn’t Said “I Love You” Yet

The first couple months are a test to see if the relationship can have legs. Certain couples have zero issues in expressing how they feel. There are women who will say it first and have no regrets. I am speaking to the majority population of women who would not feel comfortable saying “I love you” first. After the six-month mark, there is the inner panic. I am here to give some insight on how to handle it and collect data as to what is actually going on in the relationship. What can be done if he hasn’t said “ I love you” yet?…..

Remain calm….

I know that sounds impossible, but you need a clear mind. He might have been showing you how much he loves you and simply has not verbalized it yet. Men who have been burned in the past, or have thought they said it too soon, will be extra careful. Men typically aren’t trying to be the bad guy and want minimal drama. Actions do speak a lot louder than words. A man who is an “acts of service” kind of guy might be filling up your car and fixing your sink. 

See how he writes a card….

He might have already said it in writing, but not out loud. When he gives you a birthday card, see if he says “love” or “from.” Men will not mislead you and just write “love” for no reason.

Try not to focus too much on a timeline…..

Every relationship is at a different pace. However, if it’s been a year, then it’s a little worrisome. I would reevaluate the relationship as a whole and see why he might not have expressed it verbally yet. At six months, I feel it is ok to gently bring up the elephant in the room. This is not your opportunity to say “I love you” to him hoping he reciprocates. You never want an “I love you” out of peer pressure. 

Why should you not say “I love you” first….

Again, you want him to proclaim it first. (Like I said, not every woman out there feels this way). It is hurtful to hear a mild, “I am just not there yet.” Or the dreaded “thank you.” It leaves you feeling cheap and yucky. 

Can you speed up the process?….

I would examine how much you are giving him without much in return. He might feel great just coasting and getting pampered. I feel a woman feels better to be chased down instead of him settling for you. If you spend every waking moment with him, I would consider pulling way back. See how he reacts by you suddenly getting busy and not available for his every whim. 

Should you call it quits?….

In my opinion, a man knows how he feels about you early on. Usually on the first date he knows if you are girlfriend material for him. I would hate for anyone to have years wasted from a guy who does not love her. Not saying you should be love bombed in the first week or anything dramatic. Most likely, the guy has told you he is recovering from the last relationship where he jumped the gun and said it too soon. If he doesn’t know within a reasonable time frame, then he is taking advantage to a certain degree. I would figure out what he is getting out of the relationship besides simply being in your presence. 

Bottom Line…..

The lack of a simple phrase can really screw up a relationship. Yes, men could be cautious in not blurting it out too soon. However, his actions should be speaking volumes that he cares for you and wants to be together. It’s tempting just to say it to get his reaction, but it will hurt you to hear something underwhelming from him. Men pretty much know early on how they feels about you. On the first date he put you in a box of someone he could see a future with. Having said that, users will be happy to play “make believe boyfriend” for a warm bed and a roof over their head. Really examine how much you are giving and how much he is taking. 

How To Keep Your Relationship “Evergreen”

How can you keep your relationship evergreen – fresh, new, and alive? Bonding beyond the bedroom is what is going to keep the relationship going strong. Passion and the honeymoon phase will fade eventually. The outside world can be rough and your partner should be someone who is an escape from that. Little things from shopping to watching TV ideally will be an enjoyable experience. What are some simple things to take up a notch to connect you further?…..

Play together….

You have to know how to have fun together. As a couple you will be put in boring situations all the time. How can you make it interesting? Play actual games, whether it is kicking a ball around or a card game. It helps pass the time and get into a fun competitive side.

Watch a funny or interesting show….

It’s tempting as a woman to throw on the “Bachelor” or any other reality tv show that your boyfriend cannot relate to. Same thing with him blasting the baseball game all day long. It is best to find common ground and actually get into a show together. It should open up discussion with a dialogue between the two of you. Watch a reality competition show that is gender neutral or stand-up comedy. Keep it light so you feel ok talking over it.

Make the simple things fancy….

When you go over to your boyfriend’s house he might have some beer or wine in the fridge. Why not create fancy cocktails together? It can be fun to experiment and try out flavors. You can invent drinks and name them together. (You can save money by buying the small “airplane bottles” as samples instead of full bottles of alcohol). Same thing with food. Make a special charcuterie board or pasta dish. Elevate your typical mac and cheese with added gourmet cheese and a crumble on top. Go to Trader Joes for cheese instead of a Whole Foods or anything too upscale. 

Have some hot gossip….

Nothing bonds people more than sharing some dirt. Try to keep the story interesting, not just you complaining. Talk about something scandalous that happened at work (no need to name names) and keep it funny. If you don’t want to put people on blast, then share some celebrity gossip. Work on your story-telling skills and try not to just drone on. You can even take an improv class to improve your communication. 

Go on group dates….

Involve the outside world on occasion, just make sure it is a fun activity. Try out miniature golf or have a beer pong tournament. Becoming a team for Trivia Night can help you get to know each other in a fun way. Avoid brunch or a dinner since it will result in the men chatting and then the women talking separately. You will fall into your comfort zone and not bond with new people.

Dance together….

This does not require a professional dancing background. Go to the club or your favorite DJ set and just groove to the music together. It will make your physical connection closer and will bond you. 

Go grocery shopping….

Make it a point to make mundane things fun. A great relationship has its own language and inside jokes. Make it a low stakes shop so it’s not super stressful. Have a list of things you need so you aren’t forgetting anything and getting mad at each other. 

Host a party….

See how well you can be welcoming to outsiders. It’s a good test to see how you thrive without depending on each other. Practice making others feel comfortable and have fun in your home. Be teammates with the same goal in mind. 

Bottom Line….

Getting to the “I married my best friend” energy starts with bonding outside of the bedroom. When there is no foundation, then your relationship will get stale and crumble. A couple that “plays together, stays together.” You should be having fun and enjoying life together. Take your usual activities up a notch by making it fancier and more special.

10 Christmas Hacks For A Post Pandemic Life

We have had a rough couple years, however, I do feel it was a great awakening on who and what is important. It shook up people to rethink what really matters and maybe to adopt new holiday traditions for themselves. During the pandemic a lot of things were impossible to do which welcomed a shift in new traditions. What are some Christmas hacks that will save you time and money?…..

1. Use online shopping as much as you can….

Amazon and other sites can be a great resource to use. You can order presents, send them to yourself, then wrap them. Another option is to order food packages for long-distance family. (Our family loves to send speciality jams, desserts, charcuterie items). Skip the long lines and getting slammed with shopping carts and just push a button instead. If you have the budget, then consider shopping local or on Etsy. Support a small business as much as you can. 

2. Go to the Dollar Tree…..

For any sort of wrapping material or snacks for the Christmas stockings, head to the Dollar Tree. They have a great selection of seasonal candy, like peppermint bark and peanut brittle. You can stock up on cards, gift tissue, Christmas gift bags, wrapping paper, etc. 

3. Don’t be ashamed of using Christmas gift bags….

Look, I wouldn’t say I am perfect at wrapping presents. I feel it comes out pretty wonky more times than not. There is no shame in buying just bags and tissue. Remember that wrapped packages may look pretty under the tree, but they will be ripped opened and thrown away. So, it’s best long-term to use a bag that you can reuse instead of wrapping paper that can only be used once. You can also use the newspaper comic section to wrap presents. It gives a retro feel to it and you can throw on a ribbon to make it more festive. 

4. Make an edible gift…..

No one would be mad at receiving a fresh batch of cookies. If you love baking, then make that your gift to people. There are so many Christmas cookie recipes out there. They sell Christmas cookie bags and containers at the Dollar Tree as well. 

5. Do a service gift…..

Think of your expertise that can actually help someone. You might be extremely organized and can make up a handy planner for someone. Or you can help someone clean out a closet or kitchen. Another idea is to take their car to the car wash for them and get it really cleaned and buffed inside and out. Think about giving back to the community with a coat drive or food drive. It is the season of giving back, so it will feel good to help another person in need. 

6. Think about an easy DIY tree….

For those who have no room for a real tree, I have seen people on Instagram shape a wall tree out of garlands or even Christmas tree lights. (Great option for mischievous cats who tend to attack trees). You can also buy miniature trees that can be in fun colors. I love a theme tree that has cute ornaments, like a cocktail theme tree or food. There are so many ornaments at Target and online. If you are crafty, you can make your own ornaments. 

7. Create your own traditions…..

Bend the rules of the holiday and do things you truly enjoy. You don’t have to have the same food every year or watch the same movie. In fact, there are a lot of unofficial Christmas movies that are a lot of fun. Encourage your family to switch it up and to try new things. Drive around looking at Christmas lights, or walk around a neighborhood with a thermos. 

8. Send out your Christmas cards early…..

Get them done sooner than later. Get yourself prepared and get all the address and stamps in order. Allow yourself time to leave a personal note to each person and wish them a happy new year. 

9. Decorate before December if you want…..

I noticed in the pandemic people could spend more time at home and used that time to decorate. I have no gripes about decorating early. If you are the type to throw up the Christmas tree before December then go for it. Make your home cozy and festive for you!

10. Be selective about what parties you attend….

You will probably be invited to a lot of holiday parties. Do not stretch yourself thin and walk around with a constant champagne hangover. Really narrow down parties that you are more than happy to go to and allow yourself to rest. You can be run ragged and asked to do so many favors for people. Only do things if you have the time and energy and truly want to do it. You will resent people for overstepping and be annoyed you got guilted into doing things. Be polite, but decline if you are not up for it. 

Bottom Line…..

Yes, the pandemic was challenging, however it is good to shake up the system and form new holiday traditions and standards. Stress and guilt can override the joyous season when you are constantly doing favors and spending all your hard-earned money. Do try to give back and donate to people in need. When you see a coat drive or food drive, then participate in it. Do not let the anti-Christmas people make you feel bad for decorating early or feeling joyful. There are going to be people who show their discontent around this time because they are unhappy in general. Your mindset needs to be in the right place because it is easy to be overwhelmed and taken advantage of. Go with the easy and cheaper option first and stay within your budget. Lastly, stay in the moment, look at the lights, and soak it in. 

How Can A Guy Successfully Approach A Woman In Public

For a man it’s a tightwire act to approach a woman in public these days. The advice is to just “be a man” and “shoot your shot” while juggling not coming across as creepy. It’s understandable that most men have opted out of any in public interaction and rely solely on the apps. There is however, a wrong way and right way to get a woman’s attention. What are some dos and don’ts to keep in mind the next time you are at a bar and feeling brave?….

Don’t neg….

Listen…. Will it work on insecure women?… Maybe it did a decade ago. It’s so obvious you are doing a move, or you are just not a pleasant person to be around. Look, leading with negativity off the bat is just bad. I get that you don’t want to be the “nice guy,” but negging has a tipping point and will leave the receiver feeling yucky. She will associate that feeling whenever she sees you. Make people feel good in your presence. 

Do make a shared observation….

Great tip is to bond over something. Maybe something funny happened in the bar, or “Cotton-Eye Joe” started playing on the sound system. A knowing smile and laugh shared together is the perfect opening to strike up a conversation. This can only work when you are next to a girl at a bar or waiting in line for the bathroom. It’s not an across-the-room kind of thing. 

Don’t use a pickup line….

Even with self-awareness, it feels cringe. We have heard them all before since middle school. It’s not a hot take to use a “is that a mirror in your pocket…” shtick. It’s not funny enough to be taken seriously and shows you are maybe out of touch or inexperienced. 

Do ask a question….

Steer away from “what time is it”? That can come across as non-specific and not reading as flirting. A good one is asking about what drink she just ordered. Resist talking about appearance because it can come across as an insult. Even a seemingly harmless, “where did you get those shoes?” Could be interpreted as a question of taste not a compliment. 

Don’t approach if she is with friends….

If she is with a gal pal, then the friend will feel a little awkward and the “ugly friend.” It is a little rude to flirt with only one girl in the group. (Not saying you should flirt with all of them). It’s best to approach when she is separated from the group temporarily. 

Do offer to buy her a drink….

I will always accept a free drink, however I know it is buying my time. It is rude to take a free drink and walk away. If she rejects the drink, then this is the reason. The rookie move is opening with the drink offer. You have to feel out the vibe and chat for five to ten minutes. See if she is low on her drink or says she wants to get another. This is your cue to say, “oh, can I buy you a drink?” 

Don’t word vomit….

It’s a balance of flirting without taking it to a vulgar place. It’s best to stay in the polite lane, rather than being overly complimentary (Especially about appearance). This way, she will wonder where you stand about her. She might think it’s just a friendly interaction. The best strategy is to not show your cards. Having her wonder can work in your favor long term if she is interested. 

Do know when to abort the mission….

You have to be self-aware. Nothing worse than not picking up what people are putting down. Facial cues and body language speak volumes. It’s safer to assume she is not interested versus being overly cocky. Be prepared to walk away or not attempt at all based on her vibe or if she is in a large group. The only exception to be a little more forward would be if you are on vacation and have a time limit. 

Bottom Line….

When you land a successful “meet cute,” it will cause a ripple effect of confidence. Most men are traumatized by rejections that happened at the cafeteria in middle school. There is no harm to test the waters and strike up a conversation. A negative reaction could be because she is married or offended by your behavior. Honestly, in certain cases the more a person does not like you, the more polite they become. I end up going into costumer-service mode around people I do not like. Take baby steps instead of aggressively hitting on her. You sort of have to have a “hat in hand” attitude about starting an interaction. It does take practice which can honestly start with chatting more with a bartender or cashier. You need to get used to breaking the ice with strangers without crossing a line. The magic moment is the shared experience interaction which can segue perfectly into a nice introduction. 

How To Have A Low Fuss “Friendsgiving”

A “Friendsgiving” is a great way for friends to get together for a potluck and wine. Perfect for those who can’t afford a plane ticket back to their hometown. However, when getting a group together with different personalities and expectations drama can enter the chat. The best thing is getting ahead of it by knowing what is assigned and knowing your strengths. How can you prepare for the potluck without the headache?…..

Understand the assignment…..

Everyone needs to know who is bringing what. There needs to be wine, appetizers, sides, and dessert. The host should be providing the turkey, but should do what makes logical sense to the group. Non-cooks should volunteer to bring wine and cheese and people who are well-versed in cooking should bring a side dish.

Don’t nickel-and-dime your friends…..

Listen… you will be spending money. Don’t Venmo-request people later and understand that everyone is pulling their weight. Honestly, even if they aren’t, don’t cause a scene. Spend what your budget allows you to spend. For some people, it’s no big deal to drop $50 plus, whereas others may feel that is steep. 

Help with prep if needed…..

Depending how close you are to the host, offer to help prep. This can mean from chopping vegetables to making pies. Make it fun by playing music and having the football game in the background.

Offer entertainment….

Like I said, there will probably be football on. As a backup plan, have a drinking game going or something to entertain people while the pies are baking. I always keep a deck of cards in my purse just in case. 

Be ok with breaking into groups…..

It’s natural for little groups to form. Depending on how many people were invited there might not be space for everyone to sit at one table together. In that case a buffet style where people help themselves makes the most sense. Try to mingle within groups until you find one that clicks best. 

Think twice about bringing your “situationship”….

There are people who don’t deserve to meet your friends. Any guy who doesn’t even know your middle name should not be invited. I know it feels better to bring someone, especially when everyone is coupled up. Resist the urge and be brave representing yourself. These are your friends and you should spend quality time getting closer to 2nd- and 3rd-tier people. 

Don’t get too wasted….

I mean, if you can handle your liquor, then go for it, especially if you don’t plan on driving. This is the time to indulge a little bit more and enjoy yourself. However, be mindful of how the group is acting and what the energy is. You don’t want to come across as sloppy.

Don’t overstay your welcome….

Make sure to help clean up as much as needed. Don’t be the last guest unless there is an understanding you will be spending the night or something. Pick up on the vibe and get ready to leave when people are going back home. 

Bottom Line…..

This is a great opportunity to make distant friends become closer. You never know who you will be hitting it off with. Get all the information from the host and do not make assumptions. It’s best to know what you should be bringing and if you need to show up early to help prep. Understand your strengths even if they are not food related. You could be persuasive in starting a fun drinking game or being the DJ for the evening. Just don’t push fun on people who just want to watch the game and relax. This is your opportunity to bond with friends you haven’t seen in a while and get introduced to new connections.

Rankings Of How An Average First Date Will Go

Expectations are how people get super-disappointed in dating. Those who base dating and love through movies and TV will get an exaggerated version of how a first date actually goes. For obvious reasons, any scriptwriter isn’t going to showcase an average date because…yawn. However, anyone who is new to the dating scene needs to get their agenda in check before they get all wide-eyed about how they think it will go. Over the years, I have collected the data of how my dates have gone. This is the ranking from most common to least common on how a first date will go….

You have no opinion except he is nice….

Hands down, the most common type of energy. You don’t hate him, but you aren’t bursting with attraction either. These types of dates are actually hidden gems because you never know what this person will be going forward. I have had instances where the date became a very close friend or was a stepping-stone to meeting other people. When coming across this type of date, don’t dismiss it and still try your best to get to know them.

You think he is a little unhinged….

Ok, yea… you might run into a guy who is a little… off? Immediately thinking “nope” in your head as you give him a greeting hug. Once you start chatting, you don’t agree on the fundamentals and morals, or maybe he is the “I don’t even own a TV” type of guy. You try to wrap up the date when your meter has run out and make a polite exit.

You like him more….

Ok, so now you might meet someone whom you are attracted to. The only problem is it might not be 100 percent mutual. This can be a big bummer and the dates I come back from where I am kicking myself. “Why did I talk about jalapeño poppers for two minutes straight!?” You will be hard on yourself after this date and you will think about it days later. You might be more upset when he doesn’t do a follow-up text the next day. 

You don’t want a hookup… but he does….

This one can be tricky and a little insulting. It’s flattering that he does find you attractive, but you know he only sees you as a hookup and does not care to get to know you. Depending on your mindset at the time this can be fine. But when you want a guy to take you seriously, this is a letdown.

You are instant besties….

This can certainly happen when you both feel a more sister / brother vibe rather than attraction. He might make you laugh, but he isn’t your physical type. In some cases this guy is the slow-burn guy that can grow on you. He might be the healthier option rather than the typical bad-boy type you always date. Keep him around and see if your feelings change. 

You really, really hate him….

This type of date probably happens more in the political climate we are in. Anyone who is tuned into politics or has very firm opinions will struggle with anyone who isn’t on their team politically. In a lighter way, you might completely disagree on sports teams or movies. You could actually get into arguments and make everyone around you feel uncomfortable

You are both insanely attracted to each other…..

This is physically you both are like….wow. And then you probably have a few drinks and might have a make-out at the bar. However, it’s hard to know if it’s just surface-level attraction or if it can become something more meaningful.

You both experience “love at first sight”….

The most rare of dates. I think this has happened to me once. And it wasn’t even a date. I just was introduced to him in public. Either way, this is the date that is portrayed in movies and television. It has a Romeo and Juliet beginning where you are both physically attracted, but also intrigued about the person. When this type of date comes along you need to go to the gas station and buy a lottery ticket because it is extremely uncommon, especially coming from an app date. 

Bottom Line….

This list is very generalized and some might overlap into different types at once. I have certainly been on a date where I really hated the guy and was very attracted (weird I know). You need to understand while dating that you need to get your head right. Not saying that you shouldn’t be excited and hopeful. A more realistic approach is to go into expecting to meet a pretty cool person. You should always be adding new friends and acquaintances to your friend circle. Leaving every date with an attitude of, “no one likes me – we didn’t click” is very common. A true mutual attraction is very rare especially with both parties wanting a relationship. Stay grounded, yet hopeful, and don’t take a great connection for granted. 

“Quiet Quitting” For Dating

There has been a lot of buzz about “quiet quitting” in an office setting. Meaning, not being a total slave 24/7 to your boss and putting up healthy boundaries to have a balanced life. This can translate into dating for people who tend to overextend themselves. With the apps, it’s tempting to send the first message and then keep up the pursuit. As a woman dating men, you run into guys who are excited to hook up, but are not pursuing you back. Being in a masculine energy creates a lot of “busy work” rather than results. How can you work smarter, not harder, when it comes to love?…..

Clock out more…..

Once you have the apps on your phone at your disposal, it’s easy to be on call 24/7. Turn off notifications and only get to swiping and chatting for an hour, tops, a day. 

Don’t give out all your contact info…..

When he has access to Snapchat, Instagram, your phone number…and the app… he will choose the lowest form of communication. Be strategic and only give out one way to contact you (preferably, not Snapchat)

Try not to circle back…..

Priorities are crystal clear in early dating. Anyone who has ever canceled, then wanted to reschedule in the distant future, had doubts (or found a better option). Yes, they can always say “work got crazy!” But if he knew work could have gotten in the way, the date would have been on a Sunday. Trying to revive the date and poke him to take you out never works.

Pick his brain before the date…..

Yes, a first date is all about vibes. However, it’s good to actually know his situation before you agree to meet. You need to know his living situation, what he is looking for, and anything that is a waste of time to you. Your time is precious and should not be given out willy-nilly. 

Take it offline….

There is a window of attraction for both parties. Some matches can live online forever. I have seriously matched with the same men for years. Expect your match to get to the point and ask you out within a 48-hour period.

Give 110% on appearance….

Do not phone in your look for a first date. Men fall in love with their eyes first, then they will see if you have a personality. However, consider the time and place. (You don’t want to wear a ball gown at a coffee shop). Just looked pulled together and feminine.

Only accept total synergy….

Yes, there are guys who are slow burns. On a first date, there should at least be some intrigue or attraction. It doesn’t have to be sexual. It could be a feeling of “knowing a person” or feeling at ease around them. Trust your gut with who you want to spend time with. Even if the connection only results in friendship, it’s much better than forcing a vibe. 

Bottom Line…..

Dating is hard work. And just like in an office setting, you are better off being strategic with your energy and time. A lot of time is wasted chasing the wrong guy who only wanted a hookup. Go out with your friends more and outsource to others for a setup. Your main job should be to dress up a bit more when you go out, even if it’s just hanging with friends. Turn off your notifications on the dating apps so you won’t be distracted all day long. Don’t get caught up for too long on a rejection. Think in abundance, not scarcity when it comes to a job and dating.

“The Vampire Method” For Making New Connections

It’s almost Halloween and it inspired me to take lessons from scary movies. Vampires have the best rule which is “to only enter if invited.” This to me always stuck around on the back burner of my brain. I identify as a go-getter in many things. Unfortunately, that can translate to scheming about how to hook men and to get friends to hang out with me. The vampires have all the time in the world and have figured out that maybe taking a step back is the way to go. How can you have eternal coolness like the vampires?…..

Let him make the first move…..

Whether it is in public or on the apps, let him take the plunge. In the book, “The Rules,” there is a huge chunk of the rules mainly stating that he needs to start the courting process. It’s the only way to truly know if he is actually interested or just being polite. It can save you a lot of therapy sessions and late night texts with your girlfriends. 

Dip your toe in slowly for new friends…..

My go-to method for making new friends, for me, did not evolve past kindergarten. I used to very quickly smoother a new friend and proclaim, “we are best friends now.” In adult friendship you want to build up more second-and-third tier friends for socializing.

Ask three separate times then pull way back…..

Most social interaction is reading between the lines and picking up on social cues. When you get hit with excuses rather than scheduling, stop reaching out. No one wants to be rude and say they don’t enjoy your company. You have to take it upon yourself to move on and not bother that person. 

The three signs a first date doesn’t want to see you again….

The telltale signs you will get ghosted are: 1. He doesn’t offer to buy you a drink or coffee, 2. There is no physical contact (touching arm, hug, kiss etc), 3. He leaves saying, “it was great meeting you” with no plan for a second date. Will he still orbit you on social media? Absolutely. However, he will not ask you out again. Save yourself time and forget about him.

Be careful about giving out info or getting contact info….

Some bar friends are simply that. Trying to expand it to the next level will end in confusion. When you go out and bond with people over shots, enjoy the moment. Yes, there will be a mutual feeling that this is bigger than one night. Just don’t shove your phone in their face while they reluctantly type in a number. It’s best to just live your life and more than likely you will bump into each other again. 

Get invited rather than suggest….

As a general rule it always feels better to be invited. When it comes to courtship never invite yourself over to his place no matter how casual the dynamic is. He will more than likely say he is busy or, worst case, you go over and he plays video games the whole time. With new friends you will find out how a person cares when you are on the invite list. 

Bottom Line…..

Making new connections doesn’t have to be a horror show. It will be less confusing when you look at this face value rather than making things happen. On your end, be that bubbly person that is a delight to be around. No one wants a sulky Sally who only brings down the vibe. If you are going to invite a friend, pick an event (band playing, karaoke, comedy show) so there is more incentive for them to come out. Allow yourself to be courted. It can be frustrating to wait on the sidelines, but it feels so good to be invited and have dates planned by him. Follow the “Vampire Method” all year round to avoid social faux pas. 

Halloween Dates Beyond The Pumpkin Patch

When I picture a October date I see the filtered Instagram post with the infinity scarf in a pumpkin patch. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I do think it is popular for a reason. Spooky season can bond couples more by fear. There was a study that I call the “shaky bridge study.” The control group spent a regular date together while the test group experienced walking across a shaky bridge. The result was those who felt fear and adrenalin felt more bonded than the control group. This is the season to get closer and bond. What are activities to try out?…..

Movie screenings….

Seems like a no-brainer. Most cities will have horror movie screenings. Hulu and Netflix etc have Halloween specials. You can do it old school by reaching for your old DVDs to curate your own film fest. Set the mood, light candles, get some snacks.

Cocktail Parties…..

I love a themed cocktail party. Create invitations for Goth Night. Dress code is black. Create a Spotify playlist for Goth music and keep the lighting dimmed. Create a cocktail menu with two cocktails and one non-alcoholic option for non-drinkers.

Campfire Stories….

You can also use a fireplace, or even flashlights. Gather around and prepare ghost stories to tell. Feel free to tell your own experiences or read a story from a book.

Tarot Readings….

This might require a friend who knows how to read the cards. It will go more smoothly when someone already has knowledge. You can also look up palm readings and what the lines mean. It’s a great time to touch in an innocent way.

Have a get-ready party for Halloween….

Make getting ready for a Halloween an event. The pre-game can be the best part. Make sure to have a photo setup to take all the pics for Instagram. Most of the time while out you forget to capture your costume. Play Halloween-themed music, whip up a few drinks and help each other with their costume.

Bottom Line…..

There are so many bonding activities for new couples or early dating. Get into the season by embracing the woo-woo. While watching a scary movie hide on his shoulder, grab his hand, and laugh together. You can also involve other people by hosting a ghost reading party or Goth Night party. Pre-game Halloween night with drinks and a photo session. Bond now and reap the benefits for cuffing season.