Ok I know you are wondering what “kenjataimu” means. I used the Japanese word since the English phrase is somewhat vulgar. So, I will now say it in the scientific definition and hopefully, you can fill in the gaps. So here it is, “kenjataimu” is translated to “the post-coital period when a man’s thoughts are no longer impaired by his sexual drive.” I bring this up because most women run into this after sleeping with a man too soon. Then she will panic-text her friends and ask what happened. There is a reason rules to hold off sex are in place to protect from this yucky feeling. What can you do when you have walked straight into his trap and now you are brushed aside?…..
So you hooked up…..
He swiftly called you an Uber and shoved you out the door the next morning. As you realize your mascara has run all the way down your cheeks, you hold your breath that he will send you a “hope you got home safe text.”
“Maybe he is playing the 3-day rule”…..
You get home and try to act rationally. You figure he is playing coy and will resume texting you after a chill three days. A second date should be in order, putting you on a track for him to really get to know you.
A week goes by…..
You are still hopeful, yet don’t want to admit that you completely got used. You thought he was interested in what you had to say and the spark was undeniable.
Reality check….
So now what? He clearly ghosted…. Do you reach out and try to start over?…. A lot of women gloat that they met their husband by hooking up in a gas station bathroom. In reality…. It doesn’t happen as much as you think. Most of the time giving it up on the first date results in never being taken seriously, or a clean one-night stand where you never hear from him again.
“But I felt empowered”….
It’s great if you are truly on a casual journey and you enjoyed your time. More than likely you felt used. Because you were used. Saying yes to him too soon also makes a man think you do this with every man who asks.
There is more power in waiting….
Guys can see women in very black-and-white ways. The Madonna / Whore complex is very common-thinking among men. A man who wants to be your boyfriend probably would have not wanted to have sex on the first date. There is more power and dignity to wait him out and see what his motives are. (Although, let’s be real, some guys aren’t worth the elaborate “will they, won’t they”). Wait for the guy who is boyfriend material and treats you well.
Bottom Line….
With the casualness of dating apps and meeting at bars, this happens all the time. When you do meet in this way a man will more than likely see you as one-night-stand material. A great way to meet men is in person in a non-sexually-charged location. Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up. It happens to the best of us and everyone can get duped from time to time. Delete his number and keep your head high. In the TV show “30 Rock” the phrase “walk of shame” was flipped on its head to “stride of pride.” Be more intentional for when the right guy comes along.
Mostly Casual 