How To Have A Great Galentine’s / Palentine’s Day

The right tone for every social situation is crucial. A Galentine’s / Palentine’s needs to be seen as a celebration rather than a pity party. It can be on the day after Valentine’s Day, but I feel it can be from February 13th-15th. There are other types of love besides romantic love. However, in our society, we only recognize or celebrate couples. Boyfriends will come and go, but friends stick and that should be recognized and honored. So, how can you make the most out of the day?….

Plan it out….

Seems kind of obvious, but I believe in structured and unstructured time for a social event. It would be great to play games and have a wine or cocktail night with a mocktail option for non-drinkers. Have activities so people aren’t just sitting in a circle complaining about dating.

Dress up….

There is no harm in dressing up a bit. Not saying you have to wear pink or red, but at least wear something beyond sweatpants.

Maybe go out in public….

You don’t have to have a house party; you can go out as well. It could be a fun opportunity to meet new people. You could go to a fancy dinner and then go out dancing after.

Lift others up….

There will probably be a few sad people in the group. Why not make them feel loved and to hype them up? It can be hard, especially if they are newly single.

Decorate….

If you are the one hosting, then it will be fun to decorate and think about lighting. Who doesn’t love some balloons and streamers? You want your guests to feel it is better to be there than in an expensive restaurant with a fixed menu.

Curate the playlist….

This can set the mood and tone. Really think about a playlist that isn’t sad break-up songs. It’s best to not remind your friends of how rough and hard love is. Try to empower people and give some good nostalgia.

Don’t freak out if they get a date last minute….

This is going to happen to at least one person. They might get that “U up” text from that one f*ck boy who wants to hook up. Explain to them that it will be a regretful decision to spend Valentine’s Day just for a transactional hook-up. However, don’t strong-arm them into staying.

Bottom Line….

Friendships should be honored and respected as much as romantic love. We tend to put it on the back burner and dismiss it. You should celebrate the love you feel from your friends and have a great time. Make it special if you are the host by having nice cocktails / mocktails and decorations. Pick a good playlist that isn’t just love-centric. Think of empowering music that is crowd pleasing. You can also decide to hit the town and grab dinner and then go dancing or checking out a band after. Lastly, try to sway a friend who gets an “U up” text. Encourage them to stay and try to lift them up, but don’t force them to stay if they have made up their mind.

The Case For A Smaller Friend Group

As an adult, your friends dwindle as people move away or get married. It can get frustrating to maintain friendships and you can feel like a loser for not having a large group to go out with. As a kid I was the weirdo who would cling to one friend who showed me attention. However, this actually taught me how to be a loyal “ride or die” friend and to form deeper relationships with people. So if you find yourself with the friend and the back-up friend, it’s actually a good thing…here’s why….

You are more open to meeting new people…..

When you have a large circle, your social needs are fulfilled. It isn’t that enticing to go to a bar solo to meet new people. You feel very comfortable to bail on a new date with a stranger to hang with friends. Limiting your circle builds up your desire to explore opportunities with acquaintances.

You won’t have to celebrate too many birthdays….

Not that birthdays are bad. It can get a little overwhelming when you have to celebrate ten people’s birthdays through-out the year. The dinner and drinks and possible gifts can set you back financially.

You will have more inside jokes….

Instead of spreading yourself thin with multiple people, you may develop deeper relationships. This means inside jokes, memories, and a shoulder to lean on.

You get more “me time”….

Solo time is crucial for self-care. It is actually nice to carve out your own life and schedule. You can focus more on your side hustle and have fewer distractions

You can be more helpful….

There is only so much kindness that can go around in a day. Every once in a while a car will break down or someone will get dumped. You will be more present and have the time to be a good friend

Bottom Line….

When it comes to close friends, I have always lived by the rule to keep it small. As far as bar friends or people you see out you might have more motivation to expand and become more open to new things. A good friend is someone who is available for long chats and giggle fits. When you add too many people to the mix, you will get overwhelmed or feel you are all set in the social department. It can keep you in a comfort zone where you aren’t experiencing anything new or exciting. Lastly, it is completely normal to go from a huge group in your 20s to your last remaining friends in your 30s. I would see it as more of an opportunity than an obstacle.

Friendships During The Christmas Season

When you are single during the Christmas season, you lean hard into friendships. Coupled-up friends will more than likely ice you out, but your fellow singles will have time to chill. Work and school will be put on pause and the hometown crew might surface again. What can you do to enrich your connections and get festive?

Say no gifts…..

And mean it! You may think it is doable at the beginning of the season. Then once reality of long lines and how much money you actually can spend hits, it will be a regretful decision. It’s better to make it known to all friends that there will be no gift exchange. No secret Santa, or white elephant. Just stop the madness! Even if you feel you can juggle everything, it is a burden for others to reciprocate. The best gift is giving someone peace.

Cocktail and carol night….

I own a portable karaoke mic that hooks up though bluetooth. Some people have a whole set-up in their basements. It’s fun to do a karaoke Christmas carol party with booze (or a festive non-alcoholic punch). You can dress as festive as you like or show up in a cozy sweater.

Decoration and cookie party….

You can rotate to each other’s places who have not decorated yet. The cooks who burn things can bring the break and bake cookies, and the pastry chefs can shine. Help the host decorate the tree and get the apartment spruced up. Play a Christmas playlist mixed with regular songs as a palette cleanser. You can also have a classic Christmas movie playing in the background.

Go to the Christmas parade….

Fill your thermos with a peppermint hot chocolate, wear a cozy outfit, and watch the parade.

Go to your friend’s Christmas party….

If a friend is single and doesn’t have a plus one, then volunteer to go. You never know who you will meet and you get to dress up a bit. Depending on where they work there might be a nice spread. Your friend might feel relieved they have a a friend and you will get to mingle.

Play Christmas Tree Beer Pong….

Buy green solo cups and place it in a Christmas tree shape in the middle of the table. Whoever collects the most cups wins. You can make it fancier by throwing some tinsel or garland down.

Have a Green and Red party….

The singles wear green and the people in relationships wear red. Keep up with the theme and serve green and red food and beverages.

Bottom Line….

Christmas season can bring out the joy…or stress. It honestly comes down to your own mindset and attitude. Do not take on more than you can chew and shut down any idea that involves buying gifts. You have enough gifts to worry about and probably work is forcing you to do Secret Santa. Bring up fun things your friends can actually get behind. It can also be an opportunity to meet new people while you are in a jolly mood.

How To Have A Low Fuss “Friendsgiving”

A “Friendsgiving” is a great way for friends to get together for a potluck and wine. Perfect for those who can’t afford a plane ticket back to their hometown. However, when getting a group together with different personalities and expectations drama can enter the chat. The best thing is getting ahead of it by knowing what is assigned and knowing your strengths. How can you prepare for the potluck without the headache?…..

Understand the assignment…..

Everyone needs to know who is bringing what. There needs to be wine, appetizers, sides, and dessert. The host should be providing the turkey, but should do what makes logical sense to the group. Non-cooks should volunteer to bring wine and cheese and people who are well-versed in cooking should bring a side dish.

Don’t nickel-and-dime your friends…..

Listen… you will be spending money. Don’t Venmo-request people later and understand that everyone is pulling their weight. Honestly, even if they aren’t, don’t cause a scene. Spend what your budget allows you to spend. For some people, it’s no big deal to drop $50 plus, whereas others may feel that is steep.

Help with prep if needed…..

Depending how close you are to the host, offer to help prep. This can mean from chopping vegetables to making pies. Make it fun by playing music and having the football game in the background.

Offer entertainment….

Like I said, there will probably be football on. As a backup plan, have a drinking game going or something to entertain people while the pies are baking. I always keep a deck of cards in my purse just in case.

Be ok with breaking into groups…..

It’s natural for little groups to form. Depending on how many people were invited there might not be space for everyone to sit at one table together. In that case a buffet style where people help themselves makes the most sense. Try to mingle within groups until you find one that clicks best.

Think twice about bringing your “situationship”….

There are people who don’t deserve to meet your friends. Any guy who doesn’t even know your middle name should not be invited. I know it feels better to bring someone, especially when everyone is coupled up. Resist the urge and be brave representing yourself. These are your friends and you should spend quality time getting closer to 2nd- and 3rd-tier people.

Don’t get too wasted….

I mean, if you can handle your liquor, then go for it, especially if you don’t plan on driving. This is the time to indulge a little bit more and enjoy yourself. However, be mindful of how the group is acting and what the energy is. You don’t want to come across as sloppy.

Don’t overstay your welcome….

Make sure to help clean up as much as needed. Don’t be the last guest unless there is an understanding you will be spending the night or something. Pick up on the vibe and get ready to leave when people are going back home.

Bottom Line…..

This is a great opportunity to make distant friends become closer. You never know who you will be hitting it off with. Get all the information from the host and do not make assumptions. It’s best to know what you should be bringing and if you need to show up early to help prep. Understand your strengths even if they are not food related. You could be persuasive in starting a fun drinking game or being the DJ for the evening. Just don’t push fun on people who just want to watch the game and relax. This is your opportunity to bond with friends you haven’t seen in a while and get introduced to new connections.

“The Vampire Method” For Making New Connections

It’s almost Halloween and it inspired me to take lessons from scary movies. Vampires have the best rule which is “to only enter if invited.” This to me always stuck around on the back burner of my brain. I identify as a go-getter in many things. Unfortunately, that can translate to scheming about how to hook men and to get friends to hang out with me. The vampires have all the time in the world and have figured out that maybe taking a step back is the way to go. How can you have eternal coolness like the vampires?…..

Let him make the first move…..

Whether it is in public or on the apps, let him take the plunge. In the book, “The Rules,” there is a huge chunk of the rules mainly stating that he needs to start the courting process. It’s the only way to truly know if he is actually interested or just being polite. It can save you a lot of therapy sessions and late night texts with your girlfriends.

Dip your toe in slowly for new friends…..

My go-to method for making new friends, for me, did not evolve past kindergarten. I used to very quickly smoother a new friend and proclaim, “we are best friends now.” In adult friendship you want to build up more second-and-third tier friends for socializing.

Ask three separate times then pull way back…..

Most social interaction is reading between the lines and picking up on social cues. When you get hit with excuses rather than scheduling, stop reaching out. No one wants to be rude and say they don’t enjoy your company. You have to take it upon yourself to move on and not bother that person.

The three signs a first date doesn’t want to see you again….

The telltale signs you will get ghosted are: 1. He doesn’t offer to buy you a drink or coffee, 2. There is no physical contact (touching arm, hug, kiss etc), 3. He leaves saying, “it was great meeting you” with no plan for a second date. Will he still orbit you on social media? Absolutely. However, he will not ask you out again. Save yourself time and forget about him.

Be careful about giving out info or getting contact info….

Some bar friends are simply that. Trying to expand it to the next level will end in confusion. When you go out and bond with people over shots, enjoy the moment. Yes, there will be a mutual feeling that this is bigger than one night. Just don’t shove your phone in their face while they reluctantly type in a number. It’s best to just live your life and more than likely you will bump into each other again.

Get invited rather than suggest….

As a general rule it always feels better to be invited. When it comes to courtship never invite yourself over to his place no matter how casual the dynamic is. He will more than likely say he is busy or, worst case, you go over and he plays video games the whole time. With new friends you will find out how a person cares when you are on the invite list.

Bottom Line…..

Making new connections doesn’t have to be a horror show. It will be less confusing when you look at this face value rather than making things happen. On your end, be that bubbly person that is a delight to be around. No one wants a sulky Sally who only brings down the vibe. If you are going to invite a friend, pick an event (band playing, karaoke, comedy show) so there is more incentive for them to come out. Allow yourself to be courted. It can be frustrating to wait on the sidelines, but it feels so good to be invited and have dates planned by him. Follow the “Vampire Method” all year round to avoid social faux pas.

Meeting People In The Wild Part 2

My social life completely shifted once I took a few brave steps. There have been trials and errors and data collecting. It can be overwhelming to even fathom going out by yourself. However, that’s where the magic happens. It’s when you are confident and having fun solo that people want to go up and talk to you. You need to flex your social muscles to be able to be approached by a guy. Your not knowing how to chitchat will make the first impression suffer and you might not get that phone number. It all starts with baby steps. What are more tips to meet men or new friends in person?….

Pick events to go to….

It’s more likely you will get people chatting at an event. This can be a band playing, comedy show, or drag show. When there is a focus for the night most people are so occupied with the event they do not notice who is alone or in a group. A concert, especially, is the type of event that you can weave around with ease…and there will at least be entertainment if nothing else.

Start with a question or compliment….

The other weekend I was out at a bar. I turned my head and saw these two girls laughing with each other. One girl was wearing a “dump him” tee shirt, a la Britney Spears. I had to ask about the shirt. That snowballed into dancing and hanging out the rest of the night. It can be that simple.

Go to the bars where you got social before…..

In my town, there are bars where not even the bartender will chat with you. And on the flip side, there are bars where I make a new friend every time I go. Certain vibes are something to pay attention to. This could also be any place in general, not just bars. Maybe you meet friendly people at a certain grocery store. Go where there is a welcoming vibe and become a regular there.

Do less than you think you need to….

I used to try so hard to be the funniest in the room. I found when I stopped cracking jokes was when more people said, “you are so fun to hang out with.” I was baffled because I felt I was doing nothing and was even boring. Remind yourself that it’s fine to listen more and just enjoy yourself. You aren’t the hired entertainment for the evening.

Trust people will like you…..

It can get very nerve-wracking to be out alone. You get flashbacks of the cafeteria where no one would sit with you. People are going to be more accessible than you expect. Try to erase those old tapes of you as a child. Your ego wants to keep you small and safe and that’s normal. You need to collect positive data.

Practice with the bartender….

As a first step just dip your toe and chat with the bartender for a minute and see how it goes. You need to be cordial in a short bite-sized form because they are working. It’s a great lesson in how small talk works. It’s easy to bring up what’s going on around town or what’s the best drink to get, toeing the line of professional chitchat. This is the energy you need for the first impression with a new person. Have a boundary of not diving too personal and keep it light. Most importantly, know when to walk away.

Don’t have an agenda….

Enjoy your night just for you. See if the other person wants to exchange numbers or socials. I have found most who give out information usually do not follow up. It’s best to carpe diem the night and know that you will probably run into each other again. This is why it’s great to be a regular at a bar / cafe or two. You want people to start recognizing you and feel comfortable to chat.

Bottom Line…..

Building basic social skills starts with trusting yourself. Most people have been hurt in the past and get flashbacks of being bullied in middle school. Your ego wants to keep you safe from being burned again. You can gather positive data for yourself by dipping your toe in socially. Once you gain a few positive interactions it will build up your confidence. The biggest lesson I have learned is to do less. You think you have to be the prettiest, funniest, or smartest. The reality is you don’t need to entertain all night long and can just listen and throw in your few cents here and there. Know how to do surface level chitchat and know when it’s time to leave the conversation. Less is always more. If you left too soon, they can seek you out later. The network you build can lead to what I call the golden introductions. You getting an endorsement from a friend is going to go so much further than you “cold calling” a guy at a bar. Remember to gain positive interactions and practice once a week and you will be miles ahead of swiping on an app.