Acts of Service / Homemade Gifts Ideas For Christmas

I find it can be fun to have a few presents to open. However, I am a big advocate for a service gift. Christmas is the end of the year and many people are in a slump and need an extra push. What is your expertise? Everyone has skills that could be put to good use. Think of their lifestyle and what they are lacking. A small act of service might help them get to the next level. I want to stress that you are not becoming someone’s personal assistant for a year. Think of the gift as you being a consultant and don’t let it take up more than an afternoon of your time. Regardless, it is perfect for minimalists and anyone needing a specific favor….

Spa day….

Most people shy away from treating themselves to a facial, massage, or pedicure. To them it might seem too indulgent to book themselves. Snag a certificate from a great salon or spa.

Create your own bath and shower products….

There are tutorials on how to make bath / shower bombs. I personally love making salt body scrubs ( I use a black salt or anything upscale and gourmet). A sugar scrub to exfoliate lips in the winter months is a must have. Add them into clear mason jars scented or unscented. If you are skilled at knitting, you can create homemade washcloths. It’s fun to present them in a cute package.

Closet clean out….

There are types of people who just need permission to donate clothing. They might not have a clue what looks good or what is dated. It can be a lifesaver to someone who feels overwhelmed by their wardrobe.

Personal Shopper….

Anyone who wants to change up their style could use a stylist. Go shopping with them and say yay or nay to items while giving them ideas on what is going to be the most flattering colors, silhouette, and trends.

Clothing tailor….

For anyone who can work a sewing machine, you can tailor a clothing item on its last legs and bring it back to life. They might have a shirt or dress that no longer fits, but they love. Turn the fabric into a great throw pillow or transform it into another type of garment. You can also sew silk pillowcases and silk eye-sleep masks.

Interior Design Consultant….

Not saying to redo their home, so don’t panic. Give your two cents to someone who has been wanting to decorate for a while. Help them with a mood board, and research paint colors, decor styles, etc. For anyone who is knowledgeable in feng shui, suggest where certain furniture pieces can go to maximize the flow.

Spiritual Gifts….

This is kinda an LA gift or anyone who loves the woo woo. Book them a tarot reading appointment, aura cleanse, or reiki healing session.

Car wash and buff….

Take your loved one’s car to the car wash. It is a slept-on gift and cars tend to get neglected, especially in the busy season.

Maid Service….

There are certain packages you can buy from cleaning companies. Sign them up for a monthly, biweekly, or weekly clean up depending on your budget. Be very choosy on who you give this to. It could come off as insulting to some. If they are a new mother who does not have time, then this might fit the bill.

Baked goods and gourmet bites….

This is for the cooks and bakers. Everyone loves a fancy homemade treat. Cater it to their dietary needs such as gluten-free, vegan, ethnic, etc. It doesn’t have to be sweet, you can give savory bite-sized appetizers as well.

Help them with their resume….

For anyone on the job hunt, it can get overwhelming. Having a solid resume in the perfect format can make or break if you get an interview. Help make sure they have a great pic on LinkedIn and that their skills are being highlighted. A big leg up could be to help them network.

Become their matchmaker….

Most people are dying to be set up. Think of great guys in your social circle that you can introduce them to. Research speed-dating or mixers in their town and purchase a ticket for them.

Be their image consultant for the dating apps….

Help them pick great photos or take some new photos for them. Ghostwrite their prompts and give a few opening lines to get them started. Overall, make sure they are coming off classy and with a personality.

Event coordinator….

This is for the social butterfly in the know of restaurant openings and parties. Many people want to go to more events but have no clue where to start. Create an event calendar for concerts, comedy shows, karaoke and send them alerts for the holiday season.

Movie and TV buff….

Certain cinemas offer passes or memberships. For those who prefer to sit on the couch, pay for a niche streaming service they would be excited about. Britbox and Criterion are great options.

Sign them up for a class….

It could be cooking, cocktail making, or a fun art class. They will learn a new skill and meet more people.

Be an Apple Genius….

This would be a great gift for older relatives. Set them up with great apps and help declutter their desktop. Simplify their iPhone or laptop so it is more user friendly. Most people are not knowledgeable about certain features of the phone or computer.

Set up cyber and home security….

Again, great gift for people who aren’t up to speed with technology. Some people do not want an Alexa barking orders, so keep that in mind. However, you could install a safer doorknob that requires a code, as an example. Purchase air tags for their luggage and car if they travel or are someone who manages to lose their keys and wallet a lot.

Bottom Line….

Before you do anything think about your skill set. Anyone is capable of at least hiring a service for a loved one. Keep in mind you will probably still need a few gifts to open under the tree. It is best to plan the budget and figure how many people will be receiving a present. Save the service gifts for family and friends who you are very close to. Set your loved ones up for success for the upcoming year. You will make a larger impact than you think.

Skipping Over Thanksgiving As A Trend

In the past there have been rules of when to decorate for certain holidays. Most people have been told to put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving or even December 1st. Once the pandemic started, I noticed the trend of skipping over Thanksgiving to decorate for Christmas. I actually read an article contending that people who do this are happier. Long story short, start the holidays when you see fit, here’s why….

People love sparkle….

Christmas decorations are all about sparkle, glitter, and shine. Humans love to look at shiny objects. It gives them a little hit of serotonin (not a doctor, but it gets my pulse going).

It encapsulates a lot of trends in one….

A Christmas cheer is exactly what a girl who romanticizes her life will do. She is probably in her “soft-life era.” This time of year encourages fuzzy blankets, hot tea, and curling up watching favorite shows in candlelight. You can pretend to be the main character in a Hallmark movie.

The holidays go by soooo fast….

The more time you get to have the decorations up, the better you feel. The holidays, especially post-Thanksgiving zoom by and frankly, you don’t have time after Black Friday to sit and sip your hot chocolate next to your tree.

You can decorate in your own color scheme and vibe….

Unlike other holidays you can showcase your own style within Christmas. If you only love silver and gold, great! You can also lean into arts and crafts style with Popsicle frame pics of family. I have even seen Christmas in a goth style.

You can still enjoy Thanksgiving….

We give fall our all. I don’t find it is skipped over. There is pumpkin spice and sweater weather, the leaves, etc. I do think the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays get recognized.

Before you decorate….

Do a clean out and donate unused decorations. Obviously, keep anything sentimental and precious to you. But go though the lights that do not work and are tangled and decide overall what the vibe will be. Like I said, you can decorate with your own taste in mind. This might mean out with old, in with the new.

Get ahead of the stress part….

Start making a list for presents and purchase your Christmas cards. Decide what your budget is and how many gifts per person. Keep in mind that certain people would prefer a service IOU present which can be priceless. Don’t limit yourself to physical items.

Bottom Line….

Give yourself permission to decorate. Honestly, this generation (Millennial and Gen Z ) are already doing it regardless. There is time that needs to be spent on brainstorming on the vibe you want to capture. I love when a person has their own Christmas style that is unique to them and their home. This year spend more time in the Christmas spirit versus the frantic stress ball that can occur.

Halloween Tips For Single Guys

Halloween is a the perfect holiday to meet someone new. Being in disguise can break down some self-doubt and allow you to let loose. Men don’t normally have immense pressure to look sexy. The average Joe tends to lean into a funny costume or what I call “the mascot” costume where he is completely hidden. When you use your time wisely it can be a night to really maximize your social capacity. What are some tips for single men to stand out this season?….

Try on your costume before the night….

Make sure everything fits ok and is comfortable. Give yourself enough breathing time to replace something or scrap the idea for a better one.

Get noticed….

Costume choice matters. The worst move is only dipping your toe into a “costume.” I have seen men who wear a T-shirt that says, “this is my costume.” It might be a personal preference, but it gives me the ick when a guy half-way participates. This is one night to get creative and have some fun.

Have a game plan….

Bring in the wingmen for some assists. It’s best to get the crew together, maybe for a group costume if possible, and have a few hype men. Go barhopping and attend all the events to maximize meeting the most women.

Make sure your costume is practical….

Bathroom lines will be long, you need to be the backseat of an Uber, you need to be able to see, etc. It is best to show your face. Not saying a funny blow-up dinosaur costume isn’t funny. You will not connect with women when they cannot see your eyes and expressions.

It’s a numbers game….

Try not to get locked into one person. The mistake I see is when men laser focus on the first girl who speaks to them and holds her hostage for the night. Get into the flow of chatting, maybe getting contact info if the vibe feels right, and then keeping it moving. The reason is that this is a rare night when the homebodies are out and about. You will be meeting people you had no idea existed since they probably do not frequent the bars often.

Be safe….

I say this a lot, but it would be embarrassing to wind up in jail in a Halloween costume. Take Uber or walk to your destinations.

Pre-game….

Bonus points for being a host of the pre-game party. Only do this when you live close to downtown and it is on the way for people. This is also a great time to meet new women in a non- chaotic environment. For men who are not knowledgeable on how to host, this could be a learning opportunity. Just make sure to make the experience fun. You should provide drinks and a festive vibe. Put on a scary movie in the background, light candles, and have a goth playlist.

Have a budget…..

Anyone who gets a little too generous with buying people drinks should bring cash only. It will limit you to a certain dollar amount and you won’t get your credit card left or overspent. Also, when women know your tab is open, they can order drinks and you may get stuck with a higher bill than expected. When treating women to drinks, don’t get an expensive cocktail. In my city, we have half-shots that are inexpensive. If there are special cheap shots, then go with that. In general, offering a shot is better because it’s quick and easy while still appearing chivalrous.

“The walk of shame”….

Getting lucky can happen on Halloween. When you take a girl home, be kind and let her borrow or keep some clothing she can sleep in and go home in. Give her clothing you don’t care about losing, not expensive items. She wants to not be embarrassed the next morning and wants to not stand out when she makes her way home.

Bottom Line….

Singles on Halloween will be ready to mingle. Get noticed and do not hide yourself in a costume. Think practical in case you get lucky, and be safe so you don’t wind up with a mug shot of you dressed as a hot dog. Take charge and orchestrate your friends coming out and also host a pre-party to meet more women. Think in terms of getting numbers versus zeroing in on one girl. Have a budget and a plan overall, because in the witching hour things can get chaotic. Collect instagrams, not numbers. You will forget what the women look like and it’s good to have a visual reference. Finally, enjoy your night in a safe way and get into the spirit.

The Ultimate Evergreen Halloween Costume Ideas and Tips

I start thinking of Halloween costumes in September. For me, it is a time to get creative and express myself in a way I cannot do on a daily basis. There have been years when I simply get “writers block” with a costume and other times when I hit it out of the park. When I brainstorm to make an impactful costume, the three ingredients are: #1 Instantly recognizable, #2 Funny or Creative, and #3 Sexy. In this article, I break down evergreen ideas and tips to spark some inspiration…

The Classics…

I think it’s almost better to be a classic because you just show up and enjoy your time. I would say the big classic costumes are : witch, devil, cat, angel, clown, vampire, skeleton, ghost, pumpkin , etc. It can always be modified to have a unique vision.

Mystical Costumes…

Halloween to me is a mystical holiday, so I like leaning into that. A few examples are: a tarot reader (fortune teller); a celebrity in the illuminati ( red dress with illuminati fake tattoo on the forehead); an alien; men in black; fairy; conspiracy theorist (tin foil hat)

Movie Characters…

This can be tricky and requires all the details to be there with no cutting corners. Meaning, you might need to spend more on the perfect wig, sunglasses, or other props. A few popular movie costumes are from: “Scream,” “Fight Club,” “Austin Powers,” “Scarface,” “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” “Blade.” Google a movie you like and see if someone has done a costume for it.

Makeup and Wigs…

There are many YouTube makeup tutorials out there to watch and learn, although it is fun to experiment for yourself and see what works. Most stores have makeup just for Halloween, which could be cheap eyeshadow palettes and body glitter. You don’t have to be a professional makeup artist, but give yourself enough time to mess up and redo it. Wigs can be expensive. I have noticed there are some good realistic wigs on Amazon. I got my wig (unopened) at a thrift store, so it was slightly cheaper than at a Halloween store. I actually went to Target the other day and noticed the basic wigs are slightly cheaper there as well.

Easy Last-Minute Costumes…

Sometimes we just can’t get it together. There also might be a situation where you are expected to go to multiple parties. In this case, you need to think simple, yet effective. One of my favorites is to be a jewelry thief. You will just need a black cat suit and eye mask with big fake costume jewelry. Your purse could be a pouch with the money symbol. Y2K is also big right now. You could be a trashy celebrity from that time — just, please, do not actually pluck your eyebrows.

What costumes you shouldn’t wear…

Cultural appropriation is a big no-no in Halloween. It does not matter what your intent was or wasn’t… just avoid it. It is not worth it in the long run. Someone could dig up an old photo of you and bad things could happen. Any costume that is another culture’s native dress should be avoided.

Time-period costumes…

When I see costumes of clothing I wore in middle school it makes me laugh. Stepping back in time can bring up fun nostalgia. You could be a 1920s flapper or 1950s housewife, a hippy, or an 80s hair-metal rocker. You could even go way back in time and be a medieval king, queen, jester, or pirate.

Purses and Jackets…

This can be tricky since you need a place to hold your money and you might get cold. Some places do have coat checks and that’s great, but most do not. A jacket and purse can take away from a costume. You also want to be hands-free to dance and move around. I love a simple belt bag that blends with your costume. Or have the purse be part of the costume. As far as coats and jackets, consider what climate you live in and if you can incorporate the coat into the costume. If not, you will be probably sweaty and hot from dancing so a jacket may not be necessary anyway.

Celebrity and pop culture…

I see more couples dressing up as celebrity couples. The thing to keep in mind is: does the celebrity couple have a recognizable look? ( A great example is Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wearing the iconic all-denim outfit). For a solo celebrity, do you already resemble the famous person? I remember when comedian Trevor Noah dressed as the musician “The Weeknd” and people lost their minds. Certain looks and outfits are firmly planted in the cultural lexicon and those looks should be used, not a meme from six years ago.

Occupation costumes….

There are a lot of occupation costumes you can pick from. In these instances, there needs to be a twist as a zombie or very sexy. This is the time for visual puns and a “wink and a nod” ideas. The occupations that are mostly used are police, nurse, chef, nun or priest.

Group or couple costumes…

I love when families tell a story though costumes. For example, the family could be dressed as The Addams Family, and a couples costume could be a pirate and a parrot.

Ease of wear and sustainability…

I do not like wearing a costume that comes in a bag. I understand in certain instances you have to do it. Try your best to shop your closet first and see what you can pull out. Next would be thrifting a costume. It is important to be practical. Bathroom lines will be long and you will be standing and dancing all night. Take into consideration being comfortable and safe. Six-inch heels might not work for someone who never wears them.

Sports….

This sort of goes with the occupation costumes. You need a twist on it to make it more scary or sexy. You can’t just walk around with a basketball jersey. A better option is to be a USA Olympian with a leotard with USA across it. A cheerleader is another great one that everyone will get immediately.

Another Holiday or Event Costume…

One year, this guy dressed as a Salvation Army bell ringer with a Santa hat. It got me thinking about other holidays you could dress up as, such as a New Year’s Eve partiers or a New Year’s Eve baby. As far as events, any sort of wedding event is recognizable and it’s easy to do a twist on it (slasher or zombie bride).

Have a pre- going-out photo shoot…

Nothing worse than not getting one pic of your costume while out. In a party and downtown, things are chaotic and everyone is moving though the crowd, and the lighting is bad. It’s great to orchestrate a ”getting ready” party with a photo booth. Hang a piece of fabric, cool patterned sheets, or tape some wrapping paper to a blank wall. Grab a bendy desk lamp to create dramatic lighting. Position the lamp or multiple lamps to get a cool lighting effect. Or you can have a beauty light to attach to a phone and people can take selfies.

Bottom Line….

Halloween costumes are a great way to express your creativity. Some years you are buzzing with ideas, and some require looking though Pinterest boards for inspiration. I try to avoid anything that is the hot costume of the year. I just don’t want to compete with 20 other girls dressed as the same thing. Not to say being a classic is bad. There might be a handful of witches or angels. However, you can always do your own twist and make it your own. As far as group or couple costumes, it is best to tell a story. Goes without saying to never dress in another culture’s dress. No matter how you feel or that it’s not fair, in the long run it is not worth it. Lastly, remember to combine the three important rules to all costumes: recognizability, creativity / funny, and sexy.

The Cinco De Mayo Date

Any sort of drinking holiday can be a memorable time that brings people closer. I love great Tex-Mex food on a regular day, but on Cinco de Mayo, it hits different. The weather is warmer, you have an excuse to drink tequila. And, truthfully, it is a license to act boldly. What can you do to minimize the drama and maximize the fun?…..

Go to a restaurant earlier….

Every town has the Mexican restaurant hot spot. You might be waiting an hour to be seated. The better way to do it is start early, get some Michaladas with lunch, and keep the party going. Most bars will have specials and you can hopefully call it earlier than later.

Do not order a Margarita pitcher….

I will sound like a conspiracy theorist, so forgive me. Personally, I don’t believe there is tequila in the pitchers. In the past I have ordered them and not felt a thing. It is easy to hide from a customer because the mix is so strong it would cut the taste regardless. I also feel they are not that great tasting; most are from a cheap mix and you are just drinking sour sugar water. If you are sitting at a bar and watching the bartender make you a single margarita, that is different. You can see them pouring tequila and mixing your drink. But…not going to stop you from ordering a pitcher if you want; that has just been my experience.

What drinks should you order?….

Order tequila shots (silver) with salt and a lime slice. You can also order a Corona with lime to sip on in-between. If you are anti-beer, then a lime-flavored hard seltzer should be fine. A can cocktail could be an option since they have gained popularity.

Who should you bring?….

This date could be with your friends-with-benefits or someone very low stakes. This is not a night you will be impressing anyone. Pick a guy who can hold his liquor and can hang. You want the guy to be fun, but not put you in a dangerous position. Goes without saying to take Uber and be safe.

Food choices….

I always order a large queso for the table regardless. The chips and salsa are free so you can always munch on something. As far as food, if you are starting early, there is the breakfast Mexican items like Huevos Rancheros. I personally love a Torta, which is a Mexican sandwich. Get your favorites or be adventurous. It’s your choice.

If you choose to take friends instead of a date….

Delete all numbers from your phone who you should not text. (You know who they are). You might feel liberated to do so in the moment, but then you spend the whole evening pouting that he didn’t text you back. Focus on meeting guys in the wild or just having a great time out with friends.

Bottom Line…..

This holiday is better as a planned thing with room for spontaneity. You don’t want to wait in line for a hour. Start the party earlier if possible. Go for lunch and enjoy a Mexican breakfast with Michaladas (they are awesome). Then take the party train to the bars later on. This will probably not be a great first date or with anyone that is a high stakes crush. Take your casual thing, or your friends. Let the tequila make you bold in a positive way, not destructive.

The Types Of Dates For New Year’s Eve

We all would like a committed boyfriend on New Year’s Eve, or at least a great kiss. However, being casual and single presents the in-between options that all have different meanings and experiences. The hill I will die on is that New Year’s Eve is a legit way to tell if your new boyfriend is taking the relationship seriously. Anything that isn’t fully committed is probably a mix of loneliness and at best wanting to get something started. I will say this is my biggest advice for singles without a date: don’t be on the prowl for men the whole night. I know you need that validation of getting that kiss, but you are wasting your whole night and your aura will be desperate. When you are leaving your house before you go out tell yourself internally that you are fine without a kiss and just want to enjoy yourself. Now onto the types of dates that can happen…..

The “We just started our relationship” date…

Ok, yea, pretty self-explanatory. It’s a great sign when a new boyfriend wants to be seen with you in public and kiss when the ball drops. Any hesitation is a huge red flag.

The “We are on a first date” date….

This could go ok…. I mean my advice is to vet the guy before to just see if there is any chemistry. With app dating you have no clue what you are getting and dressing up for the night takes time and effort. You don’t want to be stuck with someone. I would do a meet-and-greet before the big night.

The “We are friends who can kiss” date…..

No shame in this, in fact this is probably the least pressure. You can have fun and dance the night away, but there is no possessiveness involved and you are free to mingle and use the friend as a backup

The “We met at the club” date….

Anyone is who concerned who they will kiss at midnight is scooping out the hotties to kiss before midnight. He will see who bites and buy people drinks to see who sticks or not. I will say this can feel like a rollercoaster because you might think you have a secure kiss and then he is near the bathroom making out with someone else.

The “ I am cheating on my wife” date….

Ok, this actually happened to me one year. I showed up solo for New Year’s and then this guy immediately starting chatting. Look out for guys willing to cheat, it can leave you with a yucky feeling at the start of the year.

The “set up” date…..

I love a good set up as long as there is some thought behind it. This is honestly a great opportunity to get introduced. You are looking more dressed up and are in a great mood. So go with it and see if there is a spark.

Bottom Line…

When you are single on New Year’s Eve there are more possibilities than you think. Be open to seeing what works best for you. It’s ok to try to organize a date if you feel weird riding solo for the night. Your safest bet is taking a gray-area friend with you to have fun. There is no pressure to stick with them all night, but they make a great back up. At the very least, try to do that and don’t be laser-focused on snagging that kiss.

Friendships During The Christmas Season

When you are single during the Christmas season, you lean hard into friendships. Coupled-up friends will more than likely ice you out, but your fellow singles will have time to chill. Work and school will be put on pause and the hometown crew might surface again. What can you do to enrich your connections and get festive?

Say no gifts…..

And mean it! You may think it is doable at the beginning of the season. Then once reality of long lines and how much money you actually can spend hits, it will be a regretful decision. It’s better to make it known to all friends that there will be no gift exchange. No secret Santa, or white elephant. Just stop the madness! Even if you feel you can juggle everything, it is a burden for others to reciprocate. The best gift is giving someone peace.

Cocktail and carol night….

I own a portable karaoke mic that hooks up though bluetooth. Some people have a whole set-up in their basements. It’s fun to do a karaoke Christmas carol party with booze (or a festive non-alcoholic punch). You can dress as festive as you like or show up in a cozy sweater.

Decoration and cookie party….

You can rotate to each other’s places who have not decorated yet. The cooks who burn things can bring the break and bake cookies, and the pastry chefs can shine. Help the host decorate the tree and get the apartment spruced up. Play a Christmas playlist mixed with regular songs as a palette cleanser. You can also have a classic Christmas movie playing in the background.

Go to the Christmas parade….

Fill your thermos with a peppermint hot chocolate, wear a cozy outfit, and watch the parade.

Go to your friend’s Christmas party….

If a friend is single and doesn’t have a plus one, then volunteer to go. You never know who you will meet and you get to dress up a bit. Depending on where they work there might be a nice spread. Your friend might feel relieved they have a a friend and you will get to mingle.

Play Christmas Tree Beer Pong….

Buy green solo cups and place it in a Christmas tree shape in the middle of the table. Whoever collects the most cups wins. You can make it fancier by throwing some tinsel or garland down.

Have a Green and Red party….

The singles wear green and the people in relationships wear red. Keep up with the theme and serve green and red food and beverages.

Bottom Line….

Christmas season can bring out the joy…or stress. It honestly comes down to your own mindset and attitude. Do not take on more than you can chew and shut down any idea that involves buying gifts. You have enough gifts to worry about and probably work is forcing you to do Secret Santa. Bring up fun things your friends can actually get behind. It can also be an opportunity to meet new people while you are in a jolly mood.

How To Have A Low Fuss “Friendsgiving”

A “Friendsgiving” is a great way for friends to get together for a potluck and wine. Perfect for those who can’t afford a plane ticket back to their hometown. However, when getting a group together with different personalities and expectations drama can enter the chat. The best thing is getting ahead of it by knowing what is assigned and knowing your strengths. How can you prepare for the potluck without the headache?…..

Understand the assignment…..

Everyone needs to know who is bringing what. There needs to be wine, appetizers, sides, and dessert. The host should be providing the turkey, but should do what makes logical sense to the group. Non-cooks should volunteer to bring wine and cheese and people who are well-versed in cooking should bring a side dish.

Don’t nickel-and-dime your friends…..

Listen… you will be spending money. Don’t Venmo-request people later and understand that everyone is pulling their weight. Honestly, even if they aren’t, don’t cause a scene. Spend what your budget allows you to spend. For some people, it’s no big deal to drop $50 plus, whereas others may feel that is steep.

Help with prep if needed…..

Depending how close you are to the host, offer to help prep. This can mean from chopping vegetables to making pies. Make it fun by playing music and having the football game in the background.

Offer entertainment….

Like I said, there will probably be football on. As a backup plan, have a drinking game going or something to entertain people while the pies are baking. I always keep a deck of cards in my purse just in case.

Be ok with breaking into groups…..

It’s natural for little groups to form. Depending on how many people were invited there might not be space for everyone to sit at one table together. In that case a buffet style where people help themselves makes the most sense. Try to mingle within groups until you find one that clicks best.

Think twice about bringing your “situationship”….

There are people who don’t deserve to meet your friends. Any guy who doesn’t even know your middle name should not be invited. I know it feels better to bring someone, especially when everyone is coupled up. Resist the urge and be brave representing yourself. These are your friends and you should spend quality time getting closer to 2nd- and 3rd-tier people.

Don’t get too wasted….

I mean, if you can handle your liquor, then go for it, especially if you don’t plan on driving. This is the time to indulge a little bit more and enjoy yourself. However, be mindful of how the group is acting and what the energy is. You don’t want to come across as sloppy.

Don’t overstay your welcome….

Make sure to help clean up as much as needed. Don’t be the last guest unless there is an understanding you will be spending the night or something. Pick up on the vibe and get ready to leave when people are going back home.

Bottom Line…..

This is a great opportunity to make distant friends become closer. You never know who you will be hitting it off with. Get all the information from the host and do not make assumptions. It’s best to know what you should be bringing and if you need to show up early to help prep. Understand your strengths even if they are not food related. You could be persuasive in starting a fun drinking game or being the DJ for the evening. Just don’t push fun on people who just want to watch the game and relax. This is your opportunity to bond with friends you haven’t seen in a while and get introduced to new connections.

“The Vampire Method” For Making New Connections

It’s almost Halloween and it inspired me to take lessons from scary movies. Vampires have the best rule which is “to only enter if invited.” This to me always stuck around on the back burner of my brain. I identify as a go-getter in many things. Unfortunately, that can translate to scheming about how to hook men and to get friends to hang out with me. The vampires have all the time in the world and have figured out that maybe taking a step back is the way to go. How can you have eternal coolness like the vampires?…..

Let him make the first move…..

Whether it is in public or on the apps, let him take the plunge. In the book, “The Rules,” there is a huge chunk of the rules mainly stating that he needs to start the courting process. It’s the only way to truly know if he is actually interested or just being polite. It can save you a lot of therapy sessions and late night texts with your girlfriends.

Dip your toe in slowly for new friends…..

My go-to method for making new friends, for me, did not evolve past kindergarten. I used to very quickly smoother a new friend and proclaim, “we are best friends now.” In adult friendship you want to build up more second-and-third tier friends for socializing.

Ask three separate times then pull way back…..

Most social interaction is reading between the lines and picking up on social cues. When you get hit with excuses rather than scheduling, stop reaching out. No one wants to be rude and say they don’t enjoy your company. You have to take it upon yourself to move on and not bother that person.

The three signs a first date doesn’t want to see you again….

The telltale signs you will get ghosted are: 1. He doesn’t offer to buy you a drink or coffee, 2. There is no physical contact (touching arm, hug, kiss etc), 3. He leaves saying, “it was great meeting you” with no plan for a second date. Will he still orbit you on social media? Absolutely. However, he will not ask you out again. Save yourself time and forget about him.

Be careful about giving out info or getting contact info….

Some bar friends are simply that. Trying to expand it to the next level will end in confusion. When you go out and bond with people over shots, enjoy the moment. Yes, there will be a mutual feeling that this is bigger than one night. Just don’t shove your phone in their face while they reluctantly type in a number. It’s best to just live your life and more than likely you will bump into each other again.

Get invited rather than suggest….

As a general rule it always feels better to be invited. When it comes to courtship never invite yourself over to his place no matter how casual the dynamic is. He will more than likely say he is busy or, worst case, you go over and he plays video games the whole time. With new friends you will find out how a person cares when you are on the invite list.

Bottom Line…..

Making new connections doesn’t have to be a horror show. It will be less confusing when you look at this face value rather than making things happen. On your end, be that bubbly person that is a delight to be around. No one wants a sulky Sally who only brings down the vibe. If you are going to invite a friend, pick an event (band playing, karaoke, comedy show) so there is more incentive for them to come out. Allow yourself to be courted. It can be frustrating to wait on the sidelines, but it feels so good to be invited and have dates planned by him. Follow the “Vampire Method” all year round to avoid social faux pas.

New Year’s Eve Kiss

It’s not real unless he spends New Year’s Eve with you….That has been my rule for many years and I still stand by it! The notion of sharing the first kiss of the year with someone is sacred. Even in a brand-new relationship it is crucial to spend New Year’s Eve together. It is telling the world and time itself that you are moving forward together into the next year. Here are four common excuses he can’t spend New Year’s Eve together……

He chose to be out of town…..

Sure, your boyfriend might have to go down to Florida for the holidays. New Year’s….his family doesn’t expect him to be there. Saying he will be back in town on the fourth indicates something fishy is happening.

He doesn’t want to celebrate at all…..

When everyone is going out or having a small get together and he insists on playing video games by himself… beware. He saying it’s an overrated holiday or anything of that nature should not be taken lightly.

He didn’t request off work…..

I mean… it happens that service industry folks or retail get the short end of the stick. Usually though, if you request off way in advance, they will give you the night off. He might be putting up the work buffer to avoid the whole night.

He is spending it with friends….

The squad has decided to go to Aspen…..without you. He planned this out before he met you, yet doesn’t want you to book your own ticket. You have to wonder who he is planning on kissing because it isn’t you.

Bottom Line….

Excuses come up a lot when holidays, birthdays, and New Year’s roll around. Starting the new year together has a lot of meaning. Going out in public or to a small get together in shiny outfits and a New Year’s tiara shows the world you are a couple. Some men don’t want to make that declaration, even if he asked you to be his girlfriend. He might brush it off saying it isn’t a big deal, “it’s an overrated holiday.” He knows it’s a big deal which is why he is avoiding it. When the excuse train leaves the station, decide if this relationship is even real. Maybe you need to have a clean slate for the New Year and dump him.