It’s almost Halloween and it inspired me to take lessons from scary movies. Vampires have the best rule which is “to only enter if invited.” This to me always stuck around on the back burner of my brain. I identify as a go-getter in many things. Unfortunately, that can translate to scheming about how to hook men and to get friends to hang out with me. The vampires have all the time in the world and have figured out that maybe taking a step back is the way to go. How can you have eternal coolness like the vampires?…..
Let him make the first move…..
Whether it is in public or on the apps, let him take the plunge. In the book, “The Rules,” there is a huge chunk of the rules mainly stating that he needs to start the courting process. It’s the only way to truly know if he is actually interested or just being polite. It can save you a lot of therapy sessions and late night texts with your girlfriends.
Dip your toe in slowly for new friends…..
My go-to method for making new friends, for me, did not evolve past kindergarten. I used to very quickly smoother a new friend and proclaim, “we are best friends now.” In adult friendship you want to build up more second-and-third tier friends for socializing.
Ask three separate times then pull way back…..
Most social interaction is reading between the lines and picking up on social cues. When you get hit with excuses rather than scheduling, stop reaching out. No one wants to be rude and say they don’t enjoy your company. You have to take it upon yourself to move on and not bother that person.
The three signs a first date doesn’t want to see you again….
The telltale signs you will get ghosted are: 1. He doesn’t offer to buy you a drink or coffee, 2. There is no physical contact (touching arm, hug, kiss etc), 3. He leaves saying, “it was great meeting you” with no plan for a second date. Will he still orbit you on social media? Absolutely. However, he will not ask you out again. Save yourself time and forget about him.
Be careful about giving out info or getting contact info….
Some bar friends are simply that. Trying to expand it to the next level will end in confusion. When you go out and bond with people over shots, enjoy the moment. Yes, there will be a mutual feeling that this is bigger than one night. Just don’t shove your phone in their face while they reluctantly type in a number. It’s best to just live your life and more than likely you will bump into each other again.
Get invited rather than suggest….
As a general rule it always feels better to be invited. When it comes to courtship never invite yourself over to his place no matter how casual the dynamic is. He will more than likely say he is busy or, worst case, you go over and he plays video games the whole time. With new friends you will find out how a person cares when you are on the invite list.
Making new connections doesn’t have to be a horror show. It will be less confusing when you look at this face value rather than making things happen. On your end, be that bubbly person that is a delight to be around. No one wants a sulky Sally who only brings down the vibe. If you are going to invite a friend, pick an event (band playing, karaoke, comedy show) so there is more incentive for them to come out. Allow yourself to be courted. It can be frustrating to wait on the sidelines, but it feels so good to be invited and have dates planned by him. Follow the “Vampire Method” all year round to avoid social faux pas.