Questions To Dodge On A First Date

A first date is a time to get to know a person. Some men take it a step further and treat it like an interrogation. What needs to be happening on a first date ( or in the early chatting period) is talking about surface-level topics ( movies, music, funny stories) and feeling out the vibe. Sometimes, a question is asked that completely derails the rest of the date. Keep in mind you do not have to answer a question just because he asked. Worse case is it opens you up to blab and complain the whole time….

“How many guys have you slept with?”…..

Whew! What a question. You never look good even if the number is pretty low. He is probably asking to see if you are easy and how hard he has to work. Never give out an actual number. You can just say: “When I am committed, then I will sleep with someone.” This tells him you aren’t interested in being a hook-up.

“Why did you and your ex break up?”…..

You might go on and on and start venting about how terrible he was. Or the opposite, where you miss him so much and was devastated when he dumped you. Be vague and answer: “We just weren’t the right fit.”

“How long have you been single?”…..

If it’s too short, it’s bad; if it’s too long, it’s bad. Saying a year makes you sound like you are over the last relationship and ready to date again. That’s really all he is asking anyway. You can fib a little and take control of your own narrative.

“How’s the apps?”…..

Red flag! Some men are clueless and just bring it up for no reason. Others bring it up because he sees you as another swipe. Downplay how much you use it: “Oh, my friend set it up for me a month ago. I am just seeing what all the hype is about.” He will be relieved he isn’t competing with other guys (even though he is). Again… he is sniffing out the competition and how hard he has to work.

“What are you looking for?”….

He is looking for a casual hook-up. He wants you to say casual so you verbally agree this date will be meaningless. Play naive and say: “I am really new to this; I just want to meet new people and see where it goes.” See his reaction or what he says after. He saying he wants casual means he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend.

Bottom Line…..

Most questions are mining you for information and reading between the lines. There is a reason he is asking these particular questions. He wants to know: ( How much competition there is; is there an ex lingering around; do you want casual or a relationship). You might feel he is asking you to really open up. He isn’t. You can give a straight forward quick answer as long as your tone is pleasant. Move on from these questions as soon as possible. Get back on track to talking about surface-level topics. If he wants more information, then he can ask you out on other dates.

Are You A Drama Junkie?

If you have ever had a dramatic relationship, you know how exciting it can be to ride the rough seas. Some people are professional and stable at work, while at the same time slashing their ex-boyfriend’s tires. In matters of the heart, it’s easy to start fights, to be that psycho-ex, or to be crying to your friends about a bad date. In the eyes of men, they will view you as completely unstable and full of drama, all things that give them the upper hand and reason to dump you….

Why do you love drama?…..

A healthy relationship can seem boring – When you are used to fighting for a relationship it seems lackluster if there is no push pull.

You think passion equals love – Love portrayed in the movies teaches us that drama equals passion.

You love the chase – Winning is more appealing than a healthy relationship

Why are you the Drama Queen?…..

You live in fear –The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know. Fear of the unknown holds many people back.

You get attention – You always have a crazy story to tell friends.

You get to confirm that you don’t deserve love – your brain loves a confirmation bias. You want to be right more than to be happy.

You are acting before you think – It’s so much better to take a minute and wait before you react.

You are surrounded by drama queens – If your friends are breaking in car windows and causing trouble, this behavior may seem normal to you.

You aren’t aware of your triggers – Go to therapy and figure out your issues with anger. Really get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do in relationships. It could be childhood trauma or something you repressed.

How to avoid dating drama…..

Find out if he is in a transition period – Did he just get evicted or have a messy breakup?

If he is telling a sob story on the first date, walk away – Users and people who want you on the hook play the sympathy card off the bat to draw you in.

Is he saying his ex girlfriend is a psycho? – He is more likely to be a crazy-maker than her just being crazy.

Is he over-stepping boundaries? – Have you set a boundary that he ignored?

Is he disrespecting your time and schedule?- texting you at 4am is rude, or blowing up your phone when you don’t answer a text.

Does he withhold affection or his time? – Everything is on his schedule and he withholds sex or affection.

What can you change?……

Take a intense exercise class – Maybe yoga doesn’t help…try kickboxing. Speaking of that, a gym membership that is open 24 hours is a great investment.

Are you on the wrong birth control? – Make sure you aren’t acting irrationally just because of hormones.

Talk to an understanding relative – They will always be on your side. Sometimes it’s nice to hear a voice that supports you.

Have your own apartment – Stay at your place for a few days and tell him you need your space.

If it’s still an issue, schedule a time to talk it out- It will always come off as more emotionally mature. Sometimes if you give it time, it’s not even an issue you care about anymore

Bottom Line….

The chase and drama is a thrill, until it becomes toxic. I do believe that there should be a little bit of a “does he like me or not” at the beginning. A smooth courtship from the start is not exciting. A dash of drama in healthy doses can spark more of an attraction. However, everyone can take this slight “will they are won’t they” situation into a full blown episode of “Cops.” If it’s keeping you from work or school, then it’s a problem. Like any addiction, when it takes over your life and you become obsessed, it’s a horrible sign. Go to therapy, join a gym, and get on the right birth control. Most importantly, try not to be so reactive in the moment and take space when needed. When he is clearly being the abuser or “crazy maker,” walk away and block him immediately.

The Dangerous Exception: The Rules Do Apply

Dating rules – such as letting him court you, not hooking up on the first date, and not being too available are to keep you safe and still keep your dignity if things go south. However….Don’t we all wish we were the exception? To be the girl who messes up, is too clingy, makes a terrible impression, and is still seen as endearing? In the movies, the exception is complicated and complex and the male protagonist eats out of her hand. Even in the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” the lesson that you shouldn’t be the exception was flipped and the whole lesson was crumbled in the garbage…. because we want to be the exception… we crave it.…

Are you thinking movies are real?…..

The manic pixie girl breaks the rules. She will sleep with a guy, tell him about how her mom committed suicide, and the male protagonist is blown away. The reality is that not many people love drama. Hints of instability will make him run. Normal dates, compared to a Hollywood blockbuster, will seem boring. You don’t have to prove you are a “free spirit” and “not like other girls.”

“I can be a rule breaker”….

Rules are meant to protect you and not waste your time; they aren’t meant to suppress you. No one wants to be told to hold back and sit on their hands. Everyone wants a shoot-your-shot mindset because it does feel like freedom. The problem is the results and outcome usually end up being disappointing. However, yes, if you are seeking only hookups go for it. Be bold, be sultry. Getting into a committed relationship isn’t that straightforward.

We all want to feel special….

There is a sense of pride when a girl gets a guy in her own way. Behind the scenes we don’t really know what she had to go through. On top of that, the most likely thing is that he was ready to settle down regardless, or worse, she used heavy threats and ultimatums. But people love saying they broke the rules and it resulted in what they wanted. You feel like you are giving the middle finger to everyone. Being the chaser can get addictive. It ends up not being about liking the guy, but more about winning.

“Rules don’t apply to me because I am hot”…..

This is true at least at first. To be blunt, if you are attractive, things will be easier. At least in the first impression. You will be approached more, get away with an outburst here and there. But…. there will eventually be a drop-off point. Even supermodels get dumped here and there.

Giving everything up front is not fun for either parties…..

It’s not fun for you or him. Courtship and the “will-they-won’t-they” builds attraction. Anyone can hook up, and sadly – most men don’t really care with whom. The best part of a relationship is the build up and seeing if he actually cares. You find out very quickly who has your best interests. Yet, when you hook up after knowing a guy for two hours you don’t really know his motives anymore. He might claim all day he likes you, but only if sex is involved.

If everyone thinks they are the exception – then there is no exception….

This is how hook-up culture happened. It was people who wanted to break the rules and stick it to the system. Again….if the motive is to hook up, then do that. Anyone who has had a ho phase will tell you that it gets old. Women crave romance, a story to tell people, and effort.

Bottom Line…..

Keeping to a guideline can help you and preserve your dignity. Dating is unpredictable ; why are you trying to make it more complicated? There will be phases where you just want to break all the rules. If you just need to rebel for yourself, then do it. It should not be about proving to everyone that you are special and rules don’t apply to you. This is also where women get in competition with other women. It can result in just a competition against yourself to prove a point, not about finding a connection or getting to know a guy. It’s fine to play it safe and take calculated risks. Short-term gravitation usually results in spending hours analyzing a text message with the group chat. If you had just waited it out, it might have led to something, or you would have found out sooner that he wasn’t interested.

The Long Game Part 2

I have spoken briefly about the “long game.” This is how traditional pre-app dating was. You would go to a social event, see each other from across a crowded dance floor, then boom, you eventually started dating. Most importantly, there was a “courtship” phase. Most of us are used to swiping, meeting, maybe hooking up, and there might be a date here and there. There are key differences in the app- versus real-life style and it requires more strategy…..

You have seen him multiple times and he finally talked to you…..

This is step one. If he has not spoken to you and approached you, then either keep waiting for a bit, or throw in the towel. When a guy is interested and available, he will say hello in a bar, party, or cafe setting. You will not need to say hello and start a conversation to “help him out.” So, yes…. he finally talked to you. You should keep it light and don’t make assumptions. Act like you are on a first date. Stick to surface-level topics, be friendly, and get a overall vibe from him.

He has talked to you at least three separate times and includes you…..

Three times a charm. This is noteworthy because: once, could be him being bored and wanting to talk; two times, he recognized you; yet three…now you have something. Still keep things very light and open your ears and listen to what he is telling you. He might be talking about an ex, or that he is having a rough patch. He is interested, but probably needs a rebound or his ego stroked. Do not ignore this, and don’t think he will change his mind after he gets to know you.

Go dark for four days to one week…..

This is a crucial step. Pull back when there isn’t forward motion yet. Just don’t be gone for too long because that can backfire. Go on a date or two with other guys, but take your dates far away. After the week is up, return like nothing happened. Again too long = forgotten, the right amount = anticipation. This is the hardest step because you fear he will just forget you and move on. Is he excited once you come back around? Did he ask for your number or ask you on a date?

Be careful about Instagram…..

It’s tempting to just send that follow request on Instagram. You can keep up with him, watch his stories, and like his posts. You will send a message out of desperation once he isn’t giving you what you want. He will answer you and things might seem like they are going somewhere. There might be a night where you send a message and he leaves you on read. Don’t go down that road. Wait for him to ask for your number.

Does he bring you around his friend group?…..

Dating in the wild, you will meet friends sooner than online dating. With app dating you can hide your friends from your dates. In person, his friends are already there. How do his friends treat you? Are they excited to see you again and include you? Or do they ignore you? Sneaking off to a dark corner to avoid his friends glaring eyes is not a good sign.

If there has been no forward motion, let it go…..

This is not your invitation to low-key stalk him. He isn’t going to change his mind by you always being around. You might have to give up a fun regular hangout spot. Your night could be ruined by him giving you the cold shoulder, or worse, seeing him on another date.

Bottom Line…..

Listen, getting the stars to align at the right moment can take a long time. However, meeting in person will always be more memorable than swiping on an app. All my special relationships have not involved an app. There is something magical about two people having chemistry and doing the delicate courting dance. Yet… you shouldn’t be waiting literally forever. Once you reach the “going-dark stage” and then returning ,he needs to pull the trigger. If he doesn’t, he either found someone else, or wasn’t that interested in the first place. Also, I have said before that just because it’s a “meet-cute” situation doesn’t mean it’s fate and the universe owes you. He still needs to take forward actions to move things along: Asking for your number, asking for a date, texting etc. Do not linger around hoping he will talk to you. Yes, it sucks to give up that cool hang-out spot for a while, and I know you want to go there out of spite. Trust me, there are other bars, coffee shops, venues.

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind: How To Stay Relevant as a Casual Guy

Men getting into casual, or the beginning of the courting phase, need to know the importance of being top-of-mind. It sounds super obvious to most, but men who grab your number and then text you a month later will be forgotten. This can happen with a friends-with-benefits situation when there is a huge gap in seeing each other. The absence can backfire and feelings can get hurt along the way. What can men do to remain relevant in a woman’s mind?…..

How often is too often?…..

We get it’s casual. However, dating is at warp speed and everyone gets distracted by the shinier and newer object. A man wanting a casual relationship can easily be replaced by someone else. It is important to keep up with your casual thing and see each other every other week or at minimum once a month. (Although that is pushing it). In a courting phase, you need to step it up more and spend more time and pursue.

Keep texting in between dates…..

It doesn’t have to be a daily thing, but a few texts here and there can keep the dynamic going. When you only text for her to come over, you are creating too much of a disconnect. You don’t need to talk about deep meaningful things. Keep things light, fun, and plan to hang out.

Create an illusion……

The greatest lovers make the person they are with at the time feel like they are the only one. Most women will dismiss you and not see a point in spending time when outside dates are brought up. Still be sexually safe, but oversharing can ruin the mood.

Make sure your place is presentable….

Women are picky about where they spend their time. 90-percent of women will only care about atmosphere when going to a bar or restaurant. They want to feel like a guest and be able to relax. Her not wanting to spend the night, or fleeing after two hours says a lot. Men usually get a pass on the state of their apartment (boys will be messy). It should not be the norm.

Unmatch her on the apps…..

Once you unmatch, you are a fish let out in the great pond again. She will come across your profile and the changes that you have made. This can be in your favor and spark jealously in her. Your face will be top of mind at that moment and it will stick around for a day or two. When you come across her, then text her. The algorithm probably showed both of you at the same time.

Keep posting on Instagram….

(You might be on mute, so she avoids this). Her curiously will peak when she sees you enjoying yourself without her. This works on everyone! You don’t have to do thirst traps, or show off dates ( that will backfire), but subtle pics of you out: a full glass of whiskey on the rocks at an unknown location, an appetizer with more than one plate. Or a photo of you with a wristband or a stamp from a bar.

Bottom Line…..

You are probably saying, “who cares, it’s casual! I should be more aloof!” I understand the mindset, but women have options and will forget about you. She might have really been into you, but got too much of a whiff of instability and looked elsewhere for it. No one wants to look like they care more in casual and in the early courting process. However, being strategic about being relevant in a woman’s life can extend the length of the relationship. The saying is true: out of sight, out of mind.

Are You In Love With The Chase?

The chase is when a match is just out of reach, yet still attainable. It adds value and makes finally going out with him feel like it’s worth it. Men who don’t give us the time of day are seen as more of a challenge then a red flag. Love expert Michael Hussey says, “ If someone is not showing you they want you, stop chasing that person.” If you are the type to have an addictive personality, you are more likely to fall for the chase.

Are you trying to win him over?…..

Were you only noticed when your report card was perfect and you won the basketball game? Certain caregivers early on set the tone for proving our self-worth. This results in over-pleasing for strangers and perfectionism.

Do you love drama?…..

The highs and lows are exciting and can be seen as a passionate relationship. Some of us thrive on conflict and love that he is hot and cold. The show “Sex and the City” captures this type of dynamic with the Carrie-and-Big situation. When she had a stable commitment from Aidan, it wasn’t exciting enough. The stability was seen as boring and not passionate.

Are you a control freak?…..

Some fear the relationship actually working out. It’s easier to set it on fire and keep the dynamic on your terms. Rejection can be more of a relief than the unknown.

Are you a “try hard”?…..

The only thing that a women needs to do in dating is to be charming, look good, and show up. There is a wave of females who have been called, “pick-me-chicks.” The behavior attracts lazy men who want everything easy. She is seen on Instagram making her unlabeled situationship gourmet meals while he is playing video games. These women are also codependent and put others’ needs ahead of theirs in general.

Are you afraid to receive?…..

Ironically, leaning in and being a go-getter doesn’t serve you in the dating world. Practice receiving and just say thank you. You really have to be more passive and do less than you are doing. Being the social director, or trying to fix his life will not impress him long-term. More than likely, he will take the free lunch, then use his spare change to impress the next girl.

Bottom Line……

Some of us can get caught up in the chase because of our childhood. We might be repeating patterns that we used to gain our caregivers’ affection. The best thing you can do is to take a step back. Are you trying to sabotage yourself and wanting him to reject you? When you are giving 80 percent he can only give you 20 percent back. The man who enjoys being pampered is taking advantage of the situation and will drop you the second he finds someone he is actually interested in.

Ending The “Three-Monther” With A FWB

Timelines and milestones are important in any type of relationship. In casual dating there are no anniversary dinners. Yet, three months is a big mile marker for any budding relationship. It’s the first check in to see where things are at. In a friends-with-benefits (FWB) situation it needs to be clicking and both parties happy. Having a safety net relationship should be helping you to meet your match. How do you know when your casual situationship has run its course?….

How did the relationship start?…..

A placeholder relationship can be beneficial unless it doesn’t have the respect. No matter the relationship dynamic, everyone wants to feel chosen and special. The ideal friends-with- benefits dynamic is a lot of chemistry, but is misaligned with future goals and timing. At your core, you should be friends and like spending time together. When a relationship starts out with him not valuing you, it’s hard to brush it off and move forward.

He constantly talks about other women…..

There should be an unspoken rule about what happens outside your relationship stays there. Some people are totally fine with this, but even the most emotionally mature feel the sting when he exclaims he spent $200 on a fancy dinner date while he insists on going dutch with you.

You barely see each other…..

No, there shouldn’t be a set schedule, but seeing each other every six months isn’t fulfilling his duties. Either keep him around as a back-up, or cut him loose. You should see each other fairly often or else there is no benefit to it.

You get left in the dust when you go out together…..

He is supposed to be your escort and you invited him so you had someone to talk to. You end up spending the night texting him asking where he is and you discover he is chatting up random girls. Worse case, he expects you to be his wing lady.

You feel icky when you leave his apartment…..

Trust your gut with this. Feeling shameful or guilty is something to pay attention to. A FWB should feel like a friend that you have fun with. You shouldn’t be hit with a wave of regret every time you get back in your car to leave.

You’re catching feelings…..

It’s not going to work! A guy who decides it is casual isn’t in the mindset of seeing you as a girlfriend. Are there exceptions? Sure. However, if he didn’t see your value from date one, then why do you expect him to see it month three?

Bottom Line…..

Dragging out a thing that isn’t working and making you frustrated needs to go. An ideal friends- with- benefits is at its core your friend, and someone who doesn’t cross your mind that much. He is a backup for dry periods and a fun time when you go out together. Most men screw this type of relationship by over-communicating his every thought. Everyone wants to feel special and don’t need to be reminded that they are the placeholder. Three months is a good time to reflect and see if everything is clicking for both parties.

Cheating: Physical and Emotional

I have never been cheated on to my knowledge, but I have been the “other woman” unknowingly. You have to keep in mind that a cheater has to lie to all parties involved. Once you do cheat and get away with it, you will feel suspicious of your own partner. Emotional cheating is the gray area of cheating. A laugh or smile from a person who isn’t your significant other can be devastating. Some women would rather a man just have the physical encounter, whereas men would feel emasculated when finding out his girlfriend slept with someone else. You have to keep in mind that cheating requires a lot of work. There are only so many hours in the day. If a man is living by himself and not with you the signs will be a little bit more subtle. The main thing to look out for is just a shift in vibe or habits. Some men have Excel spreadsheets and can juggle multiple women with ease. Yet, certain actions will be a little fishy and those are the signs you can pinpoint and investigate more. Let’s break down the signs…..

He is working out more…..

It seems odd that the couch-potato-video-game guy is now a gym rat

He is working late…..a lot…..

When you start cheating, you are creating a new life. Once you come home to explain where you have been, your go-to is work.

He hides his phone….

Some people are private in general with their phone. It’s mainly the attitude of being panicked around his phone or who is texting

He is projecting….

Once you realize how easy it is to cheat, it’s sort of a mind-f*ck. He might accuse you of cheating

He will start fights….

Weirdly, he still wants to be the good guy even though he is cheating. He wants the relationship to end in other ways, not him cheating

His mood will be different….

Something will be…..off. He might have guilt or fear he will be caught. Acting on edge and defensive will be common

Your friend comes across his dating profile….

He will probably deny that it is still active. This can happen after a big fight where he is dipping his toe in singleness, but has not cheated yet.

He has picked up new interests out of nowhere….

Suddenly he is obsessed with a new band or show. You have to wonder who introduced him to it. This can include sexual stuff. He might have a new move out of nowhere…again who introduced him to that. Any sexual change is a red flag even if more frequency seems like a positive thing

The other woman…..

Sometimes you could be the other woman and not know. You have to look out for excuses that do not make sense. On the flip side, you knowing he is cheating with you does not mean he likes you more. You shouldn’t feel more important than his main squeeze. If you happen to be his next girlfriend, be on your toes; he cheated with you so obviously he doesn’t view cheating as bad.

The biggest clue you are the other woman…..

Simple things like just meeting up are always ignored or canceled. There could be a total drop off in communication and then it suddenly gets picked up again. It’s feels like pulling teeth to just hang out and it’s always on his timetable. He might claim he works a 9-5 so he is only available at 11pm. Or he is just a “night owl.” You feel he is interested, he is the first one to watch your stories, yet you are always confused why he doesn’t text more or want to meet up. It comes down to your gut feeling. Some guys who have girlfriends still like to flirt and get the ego stroked. He probably feels meeting will cross the line, yet digital stuff is fair game.

Bottom Line….

Women and men cheat differently, yet sometimes men can emotionally cheat as well. At the end of the day, needs are not being met. Maybe you have discussed problems with no solution. It’s always better to end things rather than cheat. It’s not fair to your partner. Plus the trauma of being cheated on will follow you and not let you trust anyone in the future. Leave your partner better than you found them.

Don’t Sh*t Where You Eat: Dating Co-Workers

I have no personal accounts of dating a co-worker. I worked as a maid twice and was the shampoo girl at a hair salon to name a few places (not a lot of guys around). I can see the temptation of wanting to. You are spending most of your week with them and it can become a “camp hot” situation. It makes sense that work places are strict about dating, especially when one person is in a position of power. However, not every work place is professional or important for your resume. Let’s break down when it’s fine to date and when it’s not…..

First off, are you willing to see him every day if you break up?……

…….

This is the most important to ask- how awful will it feel to see your ex- everyday in the break room?

Don’t assume it will work out- Best case you get married; worst case one of you has to quit

It might hurt your career- You will be distracted by the crush, causing you to not focus on a promotion or better position

You will dress to impress and get stressed……

When you involve a crush in the equation, you have to wake up earlier making sure your outfit is perfect and your eyeliner is on point. It’s a lot of fuss and worry for nothing. Not saying you shouldn’t look professional for work, but agonizing over an outfit adds unneeded stress to your morning.

Is this just a silly summer job?…..

Selling cotton candy at a local carnival for the summer is low stakes. Any job that isn’t a resume builder and only temporary are fine to let loose.

Is this a corporate job?……

The more serious the job, the more the need to follow the rules and act professionally. Don’t ruin your chance for more money or a better position for a dumb crush. The higher ups are always watching.

Is this an internship?……

Some internships result in real jobs. My advice is stop accepting the unpaid ones. Some companies like to exploit college kids for slave labor. Anyway, if you really think it can result in something real, then act professionally.

Be aware of the rumor mill…..

It’s best to keep drama to a minimum. Co-workers get bored at work and love to pass the time by gossiping. Don’t be the girl who flirts with everyone; it looks immature.

What happens when you match with a co-worker on a dating app?…..

You will probably come across a co-worker or two on the apps. Try your best to swipe left, yet a slip of the finger happens. On bumble, don’t reach out; let it expire. On the other apps, see how he reacts or reaches out. Could have been a mistake on his part as well. When you are quick-swiping a familiar face, you will swipe right. Don’t bring it up when you return to work.

Bottom Line……

It’s a good idea to keep certain parts of your life separate. Think about how it will affect you moving forward in your career. However, low-stakes summer jobs, or non-resume builder jobs are okay to let your guard down a little. Just don’t spend more than a summer or few months on the non-resume building jobs. You can waste years on temp jobs that don’t move you forward. When you get a professional job don’t get distracted by a crush. You need to keep your eye on the prize to make more money or move up.

Egg On Your Face: The Humiliating Experience Of Rejection

Rejection can hit you like a dump truck when you thought you looked both ways. Years ago I was at a bar. I saw a guy and decided to approach him; we had a great conversation….yet…he never asked me out on an official date and we faded out. A year later, I saw him again! I debated with myself if I should say hello. “Would he remember me?” I texted my friends in real time hoping to get the green light to wave to him. I finally made eye contact, waved, and smiled across the bar. A look of confusion and concern washed over his face. I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I quickly retreated to the outdoor patio leaving my dignity inside the bar. I then realized I had to pass him again to leave…..

When a guy hasn’t kept in contact….DON’T FOLLOW UP…..

In fact, I go by the two week contact rule. When I have not heard from a guy in my contact list in two weeks straight, I delete his number.

Try not to make the first move…..

Usually when it isn’t his idea in the first place, nothing will materialize. He continuing the conversation might be out of pure politeness, not interest. A TON of confusion, asking the group chat, and mixed signals stems from this. Save yourself the drama and don’t approach.

Rejection is letting go of your power…..

Sometimes it’s perfectly fine to play it safe. When you don’t know the outcome, it can make you feel powerless. Most fearless friends who have a YOLO mindset can set you up for embarrassment. Take the “be brave” advice with a grain of salt. You are allowed to look before you leap.

How do we keep ourselves from being rejected in the future?…..

You have to look at the signs at face value. Is this guy making an effort to talk and keep up with you? It’s best to recognize interest versus politeness. It will save you an embarrassing moment. When there is zero forward motion (asking to get you a drink, exchanging phone numbers, asking to see you again) assume he was bored or being polite.

How do we move on from rejection?…..

Ruminating about a rejection is the worst thing you can do. It’s best to feel safe in your little bubble, but rejection can happen no matter how careful you were. Getting rejected can cause you to feel insecure and not feel great about accepting a new date. Fight this feeling and keep swiping. Tell yourself it will be a funny story to tell later.

Rejection can be humbling….

You might have been on a hot streak and gotten a big head. Sometimes you need to come back down to earth and appreciate when a good date comes along. Not having a perspective makes all dates mundane.

Bottom Line….

Rejection is going to happen even when you are super careful. You will make rookie mistakes, especially when you are newly single and getting out there. Taking a temperature of the room is the first step. The best thing you can learn is self-awareness and picking up what people are putting down. Notice when you are the only one reaching out, and he is not moving things forward. On the bright side, rejection can be humbling and lets you appreciate when a great date comes along.