Rankings Of How An Average First Date Will Go

Expectations are how people get super-disappointed in dating. Those who base dating and love through movies and TV will get an exaggerated version of how a first date actually goes. For obvious reasons, any scriptwriter isn’t going to showcase an average date because…yawn. However, anyone who is new to the dating scene needs to get their agenda in check before they get all wide-eyed about how they think it will go. Over the years, I have collected the data of how my dates have gone. This is the ranking from most common to least common on how a first date will go….

You have no opinion except he is nice….

Hands down, the most common type of energy. You don’t hate him, but you aren’t bursting with attraction either. These types of dates are actually hidden gems because you never know what this person will be going forward. I have had instances where the date became a very close friend or was a stepping-stone to meeting other people. When coming across this type of date, don’t dismiss it and still try your best to get to know them.

You think he is a little unhinged….

Ok, yea… you might run into a guy who is a little… off? Immediately thinking “nope” in your head as you give him a greeting hug. Once you start chatting, you don’t agree on the fundamentals and morals, or maybe he is the “I don’t even own a TV” type of guy. You try to wrap up the date when your meter has run out and make a polite exit.

You like him more….

Ok, so now you might meet someone whom you are attracted to. The only problem is it might not be 100 percent mutual. This can be a big bummer and the dates I come back from where I am kicking myself. “Why did I talk about jalapeño poppers for two minutes straight!?” You will be hard on yourself after this date and you will think about it days later. You might be more upset when he doesn’t do a follow-up text the next day.

You don’t want a hookup… but he does….

This one can be tricky and a little insulting. It’s flattering that he does find you attractive, but you know he only sees you as a hookup and does not care to get to know you. Depending on your mindset at the time this can be fine. But when you want a guy to take you seriously, this is a letdown.

You are instant besties….

This can certainly happen when you both feel a more sister / brother vibe rather than attraction. He might make you laugh, but he isn’t your physical type. In some cases this guy is the slow-burn guy that can grow on you. He might be the healthier option rather than the typical bad-boy type you always date. Keep him around and see if your feelings change.

You really, really hate him….

This type of date probably happens more in the political climate we are in. Anyone who is tuned into politics or has very firm opinions will struggle with anyone who isn’t on their team politically. In a lighter way, you might completely disagree on sports teams or movies. You could actually get into arguments and make everyone around you feel uncomfortable

You are both insanely attracted to each other…..

This is physically you both are like….wow. And then you probably have a few drinks and might have a make-out at the bar. However, it’s hard to know if it’s just surface-level attraction or if it can become something more meaningful.

You both experience “love at first sight”….

The most rare of dates. I think this has happened to me once. And it wasn’t even a date. I just was introduced to him in public. Either way, this is the date that is portrayed in movies and television. It has a Romeo and Juliet beginning where you are both physically attracted, but also intrigued about the person. When this type of date comes along you need to go to the gas station and buy a lottery ticket because it is extremely uncommon, especially coming from an app date.

Bottom Line….

This list is very generalized and some might overlap into different types at once. I have certainly been on a date where I really hated the guy and was very attracted (weird I know). You need to understand while dating that you need to get your head right. Not saying that you shouldn’t be excited and hopeful. A more realistic approach is to go into expecting to meet a pretty cool person. You should always be adding new friends and acquaintances to your friend circle. Leaving every date with an attitude of, “no one likes me – we didn’t click” is very common. A true mutual attraction is very rare especially with both parties wanting a relationship. Stay grounded, yet hopeful, and don’t take a great connection for granted.

The One Date Wonder

Casual daters usually go on one date, then move on to the next person. The majority of dates are just ok, not spectacular. Since we have so much choice with just a few swipes, there is more pressure on the first encounter. Most of the time, we are making a few mistakes that prevent us from moving to the next date or to be taken seriously. However, most one-date wonders are two people not on the same page about what they are looking for. Keep these things in mind and see if you are guilty of any of these first date no-nos….

Are your pictures on the app outdated?….

No one likes to be lied to, or cat-fished. “Kitten Fish” is a term used for people who use photos from a decade ago when they were thinner, had completely different hair, and younger. It is deceiving to your date and anyone will feel duped. Your photos on apps and even selfies on Instagram expire after two years. (Have head shots and body shots). If you get ghosted after every date, this could be the reason.

Are you going on marathon dates?….

If you are going to dinner, then seeing a band play, then karaoke, and finally a late-night snack, you are way overdoing it. A guy may have spent too much time and money to take you out again. You are probably telling your whole life story and all your baggage in one night. Keep dates to 2 hours tops if it is going well. (If he has traveled a distance for you then four hours is fine). Try to cut it off sooner than later; give him a reason to take you out again. In the movies, a couple will go on a marathon date and it seems fun, carefree, and romantic. Keep in mind it’s not fun to write a screenplay about a couple who went on a date for an hour.

Are you talking shop?….

If you are in similar field or work in the same department, it’s tempting to talk about work. You want to come off as smart and you spent a lot of money on education. You want to give out advice and before you know it, you have become business partners, not lovers.

Are you talking about past dates?….

We all know not to talk about the ex, but talking about past Tinder dates is rude, too. I have found if a guy brings up the apps, then he isn’t taking the date seriously and sees you as another swipe.

Are you getting drunk and going home with him?….

Sure, there have been tales and legends about how that one girl got married to the guy that she slept with after knowing him for ten minutes. Unfortunately, you can’t undo the situation. It attracts the guys who were looking for free sex for the night.

Are you listening to what he is telling you?….

Going back to the one-night stand thing, do you know what he is looking for? He probably already told you he is looking for a hookup, but you ignored it. If you didn’t follow though, then you will most likely be ghosted. Weed out these guys and go out with the ones that don’t lead with sex.

Are you just not that into him?…..

Sometimes, it’s not you. You can crack jokes all night and be as charismatic as possible. A first date is improv. If he isn’t “yes anding” you, then it makes it difficult to make a connection.

Bottom Line…..

A one-date wonder happens a lot regardless of your actions. There is so much choice and most people are not technically single. So, don’t beat yourself up. I am guilty of doing all these, some all in one date. Listen to what he is telling you before you decide to meet. Weed out the guys who say they want casual. Pace yourself and leave him wanting more; a long date is always regrettable and does not leave mystery. Remember that you are two strangers meeting, so it is rare that it will take off. The important thing is to know what you are getting into and to remember to have fun.

What Is The Definition Of A Date?

In the book, “The Rules,” women are encouraged to get asked by Wednesday for a Saturday-night date. Three days out is best versus a week. The further away the date, the more likely he will forget he asked, or he will put it off to blow you off later. Sometimes there is confusion in knowing if you are actually going on a real date. In our casual dating world, men like to dip their toe and not fully commit to a date. If you are holding out for your crush to ask you out, don’t fall for a semi-date, but hold out for the real thing…..

Should you be asked for a date in advance?….

Yes. There needs to be planning involved. Matching on Tinder, then asking if you are free that night is very presumptuous that you don’t already have plans. Even if you don’t, it’s best to create the illusion of a full life. It can also be that his original plan fell though so he is sifting though Snapchat.

Day dates are more likely filler dates….

If it’s Tuesday at 1pm, it seems like he just wants someone to grab lunch with him. Any day-date, besides a fun planned-out activity, means he isn’t taking the date seriously.

Late night is also bad….

Even if he says he is working and gets off at 11pm…No….He has a day off, he just doesn’t want to waste it on you. Late night is he just wanting to hook up.

“I’m only in town for the weekend–you should show me around”….

I mean, sometimes it can take the pressure off since you know it won’t go anywhere. Just know that before you agree. It could be a fun experience….or…plot-twist, he does live in your town– he just pretends to be an out-of-towner for a one-night stand.

“I’m out with friends, you should meet up”….

Decline this every time. Lazy lazy lazy. Don’t bother slapping on makeup and leaving your house for this. More than likely you are the only girl that replied.

Speaking of friends….

Don’t agree to a group date unless you are an exclusive couple or his friends happen to be at your date location. It’s awkward to meet ten strangers and you won’t get a chance to talk. Another example is inviting you to a party.

Inviting you to see his band play or improv night…..

You don’t know if he asked ten people to just get bodies in the room. I have done this too often, thinking it’s a legit date. Sure, he might chat with you before or after the show, but it certainly isn’t a date and you are the clown in the audience.

“Just come to my place”…..

A lot of young guys or college students do this a lot. Besides the fact that it’s unsafe, it’s also rude and lazy. He does not care about impressing you or wants to waste money.

What is a real date?….

A first date doesn’t need to be complicated. However, there should be some planning involved. He should know a great place to take you without a ton of distractions. A date is just the two of you, no one should be tagging along, or you being in a crowd watching him perform. It doesn’t mean it should be an 8-hour date for it to be legit. Just a 2-hour max if it is going well, which can mean one location change is ideal. In reality-TV there are helicopters and zip-lining….The real world is less complicated. Be in an environment where you are comfortable and can build attraction.

Bottom Line…..

Turning down dates might feel like you are rejecting someone for no real reason. Try to think long-term and how you feel. A date should be him trying to impress you. If it’s someone that you have a huge crush on, then be firm about wanting a real date. By being firm I mean to decline dates that aren’t actual dates. If he likes you, he will keep trying until he gets it right. You don’t have to be rude and explain things to him. Simply saying, “Oh, I wish I could, but I have plans for tonight.” Don’t be the last-minute girl; be the original plan.