In the book, “The Rules,” women are encouraged to get asked by Wednesday for a Saturday-night date. Three days out is best versus a week. The further away the date, the more likely he will forget he asked, or he will put it off to blow you off later. Sometimes there is confusion in knowing if you are actually going on a real date. In our casual dating world, men like to dip their toe and not fully commit to a date. If you are holding out for your crush to ask you out, don’t fall for a semi-date, but hold out for the real thing…..
Should you be asked for a date in advance?….
Yes. There needs to be planning involved. Matching on Tinder, then asking if you are free that night is very presumptuous that you don’t already have plans. Even if you don’t, it’s best to create the illusion of a full life. It can also be that his original plan fell though so he is sifting though Snapchat.
Day dates are more likely filler dates….
If it’s Tuesday at 1pm, it seems like he just wants someone to grab lunch with him. Any day-date, besides a fun planned-out activity, means he isn’t taking the date seriously.
Late night is also bad….
Even if he says he is working and gets off at 11pm…No….He has a day off, he just doesn’t want to waste it on you. Late night is he just wanting to hook up.
“I’m only in town for the weekend–you should show me around”….
I mean, sometimes it can take the pressure off since you know it won’t go anywhere. Just know that before you agree. It could be a fun experience….or…plot-twist, he does live in your town– he just pretends to be an out-of-towner for a one-night stand.
“I’m out with friends, you should meet up”….
Decline this every time. Lazy lazy lazy. Don’t bother slapping on makeup and leaving your house for this. More than likely you are the only girl that replied.
Speaking of friends….
Don’t agree to a group date unless you are an exclusive couple or his friends happen to be at your date location. It’s awkward to meet ten strangers and you won’t get a chance to talk. Another example is inviting you to a party.
Inviting you to see his band play or improv night…..
You don’t know if he asked ten people to just get bodies in the room. I have done this too often, thinking it’s a legit date. Sure, he might chat with you before or after the show, but it certainly isn’t a date and you are the clown in the audience.
“Just come to my place”…..
A lot of young guys or college students do this a lot. Besides the fact that it’s unsafe, it’s also rude and lazy. He does not care about impressing you or wants to waste money.
What is a real date?….
A first date doesn’t need to be complicated. However, there should be some planning involved. He should know a great place to take you without a ton of distractions. A date is just the two of you, no one should be tagging along, or you being in a crowd watching him perform. It doesn’t mean it should be an 8-hour date for it to be legit. Just a 2-hour max if it is going well, which can mean one location change is ideal. In reality-TV there are helicopters and zip-lining….The real world is less complicated. Be in an environment where you are comfortable and can build attraction.
Bottom Line…..
Turning down dates might feel like you are rejecting someone for no real reason. Try to think long-term and how you feel. A date should be him trying to impress you. If it’s someone that you have a huge crush on, then be firm about wanting a real date. By being firm I mean to decline dates that aren’t actual dates. If he likes you, he will keep trying until he gets it right. You don’t have to be rude and explain things to him. Simply saying, “Oh, I wish I could, but I have plans for tonight.” Don’t be the last-minute girl; be the original plan.
Mostly Casual 