Casual daters usually go on one date, then move on to the next person. The majority of dates are just ok, not spectacular. Since we have so much choice with just a few swipes, there is more pressure on the first encounter. Most of the time, we are making a few mistakes that prevent us from moving to the next date or to be taken seriously. However, most one-date wonders are two people not on the same page about what they are looking for. Keep these things in mind and see if you are guilty of any of these first date no-nos….
Are your pictures on the app outdated?….No one likes to be lied to, or cat-fished. “Kitten Fish” is a term used for people who use photos from a decade ago when they were thinner, had completely different hair, and younger. It is deceiving to your date and anyone will feel duped. Your photos on apps and even selfies on Instagram expire after two years. (Have head shots and body shots). If you get ghosted after every date, this could be the reason.
Are you going on marathon dates?….If you are going to dinner, then seeing a band play, then karaoke, and finally a late-night snack, you are way overdoing it. A guy may have spent too much time and money to take you out again. You are probably telling your whole life story and all your baggage in one night. Keep dates to 2 hours tops if it is going well. (If he has traveled a distance for you then four hours is fine). Try to cut it off sooner than later; give him a reason to take you out again. In the movies, a couple will go on a marathon date and it seems fun, carefree, and romantic. Keep in mind it’s not fun to write a screenplay about a couple who went on a date for an hour.
Are you talking shop?….
If you are in similar field or work in the same department, it’s tempting to talk about work. You want to come off as smart and you spent a lot of money on education. You want to give out advice and before you know it, you have become business partners, not lovers.
Are you talking about past dates?….
We all know not to talk about the ex, but talking about past Tinder dates is rude, too. I have found if a guy brings up the apps, then he isn’t taking the date seriously and sees you as another swipe.
Are you getting drunk and going home with him?….
Sure, there have been tales and legends about how that one girl got married to the guy that she slept with after knowing him for ten minutes. Unfortunately, you can’t undo the situation. It attracts the guys who were looking for free sex for the night.
Are you listening to what he is telling you?….Going back to the one-night stand thing, do you know what he is looking for? He probably already told you he is looking for a hookup, but you ignored it. If you didn’t follow though, then you will most likely be ghosted. Weed out these guys and go out with the ones that don’t lead with sex.
Are you just not that into him?…..
Sometimes, it’s not you. You can crack jokes all night and be as charismatic as possible. A first date is improv. If he isn’t “yes anding” you, then it makes it difficult to make a connection.
Bottom Line…..
A one-date wonder happens a lot regardless of your actions. There is so much choice and most people are not technically single. So, don’t beat yourself up. I am guilty of doing all these, some all in one date. Listen to what he is telling you before you decide to meet. Weed out the guys who say they want casual. Pace yourself and leave him wanting more; a long date is always regrettable and does not leave mystery. Remember that you are two strangers meeting, so it is rare that it will take off. The important thing is to know what you are getting into and to remember to have fun.
Mostly Casual 