The Cinco De Mayo Date

Any sort of drinking holiday can be a memorable time that brings people closer. I love great Tex-Mex food on a regular day, but on Cinco de Mayo, it hits different. The weather is warmer, you have an excuse to drink tequila. And, truthfully, it is a license to act boldly. What can you do to minimize the drama and maximize the fun?…..

Go to a restaurant earlier….

Every town has the Mexican restaurant hot spot. You might be waiting an hour to be seated. The better way to do it is start early, get some Michaladas with lunch, and keep the party going. Most bars will have specials and you can hopefully call it earlier than later.

Do not order a Margarita pitcher….

I will sound like a conspiracy theorist, so forgive me. Personally, I don’t believe there is tequila in the pitchers. In the past I have ordered them and not felt a thing. It is easy to hide from a customer because the mix is so strong it would cut the taste regardless. I also feel they are not that great tasting; most are from a cheap mix and you are just drinking sour sugar water. If you are sitting at a bar and watching the bartender make you a single margarita, that is different. You can see them pouring tequila and mixing your drink. But…not going to stop you from ordering a pitcher if you want; that has just been my experience.

What drinks should you order?….

Order tequila shots (silver) with salt and a lime slice. You can also order a Corona with lime to sip on in-between. If you are anti-beer, then a lime-flavored hard seltzer should be fine. A can cocktail could be an option since they have gained popularity.

Who should you bring?….

This date could be with your friends-with-benefits or someone very low stakes. This is not a night you will be impressing anyone. Pick a guy who can hold his liquor and can hang. You want the guy to be fun, but not put you in a dangerous position. Goes without saying to take Uber and be safe.

Food choices….

I always order a large queso for the table regardless. The chips and salsa are free so you can always munch on something. As far as food, if you are starting early, there is the breakfast Mexican items like Huevos Rancheros. I personally love a Torta, which is a Mexican sandwich. Get your favorites or be adventurous. It’s your choice.

If you choose to take friends instead of a date….

Delete all numbers from your phone who you should not text. (You know who they are). You might feel liberated to do so in the moment, but then you spend the whole evening pouting that he didn’t text you back. Focus on meeting guys in the wild or just having a great time out with friends.

Bottom Line…..

This holiday is better as a planned thing with room for spontaneity. You don’t want to wait in line for a hour. Start the party earlier if possible. Go for lunch and enjoy a Mexican breakfast with Michaladas (they are awesome). Then take the party train to the bars later on. This will probably not be a great first date or with anyone that is a high stakes crush. Take your casual thing, or your friends. Let the tequila make you bold in a positive way, not destructive.

Common Fashion Phobias And How To Combat Them

Why are you so dressed up?….I shudder when I hear that phrase…. most people fear looking too pulled together. On top of that you can trigger criticism from insecure people. This can cause you to dress down and play it very safe to please others. This dovetails into what I call “fashion phobias.” Basically, it’s when you have decided there are certain clothing items that are forbidden. What are some common ones and how can you give yourself exposure therapy?…..

“The Leather Jacket”…..

“I’m not cool enough to wear this.” I felt this way for a long time. I thought it was reserved only for people in a punk band. I finally broke down and bought one at a thrift store last year. My tip is to go with a classic cut. Avoid any studs or dated designs. Mine is simple, and has a tie to cinch the waist. Yes, you can go with a Moto jacket since it does not go out of style, but stick with the classics and don’t buy anything too bulky.

“The White Outfit”….

“I will spill ketchup on it.” White does not look great on every skin tone. For me, I don’t look good in white since it washes me out. For those who look stunning in white you should not deprive yourself. When you wear all white it gives off a generational wealth vibe. You should wash your whites in bleach to keep them looking crisp. As far as life happening, save your white look for something more upscale. It isn’t a great choice to wear to a BBQ.

“The Heels”….

“I will twist my ankle.” Certain heels are for the brave. You really have to be honest about how balanced you are when you walk. My solution is to wear a block heel. It still reads as feminine and it can ease your mind. I would pick a nude or tan option to streamline your look and make your legs look longer.

“The Tight Dress”…..

“I will look like a sausage in casing.” There is such a thing as too tight, but usually women stay away from anything remotely fitting. Oversize items are a safety blanket and can make you feel you are wearing a magic invisibility cloak. There is a way to wear oversized, but to have everything oversized is not the way to go. Because of Kim Kardashian shape-wear is popular for a younger dynamic. You will feel more confident in a more fitted dress when you have the protection of Spanx or Skims.

“Trendy Jeans”…..

“I will look like I am trying too hard.” Denim can be a good way to try something trendy without too much risk. You need to resist any trend that does not flatter your particular body. That could mean the ultra high waist or low waist, skinny, baggy, all that. A classic for any clothing item is the middle. Not too baggy, not too tight, not too low rise. Sometimes you get lucky and a denim trend that looks amazing on you comes back around. Go with brands like Levi’s or vintage Gap. When you get a flattering cut and wash you will look effortless and not that you are overdoing it.

Bottom Line….

There was an amazing sketch on “Saturday Night Live” that was titled “fashion coward.” It was women who could only stomach wearing gray hoodies. This is hilarious because it is so relatable. When you are not feeling confident you want to blend into the background, picking oversized plain clothing without any style. You can be discouraged by others when you start to level up your look. They will say passive-aggressive things like, “Wow, where are you going all dressed up!” Resist apologizing for looking good. Say a simple thank you and keep it moving. Having a total fashion overload can be overwhelming. Take baby steps to step outside your comfort zone on your next shopping trip. Pepper in more stylish items with the basics. You deserve to look good and be noticed.

Should You Give Feedback In Dating?

Our society loves a review. We will Yelp our favorite restaurant and give an Amazon item five stars. But is it the right thing to review a person? Dan Savage, the columnist and podcaster, goes by the “campground rule” for relationships, which is, “leave it better than you found it.” It could be interpreted as to correct them. I see it more as to not traumatize them or break their self-worth. When you are in a heated moment, you are tempted to spew out why you are breaking up and all their faults. Should we ever give feedback in dating?….

Overcorrection….

My biggest reason to not review a person is because of “overcorrection.” You might hate a behavior, however, the next person could be obsessed with it. For example, you could hate that he or she is overly communicative, but an average healthy person would expect that. You have to understand that you might be the toxic one and it is unfair to break a person down to meet your level.

Any criticism is remembered…..

As humans, we will only remember the negative. This is to protect us from further harm and it is our ego protecting us. When you absorb that feedback it will impact future relationships. We create limiting beliefs from outsiders’ opinions. This can be a problem when you want to wipe the slate clean and get back out there.

What if he/she asks for it?….

This can be a trick and should be proceeded with caution. Some people do want to improve for the next relationship and probably deserve an explanation if they were blindsided. But beyond cheating or something very obvious, there might not be a reason. Some relationships simply don’t make the cut to the more serious level. This is nothing personal, it truly is a matter of not fitting. You can only really give the generic, “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup sometimes. It is better to say something if they cannot move on without an explanation.

Adding insult to injury….

There might be “icks” that come up in relationships. You can be turned off by the tiniest thing and then see that person in a different light. For example, there could be the guy who clears his throat after every sentence, or the girl who eats all your fries when she said she wasn’t hungry. You have to think if they can change these things and how much they bother you. Remember everyone comes with quirks and most are already aware of them. It is difficult to rewire a brain to stop doing impulsive actions.

Would you want someone to change you?….

“Love me at my worst” is a problematic saying. The sentiment is sort of true….we are not perfect. There will be days when you are not your best. And to be be judged like you are a contestant on a reality show is brutal. People who love to give feedback see themselves as superior. It is easier to correct others than to look inward.

You don’t want to become their dating guru….

In general terms, when a man wants feedback after a breakup they might treat you like an unpaid dating coach. It is hard to open up the floodgates of giving someone a nugget of feedback when all of the sudden you become his “wing man.” Some people really want answers and it can become exhausting. It would seem annoying to mold a man into this great guy only to give him to the next girl.

What if a pattern is forming….

If you are receiving the same generic feedback and everyone breaks up with you, then you are the problem. Notice actions and patterns over words. It is best to go inward and really examine what you could be doing wrong. If you are still having issues pinning it down, go to an unbiased friend who can be straight with you. Friends do recognize what you are doing wrong, yet are afraid to voice opinions to avoid conflict.

Bottom Line…..

We are used to giving feedback and touting our two cents with product reviews or giving friends advice. It feels natural to mold a person into the perfect partner. Sure, you could do the “compliment sandwich” if it’s a tiny thing you want to change. It is hard to erase a behavior that is ingrained. You can’t change how a person sneezes or laughs. You probably wouldn’t want someone to come in and “strip you for parts” either. Most relationships run out of gas and have no definitive reason why they don’t work. Mostly, it is because they do not fit right with goals or family/friends, etc. Most importantly, it is crucial for you to recognize patterns of the rejections. If you can’t figure it out, a close friend will know. Finally, keep the rule of thumb to “leave them better than you found them.”

Dating App Tips For Men Who Are Not Matching

The apps can be hard to navigate no matter who you are, but…it is overwhelmingly easier for women. Getting matches and dates only require a woman to look halfway decent in the photos. Most guys will play the numbers game and match with everyone and then sort though them later. Yes, pretty privilege is real for all the sexes. Anyone will get more of a response when you look attractive. However, an average Joe can use some strategy to get noticed. What are a few changes that can be made to increase matching on the apps?….

Your first photo is your most important….

Think about how swiping works. It happens in lightening speed and all decisions are made from the first pic. When the photo is too far away and not an attention grabber you will easily be swiped aside. Not to say you should look like a model, but it should make her stop for a second. This can do with the location, pose, or clothing. Try to step out of a typical car selfie.

Bio ….

When you leave things blank, its “sus” and when you say the wrong thing, it’s “cringe.” It can be seen as a f-boy move to only have pics of you in the gym with no bio. The worst thing you should do is have the attitude that you are above the apps. I see a ton of guys saying the app is stupid, etc. Negativity in any form will halt any connections.

Prompts….

This can get hard to convey your personality. Women want a funny man who doesn’t take himself too seriously. However, all the prompts should not be seen as a “joke.” It is important to pepper in info about yourself briefly in an intriguing package. Speak in story not facts, meaning paint a picture, even when it’s a sentence.

Get an outside opinion….

Ask your female friends or sister, etc, to glance at your profile. You might be surprised how you are coming off. Like I said, the order of your photos really matters and can make or break if she swipes right. Also, inconsistencies can really hurt your chances with “kitten fishing” (photos from you playing high school baseball to now). Keep a timeline in the present. Your photos on the apps should not be older than two years.

Lead with your strengths…

You have to think what women are looking for in a partner. At the base level, she wants you to be independent and have some financial security. Having your sh*t together can really help you in the long run. Not saying you should be bragging about how you invested in Crypto. It is important to take advantage of the basic info where it says what college you went to or your occupation. You don’t have to put your job on blast, but you can communicate what industry you are in.

Think about what women are attracted to, not men….

Women can make this mistake as well. They make a profile that she would love, not men. (Maybe her prompts are too snarky and she is not emphasizing her photos). Always take your audience into consideration. Women are interested in what you have to say and if you have a personality. Bonus points if you have extra-curricular activities like being in a band or soccer team. Make sure your photos look good, yet effortless. Having a professional head shot can look stiff and make your look too serious and not sexy. Not to say you shouldn’t have quality photos. Just avoid any photos where it looks like a school photographer took it or having the appearance of a passport photo.

Humor can be hard to convey….

The whole article has been about being seen as funny and having a personality. I do want to be clear what that actually means. I see “my love language is sarcasm” too much. I understand you don’t want to be seen as “the nice guy.” It is hard to capture if you are truly a lovable a**hole, or just a jerk. The tone should be more silly and playful since it gives off positive vibes. You can be witty and smart without being negative.

Bottom Line….

The stats out there are only a minority of men get all the matches. Yes, appearance matters, however women can fall in love with a personality more than men can. If you are smart and funny, then lead with that. Make an effort to pick the right prompts that will bring out your humor or personality. Having a job and cool hobbies is a strength. Even if you are into nerdy stuff, there are nerdy girls out there who will connect with that. Try to switch things up, and most importantly, make sure your first pic is a show-stopper. Do not despair if things are still not clicking after you make changes. The apps are on their way out and in-person will be become more of the trend again. Try your best to not spend all day on the apps. Practice being social and gain more 2nd- and 3rd-tier friends. Your network will lead to more authentic connections that matter more than how many matches you get.

How To Maximize The Bachelor Pad

Any guy who wants to move the relationship or casual dating to the next level needs a great place. Not saying it needs to be a swinging bachelor pad à la Austin Powers. It is important to present as an adult who has some taste and style. For men who are natural interior designers, this article is not for you. It is a stereotype that men are bad with their living situation. There are too many memes about the “no headboard man / navy sheets dude.” How can a guy curate the perfect “woman magnet” home?….

Location, location, location….

Cannot say this enough. Location is what is going to help you seal the deal. For a man who is living a casual lifestyle, the easier to get to your place, the better. Pick location over the size of the place. You are better off with a studio near town than a one-bedroom further away. Be walking distance to bars, restaurants, coffee shops, etc.

The basics….

Sheets on the bed, plenty of pillows, curtains, two night stands, lamps…. you get it. Not saying you need to splurge at an expensive store. You can thrift lamps, nightstands, and all that. This does not mean your place has to look “girly.” The color choices and fabrics can lean toward masculine. For example, a more industrial style with leather furniture can create a masculine environment. Stick to white sheets or something faintly colored. When you have white bedding they are easier to clean when you throw them all together and use bleach. It gives a hotel vibe that is crisp and clean-looking. Going back to the pillows, you don’t need 50 decorative pillows. You can go more zen and have four functional pillows.

The extras….

What do you have to entertain with? This is under the assumption that you want a woman to stay over. Do you have a TV with Netflix? Bar cart? Record player? All of these things are nice additions and will give her a reason to swing by.

Plants….

Plants are really nice to have around. Not only will it be great for the air quality, but it looks zen. She will subtly think you are capable of taking care of something. Your place doesn’t have to look like a jungle, a few larger and smaller plants around can be a nice touch. You can get away with more bare walls and less decor.

Art….

Art can be tricky to get correct. Unless you are an artist, it is tempting to put up “joke art” from the thrift store. Or have band or movie posters taped on the wall. You are better off with no art if it stresses you out. Even if movie posters are framed (unless they are vintage and arty), it can come across as juvenile.

Furniture placement….

You are better off with fewer furniture pieces rather than a cluttered look. Many men get inherited furniture from past roommates or relatives. It is important to see what is actually working in the space. The basics are a couch (if you have a living room) and maybe an armchair, etc. Make the space for you especially if you work from home. (Have a desk and things you need). But there should be a place to sit and possibly eat. You can have a large coffee table as a “dining room” table. Most food situations is ordering take-out and watching TV. You don’t need a full dining set up with a table and chairs. Whatever you do, make sure the placement makes logical sense and has a “flow.”

Dishes, cups, silverware…..

This is again a time where you can thrift a set of simple dishes and some glassware. It isn’t necessary to have a full cabinet, but have at least a few different glass styles available. You will want two shot glasses, a few wine glasses, medium size cups, and one or two coffee mugs. Have the option to offer a drink, even if it’s just water.

Bottom Line….

A stunning bachelor pad will definitely be a woman magnet. It honestly can work too well, so be mindful with your goals. There are men who do not want women hanging around or spending the night. You can be protective of your place and not bring just anyone there. Have an upscale environment for YOU! It’s not all about being a great host and impressing people. A clean, well-curated home is great for your mental health. You will be able to focus and be more creative. All of these things can be done at a low cost. I always encourage thrifting over buying things brand new. (However, Wayfair is a great option for affordable pieces if there are no thrift options). You can go the route of keeping things minimal and calming with fewer furniture pieces and more plants. Lastly, just because you are intentional with decor does not make your space feminine. It is possible to get a masculine feel by fabric choices and the color palette. Overall, think simple and practical with a little extra.

How To Navigate The Break Up As The Dumper

Whether the break up was serious or from a situationship, it can still be awkward. Long-term, it is better to be classy and be respectful of who you dumped. Even if he cheated or was awful, it is better to take the high road. It is sort of like being asked in an interview about why you left. It would be silly to drag down the former boss or employees. It only makes you look bad. I give the “lay low” advice a lot in situations, and this is another time where you should be discreet. Here’s how….

Never post on socials…..

Back in the olden times you would be “Facebook official” and then… (dramatic music)… you would be single! It was very juicy for others. Nowadays, most couples aren’t too entangled through social media. However, if you are dumping him out of anger, it is tempting to air your dirty laundry online. Resist that urge!

Make sure the door is closed….

This could be a situation where he is blindsided. He might be shocked you want to end it. You have to be gentle, yet firm and not give false hope. He needs to understand this is a break up, not you being wishy-washy. Of course, do this where he has proven that he can not change, etc.

Don’t send an “I miss you” text….

In fact, you should delete his number. Maybe keep some line of communication open, like muting on Instagram just in case something dramatic happens. Having access to a phone number can be tempting after a lonely night with some wine. It will only confuse him, and you only felt it for a second that you missed having a boyfriend, not him.

Keep everything discreet and private….

Any new dates, or you having fun, should be under the radar. Try your best to be kind and avoid your former date spots with him. Give him the space to go there. It is best not to run into him, especially with a new date.

Try not to spread rumors….

It is tempting to complain to your bar friends about your ex. As long as they have no idea who he is, then it can be ok. Either way, it is best to not talk sh*t about him around town. It could get back to him, or make you look like you aren’t over it.

Have a time limit to talk about him with others…..

You can process the breakup in different ways. It is best to not involve your friends or therapist too much. You will become a broken record and start to annoy people. If you need to get it out of your system, try to journal about it. This will be easier if he is out of sight, out of mind.

If you see him, act accordingly…..

A dirty rotten cheater should be treated slightly different than a mutual breakup. The bad guy should be ignored and brushed aside. He needs to know that what he did was wrong. A guy who was nice, but not the right fit, can be treated more humanely. It is fine to wave hello and smile, but try to avoid being cornered and feeling awkward.

Bottom Line….

Whether he was an awful person, or he just wasn’t the right fit, you should handle it basically the same. Overall, it is best to be discreet and classy. No need to slash tires or leave a psychotic note on his car. It is best long-term to take the high road. Make sure to set yourself up for success. It is better to mute him on Instagram and delete his number. Eliminate temptation in weak moments when you miss having a boyfriend, not him. Make sure there are no loose ends or the door cracked for him to come back if you are firm in your decision. There should be no confusion on how you feel and it is cruel to mess with his emotions.

How To Hint To Get The Date You Want

When talking about masculine and feminine energy, there is some confusion on date planning. The most masculine way to plan a date is to pick a location, time, and maybe even make a reservation to lock it down. There is a gray area of not wanting to be dragged along on a date, but still trying to come across as flexible. How can the feminine energy person suggest without becoming the social director?….

Speak about things you like….

Be enthusiastic about what bars, cafés, and restaurants you enjoy going to. In the initial “getting to know you” conversation, there will be questions about hobbies and weekend activities. Be specific about certain places you love going to, while still having somewhat of an open-to-explore attitude.

Your date wants to impress you….

It would be rare if a date went rogue and took you to a bizarre location. A home run-foolproof plan starts with knowing what will impress you.

Try to be fairly flexible….

You should venture a little out of your comfort zone. Branch out and explore new spots and don’t take every single date to one location. As an alternative it is ok to go to a favorite location before the date to get into the zone.

The 48-hour period….

Plans to meet should be happening sooner than later. Poking the bear after a week, or suggesting you meet up will probably fall apart. Keep the 2-day rule where he can make a plan and you can chime in with suggestions. If a date does not have a time and location, then you do not have a date.

Try to suggest a fun date if possible….

Not every city has fun activities. (I wish my city would bring back mini-golf.) Cities that have access to a beach or anything that can get you in play mode should be encouraged. You can try your hand at trivia night if you feel you excel in it.

You can counter the request one time….

He might suggest a place and you are not feeling it. You are allowed to have one counter place that you both could agree on. Don’t get into an argument and make the date planning super stressful. When you make it too much of an issue and can’t go with the flow, he will cancel the date.

Try not to be greedy….

Do women deserve a 5-star restaurant date with lobster and champagne? Yes. However, you need to focus more of your energy on the conversation and if you can have fun together. Being wined and dined can be wonderful, but with the wrong person you might as well have gone for fast food.

He is lazy and you want him to step it up….

There will be a case where there is zero effort. He might suggest you come over to his home. In this instance, it is best to go with your standards and say you only do public dates. More than likely he will ghost. Either way, this is better than going along with the bare minimum.

Bottom Line….

Showing your standards is a great thing. However, when you come off as too controlling, it can ruin the vibe and make him change his mind. You can suggest the type of things you love to do in a breezy way. It is better to say what you enjoy in passing rather than demanding he take you to a specific location. Be realistic about how fancy the date should be. Yes, you deserve a nice date, but keep your expectations in check and go for a middle-of-the-road place for the first meeting. The opposite of this is the bottom-of-the-barrel type date. In this case, you should decline when he refuses to meet you in public.

The “Good On Paper” Date

You know the rule…good on paper, bad in bed” – Samantha Jones.

This is a specific issue that women face in dating. On the whole, a woman dates for the long-term and is willing to give a guy a chance. Versus men, who are attracted first, then see if there is anything to go off of. Why do women fall into this type of date, and what can men learn about how dating decisions are made?….

“Give him a shot”….

Society wants woman to give men a chance. This can be valid if the pattern is only being attracted to bad boy heartbreakers. With the apps, and women putting themselves out there, they are more prone to being asked out by a guy who she isn’t bursting at the seams about.

“Ya never know”….

Can attraction really build, or is chemistry an instant feeling? I personally believe that you can build trust or see if a man is worthy of a relationship. However, chemistry and that spark is instant. So trying to wait for a spark can make a woman feel like she is settling.

Should you go on a good-on-paper date?….

It depends on your initial pattern of dating; it also depends on if you are trying to get more serious with a person rather than casual. A date with a “good on paper” guy will feel boring to you if you only do Jell-O shots and hook up in the parking lot.

Ask yourself if you want to settle down….

Most people who encourage a good-on-paper date are well-meaning friends or your mom. They want you to snag an eligible reliable husband. Most people claim they want a long-term monogamous partner while they are out every weekend partying. Really get to the bottom of what you truly want. Most people who claim to want a stable relationship actually desire a cat-and-mouse chase and the za za zoo.

My year of yes….

Last year, I went on every date who asked. I would say that I was only looking forward to maybe a handful. There is something to be said for having chemistry, being attracted, and intrigue. A first date should not feel like a chore; you need to look forward to it and be excited.

Don’t be bullied into a date….

This can happen to men when their mom or aunt wants to set them up with so-and-so’s daughter from the church. A forced set up is not creating a romantic vibe and you will feel like the whole date is one big favor.

Bottom Line….

The good-on-paper date usually falls onto women. You will be mad at yourself when he doesn’t make you feel anything. He might be a successful lawyer, and owns a home, or has his sh*t together. And yet, you would rather say yes to the struggling artist who is living paycheck to paycheck. It is something to examine if you are sabotaging yourself from a long-term partner. Anyone in a toxic pattern tends to feel comfortable with the familiar, rather than what is healthy. However, I don’t think settling and making someone else happy is going to be a long lasting situation for you. Be honest to at least yourself of what you truly want out of dating. It is ok to admit you want the “will they or won’t they” passion. A hot spark might fulfill you more than sweatpants and Chinese take-out on the couch.

Should You Have Unflattering Pics In Your Dating App Profile?

Everyone would rather hear, “wow, you look so much better in person,” versus, “hmm…kinda disappointed.”Give yourself permission to have fun with your photos and get creative. You can have the photos tell a story or have a color theme. This is, of course, not necessary, but try your best to think outside of the box and stand out. How can you lower expectations for your benefit?…..

Use the right filters….

Yes, there are beauty filters, and yes, you will look amazing. I do not encourage you to use them in a profile. You are misleading a guy and it can only lead to disappointment. However, there are filters you can use. I like the “light leak” filter because it does not distort the face, but it gives a cool lighting effect. You can play around with this if you are too scared to have all your photos raw.

Lighting….

I have purchased a tiny beauty “donut” light off of Amazon. It fits on your phone or you can hold it. It will elevate any candid photo. Good lighting is not a crime, but you still want your features to look like you.

Go au natural….

A good way to make you look less attractive is to do bare-face photos. You will always wear makeup and good hair on the date, so you will look like an upgrade. It is fine to take a pic with your hair up sans makeup.

Body shots can be slightly unflattering….

It sort of comes down to what you are most insecure about. If you feel insecure about your body, I would lean into a slightly unflattering body pic. It can be a mistake to kitten fish and show how your body looked like a decade ago when you were on two sports teams and had metabolism.

Unflattering does not mean boring….

I never think a photo should be boring. You can still make it interesting, but you are not misleading and eventually disappointing. Gym selfies, home bathroom selfies, or car selfies are simply blending in with the masses. You can always make a photo more interesting by the location or lighting. Take an opportunity to do a selfie if you find yourself in a cool bathroom or art exhibit.

Bottom Line….

With your dating profile, it is better to think long-term rather than short-term. You are better off looking hotter on the dates versus on the profile. It will calm your nerves before the date when you know you will impress rather than disappoint. Yes, you might match with fewer men, but long-term, you are weeding out the highly superficial f*boys. The guys who demand more photos to prove you are “real” should be avoided. They are not interested in your personality or getting to know you. To start out, I would pepper in photos that aren’t glamour shots. Not to say every photo needs to be hideous; it is more about stripping down the photo and making you not look all dolled up. Again, you want to hear a “wow” in person, not a “oh…”

Spring Forward Into Fresh Date Outfits

Spring is a transitional season. You aren’t covered up by a heavy jacket and hat, but you still have some modesty with a light jacket. Having that extra layer can give you that structure and polish to an outfit. Spring cleaning should extend into your closet. Do a try-on-and-donate day. It is best to still see what fits and what is not flattering. I always say you can make this fun by inviting friends over to give you feedback. It is helpful to hear what outsiders have to say and get a second opinion. What are some clothing options to look out for on your next shopping trip?….

The Jean Jacket….

When I go thrifting, I make sure the jacket is from The Gap, Old Navy, or Levis, etc. I would steer away from trendy cropped or too-many-detailed designs. Even the wash is important. It should not be an acid wash or ripped. This will help you be able to continue to wear the jacket for years and not have to donate it after a few months. When done right, the jean jacket looks casually dressed up and adds an extra layer of freshness to any outfit.

Watch fashion YouTube videos….

Watching a YouTube video will at least show you what is in style. It does not mean you have to participate in every trend. It gives you a sense of what lengths and cuts are in style, and more importantly, what is outdated. Classics, such as a trench coat or a little black dress, stay in style, but certain cuts of jeans will change. Speaking of jeans, it is an easy way to update your overall look by going for what the current denim trends are.

Remember this is a date….

Dating outfits will probably be slightly different from your regular going-out looks. It’s important to dress more feminine and less trendy, mainly because certain trends may not be that flattering. Not to say you have to wear a mini skirt and high heels. Try to stay away from unisex shoes (guilty). I love my boots, but there are different types of boots you can choose that give more of a girly look. Make sure your clothes overall fit you and are not super oversized. It is best to show your shape without feeling naked. Try to wear skirts and dresses as much as you can no matter the length.

Dress for your body type….

You can determine what your natural shape is by taking a few quizzes online. There are things certain body types should either avoid wearing or embrace. For example, if you are more of an hourglass, it is always advised to showcase your waist. This could be through a belt, or more fitted clothing. When the waist is lost, visually you might look shapeless. This also means showcasing your assets. It is best to pick the body part that you are confident to show off. Be brave and wear shorter skirts if you love your legs, for example.

Wear what is going to make you feel confident…..

There is nothing worse than feeling completely uncomfortable in your clothes. Make sure your clothes are physically not too tight or pitching you and wear your actual size. We get obsessed with the number on the size, but you need to ignore it and pick clothes that actually fit your body. This does not mean wear sweatpants and a large tee shirt because it is comfortable. You do have to get out of your comfort zone a little bit. However, certain fabrics and cuts can give you that comfort while giving you the structure of an outfit.

Fabric choices….

Please donate all your 100% polyester clothes! You need your fabrics to be breathable in every season and be easy to clean. I love cotton the best since it does not have the wrinkle look of linen. However, linen can be a great material as well. There might be certain blends that you come across, but try your best to stick to a mainly cotton blend. A Spandex blend can be a good material since it is stretchy and does not wrinkle.

Bottom Line….

Before you know it we will be putting our heavy coats into storage. It is best to get ahead of it by doing a closet clean out now and to determine what outfits really work. My favorite thing to shop for is jackets. I feel no matter the outfit a jacket can really tie an outfit together. Be cautious of a loud statement jacket that could read as outdated later on. It’s best to stick with the classics and the foolproof cuts. I can’t say enough about a great denim jacket. Not only is it on trend currently, but it will always be a classic for a reason. Try not to veer too hard into a current jean jacket trend and stick to the classic cuts and lengths. Remember that date outfits should be slightly more feminine and put together than a typical doing errands look. It is best to think about your natural shape and to pick an outfit that flatters your body. There will be trends that simply won’t look great on every body type (low rise jeans) so resist hopping on a “flash in the pan” look. Lastly, consider the fabric. Cotton is your safest bet for breathability and ease of care.