With the film “Baby Girl” coming out on Christmas Day I wanted to talk about the juxtaposition of holidays movies catered to adults. Christmas, like most holidays, is centered around children and families. It seems more taboo to embrace sexuality and kink. As young children the feeling and excitement of Christmas comes mainly from receiving presents without the burden of returning the favor. As adults trying to capture the excitement and anticipation, one of the ways we can do this is through sex. How can you spice up your holiday season with a situationship or partner? Here are some suggestions….
Have a sexy Holiday movie night….
There are a lot of unofficial Christmas movies such as “Die Hard” or “Gremlins”. However, they do not create a sensual vibe. If that’s what you’re looking for, there are plenty of lists online to google, but a few stand outs are “Eyes Wide Shut” and “Reindeer Games”. My personal choice is the movie “Go” which takes place during the Christmas season.
Go out to dinner and order oysters and champagne….
It’s a cliche, but there are food items that are more luxe and sophisticated rather than cookies or fruit cake. Dress up and go to an upscale spot that has a Christmas decor atmosphere before Christmas.
Model lingerie….
Surprise your partner with a red lingerie set and a Santa hat. Keep it playful and fun. Bonus points for festive dirty talk and role play!
Light candles….
Set the mood for the season by eating by candle light or go to a bar or restaurant that has a fire place and dim lightning. If your home has a fire place then light the fire and turn on the Christmas tree.
Hang mistletoe in a doorway….
It’s a cute reminder to kiss whenever you enter a home or bedroom.
Sing, play music, or create a playlist….
Great for music lovers. I recommend a blue tooth karaoke mic and singing on your phone in Youtube. For true musicians you can play music on piano or guitar. Or you can use Spotify or Apple Music to create a personal Christmas playlist. (For example Ariana Grande’s “Santa Tell Me”). Go beyond carols and stick to original Christmas albums.
Tie each other up using Christmas lights….
Is it silly? yes. However it can be memorable and a great sexy photo shoot idea.
Bottom Line….
Spice it up this season with your situationship or committed partner. You can create new holiday traditions that center around you as a couple versus obligations to family. All the suggestions are not to be taken seriously and can be modified for your liking. It’s good to think outside the wrapped Christmas box. Above all, remember to have some fun and de stress!
There are people who are impossible to shop for. It can get frustrating because they have everything and when they have a desire to have something it will be purchased. This is the time to think outside the box and try to be sustainable if possible. I always like to give people a useful gift that can be used all year long. What are some gift ideas for anyone you aren’t super close to or a hard to shop for person?….
Think outside a physical gift….
This is my first instinct for this type of person. Most people will not take a random class or feel that a certain streaming service is a little too indulgent. For an older person a technology favor could really help them out. Such as organizing their desktop or to help block scammers on their computer and phone. Movie passes to an indie cinema, concert tickets, sports tickets etc are also an option.
Go personal…
Anyone who is artsy or has a fun hobby this is the time to shine. Anything handmade or designed by you adds a special touch. You can easily set up a red bubble or similar site and add your art. A cute tote bag or tee shirt with your design can be a great gift.
Plants….
A plant can be a great gift for most people. You can help breathe some air into a space with an easy to care for plant. Create a starter herb garden with small plants that can be used indoors next to a kitchen window. They also make indoor herb kits with lights. Another option is fun and artsy plant holders. You can paint a plain one, thrift, or find one at a holiday market.
The mixologist….
Set up your friend’s home bar. Get them started with some bitters, shaker, a simple cart etc. The entertainer loves to have a fancy decanters to show off to guests. For non drinkers help stock a coffee or tea bar.
Sheets and pillowcases….
Nice sheets only get softer with each wash. A silk pillowcase is very helpful for anyone who doesn’t want to wake up with bed head. It’s great to give everyday luxury that they can use all year. A cozy large throw blanket can be a good idea as well.
Food gifts….
Make gourmet bread or sweets for people. This is great for relatives you don’t know that well and you are mailing them items. There are companies that offer food packages as well. Keep food simple and double check dietary needs.
Cashmere scarf….
No one would dislike a quality scarf or hat. Keep the color neutral, black is probably the safest bet. A sweater might be too expensive for most, so something smaller (socks) might be better for your budget.
Gift cards…
With gift cards I try to go local. This could be to a local day spa, restaurant, or book store. It seems more thought out than an amazon gift card.
Art…
This is great for people who have blank walls and need an art curator. Go to the flea markets, thrift stores, or local art markets. If you know your friend or family member’s taste this can be great to help them decorate. Also you can go to Etsy or other sites for downloadable art then thrift a nice frame.
Bottom Line….
These are examples of crowd pleaser gifts. It is great to go personal whenever possible however, sometimes you need to give gifts to people you are not as close to such as a co -worker or family member. I enjoy a non physical gift or favor that could really help out someone. Try to shop small, second hand, and buy a gift card from a local business. It will help out the local economy and give money back to the community.
Scent is the most popular Christmas gift for couples. This time of year it’s normal to peruse a Macy’s, hoping someone will give you a gift set. A perfect fragrance can be a signature for you and a core memory for whomever you date. However, when a scent is wrong, then it’s a disaster. When a man calls your perfume “cologne,” you know you messed up. How can you take a delicate approach to fragrance?….
Consider your base scent….
All your scents need to be in harmony. Make sure your deodorant isn’t running the show in a bad way. It is best to pick a scent you like best since it will be worn daily. Go with something subtle that will still keep you fresh.
Avoid musk….
When you see the word “musk” I personally would avoid it. It can work on certain people but frankly most men do not like it.
Go clean….
There are great subtle scents that are marked as “shower fresh,” “clean,” “water,” “cool.” Those types complement your soap and will be more pleasant.
Go flirty….
Keep in mind this is date night, so it’s needs an extra push. This doesn’t mean go bold; it should be a girly / sweet fragrance. Overall, it should NOT be overpowering, dark, moody, etc.
Beware of the “sexy” fragrance….
When in doubt go subtle. A great date fragrance is airy and light. You should apply it very lightly so it is not overpowering. Most “sexy” scents are very strong and loud. It is best to not get caught up in marketing. You don’t want to give your date a migraine.
Try before you buy….
It is always best to try on perfume and see if it meshes with your natural scent. Wait about 30 minutes and keep smelling it. You are seeing if the scent changes and how long lasting it is. Avoid the paper since you won’t know how the fragrance will work on your skin.
Bottom Line….
Anyone hunting for a new fragrance should consider taking it down a notch. Most people are sensitive to scents and you don’t want the fragrance to enter the room before you do. As far as skincare and haircare, purchase “fragrance free” products. As you age your skin can become sensitive to fragrance and it can irritate your skin. Choose wisely with deodorant scents. It is your base smell and everything else should complement it. Lastly, try before you buy. Take your time with a purchase and see if the fragrance complements your natural scent.
No one is born a good host. Like being charming and being sociable you need tools to know how to be a good host. Don’t think that hosting is not in your blood if you have had a failed attempt. You can always start small with just close friends and see how it goes. Here are some guidelines for a smoother holiday party…..
Location….
Some homes are simply too far away or confusing to get to. It will enrage your guests when they keep getting lost to your remote cabin. Consider if your home is close enough in town or in a convenient location where people can park without getting towed.
Decorations and Lighting….
For the holidays you should have a home that is tastefully decorated. This can mean in your own style. However, things should have a flow and complement each other. It should not be haphazard. Lighting is crucial to setting the tone to be relaxing. You want your guests to be relaxed and soothed. No overhead lights allowed.
Furniture placement….
Create a living room, or screened-in porch, or kitchen area, etc, to have ample seating. In most social situations people are not stagnant. They will mingle from room to room. Some might want fresh air, and some might be in an in-depth conversation in the corner.
Have built-in entertainment….
You need a reason for people to come beyond chatting. The best parties have an activity or entertainment. Beer bong and flip cup can be fun and also karaoke or listening to a live band. You can have drinking games and play a fun mix of music to keep the energy up.
Specialty Drinks….
Come up with a speciality cocktail and mocktail version. Have beer and wine in the fridge as options as well. It is fun to come up with an overall cocktail that is seasonal. For large parties make it a cold cocktail and for small parties do a batch of mulled wine.
Food….
Think bite-sized and easy to grab and eat. It’s best to have trays out with food with toothpicks for easy pickup. Provide napkins. Avoid shrimp or anything that someone could be allergic to. Make sure to have vegan options.
To avoid a late night party….
If you are scared that people will wind up crashing on the couch, then present as a pre-game party. This can only work for people who live walking distance to bars or a quick Uber ride. It can be fun to plan around an event downtown and have a brief party where your guests can drop in. Make sure to communicate that to guests.
Dress code….
You can set the tone of how classy the party is. It all depends on your friends’ vibe. Some people would be thrilled to be able to dress to the nines. While others would rather have a silly ugly sweater party.
Bottom Line…..
The worst thing to happen to a party is not having a plan. You will feel more confident when you have some sort of entertainment for your guests. For people who feel they are good hosts, but do not have a hosting home then co-host with a friend. Sometimes having two hosts is easier and the party will run smoother. Make sure people can park and the location is easy to find. Consider who you are inviting and what type of party your friend group would enjoy. You can always take the pressure off and just host a pre-game party, then go downtown to an event or the bars after.
I find it can be fun to have a few presents to open. However, I am a big advocate for a service gift. Christmas is the end of the year and many people are in a slump and need an extra push. What is your expertise? Everyone has skills that could be put to good use. Think of their lifestyle and what they are lacking. A small act of service might help them get to the next level. I want to stress that you are not becoming someone’s personal assistant for a year. Think of the gift as you being a consultant and don’t let it take up more than an afternoon of your time. Regardless, it is perfect for minimalists and anyone needing a specific favor….
Spa day….
Most people shy away from treating themselves to a facial, massage, or pedicure. To them it might seem too indulgent to book themselves. Snag a certificate from a great salon or spa.
Create your own bath and shower products….
There are tutorials on how to make bath / shower bombs. I personally love making salt body scrubs ( I use a black salt or anything upscale and gourmet). A sugar scrub to exfoliate lips in the winter months is a must have. Add them into clear mason jars scented or unscented. If you are skilled at knitting, you can create homemade washcloths. It’s fun to present them in a cute package.
Closet clean out….
There are types of people who just need permission to donate clothing. They might not have a clue what looks good or what is dated. It can be a lifesaver to someone who feels overwhelmed by their wardrobe.
Personal Shopper….
Anyone who wants to change up their style could use a stylist. Go shopping with them and say yay or nay to items while giving them ideas on what is going to be the most flattering colors, silhouette, and trends.
Clothing tailor….
For anyone who can work a sewing machine, you can tailor a clothing item on its last legs and bring it back to life. They might have a shirt or dress that no longer fits, but they love. Turn the fabric into a great throw pillow or transform it into another type of garment. You can also sew silk pillowcases and silk eye-sleep masks.
Interior Design Consultant….
Not saying to redo their home, so don’t panic. Give your two cents to someone who has been wanting to decorate for a while. Help them with a mood board, and research paint colors, decor styles, etc. For anyone who is knowledgeable in feng shui, suggest where certain furniture pieces can go to maximize the flow.
Spiritual Gifts….
This is kinda an LA gift or anyone who loves the woo woo. Book them a tarot reading appointment, aura cleanse, or reiki healing session.
Car wash and buff….
Take your loved one’s car to the car wash. It is a slept-on gift and cars tend to get neglected, especially in the busy season.
Maid Service….
There are certain packages you can buy from cleaning companies. Sign them up for a monthly, biweekly, or weekly clean up depending on your budget. Be very choosy on who you give this to. It could come off as insulting to some. If they are a new mother who does not have time, then this might fit the bill.
Baked goods and gourmet bites….
This is for the cooks and bakers. Everyone loves a fancy homemade treat. Cater it to their dietary needs such as gluten-free, vegan, ethnic, etc. It doesn’t have to be sweet, you can give savory bite-sized appetizers as well.
Help them with their resume….
For anyone on the job hunt, it can get overwhelming. Having a solid resume in the perfect format can make or break if you get an interview. Help make sure they have a great pic on LinkedIn and that their skills are being highlighted. A big leg up could be to help them network.
Become their matchmaker….
Most people are dying to be set up. Think of great guys in your social circle that you can introduce them to. Research speed-dating or mixers in their town and purchase a ticket for them.
Be their image consultant for the dating apps….
Help them pick great photos or take some new photos for them. Ghostwrite their prompts and give a few opening lines to get them started. Overall, make sure they are coming off classy and with a personality.
Event coordinator….
This is for the social butterfly in the know of restaurant openings and parties. Many people want to go to more events but have no clue where to start. Create an event calendar for concerts, comedy shows, karaoke and send them alerts for the holiday season.
Movie and TV buff….
Certain cinemas offer passes or memberships. For those who prefer to sit on the couch, pay for a niche streaming service they would be excited about. Britbox and Criterion are great options.
Sign them up for a class….
It could be cooking, cocktail making, or a fun art class. They will learn a new skill and meet more people.
Be an Apple Genius….
This would be a great gift for older relatives. Set them up with great apps and help declutter their desktop. Simplify their iPhone or laptop so it is more user friendly. Most people are not knowledgeable about certain features of the phone or computer.
Set up cyber and home security….
Again, great gift for people who aren’t up to speed with technology. Some people do not want an Alexa barking orders, so keep that in mind. However, you could install a safer doorknob that requires a code, as an example. Purchase air tags for their luggage and car if they travel or are someone who manages to lose their keys and wallet a lot.
Bottom Line….
Before you do anything think about your skill set. Anyone is capable of at least hiring a service for a loved one. Keep in mind you will probably still need a few gifts to open under the tree. It is best to plan the budget and figure how many people will be receiving a present. Save the service gifts for family and friends who you are very close to. Set your loved ones up for success for the upcoming year. You will make a larger impact than you think.
In the past there have been rules of when to decorate for certain holidays. Most people have been told to put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving or even December 1st. Once the pandemic started, I noticed the trend of skipping over Thanksgiving to decorate for Christmas. I actually read an article contending that people who do this are happier. Long story short, start the holidays when you see fit, here’s why….
People love sparkle….
Christmas decorations are all about sparkle, glitter, and shine. Humans love to look at shiny objects. It gives them a little hit of serotonin (not a doctor, but it gets my pulse going).
It encapsulates a lot of trends in one….
A Christmas cheer is exactly what a girl who romanticizes her life will do. She is probably in her “soft-life era.” This time of year encourages fuzzy blankets, hot tea, and curling up watching favorite shows in candlelight. You can pretend to be the main character in a Hallmark movie.
The holidays go by soooo fast….
The more time you get to have the decorations up, the better you feel. The holidays, especially post-Thanksgiving zoom by and frankly, you don’t have time after Black Friday to sit and sip your hot chocolate next to your tree.
You can decorate in your own color scheme and vibe….
Unlike other holidays you can showcase your own style within Christmas. If you only love silver and gold, great! You can also lean into arts and crafts style with Popsicle frame pics of family. I have even seen Christmas in a goth style.
You can still enjoy Thanksgiving….
We give fall our all. I don’t find it is skipped over. There is pumpkin spice and sweater weather, the leaves, etc. I do think the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays get recognized.
Before you decorate….
Do a clean out and donate unused decorations. Obviously, keep anything sentimental and precious to you. But go though the lights that do not work and are tangled and decide overall what the vibe will be. Like I said, you can decorate with your own taste in mind. This might mean out with old, in with the new.
Get ahead of the stress part….
Start making a list for presents and purchase your Christmas cards. Decide what your budget is and how many gifts per person. Keep in mind that certain people would prefer a service IOU present which can be priceless. Don’t limit yourself to physical items.
Bottom Line….
Give yourself permission to decorate. Honestly, this generation (Millennial and Gen Z ) are already doing it regardless. There is time that needs to be spent on brainstorming on the vibe you want to capture. I love when a person has their own Christmas style that is unique to them and their home. This year spend more time in the Christmas spirit versus the frantic stress ball that can occur.
When you are single during the Christmas season, you lean hard into friendships. Coupled-up friends will more than likely ice you out, but your fellow singles will have time to chill. Work and school will be put on pause and the hometown crew might surface again. What can you do to enrich your connections and get festive?
Say no gifts…..
And mean it! You may think it is doable at the beginning of the season. Then once reality of long lines and how much money you actually can spend hits, it will be a regretful decision. It’s better to make it known to all friends that there will be no gift exchange. No secret Santa, or white elephant. Just stop the madness! Even if you feel you can juggle everything, it is a burden for others to reciprocate. The best gift is giving someone peace.
Cocktail and carol night….
I own a portable karaoke mic that hooks up though bluetooth. Some people have a whole set-up in their basements. It’s fun to do a karaoke Christmas carol party with booze (or a festive non-alcoholic punch). You can dress as festive as you like or show up in a cozy sweater.
Decoration and cookie party….
You can rotate to each other’s places who have not decorated yet. The cooks who burn things can bring the break and bake cookies, and the pastry chefs can shine. Help the host decorate the tree and get the apartment spruced up. Play a Christmas playlist mixed with regular songs as a palette cleanser. You can also have a classic Christmas movie playing in the background.
Go to the Christmas parade….
Fill your thermos with a peppermint hot chocolate, wear a cozy outfit, and watch the parade.
Go to your friend’s Christmas party….
If a friend is single and doesn’t have a plus one, then volunteer to go. You never know who you will meet and you get to dress up a bit. Depending on where they work there might be a nice spread. Your friend might feel relieved they have a a friend and you will get to mingle.
Play Christmas Tree Beer Pong….
Buy green solo cups and place it in a Christmas tree shape in the middle of the table. Whoever collects the most cups wins. You can make it fancier by throwing some tinsel or garland down.
Have a Green and Red party….
The singles wear green and the people in relationships wear red. Keep up with the theme and serve green and red food and beverages.
Bottom Line….
Christmas season can bring out the joy…or stress. It honestly comes down to your own mindset and attitude. Do not take on more than you can chew and shut down any idea that involves buying gifts. You have enough gifts to worry about and probably work is forcing you to do Secret Santa. Bring up fun things your friends can actually get behind. It can also be an opportunity to meet new people while you are in a jolly mood.
Besides the holidays, winter time is extremely difficult to plan dates. It’s the time of year when you will be cancelled on and stood up. (Who wouldn’t want to be in bed with fuzzy socks and a heater?) Cuffing season is made for times like this. People no longer have the patience to brave the cold to meet a stranger. What about the casual dater who doesn’t want to be cuffed?…..
Don’t accept Netflix and Chill dates?…..
It’s very tempting to head over to his place and then….”cuddle.” On his end, it shows that he is just being lazy and it won’t be a lasting arrangement (he is also a complete stranger). Keep a standard of actually going on dates even if it is cold outside. Men love an easy option; don’t be that. Once you do the home date, I guarantee there will be no special dates to impress you. Even if you want a FWB, there needs to be some courting, meaning public dates.
Dress for the weather…..
Yes, you can go outside if you dress for the weather. I like to keep an extra coat in my car in case the weather shifts. Go with a coat that goes with everything, same thing for hat and scarves. Stay away from the sporty look for dates such as puffy jackets or windbreakers. Elevate your look by wearing long pea coats, a trench, or a chic leather jacket.
Be open to a friends events….
A second- or third-tier friend may invite you to a party. This is the time of year when people are on winter break and have time to hang out. When work or school starts up again there will be fewer opportunities to meet friends in the outer circle.
Plan ahead…..
When I am already out and about it’s hard for me to go all the way home, then out again. I see my warm bed and it’s over. Be prepared to go on a date after you do errands and last minute shopping. Dress for the date ahead of time and wear makeup. However, still have a little pre-date with yourself to get out of the busy energy. Keep in mind that most bars close for the week of Christmas or have limited hours. Check websites or Instagram to figure out what places are open.
Pick a cozy date location…..
It’s more enticing if there are hot toddys and a crackling fire. Energy levels this time of year are low. This can be to your advantage because you will be less tempted to hang out for hours on a first date. It’s best to practice a solid 1-1/2 hour date to encourage a second date. Leave your date with a warm and fuzzy feeling. Don’t be a Scrooge.
Dates will be cancelled…..
Be prepared for some cancellations. Some people choose to delete the apps until the new year. Hometown friends take priority over a stranger on an app. See if he confirms at a reasonable time. As a last resort text him before you start getting ready. Worst case, if he cancels while you are driving to the location, then just go anyway. Don’t waste makeup on a cancellation. You can text a friend or see what the vibe is once you get there.
Spend more time with your FWB….
This is what he is here for. Hang out with him more and don’t stress about the perfect outfit and contour. Show up in comfy clothes and enjoy your time together. Give your fingers a break from swiping, especially if you are not getting asked out.
Bottom Line….
Winter is the slow season for dates. Most guys will be out of town or spending time with hometown friends. New dates take a back seat. Embrace the cozy vibes and spend time with your friends and family. Try to not blow up about the cancellations; it’s not worth the fuss. Get your face out there if you can. Once school and work starts for people you won’t be able to spend quality time together. Try to not look sloppy even while doing errands or shopping. You might be able to squeeze in an early evening date that can bring a mysterious and busy vibe.
Getting into a casual dating pattern can go on for years. Mainly, it’s a different frame of mind while taking the pressure off of connecting with one guy. However, insecurity trickles in, “why does he insist on keeping it casual?” This type of insecurity can creep up when you try to explain your dating status to friends. It doesn’t feel good when your friend can’t stop gushing about her husband and you can’t get Tucker to text you back. The holidays can bring out the insecurity more since extended family want to know your relationship status. It’s also engagement season; most friends will show off a shiny rock next to a glowing tree on Instagram. What can we do to feel content single, or what’s the move to shift into being taken seriously?…..
Is becoming the girlfriend a true win?…..
Dating can sometimes feel like a fight to the finish line. The title and label are more important than the actual health of the relationship. It’s rare these days to get a guy to commit. The options of the apps helps people to relax a little about the role of relationships. So, it’s even more of a sense of pride if he wants to become exclusive.
Why not me?….
If you are ALWAYS in casual, it does sting. The fantasy is that you meet a man on a date and he instantly falls in love. Think about what you’re putting out there from your app profile to how you come across in person. Guys pick up on casual vibes from women, especially those who don’t know what they want with dating. Not saying you have to say you want to meet your husband. Just be clear you aren’t looking to hook up; the f*ckboys will retreat.
What if we meet the guy we want as a boyfriend…..
At the beginning, major decisions need to be made. Do you want to go down casual road or commitment highway? You can’t start out casual and expect things to change. Pump the brakes at the very beginning. It is not a fun or enjoyable process, more like wearing a ballgown. You can’t expect it to feel like fuzzy pajamas. This is not just withholding sex, it’s training him to treat you well. When I met my soon-to-be college boyfriend, it took soooo much training for me to not become the late night hook-up girl. He would text me every night to come to his dorm to ” hang out” at midnight. It was a challenge because I was very attracted to him. Sure, you can totally be the “exception.” For the rest of us, you have to plan your strategy.
Men throw dates into buckets….According to YouTuber, Shallon Lester, men have buckets they place you in (casual, girlfriend, friends). It’s rare that he is “unsure of his feelings.” He knows how he feels. Men who tell you this are keeping you around as an option. Listen to what he is telling you!
It’s better to show up empty-handed then with the wrong guy…..
I have been to countless events single: my sister’s wedding, my art shows, every holiday for the past decade. Honestly, it feels better to represent myself instead of bringing a guy who wants to leave the second he gets there.
Comparing can help you figure out your desires…..
Comparison is the “thief of joy,” as most people say. However, gut reactions can steer you to what you truly want. Watching your best friend getting engaged can trigger you to have an inner panic. Jealously can be very telling to your true inner feelings. You might have been hiding and convincing others you are just the fun girl, but deep down you want a committed partner. However, separate the spectacle of receiving attention and praise. Go deeper and figure out where the jealously is coming from.
Bottom Line…..
Everyone wants to feel special. Being the only single girl in the group can be difficult. The priority is how men are treating you no matter the situation. It’s not worth having the boyfriend if it’s abusive and always on the rocks. If you are ALWAYS in casual land, you need to tighten your boundaries. Be ok with saying no and believe that you are worth the wait to get to know. Remember the holidays will pass and the new year is a great time to wipe the slate clean.
Mostly Casual 