“Girlfriend Material” Insecurity Over The Holidays

Getting into a casual dating pattern can go on for years. Mainly, it’s a different frame of mind while taking the pressure off of connecting with one guy. However, insecurity trickles in, “why does he insist on keeping it casual?” This type of insecurity can creep up when you try to explain your dating status to friends. It doesn’t feel good when your friend can’t stop gushing about her husband and you can’t get Tucker to text you back. The holidays can bring out the insecurity more since extended family want to know your relationship status. It’s also engagement season; most friends will show off a shiny rock next to a glowing tree on Instagram. What can we do to feel content single, or what’s the move to shift into being taken seriously?…..

Is becoming the girlfriend a true win?…..

Dating can sometimes feel like a fight to the finish line. The title and label are more important than the actual health of the relationship. It’s rare these days to get a guy to commit. The options of the apps helps people to relax a little about the role of relationships. So, it’s even more of a sense of pride if he wants to become exclusive.

Why not me?….

If you are ALWAYS in casual, it does sting. The fantasy is that you meet a man on a date and he instantly falls in love. Think about what you’re putting out there from your app profile to how you come across in person. Guys pick up on casual vibes from women, especially those who don’t know what they want with dating. Not saying you have to say you want to meet your husband. Just be clear you aren’t looking to hook up; the f*ckboys will retreat.

What if we meet the guy we want as a boyfriend…..

At the beginning, major decisions need to be made. Do you want to go down casual road or commitment highway? You can’t start out casual and expect things to change. Pump the brakes at the very beginning. It is not a fun or enjoyable process, more like wearing a ballgown. You can’t expect it to feel like fuzzy pajamas. This is not just withholding sex, it’s training him to treat you well. When I met my soon-to-be college boyfriend, it took soooo much training for me to not become the late night hook-up girl. He would text me every night to come to his dorm to ” hang out” at midnight. It was a challenge because I was very attracted to him. Sure, you can totally be the “exception.” For the rest of us, you have to plan your strategy.

Men throw dates into buckets….According to YouTuber, Shallon Lester, men have buckets they place you in (casual, girlfriend, friends). It’s rare that he is “unsure of his feelings.” He knows how he feels. Men who tell you this are keeping you around as an option. Listen to what he is telling you!

It’s better to show up empty-handed then with the wrong guy…..

I have been to countless events single: my sister’s wedding, my art shows, every holiday for the past decade. Honestly, it feels better to represent myself instead of bringing a guy who wants to leave the second he gets there.

Comparing can help you figure out your desires…..

Comparison is the “thief of joy,” as most people say. However, gut reactions can steer you to what you truly want. Watching your best friend getting engaged can trigger you to have an inner panic. Jealously can be very telling to your true inner feelings. You might have been hiding and convincing others you are just the fun girl, but deep down you want a committed partner. However, separate the spectacle of receiving attention and praise. Go deeper and figure out where the jealously is coming from.

Bottom Line…..

Everyone wants to feel special. Being the only single girl in the group can be difficult. The priority is how men are treating you no matter the situation. It’s not worth having the boyfriend if it’s abusive and always on the rocks. If you are ALWAYS in casual land, you need to tighten your boundaries. Be ok with saying no and believe that you are worth the wait to get to know. Remember the holidays will pass and the new year is a great time to wipe the slate clean.