How To Maximize The Bachelor Pad

Any guy who wants to move the relationship or casual dating to the next level needs a great place. Not saying it needs to be a swinging bachelor pad à la Austin Powers. It is important to present as an adult who has some taste and style. For men who are natural interior designers, this article is not for you. It is a stereotype that men are bad with their living situation. There are too many memes about the “no headboard man / navy sheets dude.” How can a guy curate the perfect “woman magnet” home?….

Location, location, location….

Cannot say this enough. Location is what is going to help you seal the deal. For a man who is living a casual lifestyle, the easier to get to your place, the better. Pick location over the size of the place. You are better off with a studio near town than a one-bedroom further away. Be walking distance to bars, restaurants, coffee shops, etc.

The basics….

Sheets on the bed, plenty of pillows, curtains, two night stands, lamps…. you get it. Not saying you need to splurge at an expensive store. You can thrift lamps, nightstands, and all that. This does not mean your place has to look “girly.” The color choices and fabrics can lean toward masculine. For example, a more industrial style with leather furniture can create a masculine environment. Stick to white sheets or something faintly colored. When you have white bedding they are easier to clean when you throw them all together and use bleach. It gives a hotel vibe that is crisp and clean-looking. Going back to the pillows, you don’t need 50 decorative pillows. You can go more zen and have four functional pillows.

The extras….

What do you have to entertain with? This is under the assumption that you want a woman to stay over. Do you have a TV with Netflix? Bar cart? Record player? All of these things are nice additions and will give her a reason to swing by.

Plants….

Plants are really nice to have around. Not only will it be great for the air quality, but it looks zen. She will subtly think you are capable of taking care of something. Your place doesn’t have to look like a jungle, a few larger and smaller plants around can be a nice touch. You can get away with more bare walls and less decor.

Art….

Art can be tricky to get correct. Unless you are an artist, it is tempting to put up “joke art” from the thrift store. Or have band or movie posters taped on the wall. You are better off with no art if it stresses you out. Even if movie posters are framed (unless they are vintage and arty), it can come across as juvenile.

Furniture placement….

You are better off with fewer furniture pieces rather than a cluttered look. Many men get inherited furniture from past roommates or relatives. It is important to see what is actually working in the space. The basics are a couch (if you have a living room) and maybe an armchair, etc. Make the space for you especially if you work from home. (Have a desk and things you need). But there should be a place to sit and possibly eat. You can have a large coffee table as a “dining room” table. Most food situations is ordering take-out and watching TV. You don’t need a full dining set up with a table and chairs. Whatever you do, make sure the placement makes logical sense and has a “flow.”

Dishes, cups, silverware…..

This is again a time where you can thrift a set of simple dishes and some glassware. It isn’t necessary to have a full cabinet, but have at least a few different glass styles available. You will want two shot glasses, a few wine glasses, medium size cups, and one or two coffee mugs. Have the option to offer a drink, even if it’s just water.

Bottom Line….

A stunning bachelor pad will definitely be a woman magnet. It honestly can work too well, so be mindful with your goals. There are men who do not want women hanging around or spending the night. You can be protective of your place and not bring just anyone there. Have an upscale environment for YOU! It’s not all about being a great host and impressing people. A clean, well-curated home is great for your mental health. You will be able to focus and be more creative. All of these things can be done at a low cost. I always encourage thrifting over buying things brand new. (However, Wayfair is a great option for affordable pieces if there are no thrift options). You can go the route of keeping things minimal and calming with fewer furniture pieces and more plants. Lastly, just because you are intentional with decor does not make your space feminine. It is possible to get a masculine feel by fabric choices and the color palette. Overall, think simple and practical with a little extra.

How To Hint To Get The Date You Want

When talking about masculine and feminine energy, there is some confusion on date planning. The most masculine way to plan a date is to pick a location, time, and maybe even make a reservation to lock it down. There is a gray area of not wanting to be dragged along on a date, but still trying to come across as flexible. How can the feminine energy person suggest without becoming the social director?….

Speak about things you like….

Be enthusiastic about what bars, cafés, and restaurants you enjoy going to. In the initial “getting to know you” conversation, there will be questions about hobbies and weekend activities. Be specific about certain places you love going to, while still having somewhat of an open-to-explore attitude.

Your date wants to impress you….

It would be rare if a date went rogue and took you to a bizarre location. A home run-foolproof plan starts with knowing what will impress you.

Try to be fairly flexible….

You should venture a little out of your comfort zone. Branch out and explore new spots and don’t take every single date to one location. As an alternative it is ok to go to a favorite location before the date to get into the zone.

The 48-hour period….

Plans to meet should be happening sooner than later. Poking the bear after a week, or suggesting you meet up will probably fall apart. Keep the 2-day rule where he can make a plan and you can chime in with suggestions. If a date does not have a time and location, then you do not have a date.

Try to suggest a fun date if possible….

Not every city has fun activities. (I wish my city would bring back mini-golf.) Cities that have access to a beach or anything that can get you in play mode should be encouraged. You can try your hand at trivia night if you feel you excel in it.

You can counter the request one time….

He might suggest a place and you are not feeling it. You are allowed to have one counter place that you both could agree on. Don’t get into an argument and make the date planning super stressful. When you make it too much of an issue and can’t go with the flow, he will cancel the date.

Try not to be greedy….

Do women deserve a 5-star restaurant date with lobster and champagne? Yes. However, you need to focus more of your energy on the conversation and if you can have fun together. Being wined and dined can be wonderful, but with the wrong person you might as well have gone for fast food.

He is lazy and you want him to step it up….

There will be a case where there is zero effort. He might suggest you come over to his home. In this instance, it is best to go with your standards and say you only do public dates. More than likely he will ghost. Either way, this is better than going along with the bare minimum.

Bottom Line….

Showing your standards is a great thing. However, when you come off as too controlling, it can ruin the vibe and make him change his mind. You can suggest the type of things you love to do in a breezy way. It is better to say what you enjoy in passing rather than demanding he take you to a specific location. Be realistic about how fancy the date should be. Yes, you deserve a nice date, but keep your expectations in check and go for a middle-of-the-road place for the first meeting. The opposite of this is the bottom-of-the-barrel type date. In this case, you should decline when he refuses to meet you in public.

The “Good On Paper” Date

You know the rule…good on paper, bad in bed” – Samantha Jones.

This is a specific issue that women face in dating. On the whole, a woman dates for the long-term and is willing to give a guy a chance. Versus men, who are attracted first, then see if there is anything to go off of. Why do women fall into this type of date, and what can men learn about how dating decisions are made?….

“Give him a shot”….

Society wants woman to give men a chance. This can be valid if the pattern is only being attracted to bad boy heartbreakers. With the apps, and women putting themselves out there, they are more prone to being asked out by a guy who she isn’t bursting at the seams about.

“Ya never know”….

Can attraction really build, or is chemistry an instant feeling? I personally believe that you can build trust or see if a man is worthy of a relationship. However, chemistry and that spark is instant. So trying to wait for a spark can make a woman feel like she is settling.

Should you go on a good-on-paper date?….

It depends on your initial pattern of dating; it also depends on if you are trying to get more serious with a person rather than casual. A date with a “good on paper” guy will feel boring to you if you only do Jell-O shots and hook up in the parking lot.

Ask yourself if you want to settle down….

Most people who encourage a good-on-paper date are well-meaning friends or your mom. They want you to snag an eligible reliable husband. Most people claim they want a long-term monogamous partner while they are out every weekend partying. Really get to the bottom of what you truly want. Most people who claim to want a stable relationship actually desire a cat-and-mouse chase and the za za zoo.

My year of yes….

Last year, I went on every date who asked. I would say that I was only looking forward to maybe a handful. There is something to be said for having chemistry, being attracted, and intrigue. A first date should not feel like a chore; you need to look forward to it and be excited.

Don’t be bullied into a date….

This can happen to men when their mom or aunt wants to set them up with so-and-so’s daughter from the church. A forced set up is not creating a romantic vibe and you will feel like the whole date is one big favor.

Bottom Line….

The good-on-paper date usually falls onto women. You will be mad at yourself when he doesn’t make you feel anything. He might be a successful lawyer, and owns a home, or has his sh*t together. And yet, you would rather say yes to the struggling artist who is living paycheck to paycheck. It is something to examine if you are sabotaging yourself from a long-term partner. Anyone in a toxic pattern tends to feel comfortable with the familiar, rather than what is healthy. However, I don’t think settling and making someone else happy is going to be a long lasting situation for you. Be honest to at least yourself of what you truly want out of dating. It is ok to admit you want the “will they or won’t they” passion. A hot spark might fulfill you more than sweatpants and Chinese take-out on the couch.

What To Do If He Hasn’t Said “I Love You” Yet

The first couple months are a test to see if the relationship can have legs. Certain couples have zero issues in expressing how they feel. There are women who will say it first and have no regrets. I am speaking to the majority population of women who would not feel comfortable saying “I love you” first. After the six-month mark, there is the inner panic. I am here to give some insight on how to handle it and collect data as to what is actually going on in the relationship. What can be done if he hasn’t said “ I love you” yet?…..

Remain calm….

I know that sounds impossible, but you need a clear mind. He might have been showing you how much he loves you and simply has not verbalized it yet. Men who have been burned in the past, or have thought they said it too soon, will be extra careful. Men typically aren’t trying to be the bad guy and want minimal drama. Actions do speak a lot louder than words. A man who is an “acts of service” kind of guy might be filling up your car and fixing your sink.

See how he writes a card….

He might have already said it in writing, but not out loud. When he gives you a birthday card, see if he says “love” or “from.” Men will not mislead you and just write “love” for no reason.

Try not to focus too much on a timeline…..

Every relationship is at a different pace. However, if it’s been a year, then it’s a little worrisome. I would reevaluate the relationship as a whole and see why he might not have expressed it verbally yet. At six months, I feel it is ok to gently bring up the elephant in the room. This is not your opportunity to say “I love you” to him hoping he reciprocates. You never want an “I love you” out of peer pressure.

Why should you not say “I love you” first….

Again, you want him to proclaim it first. (Like I said, not every woman out there feels this way). It is hurtful to hear a mild, “I am just not there yet.” Or the dreaded “thank you.” It leaves you feeling cheap and yucky.

Can you speed up the process?….

I would examine how much you are giving him without much in return. He might feel great just coasting and getting pampered. I feel a woman feels better to be chased down instead of him settling for you. If you spend every waking moment with him, I would consider pulling way back. See how he reacts by you suddenly getting busy and not available for his every whim.

Should you call it quits?….

In my opinion, a man knows how he feels about you early on. Usually on the first date he knows if you are girlfriend material for him. I would hate for anyone to have years wasted from a guy who does not love her. Not saying you should be love bombed in the first week or anything dramatic. Most likely, the guy has told you he is recovering from the last relationship where he jumped the gun and said it too soon. If he doesn’t know within a reasonable time frame, then he is taking advantage to a certain degree. I would figure out what he is getting out of the relationship besides simply being in your presence.

Bottom Line…..

The lack of a simple phrase can really screw up a relationship. Yes, men could be cautious in not blurting it out too soon. However, his actions should be speaking volumes that he cares for you and wants to be together. It’s tempting just to say it to get his reaction, but it will hurt you to hear something underwhelming from him. Men pretty much know early on how they feels about you. On the first date he put you in a box of someone he could see a future with. Having said that, users will be happy to play “make believe boyfriend” for a warm bed and a roof over their head. Really examine how much you are giving and how much he is taking.

How To Keep Your Relationship “Evergreen”

How can you keep your relationship evergreen – fresh, new, and alive? Bonding beyond the bedroom is what is going to keep the relationship going strong. Passion and the honeymoon phase will fade eventually. The outside world can be rough and your partner should be someone who is an escape from that. Little things from shopping to watching TV ideally will be an enjoyable experience. What are some simple things to take up a notch to connect you further?…..

Play together….

You have to know how to have fun together. As a couple you will be put in boring situations all the time. How can you make it interesting? Play actual games, whether it is kicking a ball around or a card game. It helps pass the time and get into a fun competitive side.

Watch a funny or interesting show….

It’s tempting as a woman to throw on the “Bachelor” or any other reality tv show that your boyfriend cannot relate to. Same thing with him blasting the baseball game all day long. It is best to find common ground and actually get into a show together. It should open up discussion with a dialogue between the two of you. Watch a reality competition show that is gender neutral or stand-up comedy. Keep it light so you feel ok talking over it.

Make the simple things fancy….

When you go over to your boyfriend’s house he might have some beer or wine in the fridge. Why not create fancy cocktails together? It can be fun to experiment and try out flavors. You can invent drinks and name them together. (You can save money by buying the small “airplane bottles” as samples instead of full bottles of alcohol). Same thing with food. Make a special charcuterie board or pasta dish. Elevate your typical mac and cheese with added gourmet cheese and a crumble on top. Go to Trader Joes for cheese instead of a Whole Foods or anything too upscale.

Have some hot gossip….

Nothing bonds people more than sharing some dirt. Try to keep the story interesting, not just you complaining. Talk about something scandalous that happened at work (no need to name names) and keep it funny. If you don’t want to put people on blast, then share some celebrity gossip. Work on your story-telling skills and try not to just drone on. You can even take an improv class to improve your communication.

Go on group dates….

Involve the outside world on occasion, just make sure it is a fun activity. Try out miniature golf or have a beer pong tournament. Becoming a team for Trivia Night can help you get to know each other in a fun way. Avoid brunch or a dinner since it will result in the men chatting and then the women talking separately. You will fall into your comfort zone and not bond with new people.

Dance together….

This does not require a professional dancing background. Go to the club or your favorite DJ set and just groove to the music together. It will make your physical connection closer and will bond you.

Go grocery shopping….

Make it a point to make mundane things fun. A great relationship has its own language and inside jokes. Make it a low stakes shop so it’s not super stressful. Have a list of things you need so you aren’t forgetting anything and getting mad at each other.

Host a party….

See how well you can be welcoming to outsiders. It’s a good test to see how you thrive without depending on each other. Practice making others feel comfortable and have fun in your home. Be teammates with the same goal in mind.

Bottom Line….

Getting to the “I married my best friend” energy starts with bonding outside of the bedroom. When there is no foundation, then your relationship will get stale and crumble. A couple that “plays together, stays together.” You should be having fun and enjoying life together. Take your usual activities up a notch by making it fancier and more special.

Friendships During The Christmas Season

When you are single during the Christmas season, you lean hard into friendships. Coupled-up friends will more than likely ice you out, but your fellow singles will have time to chill. Work and school will be put on pause and the hometown crew might surface again. What can you do to enrich your connections and get festive?

Say no gifts…..

And mean it! You may think it is doable at the beginning of the season. Then once reality of long lines and how much money you actually can spend hits, it will be a regretful decision. It’s better to make it known to all friends that there will be no gift exchange. No secret Santa, or white elephant. Just stop the madness! Even if you feel you can juggle everything, it is a burden for others to reciprocate. The best gift is giving someone peace.

Cocktail and carol night….

I own a portable karaoke mic that hooks up though bluetooth. Some people have a whole set-up in their basements. It’s fun to do a karaoke Christmas carol party with booze (or a festive non-alcoholic punch). You can dress as festive as you like or show up in a cozy sweater.

Decoration and cookie party….

You can rotate to each other’s places who have not decorated yet. The cooks who burn things can bring the break and bake cookies, and the pastry chefs can shine. Help the host decorate the tree and get the apartment spruced up. Play a Christmas playlist mixed with regular songs as a palette cleanser. You can also have a classic Christmas movie playing in the background.

Go to the Christmas parade….

Fill your thermos with a peppermint hot chocolate, wear a cozy outfit, and watch the parade.

Go to your friend’s Christmas party….

If a friend is single and doesn’t have a plus one, then volunteer to go. You never know who you will meet and you get to dress up a bit. Depending on where they work there might be a nice spread. Your friend might feel relieved they have a a friend and you will get to mingle.

Play Christmas Tree Beer Pong….

Buy green solo cups and place it in a Christmas tree shape in the middle of the table. Whoever collects the most cups wins. You can make it fancier by throwing some tinsel or garland down.

Have a Green and Red party….

The singles wear green and the people in relationships wear red. Keep up with the theme and serve green and red food and beverages.

Bottom Line….

Christmas season can bring out the joy…or stress. It honestly comes down to your own mindset and attitude. Do not take on more than you can chew and shut down any idea that involves buying gifts. You have enough gifts to worry about and probably work is forcing you to do Secret Santa. Bring up fun things your friends can actually get behind. It can also be an opportunity to meet new people while you are in a jolly mood.

How Can A Guy Successfully Approach A Woman In Public

For a man it’s a tightwire act to approach a woman in public these days. The advice is to just “be a man” and “shoot your shot” while juggling not coming across as creepy. It’s understandable that most men have opted out of any in public interaction and rely solely on the apps. There is however, a wrong way and right way to get a woman’s attention. What are some dos and don’ts to keep in mind the next time you are at a bar and feeling brave?….

Don’t neg….

Listen…. Will it work on insecure women?… Maybe it did a decade ago. It’s so obvious you are doing a move, or you are just not a pleasant person to be around. Look, leading with negativity off the bat is just bad. I get that you don’t want to be the “nice guy,” but negging has a tipping point and will leave the receiver feeling yucky. She will associate that feeling whenever she sees you. Make people feel good in your presence.

Do make a shared observation….

Great tip is to bond over something. Maybe something funny happened in the bar, or “Cotton-Eye Joe” started playing on the sound system. A knowing smile and laugh shared together is the perfect opening to strike up a conversation. This can only work when you are next to a girl at a bar or waiting in line for the bathroom. It’s not an across-the-room kind of thing.

Don’t use a pickup line….

Even with self-awareness, it feels cringe. We have heard them all before since middle school. It’s not a hot take to use a “is that a mirror in your pocket…” shtick. It’s not funny enough to be taken seriously and shows you are maybe out of touch or inexperienced.

Do ask a question….

Steer away from “what time is it”? That can come across as non-specific and not reading as flirting. A good one is asking about what drink she just ordered. Resist talking about appearance because it can come across as an insult. Even a seemingly harmless, “where did you get those shoes?” Could be interpreted as a question of taste not a compliment.

Don’t approach if she is with friends….

If she is with a gal pal, then the friend will feel a little awkward and the “ugly friend.” It is a little rude to flirt with only one girl in the group. (Not saying you should flirt with all of them). It’s best to approach when she is separated from the group temporarily.

Do offer to buy her a drink….

I will always accept a free drink, however I know it is buying my time. It is rude to take a free drink and walk away. If she rejects the drink, then this is the reason. The rookie move is opening with the drink offer. You have to feel out the vibe and chat for five to ten minutes. See if she is low on her drink or says she wants to get another. This is your cue to say, “oh, can I buy you a drink?”

Don’t word vomit….

It’s a balance of flirting without taking it to a vulgar place. It’s best to stay in the polite lane, rather than being overly complimentary (Especially about appearance). This way, she will wonder where you stand about her. She might think it’s just a friendly interaction. The best strategy is to not show your cards. Having her wonder can work in your favor long term if she is interested.

Do know when to abort the mission….

You have to be self-aware. Nothing worse than not picking up what people are putting down. Facial cues and body language speak volumes. It’s safer to assume she is not interested versus being overly cocky. Be prepared to walk away or not attempt at all based on her vibe or if she is in a large group. The only exception to be a little more forward would be if you are on vacation and have a time limit.

Bottom Line….

When you land a successful “meet cute,” it will cause a ripple effect of confidence. Most men are traumatized by rejections that happened at the cafeteria in middle school. There is no harm to test the waters and strike up a conversation. A negative reaction could be because she is married or offended by your behavior. Honestly, in certain cases the more a person does not like you, the more polite they become. I end up going into costumer-service mode around people I do not like. Take baby steps instead of aggressively hitting on her. You sort of have to have a “hat in hand” attitude about starting an interaction. It does take practice which can honestly start with chatting more with a bartender or cashier. You need to get used to breaking the ice with strangers without crossing a line. The magic moment is the shared experience interaction which can segue perfectly into a nice introduction.

Is “Hood Fishing” Ethical?

“Branding” yourself on the apps and in person is a tactic that should be used in dating. You want to highlight your strengths and understate your flaws. It’s tricky to toe the line of being 100-percent honest versus putting your best foot forward. For anyone who doesn’t know, a “catfish” is someone who is faking an identity and tricking someone to believe they are a completely different person. So what is “hood fishing”?… It translates to lying about your neighbor hood (where you live) to come off as more desirable, or see people in a higher population area. Is this ethical to your dates? Or a slight stretch that won’t matter long-term?…..

The reason to lie….

Anyone who doesn’t quite live in the heart of the city will fudge a bit just to date people in a larger area. They are more than willing to travel the extra distance. It is cooler to say you live in a city proper versus the outskirts.

They could work in the city….

He or she may actually spend their entire week in the actual city. It might be practical to meet up for happy hour downtown after work. They might decide to move to the actual city eventually, it’s just a matter of finances at this point.

The hosting person should try not to “hood fish”….

Some people are perfectly happy to host eventually. Usually, this is a person who lives in a better area anyway and has no roommates. It is more fun to stay at a person’s place who is walking distance to bars and restaurants. I still feel personally this should be the guy. Only because I have found that it’s more of a risk for a woman to disclose her location to strangers.

Long distance is always a challenge…..

The semi – long distance is way worse than across the country long distance. Living an hour plus away from each other does not seem like a deal breaker. However, with traffic your time is sucked away and you have to leave early to head back home, or you force closeness and spend the night too soon. It either rushes the dynamic or halts it from ever forming.

“Hood Fishing” for safety….

On the apps you can show your exact location. For a woman, or anyone concerned for safety, it’s best to not have an exact location. Go into your app setting and make sure the “precise location” button is off. It usually will throw you in the larger city bracket if you are close enough.

Don’t take it personal for not getting the second date….

Dating is hard enough to make it work with local people. When you factor in travel for a total stranger, it puts a strain on getting to know each other. Some people are more than willing to travel and are happy to do so. I just wouldn’t hold your breath.

Bottom Line….

“Hood Fishing” is a gray area in dating. It makes sense to tell a white lie about your living situation. For people who are in the city for most of the week it sort of makes sense to want to meet people downtown versus where your apartment complex is. It can be used as a safely precaution for people who don’t want to disclose their exact location. Honestly, any tricky obstacle can be used as a great excuse to not continue the relationship. You could be rejected off the bat, or they are happy to have the built-in excuse to keep the relationship casual and short term. When he is willing to do the inconvenient thing it is a better sign he is more serious (or you are his only option). It’s best to try to meet people who are in close proximity, if possible, so you can pace the relationship in a healthy way.

Rankings Of How An Average First Date Will Go

Expectations are how people get super-disappointed in dating. Those who base dating and love through movies and TV will get an exaggerated version of how a first date actually goes. For obvious reasons, any scriptwriter isn’t going to showcase an average date because…yawn. However, anyone who is new to the dating scene needs to get their agenda in check before they get all wide-eyed about how they think it will go. Over the years, I have collected the data of how my dates have gone. This is the ranking from most common to least common on how a first date will go….

You have no opinion except he is nice….

Hands down, the most common type of energy. You don’t hate him, but you aren’t bursting with attraction either. These types of dates are actually hidden gems because you never know what this person will be going forward. I have had instances where the date became a very close friend or was a stepping-stone to meeting other people. When coming across this type of date, don’t dismiss it and still try your best to get to know them.

You think he is a little unhinged….

Ok, yea… you might run into a guy who is a little… off? Immediately thinking “nope” in your head as you give him a greeting hug. Once you start chatting, you don’t agree on the fundamentals and morals, or maybe he is the “I don’t even own a TV” type of guy. You try to wrap up the date when your meter has run out and make a polite exit.

You like him more….

Ok, so now you might meet someone whom you are attracted to. The only problem is it might not be 100 percent mutual. This can be a big bummer and the dates I come back from where I am kicking myself. “Why did I talk about jalapeño poppers for two minutes straight!?” You will be hard on yourself after this date and you will think about it days later. You might be more upset when he doesn’t do a follow-up text the next day.

You don’t want a hookup… but he does….

This one can be tricky and a little insulting. It’s flattering that he does find you attractive, but you know he only sees you as a hookup and does not care to get to know you. Depending on your mindset at the time this can be fine. But when you want a guy to take you seriously, this is a letdown.

You are instant besties….

This can certainly happen when you both feel a more sister / brother vibe rather than attraction. He might make you laugh, but he isn’t your physical type. In some cases this guy is the slow-burn guy that can grow on you. He might be the healthier option rather than the typical bad-boy type you always date. Keep him around and see if your feelings change.

You really, really hate him….

This type of date probably happens more in the political climate we are in. Anyone who is tuned into politics or has very firm opinions will struggle with anyone who isn’t on their team politically. In a lighter way, you might completely disagree on sports teams or movies. You could actually get into arguments and make everyone around you feel uncomfortable

You are both insanely attracted to each other…..

This is physically you both are like….wow. And then you probably have a few drinks and might have a make-out at the bar. However, it’s hard to know if it’s just surface-level attraction or if it can become something more meaningful.

You both experience “love at first sight”….

The most rare of dates. I think this has happened to me once. And it wasn’t even a date. I just was introduced to him in public. Either way, this is the date that is portrayed in movies and television. It has a Romeo and Juliet beginning where you are both physically attracted, but also intrigued about the person. When this type of date comes along you need to go to the gas station and buy a lottery ticket because it is extremely uncommon, especially coming from an app date.

Bottom Line….

This list is very generalized and some might overlap into different types at once. I have certainly been on a date where I really hated the guy and was very attracted (weird I know). You need to understand while dating that you need to get your head right. Not saying that you shouldn’t be excited and hopeful. A more realistic approach is to go into expecting to meet a pretty cool person. You should always be adding new friends and acquaintances to your friend circle. Leaving every date with an attitude of, “no one likes me – we didn’t click” is very common. A true mutual attraction is very rare especially with both parties wanting a relationship. Stay grounded, yet hopeful, and don’t take a great connection for granted.

“Quiet Quitting” For Dating

There has been a lot of buzz about “quiet quitting” in an office setting. Meaning, not being a total slave 24/7 to your boss and putting up healthy boundaries to have a balanced life. This can translate into dating for people who tend to overextend themselves. With the apps, it’s tempting to send the first message and then keep up the pursuit. As a woman dating men, you run into guys who are excited to hook up, but are not pursuing you back. Being in a masculine energy creates a lot of “busy work” rather than results. How can you work smarter, not harder, when it comes to love?…..

Clock out more…..

Once you have the apps on your phone at your disposal, it’s easy to be on call 24/7. Turn off notifications and only get to swiping and chatting for an hour, tops, a day.

Don’t give out all your contact info…..

When he has access to Snapchat, Instagram, your phone number…and the app… he will choose the lowest form of communication. Be strategic and only give out one way to contact you (preferably, not Snapchat)

Try not to circle back…..

Priorities are crystal clear in early dating. Anyone who has ever canceled, then wanted to reschedule in the distant future, had doubts (or found a better option). Yes, they can always say “work got crazy!” But if he knew work could have gotten in the way, the date would have been on a Sunday. Trying to revive the date and poke him to take you out never works.

Pick his brain before the date…..

Yes, a first date is all about vibes. However, it’s good to actually know his situation before you agree to meet. You need to know his living situation, what he is looking for, and anything that is a waste of time to you. Your time is precious and should not be given out willy-nilly.

Take it offline….

There is a window of attraction for both parties. Some matches can live online forever. I have seriously matched with the same men for years. Expect your match to get to the point and ask you out within a 48-hour period.

Give 110% on appearance….

Do not phone in your look for a first date. Men fall in love with their eyes first, then they will see if you have a personality. However, consider the time and place. (You don’t want to wear a ball gown at a coffee shop). Just looked pulled together and feminine.

Only accept total synergy….

Yes, there are guys who are slow burns. On a first date, there should at least be some intrigue or attraction. It doesn’t have to be sexual. It could be a feeling of “knowing a person” or feeling at ease around them. Trust your gut with who you want to spend time with. Even if the connection only results in friendship, it’s much better than forcing a vibe.

Bottom Line…..

Dating is hard work. And just like in an office setting, you are better off being strategic with your energy and time. A lot of time is wasted chasing the wrong guy who only wanted a hookup. Go out with your friends more and outsource to others for a setup. Your main job should be to dress up a bit more when you go out, even if it’s just hanging with friends. Turn off your notifications on the dating apps so you won’t be distracted all day long. Don’t get caught up for too long on a rejection. Think in abundance, not scarcity when it comes to a job and dating.