Have I always felt this way?…No. I have said before that I forecasted the trend that dating apps will soon be outdated. I see the rise in dating mixers, speed-dating, and set-ups. In the past few years, I have noticed the shift of the apps completely turning into a man’s candy store. It does not favor women since men treat the apps like an escort catalogue. I decided to delete the apps for a full month. My detox has given me precious time back to focus on me again. Why should you delete the dating apps and what can you do instead?…..
The illusion of “saving time”…..
This was the big sell with the apps. The problem is you are still going on dates where he is seeing you in person for the first time. There are too many expectations and disappointments once you get face-to-face.
The gamification of the apps…..
The creators of the apps made it so you would enjoy swiping and getting into a gambling mindset. You want to keep swiping until you match with a better-looking person. Recently, the word has gotten out that apps are gatekeeping and will only show certain matches behind a pay wall.
How distracting they can be…..
Yes, you can limit yourself and be intentional. However, you are still spending time on it. When I deleted the apps, I became extremely productive and focused. When you replace swiping with a side hustle….it’s a better trade off.
It deters you from going out…..
You might feel more inclined to sit on your couch and swipe when you could have gotten dressed and met up with friends. Or worse, you are out with friends with your head buried in your phone.
You lose in your in-person social skills….
When you don’t use it, you lose it. Being social and charming is a muscle. When you are used to silent messaging, you are not practicing body language, tone, and reading-between-the-lines.
What can you do instead…..
I have said before that mixers and speed-dating need to be utilized. The mistake I made pre-apps was going out to bars hunting for men. You need to be intentional about the location of where you will be seen to better quality men – not f-boys. It is best to get out of your comfort zone and look your best. Join a meet-up group, co-ed soccer team, art class, etc. The set up can be a set back since it is too similar to the apps, although it can be a part of your game plan. Getting your face out there and making a great impression will save you time in the long run. When a guy approaches you in the wild, you will know he saw you and was attracted. A matchmaker can be a little dicey and not worth the money, unless you come from a culture that benefits from matchmaking and it is the norm. However, if it is a low price and seems like a deal, then give it a whirl.
Bottom Line….
Do it now…delete all your dating apps! At least, give it a trial period and after a month see how you feel. (Unless you only want hook-ups, then stick to the apps for that). For anyone who is tired of casual and wants to be treated with more respect, then get out of your comfort zone. Don’t be embarrassed to try speed-dating or a mixer. Make a point to go to a dating event twice a month. Maximize the experience by getting a blowout at a salon, get your makeup done professionally, and wear a great outfit. Most importantly, bring your smile and welcoming body language.
Mostly Casual 