This time of year, I like to reflect back to my school days and the choices that shaped who I am today. The first boyfriend in high school sets the tone for every relationship after. When you are treated like sh*t, that is what is going to be familiar to you. A first of anything is tricky since you have no frame of reference to compare. Any girl entering high school should be more cautious. How your dating journey starts really does matter. Here are types of boys to avoid….
The “way way older guy”….
Obviously a young girl wants to seem adventurous and brag to her friends that an older boy likes her. Although when you realize how much of a loser he is and manipulative, then you’d think twice. Any guy in college or even out-of-college-age guys cannot get girls their own age. He is taking advantage of naive girls who think that his playing in a garage band and working at Taco Bell is cool. He isn’t cool and he probably expects sex, and pressures you to do whatever he tells you. He likes to play puppet master, because you don’t know any better and being seen as mature trumps your safety or well-being.
The “parents-are-going-through-a-divorce guy”….
It’s pretty common for parents to decide to divorce by the time the children are in high school. The kids are old enough to be ok, plus they will be going across the county for college in a year or two anyway. So a lot of kids in high school go through it. It still puts a dramatic energy onto the guy. He is trying to deal with emotions and go through a “love isn’t real” stage, even if he doesn’t say that. He might be extremely moody and distant and not treat a girlfriend well just for karmic revenge.
The “he’s-too-cool-for-school guy”….
Yea, everyone loves a bad boy. These types will have their day in the sun, but not as a first boyfriend. He will be neglectful, selfish, and prioritize his interests or friends over anything. He will most likely expect a physical relationship sooner than you would want or be ready for. If you refuse or put up boundaries, he will be cruel and make you feel ugly or weird.
The “jock-who-has-to-put-you-down because he is an insecure guy”….
Doesn’t always have to be a jock, but someone who has a lot of pressure to perform. He could be Mr. Popular, class president , head of the drama department, etc, and has a reputation to uphold. This can result in him making sure you don’t embarrass him and can look good on his arm. His behavior results in being extremely controlling and wanting to know your every move.
The “class clown guy”….
So, any guy who is the “jokester” of the group is not the guy to be your first boyfriend. Sure, sometimes humor can actually be funny, but I am willing to bet he is a snarky, sarcastic guy who loves to make fun of everyone in his path, including you.
So who is the guy you should date?….
You are going to have many boyfriends. In high school, you think this is the only guy who will like you. It’s not true and it’s crucial to be with a sweet, caring guy. He is probably the guy who is just a guy. He doesn’t have immense social pressure to be cool, but also isn’t being shoved into a locker everyday. It will set the tone for knowing what a healthy relationship is. He has to listen to your needs and not try to push your boundaries until they break. You don’t have to be head over heels in love, you just need to be respected. He should not put your safety or well-being at risk.
Bottom Line….
High school will be your first long-term relationship; it can even last all four years. It’s important to choose wisely, or don’t choose at all and wait until college. It’s important at a young age to set a tone and know what a healthy dynamic feels like. You will be accustomed to the pace and feeling. It’s not going to be a crazy wild ride, of hot and cold. The sooner you get used to a drama-free relationship, then probably the sooner you can settle down and marry the right guy.
Mostly Casual 