Are You A Drama Junkie?

If you have ever had a dramatic relationship, you know how exciting it can be to ride the rough seas. Some people are professional and stable at work, while at the same time slashing their ex-boyfriend’s tires. In matters of the heart, it’s easy to start fights, to be that psycho-ex, or to be crying to your friends about a bad date. In the eyes of men, they will view you as completely unstable and full of drama, all things that give them the upper hand and reason to dump you….

Why do you love drama?…..

A healthy relationship can seem boring – When you are used to fighting for a relationship it seems lackluster if there is no push pull.

You think passion equals love – Love portrayed in the movies teaches us that drama equals passion.

You love the chase – Winning is more appealing than a healthy relationship

Why are you the Drama Queen?…..

You live in fear –The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know. Fear of the unknown holds many people back.

You get attention – You always have a crazy story to tell friends.

You get to confirm that you don’t deserve love – your brain loves a confirmation bias. You want to be right more than to be happy.

You are acting before you think – It’s so much better to take a minute and wait before you react.

You are surrounded by drama queens – If your friends are breaking in car windows and causing trouble, this behavior may seem normal to you.

You aren’t aware of your triggers – Go to therapy and figure out your issues with anger. Really get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do in relationships. It could be childhood trauma or something you repressed.

How to avoid dating drama…..

Find out if he is in a transition period – Did he just get evicted or have a messy breakup?

If he is telling a sob story on the first date, walk away – Users and people who want you on the hook play the sympathy card off the bat to draw you in.

Is he saying his ex girlfriend is a psycho? – He is more likely to be a crazy-maker than her just being crazy.

Is he over-stepping boundaries? – Have you set a boundary that he ignored?

Is he disrespecting your time and schedule?- texting you at 4am is rude, or blowing up your phone when you don’t answer a text.

Does he withhold affection or his time? – Everything is on his schedule and he withholds sex or affection.

What can you change?……

Take a intense exercise class – Maybe yoga doesn’t help…try kickboxing. Speaking of that, a gym membership that is open 24 hours is a great investment.

Are you on the wrong birth control? – Make sure you aren’t acting irrationally just because of hormones.

Talk to an understanding relative – They will always be on your side. Sometimes it’s nice to hear a voice that supports you.

Have your own apartment – Stay at your place for a few days and tell him you need your space.

If it’s still an issue, schedule a time to talk it out- It will always come off as more emotionally mature. Sometimes if you give it time, it’s not even an issue you care about anymore

Bottom Line….

The chase and drama is a thrill, until it becomes toxic. I do believe that there should be a little bit of a “does he like me or not” at the beginning. A smooth courtship from the start is not exciting. A dash of drama in healthy doses can spark more of an attraction. However, everyone can take this slight “will they are won’t they” situation into a full blown episode of “Cops.” If it’s keeping you from work or school, then it’s a problem. Like any addiction, when it takes over your life and you become obsessed, it’s a horrible sign. Go to therapy, join a gym, and get on the right birth control. Most importantly, try not to be so reactive in the moment and take space when needed. When he is clearly being the abuser or “crazy maker,” walk away and block him immediately.

Meeting Men In The Wild

In dating, it’s best to not force your friends to be your wing women every weekend. Sometimes, the magic really happens when you look feminine and are peacefully sitting alone. This can be an intentional move to change up your social circle. Go to a nicer area of town, wear a bright feminine-color dress, sit at a bar, and see what unfolds.

Go where the wealth is…..

You aren’t going to find the hot finance guy at a dirty-dive bar. If you feel like you have taken the effort to level up and want to run into more eligible bachelors, then you have to go where they are. Keep in mind rich men are early risers and rarely are out partying until 2am. Grind culture means he is probably grabbing a sleek martini for happy hour.

Being alone in public isn’t that weird…..

No one cares that you are alone. You might think you stick out like a sore thumb, but trust me, no one is noticing. I mean, obviously, if you are being disruptive and hitting on everyone, then yes, people will take notice. Just be relaxed and enjoy yourself. Keep yourself open to people wanting to chat with you.

At a restaurant sit at the bar…..

Don’t make the hostess / host do the awkward, “so just you?” Just tell the hostess/ host that you want to sit at the bar. Be nice to the bartender and tip well.

Don’t bring a book…..

It’s fine to just scroll on your phone instead. It might make you look like you are about to meet up with someone. A book just implies you are in fact alone and do not want to talk to anyone.

Stop wearing drab colors…..

The first thing a person notices is clothing. Wearing brighter clothing will make you stand out since most people feel more comfortable in black or neutrals. This doesn’t have to mean neon green. It really is about more feminine colors. There are colors that work best for certain skin tones. You can take free quizzes online to figure out your coloring and even what jewelry works best. Fabrics come into play as well. A beautiful silk blouse with jeans makes way more of a statement then a ball gown. Try to give your blazers a rest for the evening. It comes across that you are still in business mode and you don’t want to chat. Flirting starts from just looking like you want to talk to someone. If you are slightly overdressed, it welcomes people to talk to you, in contrast to slouching over wearing gray workout clothes. Get your makeup done at the department store counter. Cosmetic departments usually give a free makeover for purchasing a certain amount, or if you are lucky, you have a friend who works there who needs practice.

Have a go-to story…..

The first thing a man will ask if he approaches you is, “are you all by yourself?” This can sort of stun you and force you to go into defense mode. Be prepared to tell a white lie such as, “Yeah, my friend was about to meet me here, but something came up.” You can also say, “ I heard this place has great (cocktails, French food, oysters) so I thought I would check it out. As long as the attitude is a matter-of-fact he can ease into the conversation and ask to join you. In a late night dance club situation the go-to lie is to say you can’t find your friends, or you are the first one who got here. (This situation is level-10 and meant for women who are advanced at being alone in public). Keep conversations brief and keep moving. A guy who is very interested will seek you out later and ask for your number.

Take baby steps and do a dry run…..

Before you get intimidated start small. Treat yourself to lunch and dress nicely. See if there is a difference just by doing a dry run. You can even do a longer pre-date. Show up an hour-plus earlier at a nearby bar or cafe and just feel comfortable by yourself. The more you do this, the more comfortable you will be on dates and meeting people organically.

Bottom Line……

The art of being by yourself is a hidden skill in dating. You will feel more comfortable on dates and not have that anxious energy if he leaves you alone to use the bathroom. Honestly, I have more fun being alone. You don’t have to cater to everyone else’s needs and you have control over whether you want to stay longer or leave. Men will more likely approach you if you are alone. He won’t feel the pressure from your friends laughing at him or making him feel uncomfortable. Plus, it shows you are open to possibilities. The important thing is not depending on others to have a good time. This is an opportunity to meet higher caliber men who don’t live in your neighborhood. It’s good practice to learn how to make a good first impression without even saying anything.

Location, Location, Location: Proximity In Casual Dating

Sure, you can have as many public dates as you choose. Eventually, you will want to spend the night together or at least watch a TV series. Living situation is the driving force that forms any relationship, no matter how casual. One of the big rules to keeping it casual is: How convenient is it? When I am on a hot streak with dating, the first thing I put into consideration is…. where does he live? I do mean where does HE live. It’s important to be spending time at his place. Let him worry about cleaning up the mess and changing the sheets. On top of that it is a safety concern. You don’t want to let every casual guy know where he can find you if things go sour. However, most relationships without a convenient living situation and location cannot materialize.

Is it really casual if you are long distance?…..

Long distance = not easy for any type of relationship. For a casual thing, why are you bothering? Long distance is an hour away or more. I mean if this is a guy you see once a month when he is in town, then that’s totally fine. Think about how much you are investing just for something that won’t go anywhere.

Men need to consider location when they pick an apartment…..

Decisions at the 11th hour are made in haste. Thinking too hard about it will lead to just going home. An apartment that is walking distance from a bar is a smooth transition. The secret to having any company coming to your place is be in the right area. I remember living a little further from the downtown area and not having one friend who wanted to make the trek. Unless your goal is total solitude, consider living where there are bars, restaurants, and coffee shops within walking distance.

Don’t date Oscar The Grouch…..

Sure, not everyone can live in a Beverly Hills mansion. When safely is in question or you think you will catch a disease from using his toilet, do not return! Or better yet, leave without hooking up. Another no-no is him living in a cabin in a desolate remote area. Be safe and even share your location with a friend.

What are the perks of his place?…..

Maybe he has an apartment pool, a really nice espresso machine, or a stocked home bar. I am embarrassed to say that I have slept on many air mattresses. Don’t do this to yourself! More women need to put their foot down and not just go with whatever living situation is there. A bed frame and a clean apartment should be the bare minimum.

Roommates are a no-go…..

As you get older, discretion and privacy are the most important. Having all eyes and ears on you is humiliating and ruins the experience. You might not get to see him as often since he is catering to his roommates’ schedules. The only exception is having a large floor plan where bedrooms are further apart and he might even have a separate entrance and private bathroom.

Bottom Line…..

Location, Location, Location! Do you like going there and occasionally spending the night? Does he live in a good convenient area of town? If you are the one with the fabulous apartment, I would keep it under wraps. It can attract poor men who are looking for a living upgrade ( or worse case a new stalker). You also will fall into a pattern where you are going through the trouble of cleaning your apartment and kicking him out in the morning. It’s best to just come and go as you please and not have to worry. Travel time can add up to time you could have spent on another date. Before you get too involved, figure out his living situation; it will save you a lot of extra trouble.

It’s Not Just A Free Lunch

I stand by a man paying for a date; however, he needs to keep it in his budget. There are girls who have zero intention of going on a second date with a guy and who order the lobster and most expensive champagne. Not saying a woman doesn’t deserve a fancy date now and then. How can both parties feel they are investing without getting the short end of the stick?…..

A first date should be drinks…..

Sure, you can do coffee, but it does not produce a sexy environment. Dating is not a quick errand; it needs to be thought out. Getting a few drinks in a nice environment may give as much opportunity for chemistry as a candlelit dinner. This does not mean top shelf or the most expensive wine bar in town (unless it’s in his budget). Be fine with a bar with a pool table and cheap drinks. Nondrinkers should go with a reasonably priced lunch.

First date location can be a negotiation….

Go low so he can go high. When asked where you want the date to take place, think of a simple middle-of-the-road place that is affordable. He deciding to up the ante is his choice. Be considerate of his money, especially when he is student or not working at a fancy job. However, you still deserve to be treated, even if it’s over beer and a slice of pizza.

Just because he paid big bucks doesn’t mean he is in love with you…..

Men with money have the advantage of impressing a woman. It might be written off to an expense account. He views it as more of a business expense rather than getting to know you.

Try not to do dinner on a first date…..

When you are unsure about your feelings for a guy, turn down dinner. You never know if he will make you split the bill or Venmo you later. It’s too much pressure and there is nowhere to go but down. A first date needs to be two people getting to know each other in a relaxed environment. Again, sure…. every blue moon a fancy date can be accepted, but it’s not a habit to get into.

Make sure you are doing your part…..

Put away your phone, dress nicely for the occasion, and put on a smile. You can be present and ask questions for an hour even if you aren’t crazy about a person.

Don’t string him along….

It’s very unkind to eat the free lunch over and over and have zero interest. You are the reason guys like going Dutch nowadays. Offer to pay the tip and actually mean it.

Bottom Line…..

When two people are into each other and investing, then it’s all gravy. However, a lot of the time it’s an unbalanced dynamic that results in people getting used. Do women get used? Yes. But men can be taken advantage of from women as well, resulting in him being sour to the next girl and only going Dutch from here on out. A woman needs to feel a guy is investing, but a man needs to feel she is grateful and present. Not saying that the only date you deserve is a cheap fast-food drive-through. A first date should be reasonable and within his budget. Be fine with a middle-of-the-road place that is more relaxed, unless he wants to take you somewhere fancy. Still, try to not be caught up in all the free lunches, because there is no free lunch.

Are You In Love With The Chase?

The chase is when a match is just out of reach, yet still attainable. It adds value and makes finally going out with him feel like it’s worth it. Men who don’t give us the time of day are seen as more of a challenge then a red flag. Love expert Michael Hussey says, “ If someone is not showing you they want you, stop chasing that person.” If you are the type to have an addictive personality, you are more likely to fall for the chase.

Are you trying to win him over?…..

Were you only noticed when your report card was perfect and you won the basketball game? Certain caregivers early on set the tone for proving our self-worth. This results in over-pleasing for strangers and perfectionism.

Do you love drama?…..

The highs and lows are exciting and can be seen as a passionate relationship. Some of us thrive on conflict and love that he is hot and cold. The show “Sex and the City” captures this type of dynamic with the Carrie-and-Big situation. When she had a stable commitment from Aidan, it wasn’t exciting enough. The stability was seen as boring and not passionate.

Are you a control freak?…..

Some fear the relationship actually working out. It’s easier to set it on fire and keep the dynamic on your terms. Rejection can be more of a relief than the unknown.

Are you a “try hard”?…..

The only thing that a women needs to do in dating is to be charming, look good, and show up. There is a wave of females who have been called, “pick-me-chicks.” The behavior attracts lazy men who want everything easy. She is seen on Instagram making her unlabeled situationship gourmet meals while he is playing video games. These women are also codependent and put others’ needs ahead of theirs in general.

Are you afraid to receive?…..

Ironically, leaning in and being a go-getter doesn’t serve you in the dating world. Practice receiving and just say thank you. You really have to be more passive and do less than you are doing. Being the social director, or trying to fix his life will not impress him long-term. More than likely, he will take the free lunch, then use his spare change to impress the next girl.

Bottom Line……

Some of us can get caught up in the chase because of our childhood. We might be repeating patterns that we used to gain our caregivers’ affection. The best thing you can do is to take a step back. Are you trying to sabotage yourself and wanting him to reject you? When you are giving 80 percent he can only give you 20 percent back. The man who enjoys being pampered is taking advantage of the situation and will drop you the second he finds someone he is actually interested in.

Ending The “Three-Monther” With A FWB

Timelines and milestones are important in any type of relationship. In casual dating there are no anniversary dinners. Yet, three months is a big mile marker for any budding relationship. It’s the first check in to see where things are at. In a friends-with-benefits (FWB) situation it needs to be clicking and both parties happy. Having a safety net relationship should be helping you to meet your match. How do you know when your casual situationship has run its course?….

How did the relationship start?…..

A placeholder relationship can be beneficial unless it doesn’t have the respect. No matter the relationship dynamic, everyone wants to feel chosen and special. The ideal friends-with- benefits dynamic is a lot of chemistry, but is misaligned with future goals and timing. At your core, you should be friends and like spending time together. When a relationship starts out with him not valuing you, it’s hard to brush it off and move forward.

He constantly talks about other women…..

There should be an unspoken rule about what happens outside your relationship stays there. Some people are totally fine with this, but even the most emotionally mature feel the sting when he exclaims he spent $200 on a fancy dinner date while he insists on going dutch with you.

You barely see each other…..

No, there shouldn’t be a set schedule, but seeing each other every six months isn’t fulfilling his duties. Either keep him around as a back-up, or cut him loose. You should see each other fairly often or else there is no benefit to it.

You get left in the dust when you go out together…..

He is supposed to be your escort and you invited him so you had someone to talk to. You end up spending the night texting him asking where he is and you discover he is chatting up random girls. Worse case, he expects you to be his wing lady.

You feel icky when you leave his apartment…..

Trust your gut with this. Feeling shameful or guilty is something to pay attention to. A FWB should feel like a friend that you have fun with. You shouldn’t be hit with a wave of regret every time you get back in your car to leave.

You’re catching feelings…..

It’s not going to work! A guy who decides it is casual isn’t in the mindset of seeing you as a girlfriend. Are there exceptions? Sure. However, if he didn’t see your value from date one, then why do you expect him to see it month three?

Bottom Line…..

Dragging out a thing that isn’t working and making you frustrated needs to go. An ideal friends- with- benefits is at its core your friend, and someone who doesn’t cross your mind that much. He is a backup for dry periods and a fun time when you go out together. Most men screw this type of relationship by over-communicating his every thought. Everyone wants to feel special and don’t need to be reminded that they are the placeholder. Three months is a good time to reflect and see if everything is clicking for both parties.

Trauma Dumping

Just went on a recent app date where the first few sips of beer was him trauma dumping. It was as if a mirror was placed up to my face. Years ago, I treated every date as an intense dark one-woman show. To women, bonding = tell the person your trauma, then they can share theirs. With an app date you can’t trust a stranger with your deep dark secrets and insecurities. If he ghosts you, airing all your dirty laundry will make you cringe and feel raw…. How can you prevent yourself and him from sharing too much and not treat a date like a therapy session?……

What to do when he is trauma dumping…..

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1.Steer the ship….

You don’t get permission to trauma dump if the conversation switches. Always bring it back to light material. You can literally get up and disrupt the flow by grabbing another drink or going to the restroom

2. Set up boundaries…..

Interrupt your date who keeps going into sad stories. You can flat out say in a nice way that you want to talk about fun stuff. He might not even realize he is doing it.

3. Leave the date if he can’t snap out of it…..

You can try to change the subject all day, but he might keep shifting it back around. When this is happening you have to get up and leave. Do a graceful and kind exit, but don’t get buried by his bad mood

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What to do when you are trauma dumping….

1. Pre-date….

Can’t say it enough! You need to come into the date with the right mood and energy. Listen to that song, meditate, walk around the block, etc

2. Actually talk to your therapist…..

It’s interesting when people don’t utilize their therapist while in session. Then when two glasses of wine are in them….boom, trauma dump to a total stranger. You are paying your therapist for trauma dumping and working out issues.

3. Notice your patterns….

Going back to the two glasses of wine thing….is that when you start trauma dumping. Alcohol can be great in moderation to loosen you up, but bad when it takes you to a dark place. Notice what triggers you and stay away from it for a first date.

Bottom Line….

Both parties can encourage trauma dumping. A first date is not a safe space to tell all your insecurities or deepest fears. You are sitting across from a stranger who is not your paid therapist. You doing this every date needs to be examined. Get a therapist, or set up more frequent appointments. Long-term you will feel embarrassed and raw when you get ghosted. There needs to be trust in a person to share such personal information. When he cannot be steered by disrupting and changing subjects, you need to leave. Do not reward bad behavior by egging him on and acting like his therapist. Once you become his unpaid therapist, you will remain in this role for him until he works out his issues and finds someone else.

A Good Birthday Mindset

Have you ever been curious about how your friends and the guy you are seeing feel about you? Your birthday is that time (and other holidays), but mainly your birthday since it’s truly your day. As we get older our birthday pretty much becomes meaningless to others in general. You aren’t going to get party worthy of a Kardashian, but how should friends and guys you are seeing treat it?……

Friends need to acknowledge your birthday……

A text, a call, even a nice card is expected by a close long-distance friend. When your friend is living in town and chooses to do nothing….they aren’t your friend. Not saying it’s required that you be showered in gifts, but going out for a drink or two should be standard. When your zero-effort friend’s birthday rolls around, match her energy. The worst thing you can do is be the friend who doesn’t realize her friend is actually an acquaintance, and plans her an extravagant surprise party.

The guy you are dating……

Men show their true feelings on special occasions. When a man isn’t into you, he will come up with any excuse not to spend it with you. “I have to work,” “I have to study for finals,” “money is tight right now.” A man who is seriously into a girl will do everything in his power to make her day special.

Spend it with family……

Your family will be happy to buy a cake and give you a nice card. Family actually does care about your birthday!

Should you go on a first date?…..

I made the mistake of going on a back-to-back date a few birthdays ago. Not worth your time, trust me. It’s the same as a first date on Valentine’s; high risk with little reward. My dates had their own agenda of going out with me (it wasn’t to wish me a special day). On my end, I felt like I hired an actor to have fun with me.

What can you do for yourself?…..

It’s not pathetic to buy yourself flowers and a small cake. Make the day special for you, no matter how small. It’s best to not expect other people to follow though. Most of your friends have their own lives, stressful jobs, and truthfully, probably didn’t write down your birthday date in their calendar. Although, I encourage you to do a story about your birthday in Instagram. It’s a friendly reminder to have people wish you happy birthday.

Be grateful for what you have…..

Have gratitude for the people who show up and make your life special! Don’t pout that 20 people didn’t wish you a happy birthday. Enjoy your night no matter how simple. Having friends who still go all out for birthdays is rare.

Bottom Line…..

Birthdays are a barometer of who cares for you. Yes, people have lives, etc. Yet, a simple text or phone call should be expected from a close friend. In person friends should at the very least grab a few drinks with you. As far as the guy you are dating…. the proof is in the pudding. He dropping the ball is purposeful. Let him do it! Never strong-arm a man to make your birthday special. Get ahead of the day by booking a massage, hair appointment, pedicure. Do not spend your birthday with a stranger. Practice gratitude for the people in your life who love and care for you.

Don’t Sh*t Where You Eat: Dating Co-Workers

I have no personal accounts of dating a co-worker. I worked as a maid twice and was the shampoo girl at a hair salon to name a few places (not a lot of guys around). I can see the temptation of wanting to. You are spending most of your week with them and it can become a “camp hot” situation. It makes sense that work places are strict about dating, especially when one person is in a position of power. However, not every work place is professional or important for your resume. Let’s break down when it’s fine to date and when it’s not…..

First off, are you willing to see him every day if you break up?……

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This is the most important to ask- how awful will it feel to see your ex- everyday in the break room?

Don’t assume it will work out- Best case you get married; worst case one of you has to quit

It might hurt your career- You will be distracted by the crush, causing you to not focus on a promotion or better position

You will dress to impress and get stressed……

When you involve a crush in the equation, you have to wake up earlier making sure your outfit is perfect and your eyeliner is on point. It’s a lot of fuss and worry for nothing. Not saying you shouldn’t look professional for work, but agonizing over an outfit adds unneeded stress to your morning.

Is this just a silly summer job?…..

Selling cotton candy at a local carnival for the summer is low stakes. Any job that isn’t a resume builder and only temporary are fine to let loose.

Is this a corporate job?……

The more serious the job, the more the need to follow the rules and act professionally. Don’t ruin your chance for more money or a better position for a dumb crush. The higher ups are always watching.

Is this an internship?……

Some internships result in real jobs. My advice is stop accepting the unpaid ones. Some companies like to exploit college kids for slave labor. Anyway, if you really think it can result in something real, then act professionally.

Be aware of the rumor mill…..

It’s best to keep drama to a minimum. Co-workers get bored at work and love to pass the time by gossiping. Don’t be the girl who flirts with everyone; it looks immature.

What happens when you match with a co-worker on a dating app?…..

You will probably come across a co-worker or two on the apps. Try your best to swipe left, yet a slip of the finger happens. On bumble, don’t reach out; let it expire. On the other apps, see how he reacts or reaches out. Could have been a mistake on his part as well. When you are quick-swiping a familiar face, you will swipe right. Don’t bring it up when you return to work.

Bottom Line……

It’s a good idea to keep certain parts of your life separate. Think about how it will affect you moving forward in your career. However, low-stakes summer jobs, or non-resume builder jobs are okay to let your guard down a little. Just don’t spend more than a summer or few months on the non-resume building jobs. You can waste years on temp jobs that don’t move you forward. When you get a professional job don’t get distracted by a crush. You need to keep your eye on the prize to make more money or move up.

Egg On Your Face: The Humiliating Experience Of Rejection

Rejection can hit you like a dump truck when you thought you looked both ways. Years ago I was at a bar. I saw a guy and decided to approach him; we had a great conversation….yet…he never asked me out on an official date and we faded out. A year later, I saw him again! I debated with myself if I should say hello. “Would he remember me?” I texted my friends in real time hoping to get the green light to wave to him. I finally made eye contact, waved, and smiled across the bar. A look of confusion and concern washed over his face. I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I quickly retreated to the outdoor patio leaving my dignity inside the bar. I then realized I had to pass him again to leave…..

When a guy hasn’t kept in contact….DON’T FOLLOW UP…..

In fact, I go by the two week contact rule. When I have not heard from a guy in my contact list in two weeks straight, I delete his number.

Try not to make the first move…..

Usually when it isn’t his idea in the first place, nothing will materialize. He continuing the conversation might be out of pure politeness, not interest. A TON of confusion, asking the group chat, and mixed signals stems from this. Save yourself the drama and don’t approach.

Rejection is letting go of your power…..

Sometimes it’s perfectly fine to play it safe. When you don’t know the outcome, it can make you feel powerless. Most fearless friends who have a YOLO mindset can set you up for embarrassment. Take the “be brave” advice with a grain of salt. You are allowed to look before you leap.

How do we keep ourselves from being rejected in the future?…..

You have to look at the signs at face value. Is this guy making an effort to talk and keep up with you? It’s best to recognize interest versus politeness. It will save you an embarrassing moment. When there is zero forward motion (asking to get you a drink, exchanging phone numbers, asking to see you again) assume he was bored or being polite.

How do we move on from rejection?…..

Ruminating about a rejection is the worst thing you can do. It’s best to feel safe in your little bubble, but rejection can happen no matter how careful you were. Getting rejected can cause you to feel insecure and not feel great about accepting a new date. Fight this feeling and keep swiping. Tell yourself it will be a funny story to tell later.

Rejection can be humbling….

You might have been on a hot streak and gotten a big head. Sometimes you need to come back down to earth and appreciate when a good date comes along. Not having a perspective makes all dates mundane.

Bottom Line….

Rejection is going to happen even when you are super careful. You will make rookie mistakes, especially when you are newly single and getting out there. Taking a temperature of the room is the first step. The best thing you can learn is self-awareness and picking up what people are putting down. Notice when you are the only one reaching out, and he is not moving things forward. On the bright side, rejection can be humbling and lets you appreciate when a great date comes along.