I have spoke on this before, but it bears repeating. When you get “lost in the sauce” in casual and thinking it can go the distance, you need a reality check . In these types of dynamics there are heavy limitations that can disappoint you when you haven’t checked your expectations. I encourage a bulletproof plan to prevent a feeling of “has he checked my stories? Why does he dodge meeting my friends?” Men are masters at compartmentalizing a relationship. Women tend to fall in love though the intimacy and closeness. How can the women who are prone to getting attached safeguard against this from the start?…..
No social media….
A phone number is perfectly fine to have. Once you get into the social media world you will be checking if he watched your story. Worse is when you are catering your stories so he will send you a message or reaction. It’s best for early dating as well to not be preoccupied with his lack of urgency to see what you are up to. More than likely his orbiting is boredom or he watches everyone’s story.
Be in the present moment….
You can’t enjoy the moment when you are worrying about the future. You might have a wonderful time together, but then you go home and give yourself a migraine worrying about it. Treat it like a fine dining experience or a concert. Live for the experience, then go home and go about your day.
Try to avoid sending memes or chatting while you are apart….
If he wants to chat, then that’s great….but avoid sending him silly memes or checking in on him. (Another reason to avoid social media). It’s too tempting to think he will enjoy something and then you are left on “seen” for 48 hours. Don’t put yourself though that.
Be prepared for it to end…..
Not trying to be doom and gloom, however, be realistic. He is probably dating other people and you are just a filler for him. Sure, he might really love spending time with you, but there is probably a reason he hasn’t made the leap to relationship.
Be fun in the moment….
Don’t be salty or sour when you are together. Enjoy yourself and make the situation more fun and memorable. Turn on the music, get some drinks, play games.
Never invite him anywhere outside the bedroom…..
You will see him squirm in his seat and give a vague maybe. Just don’t bother asking him. It will just make you feel bad to be rejected. Same thing with trying to trick him into introducing him to your friends. Worst case, if he does decide to go out with you, he will take the opportunity to hit on other girls in front of you. Or he might disappear and leave you in the dust.
If you have already broken the rules….
It’s never a bad idea to pull way back. No harm in letting go energetically and stop messaging. Who knows, it might pique his interest more. Most important is to not cut off your resources. Get back on the apps and continue to be open to talking to new men. As far as social media, you can block individual people from watching your stories. Just go into privacy settings and go to stories. It will ease your mind of waiting for him to watch a story. It will also prevent you from curating your stories for his amusement. There is no need to block or restrict him; you can mute him on everything if he posts a lot. Another tip is to take the notification off for seeing people who are online. Once you see his pic with the green button it will be too tempting to send him a message since he is online. Play around with the privacy settings and see what works best for you.
Bottom Line…..
This is a friendly reminder to stop what you are doing. In casual this is the biggest pitfall and causes the most agony in dating. It’s the reason why casual relationships do not last and people catch feelings. The sad thing is you can develop a fulfilling easy breezy dynamic that can be a relaxing getaway for yourself. Yet, as women, we tend to ruin it by creating a mountain out of a molehill. If you are relating to any of this and feel too deep, you can always step back. Go back to the drawing board and get the expectations right. Sure, you might have a wonderful and even romantic time together. Yet, if he never wants to see you in public or plans any dates? It’s just not the romantic love story you think it is. Be like a man and compartmentalize the relationship for YOUR benefit, not his.
Mostly Casual 