How To Have A “Vacation Mindset” In Your Own City

Summer is approaching and soon everyone will be on vacation. It got me thinking about how people act on a trip versus their day-to-day life. I see celebrities or just friends of mine posting stories on Instagram and everything looks shinier and special. You are more intentional when you travel; you know it will end soon so you try to cram all the fun and knowledge into the experience. What if you could do that in your own city?

Shop local…..

If you are a shopping at Walmart and then grabbing dinner at a drive-through, you need to rethink your life. I am sure there are wonderful local businesses and restaurants you could be going to. It helps out your local economy and it is better quality.

There are probably events in your city…..

Sometimes it can get overwhelming to go to every event on the local calendar. You have a mindset of, “oh well, I will catch it next time.” Then you stick to your same routine of staying in and watching Netflix. Try your best to be open to going to events and talking to new people. It doesn’t have to be daily; you can do it once a week.

Art shows….

Most cities have art openings at local galleries. You will feel cultured sipping on wine and browsing the artwork in a quiet environment. You can also go to a local indie cinema and watch a film.

Local bakery…..

I see all the time that when people go to Europe they have a chocolate croissant and a coffee. Why not do that locally? Take a morning to grab a bite and coffee and then go on a nice walk after.

Have quick hangouts with friends…..

Most people say as adults they never see friends anymore. Why not incorporate grabbing a coffee with friends before you do errands. Even a 45-minute hang is more fulfilling than being too tired to see anyone at the end of the week.

Changing up your routine will help you meet new people….

The point in switching up your schedule and lifestyle is to get in a new vibration and welcome new types of people and new experiences. It will put you into a more open mindset for change.

You are more free on vacation….

When I am traveling I always think, “I will never see these people again.” So, I have more of a live-in-the-moment sort of energy. Not saying you should embarrass yourself, but you should be more open to chatting with a stranger or getting up and singing karaoke.

You don’t have to exchange numbers…..

While on a trip you would find it silly to exchange contact info. You enjoy the experience for what it is and keep that memory. Not saying you shouldn’t be trying to connect with people in your town. However, not every interaction you have needs to be repeated. It is good to be in the present moment and not worry about the future.

Bottom Line…..

Live everyday like you are on vacation. It can really be your choice and your mindset. While we are traveling we have a totally different attitude and agenda of how we spend our days. Every city has local bakeries, restaurants, bars, and grocery stores. We can get in a loop of only spending our time in stressful stores and cheap fast food. An outing can be a simple walk with a freshly brewed coffee or tea. When you open yourself to a more relaxed state of mind, you are welcoming that vibe with different types of people. Practice being braver in public and allow yourself to experience joy and living in the present moment.

Why You Need To Let Go Of The “Why”

Women who have been rejected or ghosted always want the reason. They will frame it as closure and maybe a tool to help not make the same mistake next time. However, with women dating men it can come down to a very simple lack of attraction. You can come up with a million excuses, but to men, attraction is the only driving force they have. The best practice in general no matter the reason is to not waste time worrying about it. You can waste months analyzing the text threads and your outfit choices. Let it go….how can you give your brain a rest and chalk the rejection up to lack of a spark?….

You waste time….

It can be disheartening to be rejected or be ignored. You have to understand it is out of your control. It could be he likes brunettes and you are a blonde. Or he was disappointed that you didn’t look like your pics in your app profile. Anything other than him doting on you (buying you drinks, asking you questions, making sure you got home safe) means he wasn’t interested.

Why app dating will be brutal….

It is so hard to capture an in – person vibe and appearance. Sure, you can do a video etc. but your voice, mannerisms, and your smile are completely different from a 2D picture. You will get more rejections from dating apps or set ups.

“He ghosted out of nowhere!”….

More than likely he met someone he liked better. Men are hunters and will not stop until they find the prize. He probably was keeping you around until he met someone he preferred more.

“Was it something I said?”….

I feel you are allowed one mistake in the beginning stages. You might have gotten too tipsy and chatty, or you said something cringeworthy. He will let it go if he thinks you are worth it. When he didn’t like you that much in the first place, he can place blame on your actions.

Everyone is dating everyone….

Most ghosting and fading is mainly a volume issue. Distance, not aligning, and lack of a spark won’t make the cut. Not to say you are a terrible person or ugly etc. It comes down to timing and having the right fit for them.

Expect VIP treatment….

Going back to how he treats you on dates. Some men will be fine with spending an evening with you. However, he will not offer to buy you any drinks or insists you split the bill at a restaurant. Men show they are invested though money. Keep in mind a good investment to him might be spending $500 at a strip club. And yet $40 on you is out of the question. Don’t waste time on low-effort dates; he is more than willing to spoil the right woman.

Bottom Line….

A “why” can make anyone spiral. It can hurt to just chalk it up to lack of attraction on his end. Men are pretty simple, visual creatures. All people have a type, but it is important to either delete the apps or be honest about how you are presenting yourself. You will get confused on why he asked you out and didn’t treat you well on the date. It comes down to the physical for men and it is their driving force, versus women who want a great personality first and his lifestyle. Get your face out there in person more and let men approach you. You will know for sure that they see you and find you pretty to them. It can ease your mind.

The Magic Of The Introduction

We all know about a “setup,” but what if a setup was live in-person? Introductions used to be more common in the polite society of the past. It would be seen as rude when you were not introduced to a new person. I want to suggest the planned introduction, which can be used to your advantage to create your own “spontaneity.” It is in the same vein as “dropping the hanky” technique. How can you orchestrate an introduction?….

Be more social in general….

You need to get comfortable being social and work on small talk. You cannot expect other people to do the heavy lifting for you. Don’t discuss the tragedies in the world and stick to light topics. The introduction will be a lost cause if you lose the person after saying hello.

Expand your social circle….

Your 2nd- and 3rd-tier friends are the key to expanding your network. Close friends are great, but it is more high risk for you and them. No one wants to cause a riff in their social circle.

An introduction should be fairly breezy and can only be executed once….

Getting introduced multiple times to the same person is madness. Only pull the trigger when you are truly ready. When you have your eye on someone and you know a mutual friend, then plan accordingly.

To him it can be seen as spontaneous….

The introduction is great because it is not you doing the introduction. There is some innocence to it and it might seem like it came out of nowhere. In the show “How I Met Your Mother,” Barney would make casual introductions left and right to get the ball rolling.

The introduction can be seen as a “meet cute”….

Any meeting other than a bar and an app is seen as romantic. An introduction, compared to a setup, takes three seconds in person, yet can make a huge impact if it goes well.

Bottom Line….

There is back-end planning for a solid introduction. It can be disappointing if you really took the time to orchestrate everything and it falls flat. It is better to have a policy with friends to introduce you to people at a house party or get- together. To them, it shouldn’t be seen as a big favor, compared to a full-blown setup. You need to do the pre-work of getting your surface level topics in check. The good news is right away you will know his interest level. His continuing the conversation and asking for your number is a great start.

Should You Give Feedback In Dating?

Our society loves a review. We will Yelp our favorite restaurant and give an Amazon item five stars. But is it the right thing to review a person? Dan Savage, the columnist and podcaster, goes by the “campground rule” for relationships, which is, “leave it better than you found it.” It could be interpreted as to correct them. I see it more as to not traumatize them or break their self-worth. When you are in a heated moment, you are tempted to spew out why you are breaking up and all their faults. Should we ever give feedback in dating?….

Overcorrection….

My biggest reason to not review a person is because of “overcorrection.” You might hate a behavior, however, the next person could be obsessed with it. For example, you could hate that he or she is overly communicative, but an average healthy person would expect that. You have to understand that you might be the toxic one and it is unfair to break a person down to meet your level.

Any criticism is remembered…..

As humans, we will only remember the negative. This is to protect us from further harm and it is our ego protecting us. When you absorb that feedback it will impact future relationships. We create limiting beliefs from outsiders’ opinions. This can be a problem when you want to wipe the slate clean and get back out there.

What if he/she asks for it?….

This can be a trick and should be proceeded with caution. Some people do want to improve for the next relationship and probably deserve an explanation if they were blindsided. But beyond cheating or something very obvious, there might not be a reason. Some relationships simply don’t make the cut to the more serious level. This is nothing personal, it truly is a matter of not fitting. You can only really give the generic, “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup sometimes. It is better to say something if they cannot move on without an explanation.

Adding insult to injury….

There might be “icks” that come up in relationships. You can be turned off by the tiniest thing and then see that person in a different light. For example, there could be the guy who clears his throat after every sentence, or the girl who eats all your fries when she said she wasn’t hungry. You have to think if they can change these things and how much they bother you. Remember everyone comes with quirks and most are already aware of them. It is difficult to rewire a brain to stop doing impulsive actions.

Would you want someone to change you?….

“Love me at my worst” is a problematic saying. The sentiment is sort of true….we are not perfect. There will be days when you are not your best. And to be be judged like you are a contestant on a reality show is brutal. People who love to give feedback see themselves as superior. It is easier to correct others than to look inward.

You don’t want to become their dating guru….

In general terms, when a man wants feedback after a breakup they might treat you like an unpaid dating coach. It is hard to open up the floodgates of giving someone a nugget of feedback when all of the sudden you become his “wing man.” Some people really want answers and it can become exhausting. It would seem annoying to mold a man into this great guy only to give him to the next girl.

What if a pattern is forming….

If you are receiving the same generic feedback and everyone breaks up with you, then you are the problem. Notice actions and patterns over words. It is best to go inward and really examine what you could be doing wrong. If you are still having issues pinning it down, go to an unbiased friend who can be straight with you. Friends do recognize what you are doing wrong, yet are afraid to voice opinions to avoid conflict.

Bottom Line…..

We are used to giving feedback and touting our two cents with product reviews or giving friends advice. It feels natural to mold a person into the perfect partner. Sure, you could do the “compliment sandwich” if it’s a tiny thing you want to change. It is hard to erase a behavior that is ingrained. You can’t change how a person sneezes or laughs. You probably wouldn’t want someone to come in and “strip you for parts” either. Most relationships run out of gas and have no definitive reason why they don’t work. Mostly, it is because they do not fit right with goals or family/friends, etc. Most importantly, it is crucial for you to recognize patterns of the rejections. If you can’t figure it out, a close friend will know. Finally, keep the rule of thumb to “leave them better than you found them.”

How To Hint To Get The Date You Want

When talking about masculine and feminine energy, there is some confusion on date planning. The most masculine way to plan a date is to pick a location, time, and maybe even make a reservation to lock it down. There is a gray area of not wanting to be dragged along on a date, but still trying to come across as flexible. How can the feminine energy person suggest without becoming the social director?….

Speak about things you like….

Be enthusiastic about what bars, cafés, and restaurants you enjoy going to. In the initial “getting to know you” conversation, there will be questions about hobbies and weekend activities. Be specific about certain places you love going to, while still having somewhat of an open-to-explore attitude.

Your date wants to impress you….

It would be rare if a date went rogue and took you to a bizarre location. A home run-foolproof plan starts with knowing what will impress you.

Try to be fairly flexible….

You should venture a little out of your comfort zone. Branch out and explore new spots and don’t take every single date to one location. As an alternative it is ok to go to a favorite location before the date to get into the zone.

The 48-hour period….

Plans to meet should be happening sooner than later. Poking the bear after a week, or suggesting you meet up will probably fall apart. Keep the 2-day rule where he can make a plan and you can chime in with suggestions. If a date does not have a time and location, then you do not have a date.

Try to suggest a fun date if possible….

Not every city has fun activities. (I wish my city would bring back mini-golf.) Cities that have access to a beach or anything that can get you in play mode should be encouraged. You can try your hand at trivia night if you feel you excel in it.

You can counter the request one time….

He might suggest a place and you are not feeling it. You are allowed to have one counter place that you both could agree on. Don’t get into an argument and make the date planning super stressful. When you make it too much of an issue and can’t go with the flow, he will cancel the date.

Try not to be greedy….

Do women deserve a 5-star restaurant date with lobster and champagne? Yes. However, you need to focus more of your energy on the conversation and if you can have fun together. Being wined and dined can be wonderful, but with the wrong person you might as well have gone for fast food.

He is lazy and you want him to step it up….

There will be a case where there is zero effort. He might suggest you come over to his home. In this instance, it is best to go with your standards and say you only do public dates. More than likely he will ghost. Either way, this is better than going along with the bare minimum.

Bottom Line….

Showing your standards is a great thing. However, when you come off as too controlling, it can ruin the vibe and make him change his mind. You can suggest the type of things you love to do in a breezy way. It is better to say what you enjoy in passing rather than demanding he take you to a specific location. Be realistic about how fancy the date should be. Yes, you deserve a nice date, but keep your expectations in check and go for a middle-of-the-road place for the first meeting. The opposite of this is the bottom-of-the-barrel type date. In this case, you should decline when he refuses to meet you in public.

Should You Have Unflattering Pics In Your Dating App Profile?

Everyone would rather hear, “wow, you look so much better in person,” versus, “hmm…kinda disappointed.”Give yourself permission to have fun with your photos and get creative. You can have the photos tell a story or have a color theme. This is, of course, not necessary, but try your best to think outside of the box and stand out. How can you lower expectations for your benefit?…..

Use the right filters….

Yes, there are beauty filters, and yes, you will look amazing. I do not encourage you to use them in a profile. You are misleading a guy and it can only lead to disappointment. However, there are filters you can use. I like the “light leak” filter because it does not distort the face, but it gives a cool lighting effect. You can play around with this if you are too scared to have all your photos raw.

Lighting….

I have purchased a tiny beauty “donut” light off of Amazon. It fits on your phone or you can hold it. It will elevate any candid photo. Good lighting is not a crime, but you still want your features to look like you.

Go au natural….

A good way to make you look less attractive is to do bare-face photos. You will always wear makeup and good hair on the date, so you will look like an upgrade. It is fine to take a pic with your hair up sans makeup.

Body shots can be slightly unflattering….

It sort of comes down to what you are most insecure about. If you feel insecure about your body, I would lean into a slightly unflattering body pic. It can be a mistake to kitten fish and show how your body looked like a decade ago when you were on two sports teams and had metabolism.

Unflattering does not mean boring….

I never think a photo should be boring. You can still make it interesting, but you are not misleading and eventually disappointing. Gym selfies, home bathroom selfies, or car selfies are simply blending in with the masses. You can always make a photo more interesting by the location or lighting. Take an opportunity to do a selfie if you find yourself in a cool bathroom or art exhibit.

Bottom Line….

With your dating profile, it is better to think long-term rather than short-term. You are better off looking hotter on the dates versus on the profile. It will calm your nerves before the date when you know you will impress rather than disappoint. Yes, you might match with fewer men, but long-term, you are weeding out the highly superficial f*boys. The guys who demand more photos to prove you are “real” should be avoided. They are not interested in your personality or getting to know you. To start out, I would pepper in photos that aren’t glamour shots. Not to say every photo needs to be hideous; it is more about stripping down the photo and making you not look all dolled up. Again, you want to hear a “wow” in person, not a “oh…”

The Biggest Time – Waster Offenders On The Apps

If you’ve been on the apps as long as I have, you will come across the same type of guys. Most are harmless, yet there are some that are true time wasters. If you are a “Rules” girl, a time waster is to be avoided at all costs. The good thing is that his traits will be revealed in the first day of chatting back and forth. Anyone out there who is banging their head against the wall and deletes Tinder every three months to get a new batch of guys can relate. Let’s break down some time-waster offenders….

The “I need something extra in addition to the date” Guy….

Sometimes it’s a joke….maybe. There are a lot of guys who live further away who want a tour of your town, or even food and gifts. It’s almost like he is asking for an incentive to take you on a date and makes you question if you are enough. If this happens, make it sound like it’s the most hilarious joke you have ever heard and say how silly he is. This might make him realize his need for more won’t fly with you. You can even put him on the spot and in a “joking” way say, “oh, am I not good enough?!” With a tongue out emoji. See what he says. If a guy lives an hour plus away, this is more likely to happen. A first date is stressful enough, but adding a need to play host adds too much pressure. Still, you don’t owe a guy extra in addition to the date; a date is enough. This guy is what I call the “half-way guy.” He is not at all invested and expects you to do all the work.

The “What’s the worst thing you’ve done?” Guy….

It sort of has an air of setting you up to fail. I personally think it’s a trap so you will reveal really traumatic personal things so he feels he dodged a bullet sooner. You feel like you are cornered because you don’t want to sound lame for never being arrested, yet if you take it too far there is no coming back from it. If you come across this, say the most innocent crime you can think of, such as jaywalking. This also falls into the category of the “two truths and a lie” game. Obviously, it is trying to get to know you in a creative way, yet it’s a stock “getting to know you” tactic. I wouldn’t spend an afternoon using your brain power to come up with the most clever answer. If this comes up a lot, then just write it down in your notes and copy paste. Stay in the land of positivity. Again, it sort of is a set-up to fail if you are bragging about something, or admitting something personal.

The “Let’s cut to the chase” Guy….

It is a guy who thinks getting to know you is stupid. He will huff, “what are we doing here? Let’s meet up!” His attitude of having a basic exchange being torture is extremely off-putting.

The “What are you looking for on here” Guy….

Any guy who asks that question wants casual…period. I get that he just wants to cut the bull, but it is also a lack of understanding of how women work. We need time to process, get to know a guy, feel the chemistry before we decide if we want to sleep with him. So rushing to the finish line will always be a no, even if it would have been a yes later. If you are also looking for casual, then great, he is down.

The “Sleazy Slimy” Guy….

Any guy who asks for nudes and is sexually explicit in the first exchange should be unmatched. Unless you want that type of transactional casualness.

The “Pick up Artist” Guy…..

“Hey toots, I didn’t realize that shirt was in style…” Yea that type of guy. Any dude who comes in with a “line” should be ignored or not taken seriously. He probably copied and pasted his pick-up line to 30 women. He is a time waster because he clearly doesn’t want to know you.

The “So, I am going though something” Guy….

There is nothing wrong with having feelings, or having a bad year, but to tell a stranger on the apps?….This guy gets the heart strings pulled, yet he is just a wounded bird and will only use you to get better to find someone else. He will never be able to commit and can always go back to “him not being in a good place.” This is true that he should be single to figure things out, yet don’t waste your time by being dragged along.

The “Pen pal” Guy….

This guy I honestly don’t have so much hatred for. Yet, it does get super frustrating when you know you like him and want to be asked out. But this guy will not waste your time in the real world. He might be a fun person who lives in your phone and you talk to. Some interactions are better off in the chatting phase, especially if his living situation doesn’t work, or if there are too many hurtles to even meet. It’s totally fine to practice flirting and not be so outcome based.

Bottom Line….

Some of these guys are big offenders and some are mild. Yet, they are all time wasters. Make your interactions positive and cut out people who don’t give off good energy. You can have an amazing personal conversation with men on apps, but the time wasters can be like paying the tolls on the highway that keep you from going on an awesome date with a guy. Think about where you are at and what stage of dating you are in. There might be stages where you just want to chat, or you might want to go on a lot of dates. It’s best to not get wrapped up in something that won’t go anywhere, especially if you are too focused on one guy.

Don’t Bring Sand To The Beach: Why You Need To Be Single For Freshmen Year

“Bringing sand to the beach” is a saying I go to for this scenario. There were two camps of people I met freshmen year of college: The ones who recently became single and the, “hold on… going to step out for a call” people. In my experience, the orientation is crucial in making your friends for the rest of the year. Nothing can replace that tight bond you form the first week. Why is it a good idea to end things with your high school boyfriend before you start your next chapter?…

The first semester freshmen year will set the tone….

Unless you are going to college in your hometown, it’s very overwhelming to get adjusted. First night there you will realize that you don’t have to text your mom and can stay out until 4am. Your newfound freedom will be dampened by your high school boyfriend sending “concerned” and passive-aggressive text messages telling you to “stay safe.”

“So, I should transfer to his college, right?”….

Please don’t. Not only will he grow tired of you always being in his dorm, it will hold you back from your education. Your education is not only your classes, it’s learning to deal with your bitchy roommate who leaves her shoes by the door for you to trip on, or that finicky coffee maker you bought second hand. With a safely-net boyfriend you fail to learn fundamental “adult” skills.

Friends will stop including you if you flake all the time….

Don’t be the “you guys go ahead, I’m going to hang back” girl. You only get these wild experiences for one time period in your life. They call college “glory days” for a reason. You can’t exactly steal a traffic sign and nail it to your wall in your 30s. Nor can you sleep on a rock hard futon with a full face of makeup as an adult without needing a chiropractor.

Everyone is newly single….

Eventually, the high school sweethearts will break up. This will open up the campus to “single and ready to mingle” wide-eyed people. Not saying you should be the dorm whore, but opportunities will be open to meet your future college sweetheart.

If your high school boyfriend wants it to work he will try….

You being practical and saying you should end things might light a fire under his ass. There is no losing when you end things with him. Either it will save you from heartbreak where you see him in a Snapchat story with another girl or that awkward moment when you meet his new friends on his campus and try to figure out what girl he made out with the first night. It’s a big headache that isn’t worth dealing with. Fate will work things out if you and your high school boyfriends are meant to marry.

Never make long-term decisions based on a man….

This lesson carries for the rest of your life. No, you shouldn’t move for your weird situationship when he decides to try van life in Denver. Never move for a man unless there is a wedding date and you can’t get a deposit back on a venue. A man would never zig and zag for you if his education or job was at stake. He will probably say point blank: “don’t move for me.” Make decisions for you and you only!

Bottom Line…..

Seizing opportunities means you need to be a free agent. The worry and drama of what your high school boyfriend is up to will drive you crazy. You need to open yourself up to meet new amazing people. These new people will become your college besties who may join you in adulthood. Don’t waste the bonding time by looking backwards. Never make long-term decisions based on a man’s life. Make a man inconvenienced to show he isn’t dating out of convenience. Most importantly, choose your education and future before anyone else.

Less Money, More Problems: How Does Money Affect Relationships?

In an ideal world, money and relationships would not matter. There are always issues of power if the woman makes more money, or if both partners have no money. Personally, I have always struggled with money. I have worked in restaurants and have lived that bohemian life. Mainly, I have gotten into relationships with men who are restaurant workers while playing in a band. This has been restrictive to what sort of dates we could go on. It’s not practical to take a weekend off and fly to Hawaii or go to a fancy restaurant.

Being poor does not mean he is lazy…..

He might be trying to get a PhD or has a ton of student loan debt. It’s pretty common for young people to not be doing as well as their parents. He might have to live with roommates in a high rent situation. Nowadays, living in a city costs way more and is at the point of being not affordable.

What can you do if money is holding you back?….

It’s frustrating that you cannot go on nice dates. So getting to know a new guy results in maybe a cheap lunch and hanging at his apartment. This doesn’t really last long and it ends up resulting in a friends-with-benefits or casual relationship.
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To avoid this, here are a few ideas of what you can do that are free or very cheap….

Go to the beach or lake- If you are lucky enough to live near a body of water, take advantage. It’s fun to spend the day enjoying the sun and relaxing.

Go on a hike- This isn’t for everyone, but it’s always nice to get fresh air.

Get a slice of pizza- Usually the slices are massive and you can get cheap beer with it.

Go to day festivals or a local fair- There will music, people watching, and a fun atmosphere.

Play hide and seek in a mall- It feels silly and brings out childlike energy and competition.

Play patio games- Some restaurants have corn hole or ring toss games.

See free or cheap entertainment- Some local theaters shows are around $10. Open mics can be free or a small fee.

Take advantage of happy hour or food specials- Going out on a Saturday will be crowded and you will be paying more. Restaurants and bars give out deals during the week.

Go to the dollar theater- Not every city has this, but you could go to a matinee and sneak in snacks.

Play a drinking game- Most drinking games are “getting to know you” games. For non-drinkers you can just play the games without drinking

Can you get serious with a guy with no money?….

There are types of people who can be very wealthy… yet cheap. He might be a penny-pincher and see no need to spend his paycheck on you. Not saying he has to buy you a diamond necklace or be your sugar daddy. For example, does he buy you cough medicine and soup when you are sick? He needs to show you he is a provider no matter what his budget is.

Don’t let him guilt you into treating him on the date….

Sure…there might be situations where you split something. However, he should never pressure you into paying for both of you on a date. It just shows he is taking advantage and isn’t trying to impress you. All dates should be within his budget instead of picking a fancy place where you are forced to go dutch. (Keep in mind this is date night! You could just stay home when money is tight). Another reason to never pay for both of you is that you will expect him to grovel at your feet. When he gives you a mild “thanks” you will resent it.

Keep living arrangements separate…..

Especially when there is a gap in your finances. There will always be a fight about who pays for what. The problem lies when men are making less. He will usually not be inclined to pitch in with keeping up with cleaning or grocery runs. Resentment will be at an all time high and you will slip into parenting mode, rather than partners.

If a man strikes it rich, he might feel the need to upgrade…..

This can happen with men who reach a level of fame or prestige. You have to keep in mind that you might be with him while he is poor, then suddenly he makes it big and leaves you. This isn’t always the case, but it can certainly happen. So, don’t think that you found a wounded bird to bring back to life. He will more than likely leave you behind, and you will feel dumb about trying to help him with his finances. Be with him in the present, not his potential.

Bottom Line…..

Money always causes the most fights in a relationship. The important thing is seeing if he is wanting to be a provider, regardless of his paycheck. You can’t expect a guy on a limited budget to take you on a week-long vacation in Cancun. Sometimes, if there is too much of a gap in money, it does not work long term since one person is used to a certain lifestyle. In modern society, a woman still wants to feel taken care of even if she makes more money than him. Remember that liking a man for his potential is a bad idea. Sure, he might get that raise or win the lottery, you just can’t count on it. Plus he might want to upgrade and leave his past life behind, which includes you.

The Polite Rejection

If you are like me, you would rather be a kind soul until the bitter end. Even if it results in your foot being run over by a car because you thought it was rude to bring attention to it. To me this manifests the most in dating. As women, we are taught that the worst thing we can do to a man is lead him on and reject him. Rejection has made unstable guys shoot up a movie theater or start a podcast. However, saying yes to literally everything has consequences. The second you agree you are now locked in and it’s even harder to say no to other things men want. Believe it or not, people actually like as many things in black and white as possible. I would much rather hear a soft “no” then a wishy-washy “maybe.” But how do we actually say no to keep both parties happy?…..

Mind your manners….

There is no reason to not be polite. This is the key to wiggle out of any plans. The nicer you are, the less he can argue. (It is a huge sign a person is not into you if he goes into costumer-service mode). He cannot say you are a bitch, or heartless. Say things like, “thank you so much for asking, but I am going to pass,” “thanks for thinking of me, but no thank you,” “that’s sweet of you, but I don’t feel the spark.”

He will think you are playing hard to get….

If you have been clear and polite and have conveyed the message, your work is done. He will try to rope you in and convince you. Don’t fall for it. Also, do not fall for him acting sad and trying to manipulate you. Stop answering after you have made your statement and block him if he persists.

You don’t have to make up a boyfriend….but….

Sometimes, the boyfriend card is your last card to play. Men will only leave you alone if he believes there is another man in the picture. I know this sucks, but he is more loyal to the bro code rather than you feeling violated.

Don’t let him have access to everything….

Creep guys like multiple ways to contact you. It’s a red flag if he asks for every social media you have. He hopes you will forget to block him on every platform.

Don’t let anyone say you are rude for turning down a guy….

“Rejecting a date with a man! How could you!?”….anyone who thinks you are dramatic for turning down a date lives in scarcity and is projecting their own fears on you.

Your intuition matters…..

As a woman, your gift is intuition. It’s a gut reaction that will let you know something is off. Even the tiny things, like you don’t like how he walks or speaks. Your first impression feelings are almost always right. Trust your own feelings when he texts or when you spend time with him. Are you excited to see him or do you hesitate? Also…sometimes “butterflies” and feeling really nervous is actually your intuition warning you.

Bottom Line…..

When rejecting a man, it should be quick, clear, and polite. The longer you draw it out, the more he will guilt you. This can apply with family or friends. When you say right away that you won’t be making it…weirdly, they are less angry. Saying maybe is actually more rude than actually giving them a heads up pronto. If you have concisely said your message, there is no negotiation…that’s your answer. Be clear, be polite, and block if necessary.