Tag: writing

Creating “The Spark” On A First Date

Let’s all admit that we are seeking a spark when we go on a first date. A lot of dating coaches encourage you to accept the 2nd date no matter what. I do agree with that. However, men will more than likely refuse a second date if he doesn’t feel “the spark” and gets more of a friend vibe. Sometimes you can control a first date from how you show up. Is there a way to create chemistry on a first date?….

Be in a good mood….

That’s really what it comes down to in a nutshell. You can’t show up being a little sourpuss. Really dedicate your pre-date to getting out of your head and into your body. I like to do a “drama dump” in my car and get out all the muck that is bothering me. Then get in the zone by listening with my air pods to my favorite hype song.

Tell stories, not facts….

Captivate your audience by telling stories, not answering facts in a dry way. Ask leading questions that are not a yes or no answer. Get him talking about things you can both connect on. Everyone has fun stories that they can tell (no bathroom mishap stories), even if you are speaking about your friends or family.

Be present….

Put away the phone and make eye contact. Nod and smile when he is talking. Repeat words to let the person know you have been listening. Use one word he used to craft your sentence. He “This food is so spicy! My mouth is burning!” You: Yes! Speaking of spicy have you ever tried ghost peppers?”

Ask him questions….

Men want to know you are interested. This isn’t a one-sided interview. Try to ask fun questions instead of the boring stock questions without getting too deep. You can ask where his favorite vacation spot is as an example. Make sure these are softball questions, not asking him what he thinks the meaning of life is. Also… a biggie is to stop giving him hypothetical questions that will make him roll his eyes… “if I were a worm, would you find me attractive?”…. Stop. Also, you don’t have to try to be funny. It’s fine if you are naturally witty, but every sentence should not be a random reference from a TV show or you doing bits.

Look hot….

We can all step it up. Make it a habit to keep up with hair appointments and updating your wardrobe. You don’t have to look like you are going to the club to look sexy. In fact, try to dress a little bit more conservative while still complementing the shape of your body. Find out the best colors to wear for your skin tone as well.

Don’t give him the impression you are “the fun girl”….

Try to not get wasted on the date or be “too fun.” It will backfire to be the girl that he can only see as hitting the bars with. Communicate how passionate you are with your job or helping the community. You have to paint a picture that you aren’t going to be throwing up in an Uber every time you hang out.

Be funny, flirty, and free….

Flirting to me simply means being witty and complimentary. It’s not licking your lips and winking. Be funny and make the conversation light. Act free by not being demanding and putting pressure on him. This is not an interrogation.

Bottom Line…

Beware of him saying “I didn’t feel the spark,” if you did all these things. That is guy code for him not being attracted to you. So, let it go. Attraction is a man’s only criteria for moving along the relationship. Do not take it personally, everyone has a type. However…. this is not to say to put up a wall and to sulk in the corner. You have to be an active participant in the date. And you do have to create chemistry to a certain degree.

“Low Lift” Hangs And Dates

We are at the beginning of the year and the consensus I am getting is people are already exhausted. It is a good reminder we have about eleven months to get through. I personally go by the Lunar New Year to give myself slightly more time to get things rolling. It is tricky to do a 180 after all the holidays. As far as our relationships (friendship and dating), preserving energy and balance is a must to avoid burnout. How can you orchestrate “low lift” hangs and first dates?….

Dating:

You are already out and about….

In my app days I would take advantage of already being out and about. This is the time to use Bumble and send out “the bat signal” to men and to see who is already around. Does it always work? No. But, it is a good opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

Pre-game dates….

Your friendships should be your main plan. There is no harm in squeezing in a quick date before you meet up with your friends or go to an event. Having a time limit creates anticipation and desire to have “a real date.”

Invite a date to a party….

This is case-by-case. Do not invite a date to an intimate dinner. If it’s a “the more the merrier” type of casual party, bring a date.

The double book….

I have a whole article on this. It is great to maximize your time while already out and in a cute outfit. Use one guy as the “warm up” date and the second guy as either a second date or someone whom you are more interested in.

Friendships:

Errand hangs….

Take your friends to Target with you. It can be more enjoyable and less dreadful to just do something you were already needing to do. You can also grocery shop at Trader Joe’s for the week.

Do a coffee in between errands….

For those who need to concentrate on boring errands, grab a tea or coffee after or on the way. It is great to get grounded and in a better mood before you go to the DMV.

Take your dogs to the dog park….

All animal lovers should let their pets bond while you gossip about the cute guy with the Werner pup.

Have weekly potlucks….

Instead of going to a restaurant, do a potluck and theme dinner. Stream your dating profiles to the TV and swipe together as a group.

Bottom Line….

Certain plans do not need to be the main act. I prefer to get the most out of my night out as far as being social. I used to squeeze in dates as much as I could. Use your time wisely and maximize while you are already dressed and out. For friendships, you bond more in the shopping errands than the large dinners with a group of friends. Doing these micro hangs will keep you from burning out and feeling like you cannot leave your home on the weekends.