How To Be “Delulu”

The term “Delulu” has become a Tik Tok buzzword for “being delusional.” In therapy years ago, I had an “aha moment” when I realized that when you speak about the future with a negative lens, it is seen as “practical.” When you try to speak positively about any future outcomes, you are viewed as “delusional.” I am a big advocate for mindset and attitude and how it shapes our life. How can you get over negative self-talk and why is it the safe go-to?…..

Our ego loves safety…..

When we say negative things, it is mainly to keep us from taking any sort of action. This keeps us the same and safe. Our ego doesn’t want us to be skydiving everyday. However, it also protects us from dreaming bigger, like asking for a promotion.

Pay attention to actions….

Before you judge a situation show yourself hard evidence through actions. When it comes to men, talk is cheap. There have to be actions to show you if he is serious or cares. As far as friends or lovers, collect data on past behavior. When making major decisions it is good to hope for the best, but to remain neutral.

Seize opportunities….

Pay attention when opportunities present themselves. When people are stuck in a negative outlook they won’t even bother (or notice) to apply for that job or to go to that party. Most things that come your way need to be jumped on immediately. It is the universe giving you a gift.

How to manifest…..

You have to start with believing you deserve it and that positive domino effects will come from it. Most things average people want are extremely humble, yet we are taught that desiring anything makes us greedy. You can create a vision board or have a motivating quote you can see daily. I prefer making digital vision boards though Pinterest or just on my phone.

You’re never going to be fully ready for anything….

Yes, the stars can align a little, but overall, it won’t be perfect. You might feel you are at your goal weight or at your financial peak. Yes, bad timing is real, but anyone who becomes a parent can tell you there is no amount of prep that can make you feel you are ready.

You can be “delulu” and practical….

It is ok to be grounded, but still have big dreams. Start small with goals and see if doors open or close. You know when you are on the right path when opportunities come your way. You can always give anything a shot. It is easier to conceptualize a goal with smaller actionable steps instead of being completely overwhelmed.

Bottom Line….

Surround yourself with people who think big, not small. It is usually narrow-minded people who accuse you of being delusional. Fight against the status quo and connect with people who value goal-setting. Your “network is your net-worth” is a real phrase and your circle could be preventing you from achieving anything. Make a point to go to networking events and meet-up groups. As far as dating, stop going to the dingy college bar and waltz into a high-end wine bar. If your friend is more connected, ask to be invited to a party or get-together. Jobs and opportunities are made in person, not though a cold email. Lastly, use visualization to picture the positive snowball affect a goal or dream will cause. It will most likely be a positive impact to others and to your community.

Dating Resolutions

We might have been stuck in a toxic dating pattern for years without a way to stop. There will always be a breaking point where you need to stop everything and rework the game plan. How can you create your own dating audit and create some new resolutions?…..

Spend time reflecting….

Maybe you got rejected, or just didn’t have any good dates last year. It’s good to acknowledge what went wrong instead of sweeping it under the rug. It might feel weird, but talk out loud to yourself in private or journal. You will notice common themes will come up.

What was the common theme of why you only went on one date a while back?….

In the moment, it is easy to fall into a routine of you making the same mistakes over and over. You might overshare or maybe you didn’t put in the effort of looking your best. What was the common theme of why guys would not text you again. Were you a marathon dater? Or did you just keep picking bad date locations?

What dates went well back then?….

Maybe you went to a location that made you feel relaxed. Or that particular outfit made you feel super confident. Take note of what made it work. It could be the type of guy you had more chemistry with. Also, you might have started dating younger or older guys and that worked out better for you.

What are your patterns….

Question your motives to text him. Is it simply out of loneliness, or do you expect a rejection and then it’s a excuse to feel sad for yourself. Really think about that.

What are your dating goals?….

Now is a good time to decide what you are wanting for the future. Are you ready to be in an exclusive relationship? Did you just get out of a breakup and need time to be single? It’s a good idea to have an intention of what you are looking for.

Revamp the Apps….

Maybe Tinder wasn’t working out this past year. I, personally, have noticed a shift again to it being a hook-up-only app. Maybe try out a new app. Change up your profile. Switch up your photos and write a new bio.

Tie up loose ends….

That guy that always asks for nudes…block. Clear out your contacts on your phone and your snapchat friends. If you can’t recall who “John Tinder” is, delete. Also, any guy who is bread-crumbing or giving you mixed signals needs to go.

Here are some starter goals…..

  1. Stop being so accommodating – This will be hard for the people pleasers, but you don’t have to agree to every request.
  2. Look before you leap– It always a good idea to sit back and see if he wants to pursue you first.
  3. Stop double-texting – Resist the urge to double-text or do the “good morning / good night” message.
  4. Know when to call it a day – This can be on a date or having a crush. It’s best to move on quicker instead of dwelling or beating yourself up.
  5. Listen to what he is saying – Too much of dating confusion is not actually listening to what he is telling you. He probably told you that he just wanted to hook up. Never assume he is going to change his mind.
  6. You are not the hired entertainment– He needs to be the birthday clown, not you. It’s not your job to send him memes and do your stand-up act.

Bottom Line….

You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge. If you were the problem, bring that to light in a non-judgmental space. It’s also a great time to write down the type of guy you are wanting to focus on. Be more strict about who is taking up your time and energy. Try out a new app and delete the ones that weren’t working for you. Let go of loose ends such as the guy who is disrespectful and is only asking for nudes. Now is the time to block and unfriend any time wasters. Take a step back and see who is reaching out and checking in.