Isolation is the time to go inward and take an inventory of what is working in our life and what needs to change. We might have been stuck in a toxic dating pattern for years without a way to stop. Now that things have screeched to a stop, it’s time to really think how we can do better with dating. Even just starting with Tinder messages. Let’s break down some steps.
Spend time reflecting….
Maybe you got rejected, or just didn’t have any good dates last year. It’s good to acknowledge what went wrong instead of sweeping it under the rug. It might feel weird, but talk out loud to yourself in private or journal. You will notice common themes will come up.
What was the common theme of why you only went on one date a while back?….
In the moment, it is easy to fall into a routine of you making the same mistakes over and over. You might overshare or maybe you didn’t put in the effort of looking your best. What was the common theme of why guys would not text you again. Were you a marathon dater? Or did you just keep picking bad date locations?
What dates went well back then?….
Maybe you went to a location that made you feel relaxed. Or that particular outfit made you feel super confident. Take note of what made it work. It could be the type of guy you had more chemistry with. Also, you might have started dating younger or older guys and that worked out better for you.
What are your patterns….
Question your motives to text him. Is it simply out of loneliness, or do you expect a rejection and then it’s a excuse to feel sad for yourself. Really think about that.
What are your dating goals?….
Now is a good time to decide what you are wanting for the future. Are you ready to be in an exclusive relationship? Did you just get out of a breakup and need time to be single? It’s a good idea to have an intention of what you are looking for.
Revamp the Apps….
Maybe Tinder wasn’t working out this past year. I, personally, have noticed a shift again to it being a hook-up-only app. Maybe try out a new app. Change up your profile. Switch up your photos and write a new bio.
Tie up loose ends….
That guy that always asks for nudes…block. Clear out your contacts on your phone and your snapchat friends. If you can’t recall who “John Tinder” is, delete. Also, any guy who is bread-crumbing or giving you mixed signals needs to go.
Here are some starter goals…..
- Stop being so accommodating – This will be hard for the people pleasers, but you don’t have to agree to every request.
- Look before you leap– It always a good idea to sit back and see if he wants to pursue you first.
- Stop double-texting – Resist the urge to double-text or do the “good morning / good night” message.
- Know when to call it a day – This can be on a date or having a crush. It’s best to move on quicker instead of dwelling or beating yourself up.
- Listen to what he is saying – Too much of dating confusion is not actually listening to what he is telling you. He probably told you that he just wanted to hook up. Never assume he is going to change his mind.
- You are not the hired entertainment– He needs to be the birthday clown, not you. It’s not your job to send him memes and do your stand-up act.
You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge. If you were the problem, bring that to light in a non-judgmental space. It’s also a great time to write down the type of guy you are wanting to focus on. Be more strict about who is taking up your time and energy. Try out a new app and delete the ones that weren’t working for you. Let go of loose ends such as the guy who is disrespectful and is only asking for nudes. Now is the time to block and unfriend any time wasters. Take a step back and see who is reaching out and checking in.