“Low Lift” Hangs And Dates

We are at the beginning of the year and the consensus I am getting is people are already exhausted. It is a good reminder we have about eleven months to get through. I personally go by the Lunar New Year to give myself slightly more time to get things rolling. It is tricky to do a 180 after all the holidays. As far as our relationships (friendship and dating), preserving energy and balance is a must to avoid burnout. How can you orchestrate “low lift” hangs and first dates?….

Dating:

You are already out and about….

In my app days I would take advantage of already being out and about. This is the time to use Bumble and send out “the bat signal” to men and to see who is already around. Does it always work? No. But, it is a good opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

Pre-game dates….

Your friendships should be your main plan. There is no harm in squeezing in a quick date before you meet up with your friends or go to an event. Having a time limit creates anticipation and desire to have “a real date.”

Invite a date to a party….

This is case-by-case. Do not invite a date to an intimate dinner. If it’s a “the more the merrier” type of casual party, bring a date.

The double book….

I have a whole article on this. It is great to maximize your time while already out and in a cute outfit. Use one guy as the “warm up” date and the second guy as either a second date or someone whom you are more interested in.

Friendships:

Errand hangs….

Take your friends to Target with you. It can be more enjoyable and less dreadful to just do something you were already needing to do. You can also grocery shop at Trader Joe’s for the week.

Do a coffee in between errands….

For those who need to concentrate on boring errands, grab a tea or coffee after or on the way. It is great to get grounded and in a better mood before you go to the DMV.

Take your dogs to the dog park….

All animal lovers should let their pets bond while you gossip about the cute guy with the Werner pup.

Have weekly potlucks….

Instead of going to a restaurant, do a potluck and theme dinner. Stream your dating profiles to the TV and swipe together as a group.

Bottom Line….

Certain plans do not need to be the main act. I prefer to get the most out of my night out as far as being social. I used to squeeze in dates as much as I could. Use your time wisely and maximize while you are already dressed and out. For friendships, you bond more in the shopping errands than the large dinners with a group of friends. Doing these micro hangs will keep you from burning out and feeling like you cannot leave your home on the weekends.

Therapy Alternatives For People In A Gray Area

I want to talk about the gray area of needing some extra help. In the extremes, it is immensely important to seek professional help. I will not be speaking of crisis mode. I remember going to therapy for a five-year stretch and then hitting a wall. I treated therapy like a spoken-word- improv set. For anyone who needs a little boost, what are some alternative paths for feeling more centered?…..

If you are in therapy….

In the beginning of therapy, you might be in a trauma phase where you don’t know what is wrong. This is where therapy is great and helpful. However, near the end of my sessions, I felt I had to rehash old trauma that no longer affected my life to produce “content” for the session. Have notes of what you want to speak about versus speaking freely.

Consider a coach or mentor….

Seeking out a life coach might be laughed at in your circle of friends. But why? First of all, a therapist legally is not allowed to give you direct advice. You have to come to your own conclusions. In certain cases, such as making career or dating decisions, a direct yes or no is more helpful.

Exercise and breath work….

Most stress presents in the physical body. It is important to move your body daily and get some fresh air and sunshine. Breath work does not have to be an hour-long thing; it can be for five minutes a day.

Diet, sleep, routines….

Any way to dampen stress will be life-changing. Reconsider a stressful job or relationship. You should not be overwhelmed and stressed daily. This can mean quitting caffeine, junk food, and alcohol and prioritizing sleep and rest.

Journal out your problems….

It is great to get your feelings on the page. It is best to do so either at the beginning or end of the day. Once it is in a notebook, it has cleared out “the muck” and now there is room for new thoughts.

Digital Detox….

I say this a ton. Everyone knows not to watch the news on TV all day. However, there are micro- detoxes to do. Ask yourself how often you are listening to other people’s problems. Yes, it can be helpful; however, when every podcast is an advice podcast, it makes it seem like life is full of endless problems. Balance out your rotation with uplifting motivating podcasts.

Who are you surrounded with?….

How many fires are you putting out for other people? It is not a bad idea to do a gradual fade-out for certain friendships. Your test should be how you feel when you leave the hang-out or what your gut reaction is when they text. These days, it is very easy to demote people and to “be busy.” Most will get the hint.

Bottom Line….

Bettering yourself can be in micro-shifts that can make a huge impact. Living situations, jobs, and friendships can shape your stress level and quality of life. All are temporary and fixable. For anyone currently in therapy, have a solid plan for the hour session. You may also consider only signing up for a few sessions versus an unending commitment. Coaches and mentors should be utilized more. With coaches you can be focused on one goal such as career or your love life. The free ways to feel better are exercise, giving yourself a routine, and journaling. Lastly, ask yourself what you are mentally consuming, such as the news or even podcasts that are not productive or motivating.

Do Less to Get More in 2024

Before the new year starts, it is time to reflect on 2023. For me, I did a ton of things that were total time sucks. You will not be rewarded for effort, only results. Anything that takes away time or doubles your effort should be avoided. Go through 2023 and decide what you can take off your plate. It is also a great time to do a purge of things you do not use. Get rid of expired food items, donate clothing, regift kitchen appliances that still work but you never use. You want to clear a space for a fresh start. I enjoy deep cleaning my car and doing a deep clean of the bathroom. Any superstitious people should not clean on New Year’s Day, so best to get it over with before the 1st. What can we let go of to bring in more?….

Toxic things and people….

Did you go with your gut this year, or did you push through? Most of the time, obligations stand in the way of our happiness. There might be pressure to socialize with a certain friend or drink too much alcohol. In dating, there is a lot of begging and pushing. Are you saying yes to “not cause drama” ? Your job could make you want to throw up every morning. Really step back and see how you feel about everything in your life.

Applying to jobs you are not qualified for….

Most people would say, “Hey, there is no harm in applying.” But when you spend hours of your day crafting the perfect cover letter only to be rejected? Network more and stop applying online. You will get way more out of a networking mixer than a daily cold email. Turn off those job alerts to avoid getting into a time suck.

Your health and wellness….

Your party friends do not want you to be healthy. They loved the 2am drive-thru after drinking or the couch-potato lifestyle you shared. When you decide to get healthy, closing down the bar will be replaced with staying home. Not to say you can’t go out here and there. However, most of the fun friends will fade away. This isn’t to discourage, but social pressure can stand in the way of losing weight and getting sober.

Gossip and drama….

It’s fun to get the scoop on celebrity gossip and be informed. Work and friendship gossip should be avoided. Once you talk about one friend behind their back it will blow up eventually. Look inward and be inspired rather than wasting time on trying to ruin someone. Envy means you want what they have. Work on yourself and your goals and stay in your own lane.

Skim down your friend group….

Put your friends into categories. There are long-distance friends who you can chat online with. And there should be a friend that you can be inspired by. Maybe their career is going well or they are an “expander” in what you thought was possible. Sparingly, you need an extrovert friend who wants to be social with you. Avoid friends who only want to complain and talk about problems. Nothing wrong with a minor crisis here and there. Shouldn’t be a daily habit to complain and ask for help. Make sure you are not burdening people with things you should do yourself.

Dating with no momentum….

Dating apps are a total time suck. One minute you are swiping, then four hours go by. It’s my personal opinion to delete the apps if you are interested in dating seriously. Get yourself together and go to a mixer, set up, or get more out there in person. Another time suck is chasing after a guy who does not like you–stalking his Instagram, hovering over the message button, and orbiting him.

Distractions…..

I understand it’s healthy to let off steam and avoid the world. However, it is easy to get addicted and use video games, for an example, as a way to avoid responsibilities and being present with the people in your life. However, you can maximize your time by doing two things at once. For example, listening to a podcast while working out or washing the dishes.

Replace an unhealthy habit with a healthy one….

Drink a relaxing tea instead of a glass of wine. Go to the gym instead of going to the bar. Prioritize eating habits, sleep, and exercise and see if you are tempted to still be unhealthy.

Bottom Line….

Take an audit of 2023. Be honest with what was a total waste of time. It is more important to take things off your priority list rather than piling on. The first step should be a purge of items, people, jobs, and distractions that do not serve you. As far as dating and relationships, see what worked and what didn’t. We waste a lot of time going in blind for first app dates. Time cannot be replaced, which is why it should not be mindlessly wasted and squandered. In 2024, remember that effort will not be rewarded, only results. Stick to things that truly work and keep things simple and clean to achieve that.

2023 Wrapped: End Of Year Advice

I personally do not have Spotify, but I love the concept of having the data of what mood and vibe you were in for the year. Most of us probably didn’t calculate our dating data, or even what were the total of first dates that led to second dates. But, hey, maybe we should pay more attention. Regardless, it’s time to think how we felt about 2023 as a whole. This is advice I gathered for this year and what to work towards for a more enjoyable dating experience. How can you reflect and start the new year on the right foot?….

Your year as a whole….

Maybe dating took a back seat, but you got a nice promotion at work. It is best to be proud of other accomplishments and see the whole picture. You could have met a few more friends or gotten closer to family. Give yourself credit for those things.

What was your worst date and what was your best date?…..

Reflect on both extremes and pick apart the reason it went sour. In contrast, think about why a date went right. Go through length of the date, type of date, location, what you were wearing, if you had a pre-date, etc. You can notice patterns that could have caused it to go well or flop.

How many dating-app dates versus real life?….

Yes, dating-app dates are easy and convenient. But they are probably not the quality dates you want. You could say you went on 100 app dates this year, but they probably only resulted in a first date. Stop being scared of dating mixers or speed dating. ( I do prefer a mixer versus speed dating since it isn’t forced). It can be a great opportunity to meet multiple men in person.

Were all your dates coffee dates?….

If you want a job interview environment, you got it. The atmosphere does not foster a romantic connection. I understand you probably want a sober date versus a bar. You have to think of environment and lighting first. You can choose how many drinks you drink or how long you stay. Find a romantic ornate tea shop and go there for a sober date versus a Starbucks. It’s all about an atmosphere that will encourage you to relax and connect.

Do you need that revenge body?….

The better you look, the better the choices and the better you will be treated. Is that fair? No. It’s just how dating works. Invest in yourself and take care of your physical appearance. Get your hair done, buy a new outfit, join a gym, get your makeup done professionally. There is zero downside to looking more attractive.

Should you be more choosy?….

This is the time to trust your intuition. Give yourself enough time to get to know someone before you go on a date. The “ick” can creep on you sooner than you expect. It’s best to feel things out before you dive in. Quality over quantity. It’s ok to go on fewer dates.

Bottom Line….

This year for me was not so great for dating, but good for other aspects of life. Dating is not the be-all and end-all and you should try to become more well-rounded. Try your best to think outside of the dating apps. If you haven’t tried to involve your friends or gone to a mixer, then give it a whirl. Be more choosy of whom you give your time to. It’s ok to go on a date once a month instead of once a week. If you want more options, then work on your physical appearance. It will open more doors in all aspects of your life. Most importantly, it’s best to repeat what really was working and bringing you joy this year.

The Date Night Perfume

Scent is the most popular Christmas gift for couples. This time of year it’s normal to peruse a Macy’s, hoping someone will give you a gift set. A perfect fragrance can be a signature for you and a core memory for whomever you date. However, when a scent is wrong, then it’s a disaster. When a man calls your perfume “cologne,” you know you messed up. How can you take a delicate approach to fragrance?….

Consider your base scent….

All your scents need to be in harmony. Make sure your deodorant isn’t running the show in a bad way. It is best to pick a scent you like best since it will be worn daily. Go with something subtle that will still keep you fresh.

Avoid musk….

When you see the word “musk” I personally would avoid it. It can work on certain people but frankly most men do not like it.

Go clean….

There are great subtle scents that are marked as “shower fresh,” “clean,” “water,” “cool.” Those types complement your soap and will be more pleasant.

Go flirty….

Keep in mind this is date night, so it’s needs an extra push. This doesn’t mean go bold; it should be a girly / sweet fragrance. Overall, it should NOT be overpowering, dark, moody, etc.

Beware of the “sexy” fragrance….

When in doubt go subtle. A great date fragrance is airy and light. You should apply it very lightly so it is not overpowering. Most “sexy” scents are very strong and loud. It is best to not get caught up in marketing. You don’t want to give your date a migraine.

Try before you buy….

It is always best to try on perfume and see if it meshes with your natural scent. Wait about 30 minutes and keep smelling it. You are seeing if the scent changes and how long lasting it is. Avoid the paper since you won’t know how the fragrance will work on your skin.

Bottom Line….

Anyone hunting for a new fragrance should consider taking it down a notch. Most people are sensitive to scents and you don’t want the fragrance to enter the room before you do. As far as skincare and haircare, purchase “fragrance free” products. As you age your skin can become sensitive to fragrance and it can irritate your skin. Choose wisely with deodorant scents. It is your base smell and everything else should complement it. Lastly, try before you buy. Take your time with a purchase and see if the fragrance complements your natural scent.

Setting Up For A Successful Thanksgiving As A Couple

For any couples who are meeting their partner’s family for the first time, you need a game plan. Your partner doesn’t know your cousin is deathly allergic to shrimp and that your father can’t stand the Yankees. This isn’t the time to test and see how they tread water. Have a serious discussion and rundown of how the holidays typically go. How can you let your family love your partner and set them up for success?…..

Make sure your relationship is serious enough….

There is no point in going though social torture for a casual “three -monther”. Best case, meeting family is a serious step.

Understand the overall vibe….

Every family has their own energy. Big politics talkers, pop culture nuts, sports fanatics, etc. You want to be up to speed with any news, celebrity or otherwise, when you know what topics will be brought up. Not to say they should get into political arguments. In fact, prevent that from happening. Communicate where your family is voting-wise and tell them to keep certain options to themselves. However, your partner cannot sit on the bench. He or she needs to participate regardless of what is being discussed.

Sleeping arrangements and rules….

Not your house, not your rules. Most parents have a “no sharing a room until married” policy. This includes practicing etiquette and being polite. Tell your partner to bring a gift and offer to help clean up. Rules and manners should be top of mind. Wake up times are also crucial to get right. Let them know if you are a turkey-trot family or the type that hits the snooze button.

How to dress….

For women talking to men, push them to dress up slightly. No need for a suit, but a nice button down or sweater will work. As a woman, hopefully it is not a shock that you need to dress more conservatively. This includes sleepwear and lounge wear to wear around the house. It is a good time to upgrade to a matching set with a high neck line.

Alcohol use….

Some families are big drinkers, some are sober. It would be stupid to bring a bottle of wine as a gift for non-drinkers. A good alternative to wine is to make cookies or bring a nice olive oil and vinegar set in pretty bottles. Even if the family drinks, they can’t treat it like a frat party.

Tell them to ask questions….

It is a good reminder to encourage your significant other to think of stock questions to ask. They are hopefully naturally curious, but might be shy and awkward. To ease their mind feed them a few lines and topics to get them started.

Bottom Line….

Set your partner up for success. Do not watch them drown and then conclude they aren’t your person. At least, give them a shot to win. No one wants to spend a holiday without their family. Be honest with yourself and understand if your family is a “hosting family” or not. There is nothing wrong with grabbing a nice lunch to meet the family versus a whole Thanksgiving or holiday weekend. Lastly, this shouldn’t be a whole test of the relationship. It isn’t fair to set your partner up for failure.

Skipping Over Thanksgiving As A Trend

In the past there have been rules of when to decorate for certain holidays. Most people have been told to put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving or even December 1st. Once the pandemic started, I noticed the trend of skipping over Thanksgiving to decorate for Christmas. I actually read an article contending that people who do this are happier. Long story short, start the holidays when you see fit, here’s why….

People love sparkle….

Christmas decorations are all about sparkle, glitter, and shine. Humans love to look at shiny objects. It gives them a little hit of serotonin (not a doctor, but it gets my pulse going).

It encapsulates a lot of trends in one….

A Christmas cheer is exactly what a girl who romanticizes her life will do. She is probably in her “soft-life era.” This time of year encourages fuzzy blankets, hot tea, and curling up watching favorite shows in candlelight. You can pretend to be the main character in a Hallmark movie.

The holidays go by soooo fast….

The more time you get to have the decorations up, the better you feel. The holidays, especially post-Thanksgiving zoom by and frankly, you don’t have time after Black Friday to sit and sip your hot chocolate next to your tree.

You can decorate in your own color scheme and vibe….

Unlike other holidays you can showcase your own style within Christmas. If you only love silver and gold, great! You can also lean into arts and crafts style with Popsicle frame pics of family. I have even seen Christmas in a goth style.

You can still enjoy Thanksgiving….

We give fall our all. I don’t find it is skipped over. There is pumpkin spice and sweater weather, the leaves, etc. I do think the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays get recognized.

Before you decorate….

Do a clean out and donate unused decorations. Obviously, keep anything sentimental and precious to you. But go though the lights that do not work and are tangled and decide overall what the vibe will be. Like I said, you can decorate with your own taste in mind. This might mean out with old, in with the new.

Get ahead of the stress part….

Start making a list for presents and purchase your Christmas cards. Decide what your budget is and how many gifts per person. Keep in mind that certain people would prefer a service IOU present which can be priceless. Don’t limit yourself to physical items.

Bottom Line….

Give yourself permission to decorate. Honestly, this generation (Millennial and Gen Z ) are already doing it regardless. There is time that needs to be spent on brainstorming on the vibe you want to capture. I love when a person has their own Christmas style that is unique to them and their home. This year spend more time in the Christmas spirit versus the frantic stress ball that can occur.

How To Use Vulnerability In Dating

In the past couple years, there have been a lot of gurus preaching “vulnerability.” Everyone should chose an authentic path and speak the truth to others. You cannot bottle up your own feelings and be a fake person. I do want to address that there is a gray area when it comes to early dating. I want to talk about what people mean by being vulnerable in a dating context. What should you say and do on the first few dates?…..

What is vulnerability on a first date / early talking…

I want to stress that these experts do not mean “trauma dumping.” It might feel like they are encouraging you to bare your soul to strangers. They simply mean to stop saying, “how was your weekend.”

Starting the conversation in the second act…

Shakespeare started his plays “in the middle.” He used very little setup and backstory and dove straight into the action. A lot of experts bring this up as a style of connecting to people. It is better to act like you already know the person.

Feelings, not facts…

I have brought this up before. It is so much better to tell a story through emotion. Facts should be avoided as they always come off cold and boring. Again, this does not mean you are in a therapy session. Example: Fact- “I went to college in Arizona in 2009.” Story- “I can’t even look at Sunny Dee anymore; going to college in Arizona people couldn’t get enough screwdrivers.”

Beware of generic topics…

In my own experience, as you get older it’s harder to speak about music and movies. When you bring up one thing and they say they haven’t heard of it, then you are dead in the water. I am guilty of wanting to chat about celebrity pop culture, but again, typically men aren’t as tuned in to that. You can certainly dip your toe in and see if you are aligned on movies. It does make a conversation flow better when you can connect on something. I would rather you speak about movies than trauma bonding. So, at worst, explain the movie or album.

How is your tone…

Men respond to women who make them feel relaxed around them. Most of their dates are interrogations; be a breath of fresh air. I understand you need certain answers to move forward, but when you push it and force questions, he will not like it. Also, keep in mind a man can just lie to you. It is better to get the feel and zero into your intuition around him.

A man will tell you what he is looking for…

He will put you in a box the moment he lays eyes on you. He has a certain standard for how a girlfriend acts or looks like. I say this to not put so much pressure on what you say. As long as you aren’t in a bad mood and complaining, you should be fine. Witty banter is the goal, of course, but positivity is more important.

Listen more than you talk…

The secret to charisma is the power of letting the other person talk about themselves. He will give you the answers you are seeking when he feels comfortable.

Learn how to flirt…

I admit it is a delicate dance. No woman wants to encourage a man to only want to sleep with her. I do think certain types of flirting can backfire. Think of it in terms of being charming and complimentary, not licking your lips and pulling his tie.

Bottom Line…

The biggest thing to keep in mind is if he likes you, he likes you. I have tried to be little-miss- witty and win a guy over. The decision has already been made. Not to say you should roll your eyes and look at your watch. There should be responsibility to be easy-breezy and be a good hang. On the flip side, vulnerability does not mean trauma-dumping or bonding. The best thing to practice with friends, co-workers, and dates is speaking with emotion and story. No one wants a dry interviewer or someone demanding answers. If you cannot be relaxed or calm, consider taking a break from dating. A lot of tensions and heartache can build up and cause you to come off mean and impatient. Men, in a nutshell, want a woman to be pleasant to be around and look like his type.

Off Limits Men

I have spoken about the downsides of hitting on bartenders or anyone in a service-based industry. I want to take it a step further and explore the BIG “off limits men.” These men can be more appealing because they are taboo. However, the reason men fall into the “no” category is because of how they affect other people. I will break down what type of men are forbidden and why it’s never a good idea….

A best friend / sister’s ex….

This is breaking “girl code.” You are being selfish and not putting your friend or loved one into consideration.

Married men….

He will say over and over he will leave his wife for you. And yet….you are still sneaking away to dark alleys and shady hotels while he goes back to his family in the morning. This is also a thing that you should go by the rule, not the exception. It is harmful to your self-worth and you are a home wrecker.

Anyone who you pay….

Even the man who mows your grass. This goes back to my “Hitting on Bartenders” article. There are always going to be men who seem appealing that you did not swipe on. You will feel seen when they remember your name and go the extra mile. This is a big trap that both men and women fall into and it only results in an awkward and inappropriate situation. There are men who will physically touch you (hair dresser, massage therapist, dermatologist, etc). You could feel the spark, especially if you are deprived of affection. It is never a thing to explore.

Your priest, rabbi, or spiritual counselor….

In the show, “Fleabag,” the main protagonist goes all the way with her priest. It was shocking and has an erotic element because of the forbidden and even immoral nature. This is not a common scenario, but I do think it comes from a man with no sexual agenda helping you that is appealing to women.

Your son’s friend….

I have been thinking of Jada Pinkett Smith since she is currently in the news. She speaks about her “entanglement” with rapper August Alsina who is 21 years younger. I am pretty open about age gaps, but an extremely large one when one party is below 27 is inappropriate. Not going to throw only women under the bus with this, men have been doing this for eons. Usually, he progressively dates younger after each divorce until she is younger than his daughter.

Your therapist….

I am separating this one from the “men you pay” category because women really do fall for their therapists. He knows your deep dark secrets, he listens, and he gives his thoughtful advice. To women, this is what intimacy is. Men aren’t usually attracted to a therapist, there are no porn categories of “therapist and patient.” Going back to the priest example, it is another time a man is helping without his own sexual agenda.

What is the solution?….

Not going to minimize the piercing attraction you feel with these forbidden men. Most women’s sexuality is tied to fantasy and “will they, won’t they.” It can be somewhat unbearable when you are hit with a strong spark from the wrong guy. There are some action plans to combat the feeling.

Recognize if you are in dry period of dating – Most of the time you will be fantasizing about the mailman when you have no options. Your brain likes to stay in a romantic energy and will find any man to fill the void.
Make a zen garden- The Buddhists believe in work that results in a “flow” state. This could be where you physically have no time to think outside of what you are doing. Some examples are re-wallpapering your room, gardening, or cleaning your gutters.
Reject yourself- Some people still hold onto to a crush because there was no “no.” When we are rejected, the door has shut and it is easier to wash our hands with it. In this case reject yourself in a firm way by giving a reality check. It is always better to go in with an assumption he is not interested or available.
Admit you are starved for affection / attention – When you are in this state this is when you make bad decisions. In this case, it’s much better to get that energy out though a dating app. Even if you don’t meet up it is better to flirt and get attention
Get busy- “idle hands are the devil’s playground.” “If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.” Ok, I will stop saying cliché phrases… but, you might have too much time on your hands that can be put to better use.

Bottom Line….

A crush and fantasy can be healthy, yet I put an asterisk next to these type of men only because an obsession can build up more from people who are seen as forbidden and taboo. There are real consequences from pursuing these types of men. You can break up a marriage, hurt a person’s career, or simply have a humiliating experience. This is the time to put your shields up, assume they are not interested, and move on with your day. Anything interdict makes captivating television, but in reality, at worst, it can be life-ruining for both parties.

Halloween Tips For Single Guys

Halloween is a the perfect holiday to meet someone new. Being in disguise can break down some self-doubt and allow you to let loose. Men don’t normally have immense pressure to look sexy. The average Joe tends to lean into a funny costume or what I call “the mascot” costume where he is completely hidden. When you use your time wisely it can be a night to really maximize your social capacity. What are some tips for single men to stand out this season?….

Try on your costume before the night….

Make sure everything fits ok and is comfortable. Give yourself enough breathing time to replace something or scrap the idea for a better one.

Get noticed….

Costume choice matters. The worst move is only dipping your toe into a “costume.” I have seen men who wear a T-shirt that says, “this is my costume.” It might be a personal preference, but it gives me the ick when a guy half-way participates. This is one night to get creative and have some fun.

Have a game plan….

Bring in the wingmen for some assists. It’s best to get the crew together, maybe for a group costume if possible, and have a few hype men. Go barhopping and attend all the events to maximize meeting the most women.

Make sure your costume is practical….

Bathroom lines will be long, you need to be the backseat of an Uber, you need to be able to see, etc. It is best to show your face. Not saying a funny blow-up dinosaur costume isn’t funny. You will not connect with women when they cannot see your eyes and expressions.

It’s a numbers game….

Try not to get locked into one person. The mistake I see is when men laser focus on the first girl who speaks to them and holds her hostage for the night. Get into the flow of chatting, maybe getting contact info if the vibe feels right, and then keeping it moving. The reason is that this is a rare night when the homebodies are out and about. You will be meeting people you had no idea existed since they probably do not frequent the bars often.

Be safe….

I say this a lot, but it would be embarrassing to wind up in jail in a Halloween costume. Take Uber or walk to your destinations.

Pre-game….

Bonus points for being a host of the pre-game party. Only do this when you live close to downtown and it is on the way for people. This is also a great time to meet new women in a non- chaotic environment. For men who are not knowledgeable on how to host, this could be a learning opportunity. Just make sure to make the experience fun. You should provide drinks and a festive vibe. Put on a scary movie in the background, light candles, and have a goth playlist.

Have a budget…..

Anyone who gets a little too generous with buying people drinks should bring cash only. It will limit you to a certain dollar amount and you won’t get your credit card left or overspent. Also, when women know your tab is open, they can order drinks and you may get stuck with a higher bill than expected. When treating women to drinks, don’t get an expensive cocktail. In my city, we have half-shots that are inexpensive. If there are special cheap shots, then go with that. In general, offering a shot is better because it’s quick and easy while still appearing chivalrous.

“The walk of shame”….

Getting lucky can happen on Halloween. When you take a girl home, be kind and let her borrow or keep some clothing she can sleep in and go home in. Give her clothing you don’t care about losing, not expensive items. She wants to not be embarrassed the next morning and wants to not stand out when she makes her way home.

Bottom Line….

Singles on Halloween will be ready to mingle. Get noticed and do not hide yourself in a costume. Think practical in case you get lucky, and be safe so you don’t wind up with a mug shot of you dressed as a hot dog. Take charge and orchestrate your friends coming out and also host a pre-party to meet more women. Think in terms of getting numbers versus zeroing in on one girl. Have a budget and a plan overall, because in the witching hour things can get chaotic. Collect instagrams, not numbers. You will forget what the women look like and it’s good to have a visual reference. Finally, enjoy your night in a safe way and get into the spirit.