Weighing Future Options After High School or College

It’s been a long time since I graduated high school. However, I do think that the process of visualizing your future happens at many points in your life. There is so much pressure to know exactly what to do at eighteen. Millennials have regretted getting into massive debt for a degree they don’t even use. I wanted to break down a thought process that anyone can chew on to take next steps in life or career….

After high school or college…..

Just graduating high school, the world is your oyster. There is a ton of pressure to go to college for the sake of it. This mindset is not up with the current times. There are other options such as a trade school, or even taking a gap year to sort things out. As far as graduating with an undergrad, it is also important to take a beat and decide what makes long term financial sense.

Gap year option….

This is a good time to stack your money with investing. You can get a job, live at home, and invest. Is it an exciting option? No. The sooner you start investing the more wealth you will accrue. Some people use a gap year to travel. You could do that in the micro-sense or travel across the globe.

Don’t try to force your degree….

When we have that official paper it is easy to pigeonhole ourselves to only do that degree. Your bachelors could lead to a piece of a skill to a job or career. Try not to turn down offers just because that wasn’t what you majored in.

What lifestyle suits you the best….

Some people thrive with waking up at 6am and going into work at 9am, while others are not early risers and want more freedom and flexibility. Be honest about when you are most energetic during your day. Are you a night owl or a morning lark?

The job isn’t going to be what you think….

When you are getting your degree you are learning in theory how everything will work. This is why an internship is super important. On paper, it might seem like a glamorous job, but the reality could be a lot of late nights and out-of-control clients.

What is a hobby and what is a job?….

The people who can’t decide on a career have a hard time with this. You could have a million interests and you can’t pick one. In this case, it might come down to trial and error and what sticks. See how much positive feedback you are getting and if doors are shutting or opening. You should not have to force anything too hard. When it’s right it is something you are passionate about, but is also lucrative.

Give yourself time….

Jobs and careers take time to develop. You don’t want to abandon something after a week; it will take work and discipline. Cut it off or pivot after 2-3 years.

Network….

The wrong way to network is a cold email asking if you “can pick their brain.” Networking can mean going to a networking event or being social and ready with an elevator pitch. When you are relaxed and in your element you attract people towards you. You never know who you are chatting with or how big their circle is. Another thing to think about is what your resources are and who you already know. Most people get hired by former classmates, friends, or relatives. See where there might be legs up in your social circle.

Bottom Line….

At many points you will need to take it back to square one and follow your passions. Take advantage of your young age to invest your money. Start out with good financial literacy that can set you up to buy a home later on. Take advantage of a gap year. It is not common for Americans to do a gap year, but it can really save you from panic-picking a major. Give yourself time to digest and see how the real working world is like. Most importantly, it is ok to not use your college degree the way you thought.

How Roommates Affect A Couple

In college, I made a huge mistake by agreeing to live with my boyfriend and his friend. In general, I discourage living with boyfriends until it is serious. I honestly feel my relationship could have been saved if I had chosen to live solo or with a roommate to wrap up senior year. Why is taking on an extra roommate a romance killer for a couple?….

Why living with your boyfriend is bad….

I do have a full article on this. In summary, your relationship will shift into roommate vibes. You will no longer go on dates and he will have less incentive to impress you. Yes, you should live with your boyfriend eventually, but only when it is serious, like when you are engaged.

Why living with another roommate is bad….

When the extra roommate is male and they are friends, it’s game-over for your relationship. He will be playing video games in the living room and forget you exist.

Why he suggests you add an extra roommate…

Is it for money?…could be. More than likely, he does not trust your relationship will last. He is protecting himself and knows you will have to move out and he can stay.

Protect yourself before you move in…..

You are way better off being mysterious for as long as possible. You are playing your last card when you move in. On your end, you think it will bond you and bring you closer. Men fall in love through the absence of you. When you are always there he will feel trapped and lose desire.

You could be stuck in this situation for years….

He is comfy cozy and likes living with his friend. You are a bonus in the equation. He will have zero motivation to move out with just you. He is getting all his needs met, plus more.

Bottom Line….

The best thing you can do is to pace out your relationship. A man can get comfortable with the bare minimum while you expect him to keep up date nights and court you. These types of living situations can go on for years where the woman is unhappy and unfulfilled and he is thriving. Think of it in the logical sense and make it so he has to seek you out for as long as you can. Give him incentive to move the relationship along.

Back To School: Roomie Expectations

When going off to college, you will be introduced to living with a roommate. There will be bumps along the way to say the least. I am going to break down the types of roommates out there and how to navigate dealing with tricky roommates starting from college and beyond. What can you expect freshman year?…..

Communicate before the move-in day…..

Your college will give your their contact info. Back in the olden days when I went to college we found each other on Facebook. Open up a stream of communication, feel out the vibes, and talk logistics. Who will have the mini fridge, TV, coffee maker, etc.

Don’t treat her like your BFF….

The ideal relationship is that you will be on good terms. Don’t treat her like a bestie because you will need to lay down boundaries. It is too easy to let things slide when you are trying to impress someone. Make sure everything is fair and square with how the room is set up. Don’t let her take over the room. Be cautious with shared items such as the TV or mini fridge. It could be taken away from you if there is a fight. So beware of petty behavior. My old roommate loved leaving passive-aggressive post-it notes on the microwave. If you are living in a style where you have your own room and a shared living room / kitchen then buy your own mini-fridge and tv for your bedroom. You don’t want to fight about your roommate eating your leftovers.

Expect there will be conflict….

In the first year of college everyone is trying to adjust and fit in. People will be high on stress. Don’t take too many things personally, especially when you get ignored. Everyone needs a safe haven to go and sleep and decompress after class. Give each other space, but don’t let her make you feel awkward to be in your own room.

Be careful who you vent to…..

The rumor mill is not your friend. You don’t want her to think you are talking sh*t about her around campus. Be careful of private journals as well. It might not be smart to have a notebook someone could go though. Don’t bring anything valuable or sentimental with you to the dorm. Invest in a lock box if needed to store things under the bed. Your roommate might not be a thief, but dorms tend to be wide-open to friends dropping by, etc. Keep your stuff safe.

5 things to have for the dorm…..

1. Noise-canceling headphones – It can help you in the dorm when she is talking on her phone loudly and you have a deadline.

2. Eye mask – Napping is essential

3. First Aid and medicine kit – You might get sick out of nowhere. Pepto and aspirin will be a lifesaver, but be prepared with bandaids and cold medicine, too.

4. Flip-flops for the shower – have a handy shower caddy with the essentials. Don’t bother with soap since it is messy. Get a bottle of bodywash and avoid buying a loofah or wash cloth ( too many germs).

5. A hidden snack box – have snacks for when the dining hall is closed or when pulling an all- nighter. Have snacks that will keep and are wrapped to stay fresh. Don’t tell your roommate about it so she won’t steal your food

5 Types of roommates…..

“The Never There Roommate” – The best roommate ever! This is an ideal roommate to have in any life stage, minus hunting them down to pay bills or rent.

“ The Always There Roommate” – This happens more in the male space where he only plays video games. But yea… there they are…

“ The Roommate With The Boyfriend” – He….is…always…there. It can get frustrating when you just want to watch TV in the living room – or your food gets eaten.

“The Messy Roommate”– In my experience, don’t create a Cold War–let her leave the dishes. Just clean up for her. I know this is unjust and not moral, but she isn’t going to clean. Have a discussion about common areas being clean, but you will have to pick up the slack in the kitchen and in the bathroom.

“The Social Roommate”– She brings the party back to the dorm / apartment. Try to swash this by discussing it day one. Be crystal clear you don’t want late-night visitors. If she continues to do it then you need to switch roommates or move out. (In a dorm situation get the RA involved).

Beyond College…..

In my experience, it isn’t the greatest idea to live with very good friends. There are probably people out there who have had a blast with their roommate / bestie from day one….I just feel it’s more likely it could tarnish your relationship. It is better to be able to spend time in your room alone without having to entertain her. It feels a lot better to visit your really good friend to get out of the apartment for a while versus being with her constantly. Things do change after you live with a person and she will show you her true colors.

Signing leases…..

It is best to be in a position to not be locked in. Don’t let her trick you into paying extra for anything (unless you have the master bedroom, etc). Try to not be the one who has all the stuff – it will be trickier to move out. Wait until your have your own place to spread out and have your specific white comfy couch- all that. If possible have a deadbolt installed on your bedroom door. You don’t want anyone rummaging though your things or sleeping in your bed when you are out of town.

Make sure you aren’t the bad roommate…..

If you are paying your rent on time, keeping clean, keeping quiet, and minding your own business, then you are a perfectly fine roommate. As far as private landlords go: Keep your complaints very professional, be gracious when things are fixed, and act like an adult. You may need their reference to move to another apartment.

Bottom Line…..

Roommates can be a nightmare. It is always better to go in with the right expectations and attitude. In my freshman year they stuffed three of us together in an open room. ( not including my roommate’s boyfriend who was the unofficial roommate). The main conflict is going to be with boys- hands down. When she gets a boyfriend or is sleeping around it will become annoying (walls are thin…). Lay down the law before the crime happens and don’t let things slide. Don’t be aggressive, but don’t be passive-aggressive either. Be clear, and firm with your communication. Think of your relationship with any roommate as you would a co-worker. Make sure you are a good roommate as well ( pay rent on time, don’t be loud, be clean, mind your own business). In any difficult relationship treat it as an exercise in communication and growing your social skills.

Making An Impression For Freshmen Year

I remember the five-hour car ride to college. Fear mixed with excitement hit me in waves while listening to my iPod classic. On the bright side, this type of situation is the perfect time to revamp your image. High school is over and you are probably going to a place where no one knows you. You can be whoever you choose to be! That mindset shift is actually pretty liberating. There aren’t too many life moments where you can just say, “actually no, I am not going to be known as shy and awkward. I am going to be friendly and liked by people!” It comes down to a choice you make for yourself and can even get yourself out of a personality rut…..

The fashion purge….

First things first….Let’s talk about the physical. If you were pretty bland with your clothing choices in high school (I looked like a Gap mannequin), now is the time to spice things up. Not saying you need to look like a wacky elementary-school art teacher, but get a little out of your comfort zone. Ask your fashion-forward friend to go though your closet and then go thrift shopping together. Tell her to be brutally honest about what is working and what isn’t. Donate clothes that are ill-fitting or are just plain unflattering.

Hair decisions…..

Now is the time to dye your hair a color you have always wanted. Get that fresh cut or even extensions. A mousey brown to a stunning blonde can make a world of difference. (Go to a salon; using a box-dye could be regrettable. Treat yourself!) Personally, I would stick to natural colors to cast a wide net of people. When you choose to dye your hair raven black or green it puts you in the “alternative” category. Unless you are already in that look and have a tattoo sleeve, for example, then try not to shove yourself in a limiting box.

The glow up….

I do not advocate starving yourself to lose 20 pounds in two weeks. Nowadays, society is wayyyy more accepting of different body types. When I was a freshmen if you weren’t rail thin, eyebrows would be raised. Thank god that isn’t the case now. However, if you want to tone up or change eating patterns to be healthier, then great! It’s a good time to get in the habit of working out and drinking more water.

Your high school boyfriend…..

Ok….summer of senior year is break-up season. I know you think that it will be fine and you can do long distance….stop! You need to give yourself the freedom to meet people and not be chained to your phone so you can have nightly phone calls. It is crucial to be open to go to parties, join that club, and just have fun! If you are meant to marry your high school sweetheart, the universe will take care of it.

Your high school friends…..

No problem with staying friends with your bestie. Just try not to use her as a crutch. It’s fun if she visits you for a weekend, yet this is your time to spread your wings. Also, she might see you as high school; you when you are trying to change up your image and rebrand. Yes, she is your old friend and you can still remain good friends through college and beyond; just try to be open to new friends and opportunities.

Expectations for your first roommate….

Hate to break the news, but she could be a total nightmare. The first night, my roommate had her boyfriend stay over….and let’s just say it wasn’t comfortable. You never know what you will be walking into. Freshmen year they might shove you in with two roommates! Make sure to have solid boundaries from the start and to not let the little things slide. I know you want to get along, but it’s easy to get walked over by a bossy roommate.

Should you play the field or couple up?…..

Boys, boys, boys….There will be new boys everywhere and probably the majority are freshly single. Going back to rebranding, it’s important to not get a tarnished reputation out of the gate. I know you want to carpe diem, but think about the rumor mill that might haunt you later when you are ready to settle down. Now, with social media, one uploaded video could blacklist you. It would be regrettable to lose your virginity or have a first casual hook up in a drunken haze. Do not answer messages after 11pm. Put your phone on silent and go to sleep. You will get many many offers to come chill in a dude’s dorm late night.

Bottom Line…..

Your life can change overnight. The first night I arrived at college I met new friends, went to my first college party, and finally felt like I belonged. I allowed myself to be outgoing, confident, and open to experience. Yes, there should be limits such as boundary setting. Be careful with boys and be firm yet polite with your new roommate. Drama will happen regardless, yet you need to be strategic with your reputation and rebranding yourself. It will happen fast, but the memories and lessons will last a lifetime.