Weighing Future Options After High School or College

It’s been a long time since I graduated high school. However, I do think that the process of visualizing your future happens at many points in your life. There is so much pressure to know exactly what to do at eighteen. Millennials have regretted getting into massive debt for a degree they don’t even use. I wanted to break down a thought process that anyone can chew on to take next steps in life or career….

After high school or college…..

Just graduating high school, the world is your oyster. There is a ton of pressure to go to college for the sake of it. This mindset is not up with the current times. There are other options such as a trade school, or even taking a gap year to sort things out. As far as graduating with an undergrad, it is also important to take a beat and decide what makes long term financial sense.

Gap year option….

This is a good time to stack your money with investing. You can get a job, live at home, and invest. Is it an exciting option? No. The sooner you start investing the more wealth you will accrue. Some people use a gap year to travel. You could do that in the micro-sense or travel across the globe.

Don’t try to force your degree….

When we have that official paper it is easy to pigeonhole ourselves to only do that degree. Your bachelors could lead to a piece of a skill to a job or career. Try not to turn down offers just because that wasn’t what you majored in.

What lifestyle suits you the best….

Some people thrive with waking up at 6am and going into work at 9am, while others are not early risers and want more freedom and flexibility. Be honest about when you are most energetic during your day. Are you a night owl or a morning lark?

The job isn’t going to be what you think….

When you are getting your degree you are learning in theory how everything will work. This is why an internship is super important. On paper, it might seem like a glamorous job, but the reality could be a lot of late nights and out-of-control clients.

What is a hobby and what is a job?….

The people who can’t decide on a career have a hard time with this. You could have a million interests and you can’t pick one. In this case, it might come down to trial and error and what sticks. See how much positive feedback you are getting and if doors are shutting or opening. You should not have to force anything too hard. When it’s right it is something you are passionate about, but is also lucrative.

Give yourself time….

Jobs and careers take time to develop. You don’t want to abandon something after a week; it will take work and discipline. Cut it off or pivot after 2-3 years.

Network….

The wrong way to network is a cold email asking if you “can pick their brain.” Networking can mean going to a networking event or being social and ready with an elevator pitch. When you are relaxed and in your element you attract people towards you. You never know who you are chatting with or how big their circle is. Another thing to think about is what your resources are and who you already know. Most people get hired by former classmates, friends, or relatives. See where there might be legs up in your social circle.

Bottom Line….

At many points you will need to take it back to square one and follow your passions. Take advantage of your young age to invest your money. Start out with good financial literacy that can set you up to buy a home later on. Take advantage of a gap year. It is not common for Americans to do a gap year, but it can really save you from panic-picking a major. Give yourself time to digest and see how the real working world is like. Most importantly, it is ok to not use your college degree the way you thought.

How To Interview A New Roommate

Our generation will live with roommates longer than the previous generations. With cost of housing and student loans, it is something that many people in their 20s and 30s have to deal with. But what if it could go smoother and with more harmony? In the past, I have made some roommate mistakes, from picking them to delegating household chores. What are some interview questions to ask a potential roommate?….

Picking a roommate….

Should you pick your bestie? Or a total stranger? It really comes down to a person you are not scared to bring things up to. In the case of interviewing a stranger, get a sense of how responsible they are. You don’t want a grifter to sign the lease or bring weirdos over. When you do pick a friend I suggest not your BFF. Becoming roommates can really put a strain on your relationship. Plus, you will be seeing them too often. Best case is they have been vetted by a friend that can vouch for them.

Is it better to let a single person live with you or in a relationship?….

Sometimes it can be a blessing when the roommate has a partner and they are never around. However, you don’t want to host her boyfriend on a nightly basis. A great question to ask is their relationship status and does her boyfriend live in town, etc. For single people ask how active they are at dating. This is a good time to lay out some rules for guests. The type of person who brings men back every weekend might not see the arrangement as a good fit.

What is their definition of clean?….

Some people like the apartment to be tidy and some need a deep clean every Sunday. Two opposite ends of the spectrum should not live together.

Whose furniture will be brought in….

You might have lived there before and now need a new roommate. Or you are both seeking a brand new apartment. The person with the most furniture will, in an unspoken way, somewhat have the upper hand. The person with just bedroom furniture could easily be kicked out. Same thing with the person who owns all the pots and pans and kitchen materials. Get that squared away so there are not duplicates.

What is their job?….

Some people have very unstable jobs or do not have the best work history. No shade to restaurant workers, but that type of job has a high turnover rate and they could get fired very easily. Given the choice, the best pick is someone that is planted in their occupation for years and has a great track record of holding a job.

Can they hang?….

Listen… you want your roommate to be somewhat flexible and not super rigid. Not to say either of you should be walked all over. It just feels better to enter the apartment and not be tiptoeing as you sneak into your room. It’s best when interviewing to take them out to a bar and see how uptight they are. Are they having a tantrum because the bartender forgot their lime in their cocktail?

Bottom Line….

Your home is your safe space. A roommate can make or break your peace and sanity. Biggest advice is make sure this person is vetted. You need to have people in common that can give you important insights. In the micro-sense, you don’t want to be sitting in your car avoiding entering your apartment because you hate their energy. You need a person who knows how to communicate and is responsible, and cherry-on-top, can chill and hang out.

First Ever Relationships: Setting The Right Tone

This time of year, I like to reflect back to my school days and the choices that shaped who I am today. The first boyfriend in high school sets the tone for every relationship after. When you are treated like sh*t, that is what is going to be familiar to you. A first of anything is tricky since you have no frame of reference to compare. Any girl entering high school should be more cautious. How your dating journey starts really does matter. Here are types of boys to avoid….

The “way way older guy”….

Obviously a young girl wants to seem adventurous and brag to her friends that an older boy likes her. Although when you realize how much of a loser he is and manipulative, then you’d think twice. Any guy in college or even out-of-college-age guys cannot get girls their own age. He is taking advantage of naive girls who think that his playing in a garage band and working at Taco Bell is cool. He isn’t cool and he probably expects sex, and pressures you to do whatever he tells you. He likes to play puppet master, because you don’t know any better and being seen as mature trumps your safety or well-being.

The “parents-are-going-through-a-divorce guy”….

It’s pretty common for parents to decide to divorce by the time the children are in high school. The kids are old enough to be ok, plus they will be going across the county for college in a year or two anyway. So a lot of kids in high school go through it. It still puts a dramatic energy onto the guy. He is trying to deal with emotions and go through a “love isn’t real” stage, even if he doesn’t say that. He might be extremely moody and distant and not treat a girlfriend well just for karmic revenge.

The “he’s-too-cool-for-school guy”….

Yea, everyone loves a bad boy. These types will have their day in the sun, but not as a first boyfriend. He will be neglectful, selfish, and prioritize his interests or friends over anything. He will most likely expect a physical relationship sooner than you would want or be ready for. If you refuse or put up boundaries, he will be cruel and make you feel ugly or weird.

The “jock-who-has-to-put-you-down because he is an insecure guy”….

Doesn’t always have to be a jock, but someone who has a lot of pressure to perform. He could be Mr. Popular, class president , head of the drama department, etc, and has a reputation to uphold. This can result in him making sure you don’t embarrass him and can look good on his arm. His behavior results in being extremely controlling and wanting to know your every move.

The “class clown guy”….

So, any guy who is the “jokester” of the group is not the guy to be your first boyfriend. Sure, sometimes humor can actually be funny, but I am willing to bet he is a snarky, sarcastic guy who loves to make fun of everyone in his path, including you.

So who is the guy you should date?….

You are going to have many boyfriends. In high school, you think this is the only guy who will like you. It’s not true and it’s crucial to be with a sweet, caring guy. He is probably the guy who is just a guy. He doesn’t have immense social pressure to be cool, but also isn’t being shoved into a locker everyday. It will set the tone for knowing what a healthy relationship is. He has to listen to your needs and not try to push your boundaries until they break. You don’t have to be head over heels in love, you just need to be respected. He should not put your safety or well-being at risk.

Bottom Line….

High school will be your first long-term relationship; it can even last all four years. It’s important to choose wisely, or don’t choose at all and wait until college. It’s important at a young age to set a tone and know what a healthy dynamic feels like. You will be accustomed to the pace and feeling. It’s not going to be a crazy wild ride, of hot and cold. The sooner you get used to a drama-free relationship, then probably the sooner you can settle down and marry the right guy.

Back To School: Roomie Expectations

When going off to college, you will be introduced to living with a roommate. There will be bumps along the way to say the least. I am going to break down the types of roommates out there and how to navigate dealing with tricky roommates starting from college and beyond. What can you expect freshman year?…..

Communicate before the move-in day…..

Your college will give your their contact info. Back in the olden days when I went to college we found each other on Facebook. Open up a stream of communication, feel out the vibes, and talk logistics. Who will have the mini fridge, TV, coffee maker, etc.

Don’t treat her like your BFF….

The ideal relationship is that you will be on good terms. Don’t treat her like a bestie because you will need to lay down boundaries. It is too easy to let things slide when you are trying to impress someone. Make sure everything is fair and square with how the room is set up. Don’t let her take over the room. Be cautious with shared items such as the TV or mini fridge. It could be taken away from you if there is a fight. So beware of petty behavior. My old roommate loved leaving passive-aggressive post-it notes on the microwave. If you are living in a style where you have your own room and a shared living room / kitchen then buy your own mini-fridge and tv for your bedroom. You don’t want to fight about your roommate eating your leftovers.

Expect there will be conflict….

In the first year of college everyone is trying to adjust and fit in. People will be high on stress. Don’t take too many things personally, especially when you get ignored. Everyone needs a safe haven to go and sleep and decompress after class. Give each other space, but don’t let her make you feel awkward to be in your own room.

Be careful who you vent to…..

The rumor mill is not your friend. You don’t want her to think you are talking sh*t about her around campus. Be careful of private journals as well. It might not be smart to have a notebook someone could go though. Don’t bring anything valuable or sentimental with you to the dorm. Invest in a lock box if needed to store things under the bed. Your roommate might not be a thief, but dorms tend to be wide-open to friends dropping by, etc. Keep your stuff safe.

5 things to have for the dorm…..

1. Noise-canceling headphones – It can help you in the dorm when she is talking on her phone loudly and you have a deadline.

2. Eye mask – Napping is essential

3. First Aid and medicine kit – You might get sick out of nowhere. Pepto and aspirin will be a lifesaver, but be prepared with bandaids and cold medicine, too.

4. Flip-flops for the shower – have a handy shower caddy with the essentials. Don’t bother with soap since it is messy. Get a bottle of bodywash and avoid buying a loofah or wash cloth ( too many germs).

5. A hidden snack box – have snacks for when the dining hall is closed or when pulling an all- nighter. Have snacks that will keep and are wrapped to stay fresh. Don’t tell your roommate about it so she won’t steal your food

5 Types of roommates…..

“The Never There Roommate” – The best roommate ever! This is an ideal roommate to have in any life stage, minus hunting them down to pay bills or rent.

“ The Always There Roommate” – This happens more in the male space where he only plays video games. But yea… there they are…

“ The Roommate With The Boyfriend” – He….is…always…there. It can get frustrating when you just want to watch TV in the living room – or your food gets eaten.

“The Messy Roommate”– In my experience, don’t create a Cold War–let her leave the dishes. Just clean up for her. I know this is unjust and not moral, but she isn’t going to clean. Have a discussion about common areas being clean, but you will have to pick up the slack in the kitchen and in the bathroom.

“The Social Roommate”– She brings the party back to the dorm / apartment. Try to swash this by discussing it day one. Be crystal clear you don’t want late-night visitors. If she continues to do it then you need to switch roommates or move out. (In a dorm situation get the RA involved).

Beyond College…..

In my experience, it isn’t the greatest idea to live with very good friends. There are probably people out there who have had a blast with their roommate / bestie from day one….I just feel it’s more likely it could tarnish your relationship. It is better to be able to spend time in your room alone without having to entertain her. It feels a lot better to visit your really good friend to get out of the apartment for a while versus being with her constantly. Things do change after you live with a person and she will show you her true colors.

Signing leases…..

It is best to be in a position to not be locked in. Don’t let her trick you into paying extra for anything (unless you have the master bedroom, etc). Try to not be the one who has all the stuff – it will be trickier to move out. Wait until your have your own place to spread out and have your specific white comfy couch- all that. If possible have a deadbolt installed on your bedroom door. You don’t want anyone rummaging though your things or sleeping in your bed when you are out of town.

Make sure you aren’t the bad roommate…..

If you are paying your rent on time, keeping clean, keeping quiet, and minding your own business, then you are a perfectly fine roommate. As far as private landlords go: Keep your complaints very professional, be gracious when things are fixed, and act like an adult. You may need their reference to move to another apartment.

Bottom Line…..

Roommates can be a nightmare. It is always better to go in with the right expectations and attitude. In my freshman year they stuffed three of us together in an open room. ( not including my roommate’s boyfriend who was the unofficial roommate). The main conflict is going to be with boys- hands down. When she gets a boyfriend or is sleeping around it will become annoying (walls are thin…). Lay down the law before the crime happens and don’t let things slide. Don’t be aggressive, but don’t be passive-aggressive either. Be clear, and firm with your communication. Think of your relationship with any roommate as you would a co-worker. Make sure you are a good roommate as well ( pay rent on time, don’t be loud, be clean, mind your own business). In any difficult relationship treat it as an exercise in communication and growing your social skills.