Setting Up For A Successful Thanksgiving As A Couple

For any couples who are meeting their partner’s family for the first time, you need a game plan. Your partner doesn’t know your cousin is deathly allergic to shrimp and that your father can’t stand the Yankees. This isn’t the time to test and see how they tread water. Have a serious discussion and rundown of how the holidays typically go. How can you let your family love your partner and set them up for success?…..

Make sure your relationship is serious enough….

There is no point in going though social torture for a casual “three -monther”. Best case, meeting family is a serious step.

Understand the overall vibe….

Every family has their own energy. Big politics talkers, pop culture nuts, sports fanatics, etc. You want to be up to speed with any news, celebrity or otherwise, when you know what topics will be brought up. Not to say they should get into political arguments. In fact, prevent that from happening. Communicate where your family is voting-wise and tell them to keep certain options to themselves. However, your partner cannot sit on the bench. He or she needs to participate regardless of what is being discussed.

Sleeping arrangements and rules….

Not your house, not your rules. Most parents have a “no sharing a room until married” policy. This includes practicing etiquette and being polite. Tell your partner to bring a gift and offer to help clean up. Rules and manners should be top of mind. Wake up times are also crucial to get right. Let them know if you are a turkey-trot family or the type that hits the snooze button.

How to dress….

For women talking to men, push them to dress up slightly. No need for a suit, but a nice button down or sweater will work. As a woman, hopefully it is not a shock that you need to dress more conservatively. This includes sleepwear and lounge wear to wear around the house. It is a good time to upgrade to a matching set with a high neck line.

Alcohol use….

Some families are big drinkers, some are sober. It would be stupid to bring a bottle of wine as a gift for non-drinkers. A good alternative to wine is to make cookies or bring a nice olive oil and vinegar set in pretty bottles. Even if the family drinks, they can’t treat it like a frat party.

Tell them to ask questions….

It is a good reminder to encourage your significant other to think of stock questions to ask. They are hopefully naturally curious, but might be shy and awkward. To ease their mind feed them a few lines and topics to get them started.

Bottom Line….

Set your partner up for success. Do not watch them drown and then conclude they aren’t your person. At least, give them a shot to win. No one wants to spend a holiday without their family. Be honest with yourself and understand if your family is a “hosting family” or not. There is nothing wrong with grabbing a nice lunch to meet the family versus a whole Thanksgiving or holiday weekend. Lastly, this shouldn’t be a whole test of the relationship. It isn’t fair to set your partner up for failure.

Skipping Over Thanksgiving As A Trend

In the past there have been rules of when to decorate for certain holidays. Most people have been told to put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving or even December 1st. Once the pandemic started, I noticed the trend of skipping over Thanksgiving to decorate for Christmas. I actually read an article contending that people who do this are happier. Long story short, start the holidays when you see fit, here’s why….

People love sparkle….

Christmas decorations are all about sparkle, glitter, and shine. Humans love to look at shiny objects. It gives them a little hit of serotonin (not a doctor, but it gets my pulse going).

It encapsulates a lot of trends in one….

A Christmas cheer is exactly what a girl who romanticizes her life will do. She is probably in her “soft-life era.” This time of year encourages fuzzy blankets, hot tea, and curling up watching favorite shows in candlelight. You can pretend to be the main character in a Hallmark movie.

The holidays go by soooo fast….

The more time you get to have the decorations up, the better you feel. The holidays, especially post-Thanksgiving zoom by and frankly, you don’t have time after Black Friday to sit and sip your hot chocolate next to your tree.

You can decorate in your own color scheme and vibe….

Unlike other holidays you can showcase your own style within Christmas. If you only love silver and gold, great! You can also lean into arts and crafts style with Popsicle frame pics of family. I have even seen Christmas in a goth style.

You can still enjoy Thanksgiving….

We give fall our all. I don’t find it is skipped over. There is pumpkin spice and sweater weather, the leaves, etc. I do think the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays get recognized.

Before you decorate….

Do a clean out and donate unused decorations. Obviously, keep anything sentimental and precious to you. But go though the lights that do not work and are tangled and decide overall what the vibe will be. Like I said, you can decorate with your own taste in mind. This might mean out with old, in with the new.

Get ahead of the stress part….

Start making a list for presents and purchase your Christmas cards. Decide what your budget is and how many gifts per person. Keep in mind that certain people would prefer a service IOU present which can be priceless. Don’t limit yourself to physical items.

Bottom Line….

Give yourself permission to decorate. Honestly, this generation (Millennial and Gen Z ) are already doing it regardless. There is time that needs to be spent on brainstorming on the vibe you want to capture. I love when a person has their own Christmas style that is unique to them and their home. This year spend more time in the Christmas spirit versus the frantic stress ball that can occur.

How To Have A Low Fuss “Friendsgiving”

A “Friendsgiving” is a great way for friends to get together for a potluck and wine. Perfect for those who can’t afford a plane ticket back to their hometown. However, when getting a group together with different personalities and expectations drama can enter the chat. The best thing is getting ahead of it by knowing what is assigned and knowing your strengths. How can you prepare for the potluck without the headache?…..

Understand the assignment…..

Everyone needs to know who is bringing what. There needs to be wine, appetizers, sides, and dessert. The host should be providing the turkey, but should do what makes logical sense to the group. Non-cooks should volunteer to bring wine and cheese and people who are well-versed in cooking should bring a side dish.

Don’t nickel-and-dime your friends…..

Listen… you will be spending money. Don’t Venmo-request people later and understand that everyone is pulling their weight. Honestly, even if they aren’t, don’t cause a scene. Spend what your budget allows you to spend. For some people, it’s no big deal to drop $50 plus, whereas others may feel that is steep.

Help with prep if needed…..

Depending how close you are to the host, offer to help prep. This can mean from chopping vegetables to making pies. Make it fun by playing music and having the football game in the background.

Offer entertainment….

Like I said, there will probably be football on. As a backup plan, have a drinking game going or something to entertain people while the pies are baking. I always keep a deck of cards in my purse just in case.

Be ok with breaking into groups…..

It’s natural for little groups to form. Depending on how many people were invited there might not be space for everyone to sit at one table together. In that case a buffet style where people help themselves makes the most sense. Try to mingle within groups until you find one that clicks best.

Think twice about bringing your “situationship”….

There are people who don’t deserve to meet your friends. Any guy who doesn’t even know your middle name should not be invited. I know it feels better to bring someone, especially when everyone is coupled up. Resist the urge and be brave representing yourself. These are your friends and you should spend quality time getting closer to 2nd- and 3rd-tier people.

Don’t get too wasted….

I mean, if you can handle your liquor, then go for it, especially if you don’t plan on driving. This is the time to indulge a little bit more and enjoy yourself. However, be mindful of how the group is acting and what the energy is. You don’t want to come across as sloppy.

Don’t overstay your welcome….

Make sure to help clean up as much as needed. Don’t be the last guest unless there is an understanding you will be spending the night or something. Pick up on the vibe and get ready to leave when people are going back home.

Bottom Line…..

This is a great opportunity to make distant friends become closer. You never know who you will be hitting it off with. Get all the information from the host and do not make assumptions. It’s best to know what you should be bringing and if you need to show up early to help prep. Understand your strengths even if they are not food related. You could be persuasive in starting a fun drinking game or being the DJ for the evening. Just don’t push fun on people who just want to watch the game and relax. This is your opportunity to bond with friends you haven’t seen in a while and get introduced to new connections.