Dressing For The Female Gaze

Most millennials have been taught to dress for the male gaze. This can be a great thing to consider for when you are really getting out there with dating. There is such a thing as a correct first-date outfit: Dresses, skirts, and non-patterns are a good starting point. However, when you are in a dating break it is wonderful to explore your own personal style. There is a whole brand “man repeller” which explores style that is geared towards fashion risks and expanding. When I watch “Sex and the City,” Carrie Bradshaw’s style is truly her own taste and vibe to impress herself. How can you cultivate your own style and lean towards the female gaze?….

What do you gravitate towards naturally….

You might be shopping or thrifting and get giddy when you see a certain style or color. Follow influencers and fashion accounts on social media to get a feel of what your taste is. Usually, there is a name for the aesthetic that you can dive into. I love using key words that describe what I enjoy. For example, you might be drawn to more edgy or preppy outfits.

What are the current trends…

Not suggesting you need to jump on every bandwagon. I love watching style channels on Youtube just to get a sense of what is trending. I prefer to not look dated, but to be seen as “in the know.” The great thing about fashion is that you can look amazing at any age just by choices and silhouettes.

You don’t have to sexualize yourself….

Personally, I love to dress in a modest way. My jacket obsession will never die since it is a chic way to layer an outfit and make it all come together. Not to say you can’t wear short shorts or a low-cut shirt if that suits you. But…. ask yourself, is this for you or men? Do you get the most attention from a miniskirt and a cleavage low-cut top? Is this the only reason why you wear these items?

What is the decade that resonates with you?….

No matter what is trending, you might be drawn to the 70s or 90s, for example. It is great to play off of what makes you smile and what brings in the most compliments. You could be drawn to bright colors or certain textures.

Understand that prints and patterns can fade fast….

You are always better off peppering in patterns and mainly wearing basics to balance it out. Leopard print is back in a huge way. It is a style that you can keep and wear again. Certain patterns highlight the time period when it was big, such as chevron ( which was big in the mid-2000s). Stripes, leopard, and gingham are always in so it is a safe place to start. Prints however, are a one-of-a-kind design for the most part. It is safer to buy something unique that you enjoy.

Silhouettes and shapes….

There are certain shapes that look great on everyone. I love that we are in a wide-leg era again. It is a trend that cycles back and does not change. As far as baggy jeans, it is hard to get it to look flattering. It can make you look too bulky if it is not styled correctly. As far as loose dresses, a belt can be a great way to highlight your waist and give you some shape.

Foot wear…

Finally, comfortable shoes! I am not a heels girl, which is the most alluring to men. I personally just feel like a deer on ice in them. I might make a compromise by wearing a hefty block heel or platform Mary Janes. If you decide to purchase sneakers, go with a white, black, or neutral. Not to say a color sneaker can’t look great. As far as ballet flats, it is your call. I remember ten plus years ago I would walk sockless in a gold ballet flat. At the end of the day it was a swampy smelly mess. I do appreciate that the ballet flats are worn with socks. My favorite is more of the chunkier ones that have a sturdy sole versus a little slipper.

Purses and accessories….

Get creative, why not? This is where the styling comes into an outfit. It is easy to thrift unique belts or a fun purse or bag. It is great to have an everyday bag when you do errands. I prefer a cross-body style in order to be hands free. But why not have that bag be leather or a more luxury material? As far as going out, bags I have always had a vision of was me with a little silver sequin bag on New Year’s Eve or some cute little bag you take out when you dress up. Jewelry is a whole other thing that comes down to personal taste and style. Some people look amazing when they wear 20 necklaces. It is a matter of what physically feels right to you. I don’t love wearing earrings since they tend to itch and pull after a few hours. I love a great ring or bracelet and a simple necklace.

Bottom Line…..

Anyone who is in a “putting yourself out there, going on weekly dates” era can ignore this article. However, it is fine to have taste and stretch a little out of your comfort zone. Gather inspiration from Youtube and social media and make a shopping wish list in your notes app. It is fine to go slowly and maybe just wear a statement jacket or shoe to start. Most important is to feel excited about dressing up and stretching out of your comfort zone.

How To Get Ahead Of A Bad Mood

Everything runs smoother when there is a plan in place, from having a list for the grocery store to a work presentation. My best advice for women who are naturally cycling is to have a tracker to be forewarned and forearmed for when a sour mood may strike. In any situation, hormonal or not, there should be a protocol. Here are some tips that can help you get by…..

For women in the luteal phase….

This is hormonal, and every month in your luteal phase you have PMS. First determine the worst day of your cycle and do anything you can to lie low. Maybe you have the flexibility to work from home. A day or two before, buy yourself chocolate, chips, your favorite frozen food from Trader Joe’s …you get it. Plan to stick around the house and watch rom-coms. A lot of your annoyances will be quieted just by staying home.

The mood out of nowhere springs upon you….

Let’s say, if someone off the street yells,”your shirt sucks”, then try to remain calm. For 98% of the time, anything that anyone says has nothing to do with you. You cannot take what people say on a random whim as gospel.

No one is against you….

Inflation and gosh-darn fast food prices! I mean how can we not be in a bad mood daily? Most people rarely to never think about you when you are out of their line of vision. It’s probably not true that your friend Becky is jealous and does not want you to find true love. The world as a whole does not even remember your name most of the time. And that’s an amazing thing.

If your life is a trash pile in general…

The people who tend to be the moodiest are not in alignment with themselves. They could be holding onto resentment from working for a horrible ungrateful boss. Maybe your boyfriend never takes them on date night anymore. You have to put your needs first before anyone else. No one really needs your help in most cases and you are using it as a distraction or a bribe later on.

Expect less from others….

Your friends are great and love you. Stop expecting them to do hard emotional labor for you daily. Be the type of friend they can’t wait to invite or introduce to people.

When you are in a rut…

How are you waking up in the morning? Is it to jump up to a blaring alarm in order to work for no money for a boss who could care less if you exist? Quit your job and pursue your dream and passions. You will not be rewarded for your hard work, only your results. Be brave and meet with a career coach, talk to a mentor, take classes, network, watch YouTube videos. Find your life purpose and your joy.

Stop consuming sad or disturbing content….

This can include music, movies, the news, podcasts, etc. Listening to a brutal crime podcast isn’t going to make you feel rejuvenated. Be very strict with who you follow on socials and what you watch on TV. I am very influenced by music, so, truthfully, I choose to not listen to it as much. Pick the right comedic messenger to give you the news.

Drink alcohol sparingly ….

Cut way back on drinking. It will disrupt your sleep and next day you will have anxiety or low energy. Do yourself a favor and have a drink only on rare occasions. It’s not worth ruining your next day.

When in doubt….

Go for a long walk while listening to an uplifting podcast, get hydrated, take a nap, watch a funny show that you love, eat whatever your body wants. You can vent to someone if something happens and if it’s a funny story. Most bad moods are unprompted and pass like a ship in the night. I wouldn’t flame the fire and get gassed up for nothing.

Remember… celebrities get over scandals by lying low….

It is fine to go out less and reflect more. You are paying for streaming, so you might as well watch. Decline invitations and take time to rest. Your friends should be understanding if you need to focus on work or self-care. Good friends will be available when you are ready to resurface.

Go to therapy….

When bad moods persist, a therapist can help you come up with solutions. You might feel lost and spinning your wheels. That would be a good time to seek help and discover what you can do to get out of a rut.

Bottom Line….

Everyone on the planet has had a bad day. It could be caused by random, outside sources or because you are in a life rut. Be honest with yourself on how often you feel bad and what is causing it. Most things in life can be changed. You can quit your job, move, or start over. For hormonal issues, get ahead of the phase and be prepared. Allow yourself time to be home and rest. Everyone can use a therapist to learn healthy coping skills instead of bad coping mechanisms as a crutch. Put yourself and self-care before anything else.

When You Shouldn’t Send The “Anti-Ghost” Text

We all want to be humane in dating. No one wants to be ghosted or rejected. I would say if rejection needs to be voiced, then do so. However, the “anti-ghost” text does not always have to be implemented. I went on an app date one time and it was very clear we were not connecting and it wasn’t going well. He felt he had to send a “postmortem” text recapping the date. I would have been totally fine with just a simple fade-out. When is it rude to send out the anti-ghost text?…

What is the anti – ghost text?….

It is a communication letting your date know you are not a fit and you will be moving on.

When is it appropriate….

When your feelings towards each other are not meshing you do not want to mislead someone. It is unfair to the person who really likes you to be duped or blindsided.

See how he or she acts after the first date…

You will know how it went when there is no communication. On the date you need to be able to feel out the overall chemistry. You will know when a date is not going well when there are dead silences and awkwardness. See how long the date lasted and if a drink was offered or not. You can tell by body language and lack of interest in asking questions. With app dates you are meeting a person for the first time. They might have felt there was a connection through text, but in person it did not translate.

There is no need to recap the date when it didn’t go well….

No matter how you felt there is no need to add insult to injury. People know when a date is not clicking and more often than not it is mutual. Some people feel the need to express what the person failed to do on the date. It is only going to push that person away and insult them.

Beware of too much communication before a date….

The more you talk on the phone and text before the first date, the worse the meeting in person will be. It makes sense to be cautious especially when a date is long distance. Most men will not want to jump on a zoom. Anyone can be great through text or a phone call. It is a false sense of closeness that can backfire.

When a man is truly interested you will not be left in the dark….

Most second dates are made on the first date. Phone numbers will be exchanged and he will express that he had a great time. Most men are not coy and trying to play it cool. Momentum is real and he will want to lock you down before someone else scoops you up.

Keep going on dates with others….

When you are getting out there and meeting a lot of new dates it is good practice to keep it moving. It is a mistake to wait around holding onto someone who is not interested. You should not send a text to “end it” just to make yourself feel better. Some people encourage transparency, but it feels unnecessary to text a person just for the satisfaction of rejecting someone. Delete the number and move on.

Bottom Line…..

Admit to yourself that you know when a date goes well or not. You are smarter than you give yourself credit for. Men are not playing aloof or coy on dates. It will be clear when he is interested and wants to see you again. Men should not send out the postmortem text as well. It is rude to reject and insult your date when it simply just wasn’t a good fit.

How Roommates Affect A Couple

In college, I made a huge mistake by agreeing to live with my boyfriend and his friend. In general, I discourage living with boyfriends until it is serious. I honestly feel my relationship could have been saved if I had chosen to live solo or with a roommate to wrap up senior year. Why is taking on an extra roommate a romance killer for a couple?….

Why living with your boyfriend is bad….

I do have a full article on this. In summary, your relationship will shift into roommate vibes. You will no longer go on dates and he will have less incentive to impress you. Yes, you should live with your boyfriend eventually, but only when it is serious, like when you are engaged.

Why living with another roommate is bad….

When the extra roommate is male and they are friends, it’s game-over for your relationship. He will be playing video games in the living room and forget you exist.

Why he suggests you add an extra roommate…

Is it for money?…could be. More than likely, he does not trust your relationship will last. He is protecting himself and knows you will have to move out and he can stay.

Protect yourself before you move in…..

You are way better off being mysterious for as long as possible. You are playing your last card when you move in. On your end, you think it will bond you and bring you closer. Men fall in love through the absence of you. When you are always there he will feel trapped and lose desire.

You could be stuck in this situation for years….

He is comfy cozy and likes living with his friend. You are a bonus in the equation. He will have zero motivation to move out with just you. He is getting all his needs met, plus more.

Bottom Line….

The best thing you can do is to pace out your relationship. A man can get comfortable with the bare minimum while you expect him to keep up date nights and court you. These types of living situations can go on for years where the woman is unhappy and unfulfilled and he is thriving. Think of it in the logical sense and make it so he has to seek you out for as long as you can. Give him incentive to move the relationship along.

Creating “The Spark” On A First Date

Let’s all admit that we are seeking a spark when we go on a first date. A lot of dating coaches encourage you to accept the 2nd date no matter what. I do agree with that. However, men will more than likely refuse a second date if he doesn’t feel “the spark” and gets more of a friend vibe. Sometimes you can control a first date from how you show up. Is there a way to create chemistry on a first date?….

Be in a good mood….

That’s really what it comes down to in a nutshell. You can’t show up being a little sourpuss. Really dedicate your pre-date to getting out of your head and into your body. I like to do a “drama dump” in my car and get out all the muck that is bothering me. Then get in the zone by listening with my air pods to my favorite hype song.

Tell stories, not facts….

Captivate your audience by telling stories, not answering facts in a dry way. Ask leading questions that are not a yes or no answer. Get him talking about things you can both connect on. Everyone has fun stories that they can tell (no bathroom mishap stories), even if you are speaking about your friends or family.

Be present….

Put away the phone and make eye contact. Nod and smile when he is talking. Repeat words to let the person know you have been listening. Use one word he used to craft your sentence. He “This food is so spicy! My mouth is burning!” You: Yes! Speaking of spicy have you ever tried ghost peppers?”

Ask him questions….

Men want to know you are interested. This isn’t a one-sided interview. Try to ask fun questions instead of the boring stock questions without getting too deep. You can ask where his favorite vacation spot is as an example. Make sure these are softball questions, not asking him what he thinks the meaning of life is. Also… a biggie is to stop giving him hypothetical questions that will make him roll his eyes… “if I were a worm, would you find me attractive?”…. Stop. Also, you don’t have to try to be funny. It’s fine if you are naturally witty, but every sentence should not be a random reference from a TV show or you doing bits.

Look hot….

We can all step it up. Make it a habit to keep up with hair appointments and updating your wardrobe. You don’t have to look like you are going to the club to look sexy. In fact, try to dress a little bit more conservative while still complementing the shape of your body. Find out the best colors to wear for your skin tone as well.

Don’t give him the impression you are “the fun girl”….

Try to not get wasted on the date or be “too fun.” It will backfire to be the girl that he can only see as hitting the bars with. Communicate how passionate you are with your job or helping the community. You have to paint a picture that you aren’t going to be throwing up in an Uber every time you hang out.

Be funny, flirty, and free….

Flirting to me simply means being witty and complimentary. It’s not licking your lips and winking. Be funny and make the conversation light. Act free by not being demanding and putting pressure on him. This is not an interrogation.

Bottom Line…

Beware of him saying “I didn’t feel the spark,” if you did all these things. That is guy code for him not being attracted to you. So, let it go. Attraction is a man’s only criteria for moving along the relationship. Do not take it personally, everyone has a type. However…. this is not to say to put up a wall and to sulk in the corner. You have to be an active participant in the date. And you do have to create chemistry to a certain degree.

How To Be “Delulu”

The term “Delulu” has become a Tik Tok buzzword for “being delusional.” In therapy years ago, I had an “aha moment” when I realized that when you speak about the future with a negative lens, it is seen as “practical.” When you try to speak positively about any future outcomes, you are viewed as “delusional.” I am a big advocate for mindset and attitude and how it shapes our life. How can you get over negative self-talk and why is it the safe go-to?…..

Our ego loves safety…..

When we say negative things, it is mainly to keep us from taking any sort of action. This keeps us the same and safe. Our ego doesn’t want us to be skydiving everyday. However, it also protects us from dreaming bigger, like asking for a promotion.

Pay attention to actions….

Before you judge a situation show yourself hard evidence through actions. When it comes to men, talk is cheap. There have to be actions to show you if he is serious or cares. As far as friends or lovers, collect data on past behavior. When making major decisions it is good to hope for the best, but to remain neutral.

Seize opportunities….

Pay attention when opportunities present themselves. When people are stuck in a negative outlook they won’t even bother (or notice) to apply for that job or to go to that party. Most things that come your way need to be jumped on immediately. It is the universe giving you a gift.

How to manifest…..

You have to start with believing you deserve it and that positive domino effects will come from it. Most things average people want are extremely humble, yet we are taught that desiring anything makes us greedy. You can create a vision board or have a motivating quote you can see daily. I prefer making digital vision boards though Pinterest or just on my phone.

You’re never going to be fully ready for anything….

Yes, the stars can align a little, but overall, it won’t be perfect. You might feel you are at your goal weight or at your financial peak. Yes, bad timing is real, but anyone who becomes a parent can tell you there is no amount of prep that can make you feel you are ready.

You can be “delulu” and practical….

It is ok to be grounded, but still have big dreams. Start small with goals and see if doors open or close. You know when you are on the right path when opportunities come your way. You can always give anything a shot. It is easier to conceptualize a goal with smaller actionable steps instead of being completely overwhelmed.

Bottom Line….

Surround yourself with people who think big, not small. It is usually narrow-minded people who accuse you of being delusional. Fight against the status quo and connect with people who value goal-setting. Your “network is your net-worth” is a real phrase and your circle could be preventing you from achieving anything. Make a point to go to networking events and meet-up groups. As far as dating, stop going to the dingy college bar and waltz into a high-end wine bar. If your friend is more connected, ask to be invited to a party or get-together. Jobs and opportunities are made in person, not though a cold email. Lastly, use visualization to picture the positive snowball affect a goal or dream will cause. It will most likely be a positive impact to others and to your community.

Valentine’s Day Solo Date Ideas

Valentine’s Day should never be a sad day for singles. It is a great opportunity to treat yourself and indulge a little bit more. When you have things on the books you will be less swayed to cave and hook up with your ex. However, for people wanting to be social there are options for that as well. This is the time to get into your “soft girl era” and be the main character. What are some solo Valentine’s Day ideas?….

Book appointments….

Get your hair done, nails, facial, massage….you name it. Whatever you have been putting off, then book it. Create big blocks of time where you aren’t looking at your phone.

Buy yourself flowers….

A sweet bouquet from Trader Joe’s will do just fine. Get some roses and display them in a nice vase where you can see them.

Get yourself chocolates or make a dessert….

For the bakers out there this is a no brainer. For non-cooks you can do break-and-bake cookies for yourself or simply buy chocolate.

Manifest and write down your ideal partner check list….

Write yourself a letter of you in the future with your ideal partner. Get down to specifics and write out your ideal man. Don’t be vague or too general. Get into appearance, occupation, and his character. Write it in the present tense and do a thank you style letter. Keep the letter in an envelope in a special place.

Turn off notifications for the dating apps….

Today is not a great swiping day. It’s not the time to meet a stranger at Starbucks.

Put your phone on “do not disturb”….

No distractions are allowed for the day. Turn off all notifications or put your phone in DND mode.

Go shopping or thrifting….

Do the fun errands that you enjoy and browse your favorite stores.

Watch Rom Coms….

Turn on your favorite rom coms from the 2000s or watch your comfort show

Take a dance class….

Book a fun hip-hop dance class and get into your body

Sit at the bar at a restaurant…..

Go to a restaurant that has great food at the bar. You can drink wine and get a great meal. Avoid any restaurant that is advertising Valentine’s Day specials.

Bottom Line….

Let this day be about you. It is a perfect day to book beauty appointments or a massage. When you plan ahead you won’t feel a panic to spend time with a stranger. Keep your phone on “do not disturb” and do not use your dating apps. Anything that you would want from a partner, provide for yourself. Get yourself the flowers, dessert and wine. Romanticize your life on this day and go a little extra on self-care.

Therapy Alternatives For People In A Gray Area

I want to talk about the gray area of needing some extra help. In the extremes, it is immensely important to seek professional help. I will not be speaking of crisis mode. I remember going to therapy for a five-year stretch and then hitting a wall. I treated therapy like a spoken-word- improv set. For anyone who needs a little boost, what are some alternative paths for feeling more centered?…..

If you are in therapy….

In the beginning of therapy, you might be in a trauma phase where you don’t know what is wrong. This is where therapy is great and helpful. However, near the end of my sessions, I felt I had to rehash old trauma that no longer affected my life to produce “content” for the session. Have notes of what you want to speak about versus speaking freely.

Consider a coach or mentor….

Seeking out a life coach might be laughed at in your circle of friends. But why? First of all, a therapist legally is not allowed to give you direct advice. You have to come to your own conclusions. In certain cases, such as making career or dating decisions, a direct yes or no is more helpful.

Exercise and breath work….

Most stress presents in the physical body. It is important to move your body daily and get some fresh air and sunshine. Breath work does not have to be an hour-long thing; it can be for five minutes a day.

Diet, sleep, routines….

Any way to dampen stress will be life-changing. Reconsider a stressful job or relationship. You should not be overwhelmed and stressed daily. This can mean quitting caffeine, junk food, and alcohol and prioritizing sleep and rest.

Journal out your problems….

It is great to get your feelings on the page. It is best to do so either at the beginning or end of the day. Once it is in a notebook, it has cleared out “the muck” and now there is room for new thoughts.

Digital Detox….

I say this a ton. Everyone knows not to watch the news on TV all day. However, there are micro- detoxes to do. Ask yourself how often you are listening to other people’s problems. Yes, it can be helpful; however, when every podcast is an advice podcast, it makes it seem like life is full of endless problems. Balance out your rotation with uplifting motivating podcasts.

Who are you surrounded with?….

How many fires are you putting out for other people? It is not a bad idea to do a gradual fade-out for certain friendships. Your test should be how you feel when you leave the hang-out or what your gut reaction is when they text. These days, it is very easy to demote people and to “be busy.” Most will get the hint.

Bottom Line….

Bettering yourself can be in micro-shifts that can make a huge impact. Living situations, jobs, and friendships can shape your stress level and quality of life. All are temporary and fixable. For anyone currently in therapy, have a solid plan for the hour session. You may also consider only signing up for a few sessions versus an unending commitment. Coaches and mentors should be utilized more. With coaches you can be focused on one goal such as career or your love life. The free ways to feel better are exercise, giving yourself a routine, and journaling. Lastly, ask yourself what you are mentally consuming, such as the news or even podcasts that are not productive or motivating.

2023 Wrapped: End Of Year Advice

I personally do not have Spotify, but I love the concept of having the data of what mood and vibe you were in for the year. Most of us probably didn’t calculate our dating data, or even what were the total of first dates that led to second dates. But, hey, maybe we should pay more attention. Regardless, it’s time to think how we felt about 2023 as a whole. This is advice I gathered for this year and what to work towards for a more enjoyable dating experience. How can you reflect and start the new year on the right foot?….

Your year as a whole….

Maybe dating took a back seat, but you got a nice promotion at work. It is best to be proud of other accomplishments and see the whole picture. You could have met a few more friends or gotten closer to family. Give yourself credit for those things.

What was your worst date and what was your best date?…..

Reflect on both extremes and pick apart the reason it went sour. In contrast, think about why a date went right. Go through length of the date, type of date, location, what you were wearing, if you had a pre-date, etc. You can notice patterns that could have caused it to go well or flop.

How many dating-app dates versus real life?….

Yes, dating-app dates are easy and convenient. But they are probably not the quality dates you want. You could say you went on 100 app dates this year, but they probably only resulted in a first date. Stop being scared of dating mixers or speed dating. ( I do prefer a mixer versus speed dating since it isn’t forced). It can be a great opportunity to meet multiple men in person.

Were all your dates coffee dates?….

If you want a job interview environment, you got it. The atmosphere does not foster a romantic connection. I understand you probably want a sober date versus a bar. You have to think of environment and lighting first. You can choose how many drinks you drink or how long you stay. Find a romantic ornate tea shop and go there for a sober date versus a Starbucks. It’s all about an atmosphere that will encourage you to relax and connect.

Do you need that revenge body?….

The better you look, the better the choices and the better you will be treated. Is that fair? No. It’s just how dating works. Invest in yourself and take care of your physical appearance. Get your hair done, buy a new outfit, join a gym, get your makeup done professionally. There is zero downside to looking more attractive.

Should you be more choosy?….

This is the time to trust your intuition. Give yourself enough time to get to know someone before you go on a date. The “ick” can creep on you sooner than you expect. It’s best to feel things out before you dive in. Quality over quantity. It’s ok to go on fewer dates.

Bottom Line….

This year for me was not so great for dating, but good for other aspects of life. Dating is not the be-all and end-all and you should try to become more well-rounded. Try your best to think outside of the dating apps. If you haven’t tried to involve your friends or gone to a mixer, then give it a whirl. Be more choosy of whom you give your time to. It’s ok to go on a date once a month instead of once a week. If you want more options, then work on your physical appearance. It will open more doors in all aspects of your life. Most importantly, it’s best to repeat what really was working and bringing you joy this year.

How To Be The Hostess With The Mostest

No one is born a good host. Like being charming and being sociable you need tools to know how to be a good host. Don’t think that hosting is not in your blood if you have had a failed attempt. You can always start small with just close friends and see how it goes. Here are some guidelines for a smoother holiday party…..

Location….

Some homes are simply too far away or confusing to get to. It will enrage your guests when they keep getting lost to your remote cabin. Consider if your home is close enough in town or in a convenient location where people can park without getting towed.

Decorations and Lighting….

For the holidays you should have a home that is tastefully decorated. This can mean in your own style. However, things should have a flow and complement each other. It should not be haphazard. Lighting is crucial to setting the tone to be relaxing. You want your guests to be relaxed and soothed. No overhead lights allowed.

Furniture placement….

Create a living room, or screened-in porch, or kitchen area, etc, to have ample seating. In most social situations people are not stagnant. They will mingle from room to room. Some might want fresh air, and some might be in an in-depth conversation in the corner.

Have built-in entertainment….

You need a reason for people to come beyond chatting. The best parties have an activity or entertainment. Beer bong and flip cup can be fun and also karaoke or listening to a live band. You can have drinking games and play a fun mix of music to keep the energy up.

Specialty Drinks….

Come up with a speciality cocktail and mocktail version. Have beer and wine in the fridge as options as well. It is fun to come up with an overall cocktail that is seasonal. For large parties make it a cold cocktail and for small parties do a batch of mulled wine.

Food….

Think bite-sized and easy to grab and eat. It’s best to have trays out with food with toothpicks for easy pickup. Provide napkins. Avoid shrimp or anything that someone could be allergic to. Make sure to have vegan options.

To avoid a late night party….

If you are scared that people will wind up crashing on the couch, then present as a pre-game party. This can only work for people who live walking distance to bars or a quick Uber ride. It can be fun to plan around an event downtown and have a brief party where your guests can drop in. Make sure to communicate that to guests.

Dress code….

You can set the tone of how classy the party is. It all depends on your friends’ vibe. Some people would be thrilled to be able to dress to the nines. While others would rather have a silly ugly sweater party.

Bottom Line…..

The worst thing to happen to a party is not having a plan. You will feel more confident when you have some sort of entertainment for your guests. For people who feel they are good hosts, but do not have a hosting home then co-host with a friend. Sometimes having two hosts is easier and the party will run smoother. Make sure people can park and the location is easy to find. Consider who you are inviting and what type of party your friend group would enjoy. You can always take the pressure off and just host a pre-game party, then go downtown to an event or the bars after.