In college, I made a huge mistake by agreeing to live with my boyfriend and his friend. In general, I discourage living with boyfriends until it is serious. I honestly feel my relationship could have been saved if I had chosen to live solo or with a roommate to wrap up senior year. Why is taking on an extra roommate a romance killer for a couple?….
Why living with your boyfriend is bad….
I do have a full article on this. In summary, your relationship will shift into roommate vibes. You will no longer go on dates and he will have less incentive to impress you. Yes, you should live with your boyfriend eventually, but only when it is serious, like when you are engaged.
Why living with another roommate is bad….
When the extra roommate is male and they are friends, it’s game-over for your relationship. He will be playing video games in the living room and forget you exist.
Why he suggests you add an extra roommate…
Is it for money?…could be. More than likely, he does not trust your relationship will last. He is protecting himself and knows you will have to move out and he can stay.
Protect yourself before you move in…..
You are way better off being mysterious for as long as possible. You are playing your last card when you move in. On your end, you think it will bond you and bring you closer. Men fall in love through the absence of you. When you are always there he will feel trapped and lose desire.
You could be stuck in this situation for years….
He is comfy cozy and likes living with his friend. You are a bonus in the equation. He will have zero motivation to move out with just you. He is getting all his needs met, plus more.
Bottom Line….
The best thing you can do is to pace out your relationship. A man can get comfortable with the bare minimum while you expect him to keep up date nights and court you. These types of living situations can go on for years where the woman is unhappy and unfulfilled and he is thriving. Think of it in the logical sense and make it so he has to seek you out for as long as you can. Give him incentive to move the relationship along.
Let’s all admit that we are seeking a spark when we go on a first date. A lot of dating coaches encourage you to accept the 2nd date no matter what. I do agree with that. However, men will more than likely refuse a second date if he doesn’t feel “the spark” and gets more of a friend vibe. Sometimes you can control a first date from how you show up. Is there a way to create chemistry on a first date?….
Be in a good mood….
That’s really what it comes down to in a nutshell. You can’t show up being a little sourpuss. Really dedicate your pre-date to getting out of your head and into your body. I like to do a “drama dump” in my car and get out all the muck that is bothering me. Then get in the zone by listening with my air pods to my favorite hype song.
Tell stories, not facts….
Captivate your audience by telling stories, not answering facts in a dry way. Ask leading questions that are not a yes or no answer. Get him talking about things you can both connect on. Everyone has fun stories that they can tell (no bathroom mishap stories), even if you are speaking about your friends or family.
Be present….
Put away the phone and make eye contact. Nod and smile when he is talking. Repeat words to let the person know you have been listening. Use one word he used to craft your sentence. He “This food is so spicy! My mouth is burning!” You: Yes! Speaking of spicy have you ever tried ghost peppers?”
Ask him questions….
Men want to know you are interested. This isn’t a one-sided interview. Try to ask fun questions instead of the boring stock questions without getting too deep. You can ask where his favorite vacation spot is as an example. Make sure these are softball questions, not asking him what he thinks the meaning of life is. Also… a biggie is to stop giving him hypothetical questions that will make him roll his eyes… “if I were a worm, would you find me attractive?”…. Stop. Also, you don’t have to try to be funny. It’s fine if you are naturally witty, but every sentence should not be a random reference from a TV show or you doing bits.
Look hot….
We can all step it up. Make it a habit to keep up with hair appointments and updating your wardrobe. You don’t have to look like you are going to the club to look sexy. In fact, try to dress a little bit more conservative while still complementing the shape of your body. Find out the best colors to wear for your skin tone as well.
Don’t give him the impression you are “the fun girl”….
Try to not get wasted on the date or be “too fun.” It will backfire to be the girl that he can only see as hitting the bars with. Communicate how passionate you are with your job or helping the community. You have to paint a picture that you aren’t going to be throwing up in an Uber every time you hang out.
Be funny, flirty, and free….
Flirting to me simply means being witty and complimentary. It’s not licking your lips and winking. Be funny and make the conversation light. Act free by not being demanding and putting pressure on him. This is not an interrogation.
Bottom Line…
Beware of him saying “I didn’t feel the spark,” if you did all these things. That is guy code for him not being attracted to you. So, let it go. Attraction is a man’s only criteria for moving along the relationship. Do not take it personally, everyone has a type. However…. this is not to say to put up a wall and to sulk in the corner. You have to be an active participant in the date. And you do have to create chemistry to a certain degree.
The term “Delulu” has become a Tik Tok buzzword for “being delusional.” In therapy years ago, I had an “aha moment” when I realized that when you speak about the future with a negative lens, it is seen as “practical.” When you try to speak positively about any future outcomes, you are viewed as “delusional.” I am a big advocate for mindset and attitude and how it shapes our life. How can you get over negative self-talk and why is it the safe go-to?…..
Our ego loves safety…..
When we say negative things, it is mainly to keep us from taking any sort of action. This keeps us the same and safe. Our ego doesn’t want us to be skydiving everyday. However, it also protects us from dreaming bigger, like asking for a promotion.
Pay attention to actions….
Before you judge a situation show yourself hard evidence through actions. When it comes to men, talk is cheap. There have to be actions to show you if he is serious or cares. As far as friends or lovers, collect data on past behavior. When making major decisions it is good to hope for the best, but to remain neutral.
Seize opportunities….
Pay attention when opportunities present themselves. When people are stuck in a negative outlook they won’t even bother (or notice) to apply for that job or to go to that party. Most things that come your way need to be jumped on immediately. It is the universe giving you a gift.
How to manifest…..
You have to start with believing you deserve it and that positive domino effects will come from it. Most things average people want are extremely humble, yet we are taught that desiring anything makes us greedy. You can create a vision board or have a motivating quote you can see daily. I prefer making digital vision boards though Pinterest or just on my phone.
You’re never going to be fully ready for anything….
Yes, the stars can align a little, but overall, it won’t be perfect. You might feel you are at your goal weight or at your financial peak. Yes, bad timing is real, but anyone who becomes a parent can tell you there is no amount of prep that can make you feel you are ready.
You can be “delulu” and practical….
It is ok to be grounded, but still have big dreams. Start small with goals and see if doors open or close. You know when you are on the right path when opportunities come your way. You can always give anything a shot. It is easier to conceptualize a goal with smaller actionable steps instead of being completely overwhelmed.
Bottom Line….
Surround yourself with people who think big, not small. It is usually narrow-minded people who accuse you of being delusional. Fight against the status quo and connect with people who value goal-setting. Your “network is your net-worth” is a real phrase and your circle could be preventing you from achieving anything. Make a point to go to networking events and meet-up groups. As far as dating, stop going to the dingy college bar and waltz into a high-end wine bar. If your friend is more connected, ask to be invited to a party or get-together. Jobs and opportunities are made in person, not though a cold email. Lastly, use visualization to picture the positive snowball affect a goal or dream will cause. It will most likely be a positive impact to others and to your community.
Valentine’s Day should never be a sad day for singles. It is a great opportunity to treat yourself and indulge a little bit more. When you have things on the books you will be less swayed to cave and hook up with your ex. However, for people wanting to be social there are options for that as well. This is the time to get into your “soft girl era” and be the main character. What are some solo Valentine’s Day ideas?….
Book appointments….
Get your hair done, nails, facial, massage….you name it. Whatever you have been putting off, then book it. Create big blocks of time where you aren’t looking at your phone.
Buy yourself flowers….
A sweet bouquet from Trader Joe’s will do just fine. Get some roses and display them in a nice vase where you can see them.
Get yourself chocolates or make a dessert….
For the bakers out there this is a no brainer. For non-cooks you can do break-and-bake cookies for yourself or simply buy chocolate.
Manifest and write down your ideal partner check list….
Write yourself a letter of you in the future with your ideal partner. Get down to specifics and write out your ideal man. Don’t be vague or too general. Get into appearance, occupation, and his character. Write it in the present tense and do a thank you style letter. Keep the letter in an envelope in a special place.
Turn off notifications for the dating apps….
Today is not a great swiping day. It’s not the time to meet a stranger at Starbucks.
Put your phone on “do not disturb”….
No distractions are allowed for the day. Turn off all notifications or put your phone in DND mode.
Go shopping or thrifting….
Do the fun errands that you enjoy and browse your favorite stores.
Watch Rom Coms….
Turn on your favorite rom coms from the 2000s or watch your comfort show
Take a dance class….
Book a fun hip-hop dance class and get into your body
Sit at the bar at a restaurant…..
Go to a restaurant that has great food at the bar. You can drink wine and get a great meal. Avoid any restaurant that is advertising Valentine’s Day specials.
Bottom Line….
Let this day be about you. It is a perfect day to book beauty appointments or a massage. When you plan ahead you won’t feel a panic to spend time with a stranger. Keep your phone on “do not disturb” and do not use your dating apps. Anything that you would want from a partner, provide for yourself. Get yourself the flowers, dessert and wine. Romanticize your life on this day and go a little extra on self-care.
No one is born a good host. Like being charming and being sociable you need tools to know how to be a good host. Don’t think that hosting is not in your blood if you have had a failed attempt. You can always start small with just close friends and see how it goes. Here are some guidelines for a smoother holiday party…..
Location….
Some homes are simply too far away or confusing to get to. It will enrage your guests when they keep getting lost to your remote cabin. Consider if your home is close enough in town or in a convenient location where people can park without getting towed.
Decorations and Lighting….
For the holidays you should have a home that is tastefully decorated. This can mean in your own style. However, things should have a flow and complement each other. It should not be haphazard. Lighting is crucial to setting the tone to be relaxing. You want your guests to be relaxed and soothed. No overhead lights allowed.
Furniture placement….
Create a living room, or screened-in porch, or kitchen area, etc, to have ample seating. In most social situations people are not stagnant. They will mingle from room to room. Some might want fresh air, and some might be in an in-depth conversation in the corner.
Have built-in entertainment….
You need a reason for people to come beyond chatting. The best parties have an activity or entertainment. Beer bong and flip cup can be fun and also karaoke or listening to a live band. You can have drinking games and play a fun mix of music to keep the energy up.
Specialty Drinks….
Come up with a speciality cocktail and mocktail version. Have beer and wine in the fridge as options as well. It is fun to come up with an overall cocktail that is seasonal. For large parties make it a cold cocktail and for small parties do a batch of mulled wine.
Food….
Think bite-sized and easy to grab and eat. It’s best to have trays out with food with toothpicks for easy pickup. Provide napkins. Avoid shrimp or anything that someone could be allergic to. Make sure to have vegan options.
To avoid a late night party….
If you are scared that people will wind up crashing on the couch, then present as a pre-game party. This can only work for people who live walking distance to bars or a quick Uber ride. It can be fun to plan around an event downtown and have a brief party where your guests can drop in. Make sure to communicate that to guests.
Dress code….
You can set the tone of how classy the party is. It all depends on your friends’ vibe. Some people would be thrilled to be able to dress to the nines. While others would rather have a silly ugly sweater party.
Bottom Line…..
The worst thing to happen to a party is not having a plan. You will feel more confident when you have some sort of entertainment for your guests. For people who feel they are good hosts, but do not have a hosting home then co-host with a friend. Sometimes having two hosts is easier and the party will run smoother. Make sure people can park and the location is easy to find. Consider who you are inviting and what type of party your friend group would enjoy. You can always take the pressure off and just host a pre-game party, then go downtown to an event or the bars after.
In the past there have been rules of when to decorate for certain holidays. Most people have been told to put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving or even December 1st. Once the pandemic started, I noticed the trend of skipping over Thanksgiving to decorate for Christmas. I actually read an article contending that people who do this are happier. Long story short, start the holidays when you see fit, here’s why….
People love sparkle….
Christmas decorations are all about sparkle, glitter, and shine. Humans love to look at shiny objects. It gives them a little hit of serotonin (not a doctor, but it gets my pulse going).
It encapsulates a lot of trends in one….
A Christmas cheer is exactly what a girl who romanticizes her life will do. She is probably in her “soft-life era.” This time of year encourages fuzzy blankets, hot tea, and curling up watching favorite shows in candlelight. You can pretend to be the main character in a Hallmark movie.
The holidays go by soooo fast….
The more time you get to have the decorations up, the better you feel. The holidays, especially post-Thanksgiving zoom by and frankly, you don’t have time after Black Friday to sit and sip your hot chocolate next to your tree.
You can decorate in your own color scheme and vibe….
Unlike other holidays you can showcase your own style within Christmas. If you only love silver and gold, great! You can also lean into arts and crafts style with Popsicle frame pics of family. I have even seen Christmas in a goth style.
You can still enjoy Thanksgiving….
We give fall our all. I don’t find it is skipped over. There is pumpkin spice and sweater weather, the leaves, etc. I do think the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays get recognized.
Before you decorate….
Do a clean out and donate unused decorations. Obviously, keep anything sentimental and precious to you. But go though the lights that do not work and are tangled and decide overall what the vibe will be. Like I said, you can decorate with your own taste in mind. This might mean out with old, in with the new.
Get ahead of the stress part….
Start making a list for presents and purchase your Christmas cards. Decide what your budget is and how many gifts per person. Keep in mind that certain people would prefer a service IOU present which can be priceless. Don’t limit yourself to physical items.
Bottom Line….
Give yourself permission to decorate. Honestly, this generation (Millennial and Gen Z ) are already doing it regardless. There is time that needs to be spent on brainstorming on the vibe you want to capture. I love when a person has their own Christmas style that is unique to them and their home. This year spend more time in the Christmas spirit versus the frantic stress ball that can occur.
In the past couple years, there have been a lot of gurus preaching “vulnerability.” Everyone should chose an authentic path and speak the truth to others. You cannot bottle up your own feelings and be a fake person. I do want to address that there is a gray area when it comes to early dating. I want to talk about what people mean by being vulnerable in a dating context. What should you say and do on the first few dates?…..
What is vulnerability on a first date / early talking…
I want to stress that these experts do not mean “trauma dumping.” It might feel like they are encouraging you to bare your soul to strangers. They simply mean to stop saying, “how was your weekend.”
Starting the conversation in the second act…
Shakespeare started his plays “in the middle.” He used very little setup and backstory and dove straight into the action. A lot of experts bring this up as a style of connecting to people. It is better to act like you already know the person.
Feelings, not facts…
I have brought this up before. It is so much better to tell a story through emotion. Facts should be avoided as they always come off cold and boring. Again, this does not mean you are in a therapy session. Example: Fact- “I went to college in Arizona in 2009.” Story- “I can’t even look at Sunny Dee anymore; going to college in Arizona people couldn’t get enough screwdrivers.”
Beware of generic topics…
In my own experience, as you get older it’s harder to speak about music and movies. When you bring up one thing and they say they haven’t heard of it, then you are dead in the water. I am guilty of wanting to chat about celebrity pop culture, but again, typically men aren’t as tuned in to that. You can certainly dip your toe in and see if you are aligned on movies. It does make a conversation flow better when you can connect on something. I would rather you speak about movies than trauma bonding. So, at worst, explain the movie or album.
How is your tone…
Men respond to women who make them feel relaxed around them. Most of their dates are interrogations; be a breath of fresh air. I understand you need certain answers to move forward, but when you push it and force questions, he will not like it. Also, keep in mind a man can just lie to you. It is better to get the feel and zero into your intuition around him.
A man will tell you what he is looking for…
He will put you in a box the moment he lays eyes on you. He has a certain standard for how a girlfriend acts or looks like. I say this to not put so much pressure on what you say. As long as you aren’t in a bad mood and complaining, you should be fine. Witty banter is the goal, of course, but positivity is more important.
Listen more than you talk…
The secret to charisma is the power of letting the other person talk about themselves. He will give you the answers you are seeking when he feels comfortable.
Learn how to flirt…
I admit it is a delicate dance. No woman wants to encourage a man to only want to sleep with her. I do think certain types of flirting can backfire. Think of it in terms of being charming and complimentary, not licking your lips and pulling his tie.
Bottom Line…
The biggest thing to keep in mind is if he likes you, he likes you. I have tried to be little-miss- witty and win a guy over. The decision has already been made. Not to say you should roll your eyes and look at your watch. There should be responsibility to be easy-breezy and be a good hang. On the flip side, vulnerability does not mean trauma-dumping or bonding. The best thing to practice with friends, co-workers, and dates is speaking with emotion and story. No one wants a dry interviewer or someone demanding answers. If you cannot be relaxed or calm, consider taking a break from dating. A lot of tensions and heartache can build up and cause you to come off mean and impatient. Men, in a nutshell, want a woman to be pleasant to be around and look like his type.
I have spoken about the downsides of hitting on bartenders or anyone in a service-based industry. I want to take it a step further and explore the BIG “off limits men.” These men can be more appealing because they are taboo. However, the reason men fall into the “no” category is because of how they affect other people. I will break down what type of men are forbidden and why it’s never a good idea….
A best friend / sister’s ex….
This is breaking “girl code.” You are being selfish and not putting your friend or loved one into consideration.
Married men….
He will say over and over he will leave his wife for you. And yet….you are still sneaking away to dark alleys and shady hotels while he goes back to his family in the morning. This is also a thing that you should go by the rule, not the exception. It is harmful to your self-worth and you are a home wrecker.
Anyone who you pay….
Even the man who mows your grass. This goes back to my “Hitting on Bartenders” article. There are always going to be men who seem appealing that you did not swipe on. You will feel seen when they remember your name and go the extra mile. This is a big trap that both men and women fall into and it only results in an awkward and inappropriate situation. There are men who will physically touch you (hair dresser, massage therapist, dermatologist, etc). You could feel the spark, especially if you are deprived of affection. It is never a thing to explore.
Your priest, rabbi, or spiritual counselor….
In the show, “Fleabag,” the main protagonist goes all the way with her priest. It was shocking and has an erotic element because of the forbidden and even immoral nature. This is not a common scenario, but I do think it comes from a man with no sexual agenda helping you that is appealing to women.
Your son’s friend….
I have been thinking of Jada Pinkett Smith since she is currently in the news. She speaks about her “entanglement” with rapper August Alsina who is 21 years younger. I am pretty open about age gaps, but an extremely large one when one party is below 27 is inappropriate. Not going to throw only women under the bus with this, men have been doing this for eons. Usually, he progressively dates younger after each divorce until she is younger than his daughter.
Your therapist….
I am separating this one from the “men you pay” category because women really do fall for their therapists. He knows your deep dark secrets, he listens, and he gives his thoughtful advice. To women, this is what intimacy is. Men aren’t usually attracted to a therapist, there are no porn categories of “therapist and patient.” Going back to the priest example, it is another time a man is helping without his own sexual agenda.
What is the solution?….
Not going to minimize the piercing attraction you feel with these forbidden men. Most women’s sexuality is tied to fantasy and “will they, won’t they.” It can be somewhat unbearable when you are hit with a strong spark from the wrong guy. There are some action plans to combat the feeling.
Recognize if you are in dry period of dating – Most of the time you will be fantasizing about the mailman when you have no options. Your brain likes to stay in a romantic energy and will find any man to fill the void.
Make a zen garden- The Buddhists believe in work that results in a “flow” state. This could be where you physically have no time to think outside of what you are doing. Some examples are re-wallpapering your room, gardening, or cleaning your gutters.
Reject yourself- Some people still hold onto to a crush because there was no “no.” When we are rejected, the door has shut and it is easier to wash our hands with it. In this case reject yourself in a firm way by giving a reality check. It is always better to go in with an assumption he is not interested or available.
Admit you are starved for affection / attention – When you are in this state this is when you make bad decisions. In this case, it’s much better to get that energy out though a dating app. Even if you don’t meet up it is better to flirt and get attention
Get busy-“idle hands are the devil’s playground.”“If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.” Ok, I will stop saying cliché phrases… but, you might have too much time on your hands that can be put to better use.
Bottom Line….
A crush and fantasy can be healthy, yet I put an asterisk next to these type of men only because an obsession can build up more from people who are seen as forbidden and taboo. There are real consequences from pursuing these types of men. You can break up a marriage, hurt a person’s career, or simply have a humiliating experience. This is the time to put your shields up, assume they are not interested, and move on with your day. Anything interdict makes captivating television, but in reality, at worst, it can be life-ruining for both parties.
I start thinking of Halloween costumes in September. For me, it is a time to get creative and express myself in a way I cannot do on a daily basis. There have been years when I simply get “writers block” with a costume and other times when I hit it out of the park. When I brainstorm to make an impactful costume, the three ingredients are: #1 Instantly recognizable, #2 Funny or Creative, and #3 Sexy. In this article, I break down evergreen ideas and tips to spark some inspiration…
The Classics…
I think it’s almost better to be a classic because you just show up and enjoy your time. I would say the big classic costumes are : witch, devil, cat, angel, clown, vampire, skeleton, ghost, pumpkin , etc. It can always be modified to have a unique vision.
Mystical Costumes…
Halloween to me is a mystical holiday, so I like leaning into that. A few examples are: a tarot reader (fortune teller); a celebrity in the illuminati ( red dress with illuminati fake tattoo on the forehead); an alien; men in black; fairy; conspiracy theorist (tin foil hat)
Movie Characters…
This can be tricky and requires all the details to be there with no cutting corners. Meaning, you might need to spend more on the perfect wig, sunglasses, or other props. A few popular movie costumes are from: “Scream,” “Fight Club,” “Austin Powers,” “Scarface,” “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” “Blade.” Google a movie you like and see if someone has done a costume for it.
Makeup and Wigs…
There are many YouTube makeup tutorials out there to watch and learn, although it is fun to experiment for yourself and see what works. Most stores have makeup just for Halloween, which could be cheap eyeshadow palettes and body glitter. You don’t have to be a professional makeup artist, but give yourself enough time to mess up and redo it. Wigs can be expensive. I have noticed there are some good realistic wigs on Amazon. I got my wig (unopened) at a thrift store, so it was slightly cheaper than at a Halloween store. I actually went to Target the other day and noticed the basic wigs are slightly cheaper there as well.
Easy Last-Minute Costumes…
Sometimes we just can’t get it together. There also might be a situation where you are expected to go to multiple parties. In this case, you need to think simple, yet effective. One of my favorites is to be a jewelry thief. You will just need a black cat suit and eye mask with big fake costume jewelry. Your purse could be a pouch with the money symbol. Y2K is also big right now. You could be a trashy celebrity from that time — just, please, do not actually pluck your eyebrows.
What costumes you shouldn’t wear…
Cultural appropriation is a big no-no in Halloween. It does not matter what your intent was or wasn’t… just avoid it. It is not worth it in the long run. Someone could dig up an old photo of you and bad things could happen. Any costume that is another culture’s native dress should be avoided.
Time-period costumes…
When I see costumes of clothing I wore in middle school it makes me laugh. Stepping back in time can bring up fun nostalgia. You could be a 1920s flapper or 1950s housewife, a hippy, or an 80s hair-metal rocker. You could even go way back in time and be a medieval king, queen, jester, or pirate.
Purses and Jackets…
This can be tricky since you need a place to hold your money and you might get cold. Some places do have coat checks and that’s great, but most do not. A jacket and purse can take away from a costume. You also want to be hands-free to dance and move around. I love a simple belt bag that blends with your costume. Or have the purse be part of the costume. As far as coats and jackets, consider what climate you live in and if you can incorporate the coat into the costume. If not, you will be probably sweaty and hot from dancing so a jacket may not be necessary anyway.
Celebrity and pop culture…
I see more couples dressing up as celebrity couples. The thing to keep in mind is: does the celebrity couple have a recognizable look? ( A great example is Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wearing the iconic all-denim outfit). For a solo celebrity, do you already resemble the famous person? I remember when comedian Trevor Noah dressed as the musician “The Weeknd” and people lost their minds. Certain looks and outfits are firmly planted in the cultural lexicon and those looks should be used, not a meme from six years ago.
Occupation costumes….
There are a lot of occupation costumes you can pick from. In these instances, there needs to be a twist as a zombie or very sexy. This is the time for visual puns and a “wink and a nod” ideas. The occupations that are mostly used are police, nurse, chef, nun or priest.
Group or couple costumes…
I love when families tell a story though costumes. For example, the family could be dressed as The Addams Family, and a couples costume could be a pirate and a parrot.
Ease of wear and sustainability…
I do not like wearing a costume that comes in a bag. I understand in certain instances you have to do it. Try your best to shop your closet first and see what you can pull out. Next would be thrifting a costume. It is important to be practical. Bathroom lines will be long and you will be standing and dancing all night. Take into consideration being comfortable and safe. Six-inch heels might not work for someone who never wears them.
Sports….
This sort of goes with the occupation costumes. You need a twist on it to make it more scary or sexy. You can’t just walk around with a basketball jersey. A better option is to be a USA Olympian with a leotard with USA across it. A cheerleader is another great one that everyone will get immediately.
Another Holiday or Event Costume…
One year, this guy dressed as a Salvation Army bell ringer with a Santa hat. It got me thinking about other holidays you could dress up as, such as a New Year’s Eve partiers or a New Year’s Eve baby. As far as events, any sort of wedding event is recognizable and it’s easy to do a twist on it (slasher or zombie bride).
Have a pre- going-out photo shoot…
Nothing worse than not getting one pic of your costume while out. In a party and downtown, things are chaotic and everyone is moving though the crowd, and the lighting is bad. It’s great to orchestrate a ”getting ready” party with a photo booth. Hang a piece of fabric, cool patterned sheets, or tape some wrapping paper to a blank wall. Grab a bendy desk lamp to create dramatic lighting. Position the lamp or multiple lamps to get a cool lighting effect. Or you can have a beauty light to attach to a phone and people can take selfies.
Bottom Line….
Halloween costumes are a great way to express your creativity. Some years you are buzzing with ideas, and some require looking though Pinterest boards for inspiration. I try to avoid anything that is the hot costume of the year. I just don’t want to compete with 20 other girls dressed as the same thing. Not to say being a classic is bad. There might be a handful of witches or angels. However, you can always do your own twist and make it your own. As far as group or couple costumes, it is best to tell a story. Goes without saying to never dress in another culture’s dress. No matter how you feel or that it’s not fair, in the long run it is not worth it. Lastly, remember to combine the three important rules to all costumes: recognizability, creativity / funny, and sexy.
Just found out what a “boo box” is through social media. Basically, it is a seasonal care package consisting of food, coffee, candles and all things cozy. This is a super-cute idea, however, it’s wise to pick and choose whom you treat. A woman wanting to be in her feminine energy should not be gifting and impressing, even though this is in her nature to do when she wants the person she is dating to feel loved. Birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day gifts should be proceeded with caution. Having said that, what should be in the boo box and in what situation should it be gifted?…..
Shopping Ideas….
The best gifts are handmade and something that feels too nice to give themselves. This is a celebration of fall, think cozy with seasonal flavors. The most obvious is to make your own pumpkin spice. This is a given and seems more gourmet when it is created by you. You can google the recipe and put it in a glass container with a fancy label. Then you need to consider that we are going into “cozy” season, and any sort of comfort and luxe will be appreciated. Cashmere socks give more of a sophistication rather than fuzzy sucks with a pumpkin (although that is very cute). Then you could carry on the clothing route with a nice robe or loungewear set. Next is seasonal coffee or tea. The loose-leaf option is a more high end presentation. With coffee, you could include a milk frother for those speciality pumpkin lattes. To top everything off, include a woodwick candle. The woodwick causes that ASMR crackling-fire noise for instant relaxation. I would go with a plain and clean design that could be reused.
Who Should Not Receive The Boo Box?…..
Anyone you are casually dating or in a gray area. I even think a boyfriend could be too high risk. It sends the message that you are trying to impress and buy their love in some way. A long- distance relationship might be the most logical. It is a care package and it seems like the right situation. Although take into consideration how serious this long-distance relationship is. It is better if it is temporary, you are engaged, and there is a wedding date. It is better to give wifey treatment to a future husband, not a man who sporadically texts.
Treat Yourself To The Boo Box….
For anyone who loves fall, this is a great excuse to make a trip to Home Goods and treat yourself to some fall delights. As far as blankets, robes, and loungewear, go for quality, not cheap polyester. It will last longer and look more sophisticated. However, it’s totally your call. No shame in leaning into fuzzy skeleton pants.
Have A Cozy Night With Friends….
You could have a bonfire night or stay inside and watch some scary movies. There are streaming services that do 31-days-of-Halloween. You can also gift your friends with homemade bread or seasonal desserts.
Should You Expect To Be Treated To The Boo Box?….
I only just discovered this a few days ago and I doubt everyone knows about it. Any woman whose love language is receiving gifts should probably be hinting about it. There are certain boyfriends who show their love though gifts and some that do not. Although it does not have to be as elaborate as I said. This is probably a great new tradition that committed couples will adopt.
Bottom Line…..
The Boo Box can be a great way to set off the fall season. For singles, I suggest you treat yourself to one. You now have an excuse to upgrade your loungewear. For couples, it depends on how committed you are. In my experience, it is always regretful to go above and beyond for a man who doesn’t even want you as his girlfriend. The wifey treatment should be reserved for a man who is all in. Either way, get cozy, stay in more, and share some chilly nights with friends and family.
Mostly Casual 