Why You Should Try To Be A “Fast Friend”

We have to admit that friendship norms versus relationship and dating are different. For one thing, friendships usually never result in a break-up or even a “break.” But I wanted to talk more about casual friendships. You meet someone out at a bar; you chat about boys over cocktails, exchanging numbers or social media. You swear you will both get brunch soon and then, poof, they leave you on read. With casual dating, you are justified in feeling duped when he dodges messages after you were intimate. With friends, you don’t quite get the justice you feel inside. Did they do anything wrong at the end of the day? I want to make the argument for the “fast friend” and why you should let loose and try it yourself. How can you treat your own friendships as more casual?….

How you treat your existing friends….

As you get into your 30s and beyond, your high school friends and college roommates have moved away. You finally made a connection with a co-worker and feel you need to hold onto them for dear life. You are ashamed that you only have a handful of friends now. My view is to stop putting so much emphasis on the number and frankly how long the connection lasts. This is thinking-in-scarcity. (You are likable and can make new friends.) Most people you do befriend will change or not last forever. As an example, when you meet another single girl at work then a month later she gets a boyfriend, you will no longer share the bond of being single.

Should you break up with your friend?….

There is conflicting advice about having a clean break from a friend or not. There are cases where a friend might have crossed a line in a dramatic way. It can be more of a case-to-case basis with something in an extreme. Most friendships are more fluid and ebb and flow. With social media, you might remain connected through that and keep up with each other. This is sort of why there might not be a reason to have a sit-down break-up. I had a friendship that I ended officially, but only because the pattern ended up being in an unbalanced dynamic that could not be changed.

Being friendly versus forming friendships….

Certain people you meet through classes or out in the bars can be just friendly interactions when you see them. It is perfectly ok to have casual connections. You might even have a total blast and bond for hours. It doesn’t mean that you need to take it to the next level. Allow yourself more interactions to be more breezy and fun.

Your friend-of-a -friend could lead to success….

Loose connections lead to job offers or lucrative introductions for networking. I have said that the second- and third-tier friends are the best at dating set-ups. They see you at your most social and have a larger net for introductions.

Your friendship might be unbalanced….

I had a friend I made and we would spend some quality time together. I would show up when their band was performing to show support. One evening, I overshared about hooking up with someone. Their reaction was saying, “we aren’t that close.” It was humiliating that I felt we were forming a strong friendship. In protest, I avoided them and distanced myself. It is possible that certain people appreciate that you go the extra mile, but a true trust and connection isn’t actually there.

Overextending for friends….

I hear all the time on podcasts discussing what a friend should do for a bachloratte party or when a friend gets married. Nine-tenths of the time, the bridesmaids get their wallets cleaned out from extravagant gifts and flights. In the micro-sense, friends can take advantage of kindness under the guise of being a good friend. It is important to really evaluate who is taking advantage or who is a true deep friend.

Life is long and life is short….

The life-is-short is a reminder to carpe diem when you are out having a great time. You might have the best night of your life with someone you never see or hear from again. That is ok and it shouldn’t be looked at as a failure. You have those memories and evidence that you are a good hang. In contrast, the life-is-long thing is for connections that ebb and flow. You could always reconnect with an old friend from high school in your 50s. You never know who is coming in and out of your life.

Bottom Line….

Casual dating is a normal thing in most people’s lives. There should be more casual friendships and a detachment of how certain friends are treated. The most common reason why people drift apart is because of physically moving away or going into a new chapter in their life. It is also a good idea to notice when you are overextending and acting closer than the connection actually is. Lastly, you need to stop being stuck in scarcity when it comes to friendships. Most people say they struggle with making new friends. You have to come from a place of abundance and believe you are fun and a good friend. Whoever chooses to stick around is meant to.

How To Interview A New Roommate

Our generation will live with roommates longer than the previous generations. With cost of housing and student loans, it is something that many people in their 20s and 30s have to deal with. But what if it could go smoother and with more harmony? In the past, I have made some roommate mistakes, from picking them to delegating household chores. What are some interview questions to ask a potential roommate?….

Picking a roommate….

Should you pick your bestie? Or a total stranger? It really comes down to a person you are not scared to bring things up to. In the case of interviewing a stranger, get a sense of how responsible they are. You don’t want a grifter to sign the lease or bring weirdos over. When you do pick a friend I suggest not your BFF. Becoming roommates can really put a strain on your relationship. Plus, you will be seeing them too often. Best case is they have been vetted by a friend that can vouch for them.

Is it better to let a single person live with you or in a relationship?….

Sometimes it can be a blessing when the roommate has a partner and they are never around. However, you don’t want to host her boyfriend on a nightly basis. A great question to ask is their relationship status and does her boyfriend live in town, etc. For single people ask how active they are at dating. This is a good time to lay out some rules for guests. The type of person who brings men back every weekend might not see the arrangement as a good fit.

What is their definition of clean?….

Some people like the apartment to be tidy and some need a deep clean every Sunday. Two opposite ends of the spectrum should not live together.

Whose furniture will be brought in….

You might have lived there before and now need a new roommate. Or you are both seeking a brand new apartment. The person with the most furniture will, in an unspoken way, somewhat have the upper hand. The person with just bedroom furniture could easily be kicked out. Same thing with the person who owns all the pots and pans and kitchen materials. Get that squared away so there are not duplicates.

What is their job?….

Some people have very unstable jobs or do not have the best work history. No shade to restaurant workers, but that type of job has a high turnover rate and they could get fired very easily. Given the choice, the best pick is someone that is planted in their occupation for years and has a great track record of holding a job.

Can they hang?….

Listen… you want your roommate to be somewhat flexible and not super rigid. Not to say either of you should be walked all over. It just feels better to enter the apartment and not be tiptoeing as you sneak into your room. It’s best when interviewing to take them out to a bar and see how uptight they are. Are they having a tantrum because the bartender forgot their lime in their cocktail?

Bottom Line….

Your home is your safe space. A roommate can make or break your peace and sanity. Biggest advice is make sure this person is vetted. You need to have people in common that can give you important insights. In the micro-sense, you don’t want to be sitting in your car avoiding entering your apartment because you hate their energy. You need a person who knows how to communicate and is responsible, and cherry-on-top, can chill and hang out.

Navigating Bad-Weather Friends

We all know about a “fair-weather friend,” whom I consider mainly a 3rd-tier casual friend. Or, worst, a social climber who globs onto you, trying to ride your coattails. But a “bad-weather friend” is someone whom you talk trash with. Misery loves company when things are in the dumps. What happens when good things start to happen to you?….

You complain about men….

This one is super common for women to bond. The problem happens when one of you gets a boyfriend. The dynamic and roles change and the single friend might feel threatened. If this person is your BFF, then there are ways to minimize the drama….

Keep quiet about your relationship….

Influencer, Tinx, coins this “boyfriend sickness” when you bring up your boyfriend in every sentence. It can become grating on people. Plus, they are not in the relationship and can’t relate to your excitement.

When asked about your boyfriend….

Try to downplay everything, especially if it’s going well. The instinct is to shout from the rooftops, but it could invite criticism and jealously. They could plant toxic seeds into your subconscious and cause a fight within your romantic relationship.

Keep seeing your friends….

It’s important to not abandon all your friends. The smartest thing to do is to maintain your schedule and routines.

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You got a promotion at work and your friend is unemployed….

Finding a job is a full-time job. She might be used to complaining and to feeling lost and hopeless while you are thriving and about to make more money. It is tricky when two friends are not on the same financial level. The friend with money feels held back and the friend without money feels pressured to spend what they don’t have….

Help your friend meet the right people….

Instead of sending job alerts from Indeed, help them network with the right people. You can google search a meet-up group that might help and you can join for support.

As the wealthier friend, don’t be weird about Venmo….

To you, $20 here and there is not a huge deal to lose, but to her it’s the week’s grocery allowance. Try not to nickel-and-dime your friend for tiny things. However, you can’t expect her to go to a five-star restaurant either. Try to do more hang-outs at home with wine versus an expensive night out.

Have different types of friends….

It’s ok to have fancy friends and more-down-to-earth friends. Each can bring out a different side of you. The mistake is trying to force a friend into a different category. If you have gone from rags to riches, you will lose friends. However, it is fine to remain humble and low-key unless the energy is preventing success. The best friends are supportive even if it means you will see them less.

Bottom Line….

When good things happen keep it under wraps. The reason is more for your protection versus being ashamed of bragging. People who you have created a dynamic of complaining and bitching will be triggered when that changes. It is ok to have certain friends for certain categories. When it’s a best friend try to not brag and boast in front of them, especially if they are struggling. You can do your best to surround yourself with like-minded people. However, not all good news lines up with everyone. Overall, go against the instinct of sharing good news and spare people the details. Yes, friends should be excited, but it can also trigger their own insecurities that can unconsciously sabotage you.

Should You Date Your Guy Friend?

It can be a common trope in rom-coms and television (“Friends”) where you wonder if your soulmate is your friend. There will be ruminations about whether it is worth ruining a good friendship to find out. Before you make the plunge into friends-to-lovers it’s best to think it all the way through. Mainly because once intimacy is involved it is extremely difficult to walk it back. What are some questions to consider?….

Are you craving intimacy?….

You might just be dying to get the “boyfriend experience.” The late night chats on the phone, watching Netflix over dinner and wine, a back rub. It can just feel good to “play house.”

People are putting pressure on you….

Someone might have planted the seed that your friendship could be more. You might have been stopped by a mutual friend or even a stranger thinking you were a couple. Your brain might have taken what someone said on a whim to heart.

Can you picture the intimacy?….

There might be no deep desire or yearning to get close in an intimate way. You don’t really see them as a sexual option. On the flip side, you wanted it from the beginning and then got friend- zoned by them

Speaking of friend-zoned….

Who friend-zoned who? This can make a huge difference. When you are the one to friend-zone a man, he might just be waiting in the wings until you are drunk enough to have sex. However, when a man friend-zones a woman it is more of a sign that you are, in fact, friends.

You went for a kiss, how did you feel?….

Maybe you finally took the plunge and kissed on the lips. How did you really feel? Was it just a comforting feeling, or was did it fuel your fire?

If they started dating someone or went on a great date would you be jealous?….

You probably talk about dating with each other. Have you always been secretly jealous? Or have you thought the stories are funny and give date ideas?

Do feelings really change?….

You could absolutely get closer as friends, but do feelings of true friendship rarely flip? There was a reason you did not become a couple.

Bottom Line….

In fictional TV shows or other media, a friends-to-lovers is seen as romantic and brave. In reality, there is such a thing as romantic chemistry versus having love and respect for a close friend. It is fine to have opposite gender relationships, yet they usually get questioned by the outside world. It is ok to discuss your feelings with your friend when the moment is right. Some clarity will ease your mind and help you move on if necessary.

PSA For How To Treat Your Artist Friends

I have been an artist forever and have noticed that people in general see your career or even your hobby as a way to exploit free labor. Do all people do this? Of course not. But as an example, no one is demanding free work from a dentist. Here are a few points for non-creatives to chew on…..

The artist wears many hats to stay afloat….

They might have to drive Uber or be a server here and there. It does not mean they “gave up.” It is a way to supplement income in the lean times.

“No, we can’t do your photo shoot for free”….

I don’t love the term “friend discount,” mainly because if you were my friend, you would actually support my business. Most people like to squeeze all they can get for peanuts. This can manifest in doing a wedding or a headshot for free. Don’t be offended if your friend says they do not work for free and gives you a day rate.

We are actually busy….

There is a lot of behind -the-scenes work that most people do not recognize. Even socializing and networking is a form of work. It is all about making the right connections. Even just taking a rest day to recharge our brain is part of the process.

We hate hearing, “have you thought about getting a real job?”….

If we wanted to become a nurse, we would have. Most artists can only do artistic and creative things. They are not great at working at a call center. Most of the time, having a day job can be a huge time suck that takes away from our hopes and dreams.

We have good days and bad days….

There could be times when we sold out at an art show or got a huge commission. Then at the next show we only make three sales. Our career is mainly trial and error and luck.

We are always pivoting….

There are certain artists who stick to one medium. However, some artists will switch up mediums to see what sticks or what is the most lucrative. They are not a “jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none.” It is just experimenting on what will turn a profit.

Just because they are a painter or a photographer doesn’t mean they can do your specific thing….

There are a lot of times when an artist has a certain style and a person will ask for a 180. For example, they might be an abstract painter and a relative asks them to paint a hyper-realistic family portrait. Most people see art as art. The reality is most artists have honed into a particular style. Another example is a fine art photographer who usually does not want to shoot a headshot. Some artists do these things regardless, but it is not something they enjoy.

Bottom Line….

If you have an artist friend, support them and don’t use them for their talent. They deserve to be paid like anyone else. Artists work in silence most of the time and have their eye on the ball 24/7. When you see them resting or socializing, they are working. An artist’s life is a calling and takes a lot of sacrifices and losses. Yes, they are aware that they could have gone to school for something “more conventional.” Don’t be shocked if your artist friend or small business owner asks you to be paid for their work. Most creatives get taken advantage of because they love the work and so they will work for “exposure.” Don’t be that person. Another nice thing is to talk up their business when possible or like, comment, and share on social media. Most important is to show support and come to their art opening.

How Your Vibe Is Blocking Budding Friendships

Everyone wants to know “where do I meet new friends”? But no one is asking “how do I foster these meet-ups into actual friendships”? You might be frustrated that you put yourself out there and go out and no one wants to push it along. The phase “what do you bring to the table,” should be used in friendships, not only in romantic relationships. In a nutshell, there are mistakes I notice in other people and what I have done myself to block any friendship from getting off the ground. What is preventing you from taking an acquaintance to a friendship….

Are you scared to go outside alone?….

Are you depending on other people to hold your hand and make you feel safe in every social situation? Do you beg your roommate to come with you to the bars or a party? You really need to allow yourself to experience being social without a safety net. Get comfortable with eating lunch alone or treating yourself to coffee after a walk as a start.

Do you invite yourself?….

When you invite yourself you are putting the person in an uncomfortable situation. No one will say no you can’t come. However, that doesn’t mean you will be welcome.

Are you taking the hint?….

For me, three separate cancellations are a clear message they don’t want to continue the friendship. There are exceptions of course. However, you have to put limits on how much you put yourself out there with people who have rejected you.

Are people polite versus actually liking you?….

People do not want conflict. They will smile and nod and listen to anyone, especially in a bar. Don’t take someone’s being nice as wanting to become your best friend. Assume people are just wanting to be social. Do not follow them around the bar like a lost puppy.

What do you bring to the table?….

Are you fun, do you listen, are you a joy to be around? The friend who is a sulky sally is never sought out and asked to join. Not to say you can’t complain here and there. I am speaking more of the people who are crying and in a crisis every day. No one wants to be your savior. Put making new friends on the back burner when you need to get your ducks in a row.

Do you help people just to get a reward?….

You always drive people home and put yourself to good use. You might think you are creating friendship security and people can’t live without you. You in fact are creating a dynamic where they no longer see you as on their level. They see you as weak and someone they can take advantage of.

Are you cool and bubbly?….

Do you have interesting things to talk about? What hobbies, projects, funny stories are you telling? Do you dress in an interesting way? What is unique about you that you can talk about? Be the bubbly girl, aka someone who is sweet, smiley, fun. She radiates joy and is always a good time. Go look up videos on Youtube on how to be charismatic. It is an art that can be learned.

Do you think everyone is your therapist?….

People at the bars or the meet up groups are strangers. It is not appropriate to bring up your sex life or personal medical issues. Tread lightly on topics you discuss. No one wants to hear about your boring office job either.

Are your expectations too high?…

In adult friendships people have pressing priorities to their job, partners, family, etc. You need to shift your lens of kindergarten friendship styles to adult-with-responsibilities. At the beginning of the week they were fresh, but by the weekend they are burned out. Don’t threaten your friends to hang out. Be a little more at arms length and plan things for yourself before you throw out an invite.

Bottom Line….

There are always tips for how to meet new people. Plenty of meet up groups, courses, the bars, you name it. However, when you lack social awareness and discernment, it is a waste to put yourself out there. It is work to keep friends and the universe does not owe you friendships. It is something that needs to be nurtured and watered. Look inward and recognize how you are coming across. The biggest thing is accepting that most people are polite. Just because a stranger was nice to you does not mean you are best friends now. The first step to creating friendships is to cultivate a friendship with yourself. Spend time alone and pick up hobbies and interests. When you create a charismatic aura then it will attract people to you versus you hunting people down.

PSA For Comedy Fans

I recently went to a comedy show with semi-professional comedians. Everything was going great until….an unknowing heckler started chiming in. She was maybe in her 50s and it could be possible that this was her first comedy show. Not only did she disrupt the show by talking, but her phone rang for ten minutes during a set. For anyone wanting to watch live comedy and get into the scene, I have some notes. There is such a thing as comedy etiquette. What can you do to become a great audience?…..

First off there is planned material….

I want to get down to the basics. Comedians are not winging it doing an improv set (although some do). The material is meticulously planned out and timed. When you interrupt, you are stepping on the joke and messing up the timing.

“But…comics do crowd work”….

Yes. Comedians will do crowd work or have to deal with a heckler. However, they prefer to not go off script and dedicate a whole set to an audience member. If they ask someone in the crowd a question, they are willing to do crowd work.

“I am making the show funnier”….

You actually aren’t. In the case of this older woman, it was giving “barfly” energy. Meaning, it was attention seeking and desperate.

How can you be a good audience….

Show up on time – don’t be coming in late where everyone is distracted unless it is a huge venue
Turn off cellphones- make sure you phone is silent or off
No talking during a set- Again, in certain settings you might need to order a drink at a bar, but beyond that zip it
Don’t get up during a set- wait to use the bathroom and try your best not to cross in front of the stage
Laugh- they want you to laugh and clap and be present
Don’t sit in the front row- unless you want to be part of the show, sit further back
Don’t wear a crazy outfit- try to blend in as best as possible to avoid getting roasted
If appropriate, compliment- If they are standing near the exit after the show tell them it was a great set
Don’t corner them- You have to be brief and see if the comic wants to chat. Don’t hold him or her hostage
Don’t heckle or yell out- goes without saying. Do not interrupt the show unless prompted by the performer.

Bottom Line….

Be a respectful audience member to the comedian. Even if you do not like the performance, still be respectful. Most of the rules are not to disrupt the show and to distract the comic from the set. It is never ok to yell out. You may think you are being hilarious and “helping the comic out.” I assure you, you are not. It is attention seeking and a lack of self-awareness. Anyone who wants to “be apart of the show” should look inward and possibly take an improv class. It can give you perspective on how hard it is to perform in front of people.

“Low Lift” Hangs And Dates

We are at the beginning of the year and the consensus I am getting is people are already exhausted. It is a good reminder we have about eleven months to get through. I personally go by the Lunar New Year to give myself slightly more time to get things rolling. It is tricky to do a 180 after all the holidays. As far as our relationships (friendship and dating), preserving energy and balance is a must to avoid burnout. How can you orchestrate “low lift” hangs and first dates?….

Dating:

You are already out and about….

In my app days I would take advantage of already being out and about. This is the time to use Bumble and send out “the bat signal” to men and to see who is already around. Does it always work? No. But, it is a good opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

Pre-game dates….

Your friendships should be your main plan. There is no harm in squeezing in a quick date before you meet up with your friends or go to an event. Having a time limit creates anticipation and desire to have “a real date.”

Invite a date to a party….

This is case-by-case. Do not invite a date to an intimate dinner. If it’s a “the more the merrier” type of casual party, bring a date.

The double book….

I have a whole article on this. It is great to maximize your time while already out and in a cute outfit. Use one guy as the “warm up” date and the second guy as either a second date or someone whom you are more interested in.

Friendships:

Errand hangs….

Take your friends to Target with you. It can be more enjoyable and less dreadful to just do something you were already needing to do. You can also grocery shop at Trader Joe’s for the week.

Do a coffee in between errands….

For those who need to concentrate on boring errands, grab a tea or coffee after or on the way. It is great to get grounded and in a better mood before you go to the DMV.

Take your dogs to the dog park….

All animal lovers should let their pets bond while you gossip about the cute guy with the Werner pup.

Have weekly potlucks….

Instead of going to a restaurant, do a potluck and theme dinner. Stream your dating profiles to the TV and swipe together as a group.

Bottom Line….

Certain plans do not need to be the main act. I prefer to get the most out of my night out as far as being social. I used to squeeze in dates as much as I could. Use your time wisely and maximize while you are already dressed and out. For friendships, you bond more in the shopping errands than the large dinners with a group of friends. Doing these micro hangs will keep you from burning out and feeling like you cannot leave your home on the weekends.

How To Be The Hostess With The Mostest

No one is born a good host. Like being charming and being sociable you need tools to know how to be a good host. Don’t think that hosting is not in your blood if you have had a failed attempt. You can always start small with just close friends and see how it goes. Here are some guidelines for a smoother holiday party…..

Location….

Some homes are simply too far away or confusing to get to. It will enrage your guests when they keep getting lost to your remote cabin. Consider if your home is close enough in town or in a convenient location where people can park without getting towed.

Decorations and Lighting….

For the holidays you should have a home that is tastefully decorated. This can mean in your own style. However, things should have a flow and complement each other. It should not be haphazard. Lighting is crucial to setting the tone to be relaxing. You want your guests to be relaxed and soothed. No overhead lights allowed.

Furniture placement….

Create a living room, or screened-in porch, or kitchen area, etc, to have ample seating. In most social situations people are not stagnant. They will mingle from room to room. Some might want fresh air, and some might be in an in-depth conversation in the corner.

Have built-in entertainment….

You need a reason for people to come beyond chatting. The best parties have an activity or entertainment. Beer bong and flip cup can be fun and also karaoke or listening to a live band. You can have drinking games and play a fun mix of music to keep the energy up.

Specialty Drinks….

Come up with a speciality cocktail and mocktail version. Have beer and wine in the fridge as options as well. It is fun to come up with an overall cocktail that is seasonal. For large parties make it a cold cocktail and for small parties do a batch of mulled wine.

Food….

Think bite-sized and easy to grab and eat. It’s best to have trays out with food with toothpicks for easy pickup. Provide napkins. Avoid shrimp or anything that someone could be allergic to. Make sure to have vegan options.

To avoid a late night party….

If you are scared that people will wind up crashing on the couch, then present as a pre-game party. This can only work for people who live walking distance to bars or a quick Uber ride. It can be fun to plan around an event downtown and have a brief party where your guests can drop in. Make sure to communicate that to guests.

Dress code….

You can set the tone of how classy the party is. It all depends on your friends’ vibe. Some people would be thrilled to be able to dress to the nines. While others would rather have a silly ugly sweater party.

Bottom Line…..

The worst thing to happen to a party is not having a plan. You will feel more confident when you have some sort of entertainment for your guests. For people who feel they are good hosts, but do not have a hosting home then co-host with a friend. Sometimes having two hosts is easier and the party will run smoother. Make sure people can park and the location is easy to find. Consider who you are inviting and what type of party your friend group would enjoy. You can always take the pressure off and just host a pre-game party, then go downtown to an event or the bars after.

The Ultimate Evergreen Halloween Costume Ideas and Tips

I start thinking of Halloween costumes in September. For me, it is a time to get creative and express myself in a way I cannot do on a daily basis. There have been years when I simply get “writers block” with a costume and other times when I hit it out of the park. When I brainstorm to make an impactful costume, the three ingredients are: #1 Instantly recognizable, #2 Funny or Creative, and #3 Sexy. In this article, I break down evergreen ideas and tips to spark some inspiration…

The Classics…

I think it’s almost better to be a classic because you just show up and enjoy your time. I would say the big classic costumes are : witch, devil, cat, angel, clown, vampire, skeleton, ghost, pumpkin , etc. It can always be modified to have a unique vision.

Mystical Costumes…

Halloween to me is a mystical holiday, so I like leaning into that. A few examples are: a tarot reader (fortune teller); a celebrity in the illuminati ( red dress with illuminati fake tattoo on the forehead); an alien; men in black; fairy; conspiracy theorist (tin foil hat)

Movie Characters…

This can be tricky and requires all the details to be there with no cutting corners. Meaning, you might need to spend more on the perfect wig, sunglasses, or other props. A few popular movie costumes are from: “Scream,” “Fight Club,” “Austin Powers,” “Scarface,” “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” “Blade.” Google a movie you like and see if someone has done a costume for it.

Makeup and Wigs…

There are many YouTube makeup tutorials out there to watch and learn, although it is fun to experiment for yourself and see what works. Most stores have makeup just for Halloween, which could be cheap eyeshadow palettes and body glitter. You don’t have to be a professional makeup artist, but give yourself enough time to mess up and redo it. Wigs can be expensive. I have noticed there are some good realistic wigs on Amazon. I got my wig (unopened) at a thrift store, so it was slightly cheaper than at a Halloween store. I actually went to Target the other day and noticed the basic wigs are slightly cheaper there as well.

Easy Last-Minute Costumes…

Sometimes we just can’t get it together. There also might be a situation where you are expected to go to multiple parties. In this case, you need to think simple, yet effective. One of my favorites is to be a jewelry thief. You will just need a black cat suit and eye mask with big fake costume jewelry. Your purse could be a pouch with the money symbol. Y2K is also big right now. You could be a trashy celebrity from that time — just, please, do not actually pluck your eyebrows.

What costumes you shouldn’t wear…

Cultural appropriation is a big no-no in Halloween. It does not matter what your intent was or wasn’t… just avoid it. It is not worth it in the long run. Someone could dig up an old photo of you and bad things could happen. Any costume that is another culture’s native dress should be avoided.

Time-period costumes…

When I see costumes of clothing I wore in middle school it makes me laugh. Stepping back in time can bring up fun nostalgia. You could be a 1920s flapper or 1950s housewife, a hippy, or an 80s hair-metal rocker. You could even go way back in time and be a medieval king, queen, jester, or pirate.

Purses and Jackets…

This can be tricky since you need a place to hold your money and you might get cold. Some places do have coat checks and that’s great, but most do not. A jacket and purse can take away from a costume. You also want to be hands-free to dance and move around. I love a simple belt bag that blends with your costume. Or have the purse be part of the costume. As far as coats and jackets, consider what climate you live in and if you can incorporate the coat into the costume. If not, you will be probably sweaty and hot from dancing so a jacket may not be necessary anyway.

Celebrity and pop culture…

I see more couples dressing up as celebrity couples. The thing to keep in mind is: does the celebrity couple have a recognizable look? ( A great example is Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wearing the iconic all-denim outfit). For a solo celebrity, do you already resemble the famous person? I remember when comedian Trevor Noah dressed as the musician “The Weeknd” and people lost their minds. Certain looks and outfits are firmly planted in the cultural lexicon and those looks should be used, not a meme from six years ago.

Occupation costumes….

There are a lot of occupation costumes you can pick from. In these instances, there needs to be a twist as a zombie or very sexy. This is the time for visual puns and a “wink and a nod” ideas. The occupations that are mostly used are police, nurse, chef, nun or priest.

Group or couple costumes…

I love when families tell a story though costumes. For example, the family could be dressed as The Addams Family, and a couples costume could be a pirate and a parrot.

Ease of wear and sustainability…

I do not like wearing a costume that comes in a bag. I understand in certain instances you have to do it. Try your best to shop your closet first and see what you can pull out. Next would be thrifting a costume. It is important to be practical. Bathroom lines will be long and you will be standing and dancing all night. Take into consideration being comfortable and safe. Six-inch heels might not work for someone who never wears them.

Sports….

This sort of goes with the occupation costumes. You need a twist on it to make it more scary or sexy. You can’t just walk around with a basketball jersey. A better option is to be a USA Olympian with a leotard with USA across it. A cheerleader is another great one that everyone will get immediately.

Another Holiday or Event Costume…

One year, this guy dressed as a Salvation Army bell ringer with a Santa hat. It got me thinking about other holidays you could dress up as, such as a New Year’s Eve partiers or a New Year’s Eve baby. As far as events, any sort of wedding event is recognizable and it’s easy to do a twist on it (slasher or zombie bride).

Have a pre- going-out photo shoot…

Nothing worse than not getting one pic of your costume while out. In a party and downtown, things are chaotic and everyone is moving though the crowd, and the lighting is bad. It’s great to orchestrate a ”getting ready” party with a photo booth. Hang a piece of fabric, cool patterned sheets, or tape some wrapping paper to a blank wall. Grab a bendy desk lamp to create dramatic lighting. Position the lamp or multiple lamps to get a cool lighting effect. Or you can have a beauty light to attach to a phone and people can take selfies.

Bottom Line….

Halloween costumes are a great way to express your creativity. Some years you are buzzing with ideas, and some require looking though Pinterest boards for inspiration. I try to avoid anything that is the hot costume of the year. I just don’t want to compete with 20 other girls dressed as the same thing. Not to say being a classic is bad. There might be a handful of witches or angels. However, you can always do your own twist and make it your own. As far as group or couple costumes, it is best to tell a story. Goes without saying to never dress in another culture’s dress. No matter how you feel or that it’s not fair, in the long run it is not worth it. Lastly, remember to combine the three important rules to all costumes: recognizability, creativity / funny, and sexy.