“Feral Girl Summer”: How To Be Unbothered

There is a lot of buzz about “Feral Girl Summer,” which has become a trend that essentially means doing your own thing without worrying what society thinks. The Urban Dictionary definition states: “Feral Girl Summer is about ditching the pricey workout wear and not worrying when you last shaved your legs. The feral girl is too busy ‘wreaking havoc’ for that – she’s out drinking, dancing on tables, saying embarrassing things to guys, and subsisting on a diet of toast and takeaways because she’s too busy having fun to cook.” The freedom of throwing on some shorts and an oversized tee shirt sans makeup and chowing down on tacos with your girlfriends is unmatched. I do preach looking presentable in public and trying to look pulled together, although if you are in a phase where you are just wanting to enjoy your time with friends, it can be liberating to not have to look perfect 24/7. How can you enjoy a feral girl summer and what mindset should you be in?…..

Dress up when you want to only….

I remember a few years back the singer Alicia Keys hit a wall with wearing makeup. She was tired of the two hours in the glam chair before shoots and events. So, she simply stated she isn’t going to be forced to wear makeup. There is immense pressure to look dolled up even just going to a grocery store. It should be your choice and time and place to look pretty.

Will you become invisible?….

Yes. Once you dress down and just show up unbothered you will experience the power of invisibility. This can be peaceful if you are just trying to go about your day. It will feel more meaningful when you dress up for going out to the bars.

Summer is the time for no agenda…..

You will probably be traveling more and having more free time. It is a good idea to not put pressure on other people. It is the opposite of cuffing season. This is the time to build up your social circle.

Take a dating app pause…..

It is much better to take an intentional dating app break and push yourself to meet people in person. Say yes to travel and local events in your town. Or just go out solo to a concert or karaoke and let people come up and chat with you.

Be bold and wild…..

I talk about the vacation mindset. It is a state of being when you need to seize the day and do extra. Not saying you should shoot your shot with every guy, but be a little more flirty. You can do it in a mild way and compliment the bartender or barista. Have more of a saucy vibe about yourself and not get caught up in if he likes you back or not.

Bottom Line…..

“Feral Girl Summer” is a rebellious attitude and puts your needs first. As women, we are pressured to look like we are about to go to the Oscars for even a quick errand. Not saying that you should not try to look polished, but save it for a time where you feel like getting noticed. Focus your attention on friendships, travel, and yourself. It can be a perfect time to meet people in person and give a lasting impression. The apps should be paused and not used as validation or a crutch. Most important, is not to stress over little dating dramas. If he wants to be with you, let him do the work and have an unbothered attitude.

How To Host A Summer Singles Mixer

For anyone still in college this is a no brainer. There are mixers and get-togethers every weekend. It gets trickier when you no longer have a strong network. I put on a Valentine’s Day singles mixer in my town. I felt it took a lot of planning with a mildly successful result. Like any endeavor, it was a learning experience. For anyone with a large group of friends who hosts on a regular basis, help your single pals out! Summer is a perfect time to get people together and mingling. What are some tips for a successful homemade mixer?…..

Don’t bother with a venue…..

If you have a great connection with a bar who will help you out for free, then go for it. The main pitfall I wasted time on was waiting to be answered on an email. Guess what, no one replied. I had to finagle a day with a limited amount of time. So just save yourself a headache and ask a friend with a great house to host.

Send out a flyer invite….

You can create a flyer and do a private story in Instagram for friends. The best case is word of mouth through a social and well-connected friend. They can ask their friends to bring a friend or two and so on.

Bonus points if there is an apartment pool…..

For summer, there needs to be incentive to come out. A nice pool-day casual cook-out is hard to turn down.

The Solo Cups….

This is a great and simple way to let people know who is available. Pick different color solo cups to mean different things. Red could mean “relationship,” green could be “single.” And it can be that simple if you want it. They can also write their name with a sharpie on the cup.

Have a great playlist or live music….

Ask your music friend to DJ. Or just pick a great mix on Spotify. In the past, my friend, who hosts parties, made sure for noise ordinance that everything had to be acoustic live music. This gave a cozy intimate vibe for the party.

As the host, do a few introductions…..

Get in the habit of saying, “have you met…..” Make the rounds and get people chatting.

Have food, but don’t overthink it…..

Unless this is a cookout with the obvious stuff to grill, then don’t think too hard. Most people aren’t wanting to walk around with a tiny paper plate. Spend more on the drinks and then maybe provide little bite-sized things they can just pick up and eat. (Have vegan options just in case).

Get the people involved…..

When things are feeling great and people are mingling, you might not have to do anything. As a backup, have a game people can play. I created my own “F*ck, marry, Kill”, “never have I ever” cards. I made them in the program Canva and printed them out with a card stock. It’s fun to make up your own. You can also purchase a similar “never have I ever” card game. Or with just a deck of cards you can play the drinking game “circle of death.” Just be flexible and do not force a game on people who are already enjoying themselves. If possible set up a beer pong table in the back yard or porch for people.

Bottom Line…..

As a single person it is a relief to do an event that is fun and does not involve the apps. In the summer it is a no brainer to have get-togethers, especially when there is a pool involved. A good host has a great location to host and can do some good introductions. People are hungry to meet new people and to have a good time. Don’t put so much emphasis on things that matter very little. Who knows, this could become a regular thing that people look forward to.

Lost In Translation: How Men Can Navigate Dating As A Transplant

Want to make dating more confusing and challenging? Do it while not fully knowing the language or customs. Anyone will feel like a fish out of water when they move to a brand new country. Most people want to fit in and be accepted and not stick out in a bad way. (This can also apply to newly single men who were in a decade-long marriage pre-apps). Here are some tips to navigate the apps and dating. More importantly, to not get swiped aside based on minor mistakes…..

Learn the abbreviations….

With the apps, there is a lot of shorthand for basic words. You don’t want to make texting feel too formal. It can make you come across as serious and not fun. Not saying every word should be an abbreviation. It is best to pepper in an “LOL” or a “LMK” here and there. There are always going to be new slang words. You don’t want to sound like you are trying too hard using Gen Z lingo as a 30-plus year old. It’s ok to say the word “cool” to describe something.

Emojis….

Emojis can be seen as a feminine way to communicate. However, when you aren’t sure how your tone is coming off, a “blushing face emoji” can get you out of hot water. Try not to overdo it, but a “laughing face emoji” is fine to use as a reaction on an instagram story or a “fire emoji” for when she is giving a thirst trap.

Understand what “TTYL” means…..

Most texting does not have a beginning, middle, and end. When someone tells you “TTYL” aka “talk to you later,” respect their wishes. It is a polite way to tell you they cannot chat or are busy. When you continue to text it will annoy them.

Don’t be scared to ask questions…..

Your date should not judge you for not knowing certain things, as long as the tone is not making fun or saying something is stupid. I have come across non-Americans who have had an elitist attitude. It can make your date feel uncomfortable if you are complaining about the food, news, or pop culture. Be open to ask clarifying questions; she should feel happy to answer and teach you something.

Be open to trying new food….

Unless it is against your religion, be open to eating food you aren’t used to. You don’t have to eat only fast food, but on a dinner date be open to explore a restaurant.

Go with the flow….

You sort of have to get a feel for the rhythm of where you have moved to. Every city,,, no matter where you are, has its own pace and clock. When I visited Barcelona, it felt very vibrant and young. They would eat dinner at 10pm and have more of a party attitude. Some cities are fast paced and bustling and some are very slowed down and chill.

Learn what a typical weekend is like…..

You might be in a city where they wake up at 7am and hike. In contrast you could be in a city where everyone goes bar-hopping. It might make you feel better when you can blend in a little and be a part of the group.

Bottom Line…..

I have dated and chatted with many transplants. The majority of women find an accent sexy and mysterious. It can be to your advantage to stand out a little. The problem I see the most is communication through texting. When your tone is hard to decipher, it tends to come off as more serious than it actually is. Really nailing good banter in the apps is a challenge for anyone. All women want is a connection and slight fantasy to daydream about. You should try to blend in, but be open to communicating about the differences without complaining. Be true to your religion and don’t totally fold to fit in (diet or alcohol). It is ok to keep the important stuff, but be open to trying new things.

How To Have A “Vacation Mindset” In Your Own City

Summer is approaching and soon everyone will be on vacation. It got me thinking about how people act on a trip versus their day-to-day life. I see celebrities or just friends of mine posting stories on Instagram and everything looks shinier and special. You are more intentional when you travel; you know it will end soon so you try to cram all the fun and knowledge into the experience. What if you could do that in your own city?

Shop local…..

If you are a shopping at Walmart and then grabbing dinner at a drive-through, you need to rethink your life. I am sure there are wonderful local businesses and restaurants you could be going to. It helps out your local economy and it is better quality.

There are probably events in your city…..

Sometimes it can get overwhelming to go to every event on the local calendar. You have a mindset of, “oh well, I will catch it next time.” Then you stick to your same routine of staying in and watching Netflix. Try your best to be open to going to events and talking to new people. It doesn’t have to be daily; you can do it once a week.

Art shows….

Most cities have art openings at local galleries. You will feel cultured sipping on wine and browsing the artwork in a quiet environment. You can also go to a local indie cinema and watch a film.

Local bakery…..

I see all the time that when people go to Europe they have a chocolate croissant and a coffee. Why not do that locally? Take a morning to grab a bite and coffee and then go on a nice walk after.

Have quick hangouts with friends…..

Most people say as adults they never see friends anymore. Why not incorporate grabbing a coffee with friends before you do errands. Even a 45-minute hang is more fulfilling than being too tired to see anyone at the end of the week.

Changing up your routine will help you meet new people….

The point in switching up your schedule and lifestyle is to get in a new vibration and welcome new types of people and new experiences. It will put you into a more open mindset for change.

You are more free on vacation….

When I am traveling I always think, “I will never see these people again.” So, I have more of a live-in-the-moment sort of energy. Not saying you should embarrass yourself, but you should be more open to chatting with a stranger or getting up and singing karaoke.

You don’t have to exchange numbers…..

While on a trip you would find it silly to exchange contact info. You enjoy the experience for what it is and keep that memory. Not saying you shouldn’t be trying to connect with people in your town. However, not every interaction you have needs to be repeated. It is good to be in the present moment and not worry about the future.

Bottom Line…..

Live everyday like you are on vacation. It can really be your choice and your mindset. While we are traveling we have a totally different attitude and agenda of how we spend our days. Every city has local bakeries, restaurants, bars, and grocery stores. We can get in a loop of only spending our time in stressful stores and cheap fast food. An outing can be a simple walk with a freshly brewed coffee or tea. When you open yourself to a more relaxed state of mind, you are welcoming that vibe with different types of people. Practice being braver in public and allow yourself to experience joy and living in the present moment.

Rewarding Good Behavior in the Courting Phase

Positive reinforcement is a better tactic with any person, rather than negative. Yes, boundaries and limits are needed. You should be stating what you are not ok with. However, as far as everything else, you need to lead with positivity. Praise always resonates more than scolding. How can you reward good behavior in early dating?….

Men always complain about “nagging”…..

Nagging is correlated to a fussy teacher or parent. It isn’t sexy to be called a nag. Even if you feel you are being reasonable and you should express your distain, it will fall on deaf ears.

Positive reinforcement is feminine…..

When you use phrases like, “ l love it when….” or add in compliments, it makes any person want to repeat the behavior and please you. It is the feminine and relaxed way to get what you want versus being forceful and punishing.

Men rarely get compliments…..

It is expected that he do his job and he probably hasn’t gotten a compliment since grade school. You should express your gratitude if he spends his hard-earned money on you. A “I’m proud of you” goes a long way.

Men who take you on dates versus chatting….

Avoid a penpal by not entertaining it. In 48 hours there should be a date suggestion. Anything beyond that is he being bored at work. Do not reward a man who doesn’t even want to meet you; your time is valuable.

Be gracious….

Don’t expect a guy to pay. If he does pay, he thought you were worth the investment. A sweet thank you and expressing gratitude will encourage him to treat you.

Don’t make him feel like he is a loser…..

When you brag and boast it will make him feel worthless. There is no need to brag about how much money you make or how educated you are. Focus on the reason why you are dating him, not his shortcomings. It will not motivate him to get a better job or go back to school. Never date potential.

Bottom Line…..

A thank you and a compliment goes further than you would expect. Most men simply want their efforts to be appreciated. The more you use positive reinforcement the more it teaches him to continue that behavior. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar as the saying goes. No one wants to be scolded or to be punished. He will associate you in a parent or teacher role which is not sexy or desirable. It is more feminine to praise the positive and gives you a gentle energy. Lastly, you will not motivate him to change by bragging about your own accomplishments or comparing him to ex-boyfriends, etc. You can only inspire and put energy towards the positive, rather than the negative.

Why You Need To Let Go Of The “Why”

Women who have been rejected or ghosted always want the reason. They will frame it as closure and maybe a tool to help not make the same mistake next time. However, with women dating men it can come down to a very simple lack of attraction. You can come up with a million excuses, but to men, attraction is the only driving force they have. The best practice in general no matter the reason is to not waste time worrying about it. You can waste months analyzing the text threads and your outfit choices. Let it go….how can you give your brain a rest and chalk the rejection up to lack of a spark?….

You waste time….

It can be disheartening to be rejected or be ignored. You have to understand it is out of your control. It could be he likes brunettes and you are a blonde. Or he was disappointed that you didn’t look like your pics in your app profile. Anything other than him doting on you (buying you drinks, asking you questions, making sure you got home safe) means he wasn’t interested.

Why app dating will be brutal….

It is so hard to capture an in – person vibe and appearance. Sure, you can do a video etc. but your voice, mannerisms, and your smile are completely different from a 2D picture. You will get more rejections from dating apps or set ups.

“He ghosted out of nowhere!”….

More than likely he met someone he liked better. Men are hunters and will not stop until they find the prize. He probably was keeping you around until he met someone he preferred more.

“Was it something I said?”….

I feel you are allowed one mistake in the beginning stages. You might have gotten too tipsy and chatty, or you said something cringeworthy. He will let it go if he thinks you are worth it. When he didn’t like you that much in the first place, he can place blame on your actions.

Everyone is dating everyone….

Most ghosting and fading is mainly a volume issue. Distance, not aligning, and lack of a spark won’t make the cut. Not to say you are a terrible person or ugly etc. It comes down to timing and having the right fit for them.

Expect VIP treatment….

Going back to how he treats you on dates. Some men will be fine with spending an evening with you. However, he will not offer to buy you any drinks or insists you split the bill at a restaurant. Men show they are invested though money. Keep in mind a good investment to him might be spending $500 at a strip club. And yet $40 on you is out of the question. Don’t waste time on low-effort dates; he is more than willing to spoil the right woman.

Bottom Line….

A “why” can make anyone spiral. It can hurt to just chalk it up to lack of attraction on his end. Men are pretty simple, visual creatures. All people have a type, but it is important to either delete the apps or be honest about how you are presenting yourself. You will get confused on why he asked you out and didn’t treat you well on the date. It comes down to the physical for men and it is their driving force, versus women who want a great personality first and his lifestyle. Get your face out there in person more and let men approach you. You will know for sure that they see you and find you pretty to them. It can ease your mind.

The Magic Of The Introduction

We all know about a “setup,” but what if a setup was live in-person? Introductions used to be more common in the polite society of the past. It would be seen as rude when you were not introduced to a new person. I want to suggest the planned introduction, which can be used to your advantage to create your own “spontaneity.” It is in the same vein as “dropping the hanky” technique. How can you orchestrate an introduction?….

Be more social in general….

You need to get comfortable being social and work on small talk. You cannot expect other people to do the heavy lifting for you. Don’t discuss the tragedies in the world and stick to light topics. The introduction will be a lost cause if you lose the person after saying hello.

Expand your social circle….

Your 2nd- and 3rd-tier friends are the key to expanding your network. Close friends are great, but it is more high risk for you and them. No one wants to cause a riff in their social circle.

An introduction should be fairly breezy and can only be executed once….

Getting introduced multiple times to the same person is madness. Only pull the trigger when you are truly ready. When you have your eye on someone and you know a mutual friend, then plan accordingly.

To him it can be seen as spontaneous….

The introduction is great because it is not you doing the introduction. There is some innocence to it and it might seem like it came out of nowhere. In the show “How I Met Your Mother,” Barney would make casual introductions left and right to get the ball rolling.

The introduction can be seen as a “meet cute”….

Any meeting other than a bar and an app is seen as romantic. An introduction, compared to a setup, takes three seconds in person, yet can make a huge impact if it goes well.

Bottom Line….

There is back-end planning for a solid introduction. It can be disappointing if you really took the time to orchestrate everything and it falls flat. It is better to have a policy with friends to introduce you to people at a house party or get- together. To them, it shouldn’t be seen as a big favor, compared to a full-blown setup. You need to do the pre-work of getting your surface level topics in check. The good news is right away you will know his interest level. His continuing the conversation and asking for your number is a great start.

The Cinco De Mayo Date

Any sort of drinking holiday can be a memorable time that brings people closer. I love great Tex-Mex food on a regular day, but on Cinco de Mayo, it hits different. The weather is warmer, you have an excuse to drink tequila. And, truthfully, it is a license to act boldly. What can you do to minimize the drama and maximize the fun?…..

Go to a restaurant earlier….

Every town has the Mexican restaurant hot spot. You might be waiting an hour to be seated. The better way to do it is start early, get some Michaladas with lunch, and keep the party going. Most bars will have specials and you can hopefully call it earlier than later.

Do not order a Margarita pitcher….

I will sound like a conspiracy theorist, so forgive me. Personally, I don’t believe there is tequila in the pitchers. In the past I have ordered them and not felt a thing. It is easy to hide from a customer because the mix is so strong it would cut the taste regardless. I also feel they are not that great tasting; most are from a cheap mix and you are just drinking sour sugar water. If you are sitting at a bar and watching the bartender make you a single margarita, that is different. You can see them pouring tequila and mixing your drink. But…not going to stop you from ordering a pitcher if you want; that has just been my experience.

What drinks should you order?….

Order tequila shots (silver) with salt and a lime slice. You can also order a Corona with lime to sip on in-between. If you are anti-beer, then a lime-flavored hard seltzer should be fine. A can cocktail could be an option since they have gained popularity.

Who should you bring?….

This date could be with your friends-with-benefits or someone very low stakes. This is not a night you will be impressing anyone. Pick a guy who can hold his liquor and can hang. You want the guy to be fun, but not put you in a dangerous position. Goes without saying to take Uber and be safe.

Food choices….

I always order a large queso for the table regardless. The chips and salsa are free so you can always munch on something. As far as food, if you are starting early, there is the breakfast Mexican items like Huevos Rancheros. I personally love a Torta, which is a Mexican sandwich. Get your favorites or be adventurous. It’s your choice.

If you choose to take friends instead of a date….

Delete all numbers from your phone who you should not text. (You know who they are). You might feel liberated to do so in the moment, but then you spend the whole evening pouting that he didn’t text you back. Focus on meeting guys in the wild or just having a great time out with friends.

Bottom Line…..

This holiday is better as a planned thing with room for spontaneity. You don’t want to wait in line for a hour. Start the party earlier if possible. Go for lunch and enjoy a Mexican breakfast with Michaladas (they are awesome). Then take the party train to the bars later on. This will probably not be a great first date or with anyone that is a high stakes crush. Take your casual thing, or your friends. Let the tequila make you bold in a positive way, not destructive.

Common Fashion Phobias And How To Combat Them

Why are you so dressed up?….I shudder when I hear that phrase…. most people fear looking too pulled together. On top of that you can trigger criticism from insecure people. This can cause you to dress down and play it very safe to please others. This dovetails into what I call “fashion phobias.” Basically, it’s when you have decided there are certain clothing items that are forbidden. What are some common ones and how can you give yourself exposure therapy?…..

“The Leather Jacket”…..

“I’m not cool enough to wear this.” I felt this way for a long time. I thought it was reserved only for people in a punk band. I finally broke down and bought one at a thrift store last year. My tip is to go with a classic cut. Avoid any studs or dated designs. Mine is simple, and has a tie to cinch the waist. Yes, you can go with a Moto jacket since it does not go out of style, but stick with the classics and don’t buy anything too bulky.

“The White Outfit”….

“I will spill ketchup on it.” White does not look great on every skin tone. For me, I don’t look good in white since it washes me out. For those who look stunning in white you should not deprive yourself. When you wear all white it gives off a generational wealth vibe. You should wash your whites in bleach to keep them looking crisp. As far as life happening, save your white look for something more upscale. It isn’t a great choice to wear to a BBQ.

“The Heels”….

“I will twist my ankle.” Certain heels are for the brave. You really have to be honest about how balanced you are when you walk. My solution is to wear a block heel. It still reads as feminine and it can ease your mind. I would pick a nude or tan option to streamline your look and make your legs look longer.

“The Tight Dress”…..

“I will look like a sausage in casing.” There is such a thing as too tight, but usually women stay away from anything remotely fitting. Oversize items are a safety blanket and can make you feel you are wearing a magic invisibility cloak. There is a way to wear oversized, but to have everything oversized is not the way to go. Because of Kim Kardashian shape-wear is popular for a younger dynamic. You will feel more confident in a more fitted dress when you have the protection of Spanx or Skims.

“Trendy Jeans”…..

“I will look like I am trying too hard.” Denim can be a good way to try something trendy without too much risk. You need to resist any trend that does not flatter your particular body. That could mean the ultra high waist or low waist, skinny, baggy, all that. A classic for any clothing item is the middle. Not too baggy, not too tight, not too low rise. Sometimes you get lucky and a denim trend that looks amazing on you comes back around. Go with brands like Levi’s or vintage Gap. When you get a flattering cut and wash you will look effortless and not that you are overdoing it.

Bottom Line….

There was an amazing sketch on “Saturday Night Live” that was titled “fashion coward.” It was women who could only stomach wearing gray hoodies. This is hilarious because it is so relatable. When you are not feeling confident you want to blend into the background, picking oversized plain clothing without any style. You can be discouraged by others when you start to level up your look. They will say passive-aggressive things like, “Wow, where are you going all dressed up!” Resist apologizing for looking good. Say a simple thank you and keep it moving. Having a total fashion overload can be overwhelming. Take baby steps to step outside your comfort zone on your next shopping trip. Pepper in more stylish items with the basics. You deserve to look good and be noticed.

Should You Give Feedback In Dating?

Our society loves a review. We will Yelp our favorite restaurant and give an Amazon item five stars. But is it the right thing to review a person? Dan Savage, the columnist and podcaster, goes by the “campground rule” for relationships, which is, “leave it better than you found it.” It could be interpreted as to correct them. I see it more as to not traumatize them or break their self-worth. When you are in a heated moment, you are tempted to spew out why you are breaking up and all their faults. Should we ever give feedback in dating?….

Overcorrection….

My biggest reason to not review a person is because of “overcorrection.” You might hate a behavior, however, the next person could be obsessed with it. For example, you could hate that he or she is overly communicative, but an average healthy person would expect that. You have to understand that you might be the toxic one and it is unfair to break a person down to meet your level.

Any criticism is remembered…..

As humans, we will only remember the negative. This is to protect us from further harm and it is our ego protecting us. When you absorb that feedback it will impact future relationships. We create limiting beliefs from outsiders’ opinions. This can be a problem when you want to wipe the slate clean and get back out there.

What if he/she asks for it?….

This can be a trick and should be proceeded with caution. Some people do want to improve for the next relationship and probably deserve an explanation if they were blindsided. But beyond cheating or something very obvious, there might not be a reason. Some relationships simply don’t make the cut to the more serious level. This is nothing personal, it truly is a matter of not fitting. You can only really give the generic, “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup sometimes. It is better to say something if they cannot move on without an explanation.

Adding insult to injury….

There might be “icks” that come up in relationships. You can be turned off by the tiniest thing and then see that person in a different light. For example, there could be the guy who clears his throat after every sentence, or the girl who eats all your fries when she said she wasn’t hungry. You have to think if they can change these things and how much they bother you. Remember everyone comes with quirks and most are already aware of them. It is difficult to rewire a brain to stop doing impulsive actions.

Would you want someone to change you?….

“Love me at my worst” is a problematic saying. The sentiment is sort of true….we are not perfect. There will be days when you are not your best. And to be be judged like you are a contestant on a reality show is brutal. People who love to give feedback see themselves as superior. It is easier to correct others than to look inward.

You don’t want to become their dating guru….

In general terms, when a man wants feedback after a breakup they might treat you like an unpaid dating coach. It is hard to open up the floodgates of giving someone a nugget of feedback when all of the sudden you become his “wing man.” Some people really want answers and it can become exhausting. It would seem annoying to mold a man into this great guy only to give him to the next girl.

What if a pattern is forming….

If you are receiving the same generic feedback and everyone breaks up with you, then you are the problem. Notice actions and patterns over words. It is best to go inward and really examine what you could be doing wrong. If you are still having issues pinning it down, go to an unbiased friend who can be straight with you. Friends do recognize what you are doing wrong, yet are afraid to voice opinions to avoid conflict.

Bottom Line…..

We are used to giving feedback and touting our two cents with product reviews or giving friends advice. It feels natural to mold a person into the perfect partner. Sure, you could do the “compliment sandwich” if it’s a tiny thing you want to change. It is hard to erase a behavior that is ingrained. You can’t change how a person sneezes or laughs. You probably wouldn’t want someone to come in and “strip you for parts” either. Most relationships run out of gas and have no definitive reason why they don’t work. Mostly, it is because they do not fit right with goals or family/friends, etc. Most importantly, it is crucial for you to recognize patterns of the rejections. If you can’t figure it out, a close friend will know. Finally, keep the rule of thumb to “leave them better than you found them.”