Rewarding Good Behavior in the Courting Phase

Positive reinforcement is a better tactic with any person, rather than negative. Yes, boundaries and limits are needed. You should be stating what you are not ok with. However, as far as everything else, you need to lead with positivity. Praise always resonates more than scolding. How can you reward good behavior in early dating?….

Men always complain about “nagging”…..

Nagging is correlated to a fussy teacher or parent. It isn’t sexy to be called a nag. Even if you feel you are being reasonable and you should express your distain, it will fall on deaf ears. 

Positive reinforcement is feminine…..

When you use phrases like, “ l love it when….” or add in compliments, it makes any person want to repeat the behavior and please you. It is the feminine and relaxed way to get what you want versus being forceful and punishing.

Men rarely get compliments…..

It is expected that he do his job and he probably hasn’t gotten a compliment since grade school. You should express your gratitude if he spends his hard-earned money on you. A “I’m proud of you” goes a long way.

Men who take you on dates versus chatting….

Avoid a penpal by not entertaining it. In 48 hours there should be a date suggestion. Anything beyond that is he being bored at work. Do not reward a man who doesn’t even want to meet you; your time is valuable.

Be gracious….

Don’t expect a guy to pay. If he does pay, he thought you were worth the investment. A sweet thank you and expressing gratitude will encourage him to treat you. 

Don’t make him feel like he is a loser…..

When you brag and boast it will make him feel worthless. There is no need to brag about how much money you make or how educated you are. Focus on the reason why you are dating him, not his shortcomings. It will not motivate him to get a better job or go back to school. Never date potential. 

Bottom Line…..

A thank you and a compliment goes further than you would expect. Most men simply want their efforts to be appreciated. The more you use positive reinforcement the more it teaches him to continue that behavior. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar as the saying goes. No one wants to be scolded or to be punished. He will associate you in a parent or teacher role which is not sexy or desirable. It is more feminine to praise the positive and gives you a gentle energy. Lastly, you will not motivate him to change by bragging about your own accomplishments or comparing him to ex-boyfriends, etc. You can only inspire and put energy towards the positive, rather than the negative.