PSA For Comedy Fans

I recently went to a comedy show with semi-professional comedians. Everything was going great until….an unknowing heckler started chiming in. She was maybe in her 50s and it could be possible that this was her first comedy show. Not only did she disrupt the show by talking, but her phone rang for ten minutes during a set. For anyone wanting to watch live comedy and get into the scene, I have some notes. There is such a thing as comedy etiquette. What can you do to become a great audience?…..

First off there is planned material….

I want to get down to the basics. Comedians are not winging it doing an improv set (although some do). The material is meticulously planned out and timed. When you interrupt, you are stepping on the joke and messing up the timing.

“But…comics do crowd work”….

Yes. Comedians will do crowd work or have to deal with a heckler. However, they prefer to not go off script and dedicate a whole set to an audience member. If they ask someone in the crowd a question, they are willing to do crowd work.

“I am making the show funnier”….

You actually aren’t. In the case of this older woman, it was giving “barfly” energy. Meaning, it was attention seeking and desperate.

How can you be a good audience….

Show up on time – don’t be coming in late where everyone is distracted unless it is a huge venue
Turn off cellphones- make sure you phone is silent or off
No talking during a set- Again, in certain settings you might need to order a drink at a bar, but beyond that zip it
Don’t get up during a set- wait to use the bathroom and try your best not to cross in front of the stage
Laugh- they want you to laugh and clap and be present
Don’t sit in the front row- unless you want to be part of the show, sit further back
Don’t wear a crazy outfit- try to blend in as best as possible to avoid getting roasted
If appropriate, compliment- If they are standing near the exit after the show tell them it was a great set
Don’t corner them- You have to be brief and see if the comic wants to chat. Don’t hold him or her hostage
Don’t heckle or yell out- goes without saying. Do not interrupt the show unless prompted by the performer.

Bottom Line….

Be a respectful audience member to the comedian. Even if you do not like the performance, still be respectful. Most of the rules are not to disrupt the show and to distract the comic from the set. It is never ok to yell out. You may think you are being hilarious and “helping the comic out.” I assure you, you are not. It is attention seeking and a lack of self-awareness. Anyone who wants to “be apart of the show” should look inward and possibly take an improv class. It can give you perspective on how hard it is to perform in front of people.

Dressing For The Female Gaze

Most millennials have been taught to dress for the male gaze. This can be a great thing to consider for when you are really getting out there with dating. There is such a thing as a correct first-date outfit: Dresses, skirts, and non-patterns are a good starting point. However, when you are in a dating break it is wonderful to explore your own personal style. There is a whole brand “man repeller” which explores style that is geared towards fashion risks and expanding. When I watch “Sex and the City,” Carrie Bradshaw’s style is truly her own taste and vibe to impress herself. How can you cultivate your own style and lean towards the female gaze?….

What do you gravitate towards naturally….

You might be shopping or thrifting and get giddy when you see a certain style or color. Follow influencers and fashion accounts on social media to get a feel of what your taste is. Usually, there is a name for the aesthetic that you can dive into. I love using key words that describe what I enjoy. For example, you might be drawn to more edgy or preppy outfits.

What are the current trends…

Not suggesting you need to jump on every bandwagon. I love watching style channels on Youtube just to get a sense of what is trending. I prefer to not look dated, but to be seen as “in the know.” The great thing about fashion is that you can look amazing at any age just by choices and silhouettes.

You don’t have to sexualize yourself….

Personally, I love to dress in a modest way. My jacket obsession will never die since it is a chic way to layer an outfit and make it all come together. Not to say you can’t wear short shorts or a low-cut shirt if that suits you. But…. ask yourself, is this for you or men? Do you get the most attention from a miniskirt and a cleavage low-cut top? Is this the only reason why you wear these items?

What is the decade that resonates with you?….

No matter what is trending, you might be drawn to the 70s or 90s, for example. It is great to play off of what makes you smile and what brings in the most compliments. You could be drawn to bright colors or certain textures.

Understand that prints and patterns can fade fast….

You are always better off peppering in patterns and mainly wearing basics to balance it out. Leopard print is back in a huge way. It is a style that you can keep and wear again. Certain patterns highlight the time period when it was big, such as chevron ( which was big in the mid-2000s). Stripes, leopard, and gingham are always in so it is a safe place to start. Prints however, are a one-of-a-kind design for the most part. It is safer to buy something unique that you enjoy.

Silhouettes and shapes….

There are certain shapes that look great on everyone. I love that we are in a wide-leg era again. It is a trend that cycles back and does not change. As far as baggy jeans, it is hard to get it to look flattering. It can make you look too bulky if it is not styled correctly. As far as loose dresses, a belt can be a great way to highlight your waist and give you some shape.

Foot wear…

Finally, comfortable shoes! I am not a heels girl, which is the most alluring to men. I personally just feel like a deer on ice in them. I might make a compromise by wearing a hefty block heel or platform Mary Janes. If you decide to purchase sneakers, go with a white, black, or neutral. Not to say a color sneaker can’t look great. As far as ballet flats, it is your call. I remember ten plus years ago I would walk sockless in a gold ballet flat. At the end of the day it was a swampy smelly mess. I do appreciate that the ballet flats are worn with socks. My favorite is more of the chunkier ones that have a sturdy sole versus a little slipper.

Purses and accessories….

Get creative, why not? This is where the styling comes into an outfit. It is easy to thrift unique belts or a fun purse or bag. It is great to have an everyday bag when you do errands. I prefer a cross-body style in order to be hands free. But why not have that bag be leather or a more luxury material? As far as going out, bags I have always had a vision of was me with a little silver sequin bag on New Year’s Eve or some cute little bag you take out when you dress up. Jewelry is a whole other thing that comes down to personal taste and style. Some people look amazing when they wear 20 necklaces. It is a matter of what physically feels right to you. I don’t love wearing earrings since they tend to itch and pull after a few hours. I love a great ring or bracelet and a simple necklace.

Bottom Line…..

Anyone who is in a “putting yourself out there, going on weekly dates” era can ignore this article. However, it is fine to have taste and stretch a little out of your comfort zone. Gather inspiration from Youtube and social media and make a shopping wish list in your notes app. It is fine to go slowly and maybe just wear a statement jacket or shoe to start. Most important is to feel excited about dressing up and stretching out of your comfort zone.

How To Get Ahead Of A Bad Mood

Everything runs smoother when there is a plan in place, from having a list for the grocery store to a work presentation. My best advice for women who are naturally cycling is to have a tracker to be forewarned and forearmed for when a sour mood may strike. In any situation, hormonal or not, there should be a protocol. Here are some tips that can help you get by…..

For women in the luteal phase….

This is hormonal, and every month in your luteal phase you have PMS. First determine the worst day of your cycle and do anything you can to lie low. Maybe you have the flexibility to work from home. A day or two before, buy yourself chocolate, chips, your favorite frozen food from Trader Joe’s …you get it. Plan to stick around the house and watch rom-coms. A lot of your annoyances will be quieted just by staying home.

The mood out of nowhere springs upon you….

Let’s say, if someone off the street yells,”your shirt sucks”, then try to remain calm. For 98% of the time, anything that anyone says has nothing to do with you. You cannot take what people say on a random whim as gospel.

No one is against you….

Inflation and gosh-darn fast food prices! I mean how can we not be in a bad mood daily? Most people rarely to never think about you when you are out of their line of vision. It’s probably not true that your friend Becky is jealous and does not want you to find true love. The world as a whole does not even remember your name most of the time. And that’s an amazing thing.

If your life is a trash pile in general…

The people who tend to be the moodiest are not in alignment with themselves. They could be holding onto resentment from working for a horrible ungrateful boss. Maybe your boyfriend never takes them on date night anymore. You have to put your needs first before anyone else. No one really needs your help in most cases and you are using it as a distraction or a bribe later on.

Expect less from others….

Your friends are great and love you. Stop expecting them to do hard emotional labor for you daily. Be the type of friend they can’t wait to invite or introduce to people.

When you are in a rut…

How are you waking up in the morning? Is it to jump up to a blaring alarm in order to work for no money for a boss who could care less if you exist? Quit your job and pursue your dream and passions. You will not be rewarded for your hard work, only your results. Be brave and meet with a career coach, talk to a mentor, take classes, network, watch YouTube videos. Find your life purpose and your joy.

Stop consuming sad or disturbing content….

This can include music, movies, the news, podcasts, etc. Listening to a brutal crime podcast isn’t going to make you feel rejuvenated. Be very strict with who you follow on socials and what you watch on TV. I am very influenced by music, so, truthfully, I choose to not listen to it as much. Pick the right comedic messenger to give you the news.

Drink alcohol sparingly ….

Cut way back on drinking. It will disrupt your sleep and next day you will have anxiety or low energy. Do yourself a favor and have a drink only on rare occasions. It’s not worth ruining your next day.

When in doubt….

Go for a long walk while listening to an uplifting podcast, get hydrated, take a nap, watch a funny show that you love, eat whatever your body wants. You can vent to someone if something happens and if it’s a funny story. Most bad moods are unprompted and pass like a ship in the night. I wouldn’t flame the fire and get gassed up for nothing.

Remember… celebrities get over scandals by lying low….

It is fine to go out less and reflect more. You are paying for streaming, so you might as well watch. Decline invitations and take time to rest. Your friends should be understanding if you need to focus on work or self-care. Good friends will be available when you are ready to resurface.

Go to therapy….

When bad moods persist, a therapist can help you come up with solutions. You might feel lost and spinning your wheels. That would be a good time to seek help and discover what you can do to get out of a rut.

Bottom Line….

Everyone on the planet has had a bad day. It could be caused by random, outside sources or because you are in a life rut. Be honest with yourself on how often you feel bad and what is causing it. Most things in life can be changed. You can quit your job, move, or start over. For hormonal issues, get ahead of the phase and be prepared. Allow yourself time to be home and rest. Everyone can use a therapist to learn healthy coping skills instead of bad coping mechanisms as a crutch. Put yourself and self-care before anything else.

When You Shouldn’t Send The “Anti-Ghost” Text

We all want to be humane in dating. No one wants to be ghosted or rejected. I would say if rejection needs to be voiced, then do so. However, the “anti-ghost” text does not always have to be implemented. I went on an app date one time and it was very clear we were not connecting and it wasn’t going well. He felt he had to send a “postmortem” text recapping the date. I would have been totally fine with just a simple fade-out. When is it rude to send out the anti-ghost text?…

What is the anti – ghost text?….

It is a communication letting your date know you are not a fit and you will be moving on.

When is it appropriate….

When your feelings towards each other are not meshing you do not want to mislead someone. It is unfair to the person who really likes you to be duped or blindsided.

See how he or she acts after the first date…

You will know how it went when there is no communication. On the date you need to be able to feel out the overall chemistry. You will know when a date is not going well when there are dead silences and awkwardness. See how long the date lasted and if a drink was offered or not. You can tell by body language and lack of interest in asking questions. With app dates you are meeting a person for the first time. They might have felt there was a connection through text, but in person it did not translate.

There is no need to recap the date when it didn’t go well….

No matter how you felt there is no need to add insult to injury. People know when a date is not clicking and more often than not it is mutual. Some people feel the need to express what the person failed to do on the date. It is only going to push that person away and insult them.

Beware of too much communication before a date….

The more you talk on the phone and text before the first date, the worse the meeting in person will be. It makes sense to be cautious especially when a date is long distance. Most men will not want to jump on a zoom. Anyone can be great through text or a phone call. It is a false sense of closeness that can backfire.

When a man is truly interested you will not be left in the dark….

Most second dates are made on the first date. Phone numbers will be exchanged and he will express that he had a great time. Most men are not coy and trying to play it cool. Momentum is real and he will want to lock you down before someone else scoops you up.

Keep going on dates with others….

When you are getting out there and meeting a lot of new dates it is good practice to keep it moving. It is a mistake to wait around holding onto someone who is not interested. You should not send a text to “end it” just to make yourself feel better. Some people encourage transparency, but it feels unnecessary to text a person just for the satisfaction of rejecting someone. Delete the number and move on.

Bottom Line…..

Admit to yourself that you know when a date goes well or not. You are smarter than you give yourself credit for. Men are not playing aloof or coy on dates. It will be clear when he is interested and wants to see you again. Men should not send out the postmortem text as well. It is rude to reject and insult your date when it simply just wasn’t a good fit.

How Roommates Affect A Couple

In college, I made a huge mistake by agreeing to live with my boyfriend and his friend. In general, I discourage living with boyfriends until it is serious. I honestly feel my relationship could have been saved if I had chosen to live solo or with a roommate to wrap up senior year. Why is taking on an extra roommate a romance killer for a couple?….

Why living with your boyfriend is bad….

I do have a full article on this. In summary, your relationship will shift into roommate vibes. You will no longer go on dates and he will have less incentive to impress you. Yes, you should live with your boyfriend eventually, but only when it is serious, like when you are engaged.

Why living with another roommate is bad….

When the extra roommate is male and they are friends, it’s game-over for your relationship. He will be playing video games in the living room and forget you exist.

Why he suggests you add an extra roommate…

Is it for money?…could be. More than likely, he does not trust your relationship will last. He is protecting himself and knows you will have to move out and he can stay.

Protect yourself before you move in…..

You are way better off being mysterious for as long as possible. You are playing your last card when you move in. On your end, you think it will bond you and bring you closer. Men fall in love through the absence of you. When you are always there he will feel trapped and lose desire.

You could be stuck in this situation for years….

He is comfy cozy and likes living with his friend. You are a bonus in the equation. He will have zero motivation to move out with just you. He is getting all his needs met, plus more.

Bottom Line….

The best thing you can do is to pace out your relationship. A man can get comfortable with the bare minimum while you expect him to keep up date nights and court you. These types of living situations can go on for years where the woman is unhappy and unfulfilled and he is thriving. Think of it in the logical sense and make it so he has to seek you out for as long as you can. Give him incentive to move the relationship along.

Creating “The Spark” On A First Date

Let’s all admit that we are seeking a spark when we go on a first date. A lot of dating coaches encourage you to accept the 2nd date no matter what. I do agree with that. However, men will more than likely refuse a second date if he doesn’t feel “the spark” and gets more of a friend vibe. Sometimes you can control a first date from how you show up. Is there a way to create chemistry on a first date?….

Be in a good mood….

That’s really what it comes down to in a nutshell. You can’t show up being a little sourpuss. Really dedicate your pre-date to getting out of your head and into your body. I like to do a “drama dump” in my car and get out all the muck that is bothering me. Then get in the zone by listening with my air pods to my favorite hype song.

Tell stories, not facts….

Captivate your audience by telling stories, not answering facts in a dry way. Ask leading questions that are not a yes or no answer. Get him talking about things you can both connect on. Everyone has fun stories that they can tell (no bathroom mishap stories), even if you are speaking about your friends or family.

Be present….

Put away the phone and make eye contact. Nod and smile when he is talking. Repeat words to let the person know you have been listening. Use one word he used to craft your sentence. He “This food is so spicy! My mouth is burning!” You: Yes! Speaking of spicy have you ever tried ghost peppers?”

Ask him questions….

Men want to know you are interested. This isn’t a one-sided interview. Try to ask fun questions instead of the boring stock questions without getting too deep. You can ask where his favorite vacation spot is as an example. Make sure these are softball questions, not asking him what he thinks the meaning of life is. Also… a biggie is to stop giving him hypothetical questions that will make him roll his eyes… “if I were a worm, would you find me attractive?”…. Stop. Also, you don’t have to try to be funny. It’s fine if you are naturally witty, but every sentence should not be a random reference from a TV show or you doing bits.

Look hot….

We can all step it up. Make it a habit to keep up with hair appointments and updating your wardrobe. You don’t have to look like you are going to the club to look sexy. In fact, try to dress a little bit more conservative while still complementing the shape of your body. Find out the best colors to wear for your skin tone as well.

Don’t give him the impression you are “the fun girl”….

Try to not get wasted on the date or be “too fun.” It will backfire to be the girl that he can only see as hitting the bars with. Communicate how passionate you are with your job or helping the community. You have to paint a picture that you aren’t going to be throwing up in an Uber every time you hang out.

Be funny, flirty, and free….

Flirting to me simply means being witty and complimentary. It’s not licking your lips and winking. Be funny and make the conversation light. Act free by not being demanding and putting pressure on him. This is not an interrogation.

Bottom Line…

Beware of him saying “I didn’t feel the spark,” if you did all these things. That is guy code for him not being attracted to you. So, let it go. Attraction is a man’s only criteria for moving along the relationship. Do not take it personally, everyone has a type. However…. this is not to say to put up a wall and to sulk in the corner. You have to be an active participant in the date. And you do have to create chemistry to a certain degree.

How To Be “Delulu”

The term “Delulu” has become a Tik Tok buzzword for “being delusional.” In therapy years ago, I had an “aha moment” when I realized that when you speak about the future with a negative lens, it is seen as “practical.” When you try to speak positively about any future outcomes, you are viewed as “delusional.” I am a big advocate for mindset and attitude and how it shapes our life. How can you get over negative self-talk and why is it the safe go-to?…..

Our ego loves safety…..

When we say negative things, it is mainly to keep us from taking any sort of action. This keeps us the same and safe. Our ego doesn’t want us to be skydiving everyday. However, it also protects us from dreaming bigger, like asking for a promotion.

Pay attention to actions….

Before you judge a situation show yourself hard evidence through actions. When it comes to men, talk is cheap. There have to be actions to show you if he is serious or cares. As far as friends or lovers, collect data on past behavior. When making major decisions it is good to hope for the best, but to remain neutral.

Seize opportunities….

Pay attention when opportunities present themselves. When people are stuck in a negative outlook they won’t even bother (or notice) to apply for that job or to go to that party. Most things that come your way need to be jumped on immediately. It is the universe giving you a gift.

How to manifest…..

You have to start with believing you deserve it and that positive domino effects will come from it. Most things average people want are extremely humble, yet we are taught that desiring anything makes us greedy. You can create a vision board or have a motivating quote you can see daily. I prefer making digital vision boards though Pinterest or just on my phone.

You’re never going to be fully ready for anything….

Yes, the stars can align a little, but overall, it won’t be perfect. You might feel you are at your goal weight or at your financial peak. Yes, bad timing is real, but anyone who becomes a parent can tell you there is no amount of prep that can make you feel you are ready.

You can be “delulu” and practical….

It is ok to be grounded, but still have big dreams. Start small with goals and see if doors open or close. You know when you are on the right path when opportunities come your way. You can always give anything a shot. It is easier to conceptualize a goal with smaller actionable steps instead of being completely overwhelmed.

Bottom Line….

Surround yourself with people who think big, not small. It is usually narrow-minded people who accuse you of being delusional. Fight against the status quo and connect with people who value goal-setting. Your “network is your net-worth” is a real phrase and your circle could be preventing you from achieving anything. Make a point to go to networking events and meet-up groups. As far as dating, stop going to the dingy college bar and waltz into a high-end wine bar. If your friend is more connected, ask to be invited to a party or get-together. Jobs and opportunities are made in person, not though a cold email. Lastly, use visualization to picture the positive snowball affect a goal or dream will cause. It will most likely be a positive impact to others and to your community.

Valentine’s Day Solo Date Ideas

Valentine’s Day should never be a sad day for singles. It is a great opportunity to treat yourself and indulge a little bit more. When you have things on the books you will be less swayed to cave and hook up with your ex. However, for people wanting to be social there are options for that as well. This is the time to get into your “soft girl era” and be the main character. What are some solo Valentine’s Day ideas?….

Book appointments….

Get your hair done, nails, facial, massage….you name it. Whatever you have been putting off, then book it. Create big blocks of time where you aren’t looking at your phone.

Buy yourself flowers….

A sweet bouquet from Trader Joe’s will do just fine. Get some roses and display them in a nice vase where you can see them.

Get yourself chocolates or make a dessert….

For the bakers out there this is a no brainer. For non-cooks you can do break-and-bake cookies for yourself or simply buy chocolate.

Manifest and write down your ideal partner check list….

Write yourself a letter of you in the future with your ideal partner. Get down to specifics and write out your ideal man. Don’t be vague or too general. Get into appearance, occupation, and his character. Write it in the present tense and do a thank you style letter. Keep the letter in an envelope in a special place.

Turn off notifications for the dating apps….

Today is not a great swiping day. It’s not the time to meet a stranger at Starbucks.

Put your phone on “do not disturb”….

No distractions are allowed for the day. Turn off all notifications or put your phone in DND mode.

Go shopping or thrifting….

Do the fun errands that you enjoy and browse your favorite stores.

Watch Rom Coms….

Turn on your favorite rom coms from the 2000s or watch your comfort show

Take a dance class….

Book a fun hip-hop dance class and get into your body

Sit at the bar at a restaurant…..

Go to a restaurant that has great food at the bar. You can drink wine and get a great meal. Avoid any restaurant that is advertising Valentine’s Day specials.

Bottom Line….

Let this day be about you. It is a perfect day to book beauty appointments or a massage. When you plan ahead you won’t feel a panic to spend time with a stranger. Keep your phone on “do not disturb” and do not use your dating apps. Anything that you would want from a partner, provide for yourself. Get yourself the flowers, dessert and wine. Romanticize your life on this day and go a little extra on self-care.

“Low Lift” Hangs And Dates

We are at the beginning of the year and the consensus I am getting is people are already exhausted. It is a good reminder we have about eleven months to get through. I personally go by the Lunar New Year to give myself slightly more time to get things rolling. It is tricky to do a 180 after all the holidays. As far as our relationships (friendship and dating), preserving energy and balance is a must to avoid burnout. How can you orchestrate “low lift” hangs and first dates?….

Dating:

You are already out and about….

In my app days I would take advantage of already being out and about. This is the time to use Bumble and send out “the bat signal” to men and to see who is already around. Does it always work? No. But, it is a good opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

Pre-game dates….

Your friendships should be your main plan. There is no harm in squeezing in a quick date before you meet up with your friends or go to an event. Having a time limit creates anticipation and desire to have “a real date.”

Invite a date to a party….

This is case-by-case. Do not invite a date to an intimate dinner. If it’s a “the more the merrier” type of casual party, bring a date.

The double book….

I have a whole article on this. It is great to maximize your time while already out and in a cute outfit. Use one guy as the “warm up” date and the second guy as either a second date or someone whom you are more interested in.

Friendships:

Errand hangs….

Take your friends to Target with you. It can be more enjoyable and less dreadful to just do something you were already needing to do. You can also grocery shop at Trader Joe’s for the week.

Do a coffee in between errands….

For those who need to concentrate on boring errands, grab a tea or coffee after or on the way. It is great to get grounded and in a better mood before you go to the DMV.

Take your dogs to the dog park….

All animal lovers should let their pets bond while you gossip about the cute guy with the Werner pup.

Have weekly potlucks….

Instead of going to a restaurant, do a potluck and theme dinner. Stream your dating profiles to the TV and swipe together as a group.

Bottom Line….

Certain plans do not need to be the main act. I prefer to get the most out of my night out as far as being social. I used to squeeze in dates as much as I could. Use your time wisely and maximize while you are already dressed and out. For friendships, you bond more in the shopping errands than the large dinners with a group of friends. Doing these micro hangs will keep you from burning out and feeling like you cannot leave your home on the weekends.

Do Less to Get More in 2024

Before the new year starts, it is time to reflect on 2023. For me, I did a ton of things that were total time sucks. You will not be rewarded for effort, only results. Anything that takes away time or doubles your effort should be avoided. Go through 2023 and decide what you can take off your plate. It is also a great time to do a purge of things you do not use. Get rid of expired food items, donate clothing, regift kitchen appliances that still work but you never use. You want to clear a space for a fresh start. I enjoy deep cleaning my car and doing a deep clean of the bathroom. Any superstitious people should not clean on New Year’s Day, so best to get it over with before the 1st. What can we let go of to bring in more?….

Toxic things and people….

Did you go with your gut this year, or did you push through? Most of the time, obligations stand in the way of our happiness. There might be pressure to socialize with a certain friend or drink too much alcohol. In dating, there is a lot of begging and pushing. Are you saying yes to “not cause drama” ? Your job could make you want to throw up every morning. Really step back and see how you feel about everything in your life.

Applying to jobs you are not qualified for….

Most people would say, “Hey, there is no harm in applying.” But when you spend hours of your day crafting the perfect cover letter only to be rejected? Network more and stop applying online. You will get way more out of a networking mixer than a daily cold email. Turn off those job alerts to avoid getting into a time suck.

Your health and wellness….

Your party friends do not want you to be healthy. They loved the 2am drive-thru after drinking or the couch-potato lifestyle you shared. When you decide to get healthy, closing down the bar will be replaced with staying home. Not to say you can’t go out here and there. However, most of the fun friends will fade away. This isn’t to discourage, but social pressure can stand in the way of losing weight and getting sober.

Gossip and drama….

It’s fun to get the scoop on celebrity gossip and be informed. Work and friendship gossip should be avoided. Once you talk about one friend behind their back it will blow up eventually. Look inward and be inspired rather than wasting time on trying to ruin someone. Envy means you want what they have. Work on yourself and your goals and stay in your own lane.

Skim down your friend group….

Put your friends into categories. There are long-distance friends who you can chat online with. And there should be a friend that you can be inspired by. Maybe their career is going well or they are an “expander” in what you thought was possible. Sparingly, you need an extrovert friend who wants to be social with you. Avoid friends who only want to complain and talk about problems. Nothing wrong with a minor crisis here and there. Shouldn’t be a daily habit to complain and ask for help. Make sure you are not burdening people with things you should do yourself.

Dating with no momentum….

Dating apps are a total time suck. One minute you are swiping, then four hours go by. It’s my personal opinion to delete the apps if you are interested in dating seriously. Get yourself together and go to a mixer, set up, or get more out there in person. Another time suck is chasing after a guy who does not like you–stalking his Instagram, hovering over the message button, and orbiting him.

Distractions…..

I understand it’s healthy to let off steam and avoid the world. However, it is easy to get addicted and use video games, for an example, as a way to avoid responsibilities and being present with the people in your life. However, you can maximize your time by doing two things at once. For example, listening to a podcast while working out or washing the dishes.

Replace an unhealthy habit with a healthy one….

Drink a relaxing tea instead of a glass of wine. Go to the gym instead of going to the bar. Prioritize eating habits, sleep, and exercise and see if you are tempted to still be unhealthy.

Bottom Line….

Take an audit of 2023. Be honest with what was a total waste of time. It is more important to take things off your priority list rather than piling on. The first step should be a purge of items, people, jobs, and distractions that do not serve you. As far as dating and relationships, see what worked and what didn’t. We waste a lot of time going in blind for first app dates. Time cannot be replaced, which is why it should not be mindlessly wasted and squandered. In 2024, remember that effort will not be rewarded, only results. Stick to things that truly work and keep things simple and clean to achieve that.