🌸Dating Strategist, Blogger, Artist🌸
đź’•Tips for how to be SINGLE, date CASUALLY, or get into a healthy RELATIONSHIPđź’•
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I personally do not have Spotify, but I love the concept of having the data of what mood and vibe you were in for the year. Most of us probably didn’t calculate our dating data, or even what were the total of first dates that led to second dates. But, hey, maybe we should pay more attention. Regardless, it’s time to think how we felt about 2023 as a whole. This is advice I gathered for this year and what to work towards for a more enjoyable dating experience. How can you reflect and start the new year on the right foot?….
Your year as a whole….
Maybe dating took a back seat, but you got a nice promotion at work. It is best to be proud of other accomplishments and see the whole picture. You could have met a few more friends or gotten closer to family. Give yourself credit for those things.
What was your worst date and what was your best date?…..
Reflect on both extremes and pick apart the reason it went sour. In contrast, think about why a date went right. Go through length of the date, type of date, location, what you were wearing, if you had a pre-date, etc. You can notice patterns that could have caused it to go well or flop.
How many dating-app dates versus real life?….
Yes, dating-app dates are easy and convenient. But they are probably not the quality dates you want. You could say you went on 100 app dates this year, but they probably only resulted in a first date. Stop being scared of dating mixers or speed dating. ( I do prefer a mixer versus speed dating since it isn’t forced). It can be a great opportunity to meet multiple men in person.
Were all your dates coffee dates?….
If you want a job interview environment, you got it. The atmosphere does not foster a romantic connection. I understand you probably want a sober date versus a bar. You have to think of environment and lighting first. You can choose how many drinks you drink or how long you stay. Find a romantic ornate tea shop and go there for a sober date versus a Starbucks. It’s all about an atmosphere that will encourage you to relax and connect.
Do you need that revenge body?….
The better you look, the better the choices and the better you will be treated. Is that fair? No. It’s just how dating works. Invest in yourself and take care of your physical appearance. Get your hair done, buy a new outfit, join a gym, get your makeup done professionally. There is zero downside to looking more attractive.
Should you be more choosy?….
This is the time to trust your intuition. Give yourself enough time to get to know someone before you go on a date. The “ick” can creep on you sooner than you expect. It’s best to feel things out before you dive in. Quality over quantity. It’s ok to go on fewer dates.
Bottom Line….
This year for me was not so great for dating, but good for other aspects of life. Dating is not the be-all and end-all and you should try to become more well-rounded. Try your best to think outside of the dating apps. If you haven’t tried to involve your friends or gone to a mixer, then give it a whirl. Be more choosy of whom you give your time to. It’s ok to go on a date once a month instead of once a week. If you want more options, then work on your physical appearance. It will open more doors in all aspects of your life. Most importantly, it’s best to repeat what really was working and bringing you joy this year.
Scent is the most popular Christmas gift for couples. This time of year it’s normal to peruse a Macy’s, hoping someone will give you a gift set. A perfect fragrance can be a signature for you and a core memory for whomever you date. However, when a scent is wrong, then it’s a disaster. When a man calls your perfume “cologne,” you know you messed up. How can you take a delicate approach to fragrance?….
Consider your base scent….
All your scents need to be in harmony. Make sure your deodorant isn’t running the show in a bad way. It is best to pick a scent you like best since it will be worn daily. Go with something subtle that will still keep you fresh.
Avoid musk….
When you see the word “musk” I personally would avoid it. It can work on certain people but frankly most men do not like it.
Go clean….
There are great subtle scents that are marked as “shower fresh,” “clean,” “water,” “cool.” Those types complement your soap and will be more pleasant.
Go flirty….
Keep in mind this is date night, so it’s needs an extra push. This doesn’t mean go bold; it should be a girly / sweet fragrance. Overall, it should NOT be overpowering, dark, moody, etc.
Beware of the “sexy” fragrance….
When in doubt go subtle. A great date fragrance is airy and light. You should apply it very lightly so it is not overpowering. Most “sexy” scents are very strong and loud. It is best to not get caught up in marketing. You don’t want to give your date a migraine.
Try before you buy….
It is always best to try on perfume and see if it meshes with your natural scent. Wait about 30 minutes and keep smelling it. You are seeing if the scent changes and how long lasting it is. Avoid the paper since you won’t know how the fragrance will work on your skin.
Bottom Line….
Anyone hunting for a new fragrance should consider taking it down a notch. Most people are sensitive to scents and you don’t want the fragrance to enter the room before you do. As far as skincare and haircare, purchase “fragrance free” products. As you age your skin can become sensitive to fragrance and it can irritate your skin. Choose wisely with deodorant scents. It is your base smell and everything else should complement it. Lastly, try before you buy. Take your time with a purchase and see if the fragrance complements your natural scent.
No one is born a good host. Like being charming and being sociable you need tools to know how to be a good host. Don’t think that hosting is not in your blood if you have had a failed attempt. You can always start small with just close friends and see how it goes. Here are some guidelines for a smoother holiday party…..
Location….
Some homes are simply too far away or confusing to get to. It will enrage your guests when they keep getting lost to your remote cabin. Consider if your home is close enough in town or in a convenient location where people can park without getting towed.
Decorations and Lighting….
For the holidays you should have a home that is tastefully decorated. This can mean in your own style. However, things should have a flow and complement each other. It should not be haphazard. Lighting is crucial to setting the tone to be relaxing. You want your guests to be relaxed and soothed. No overhead lights allowed.
Furniture placement….
Create a living room, or screened-in porch, or kitchen area, etc, to have ample seating. In most social situations people are not stagnant. They will mingle from room to room. Some might want fresh air, and some might be in an in-depth conversation in the corner.
Have built-in entertainment….
You need a reason for people to come beyond chatting. The best parties have an activity or entertainment. Beer bong and flip cup can be fun and also karaoke or listening to a live band. You can have drinking games and play a fun mix of music to keep the energy up.
Specialty Drinks….
Come up with a speciality cocktail and mocktail version. Have beer and wine in the fridge as options as well. It is fun to come up with an overall cocktail that is seasonal. For large parties make it a cold cocktail and for small parties do a batch of mulled wine.
Food….
Think bite-sized and easy to grab and eat. It’s best to have trays out with food with toothpicks for easy pickup. Provide napkins. Avoid shrimp or anything that someone could be allergic to. Make sure to have vegan options.
To avoid a late night party….
If you are scared that people will wind up crashing on the couch, then present as a pre-game party. This can only work for people who live walking distance to bars or a quick Uber ride. It can be fun to plan around an event downtown and have a brief party where your guests can drop in. Make sure to communicate that to guests.
Dress code….
You can set the tone of how classy the party is. It all depends on your friends’ vibe. Some people would be thrilled to be able to dress to the nines. While others would rather have a silly ugly sweater party.
Bottom Line…..
The worst thing to happen to a party is not having a plan. You will feel more confident when you have some sort of entertainment for your guests. For people who feel they are good hosts, but do not have a hosting home then co-host with a friend. Sometimes having two hosts is easier and the party will run smoother. Make sure people can park and the location is easy to find. Consider who you are inviting and what type of party your friend group would enjoy. You can always take the pressure off and just host a pre-game party, then go downtown to an event or the bars after.
For any couples who are meeting their partner’s family for the first time, you need a game plan. Your partner doesn’t know your cousin is deathly allergic to shrimp and that your father can’t stand the Yankees. This isn’t the time to test and see how they tread water. Have a serious discussion and rundown of how the holidays typically go. How can you let your family love your partner and set them up for success?…..
Make sure your relationship is serious enough….
There is no point in going though social torture for a casual “three -monther”. Best case, meeting family is a serious step.
Understand the overall vibe….
Every family has their own energy. Big politics talkers, pop culture nuts, sports fanatics, etc. You want to be up to speed with any news, celebrity or otherwise, when you know what topics will be brought up. Not to say they should get into political arguments. In fact, prevent that from happening. Communicate where your family is voting-wise and tell them to keep certain options to themselves. However, your partner cannot sit on the bench. He or she needs to participate regardless of what is being discussed.
Sleeping arrangements and rules….
Not your house, not your rules. Most parents have a “no sharing a room until married” policy. This includes practicing etiquette and being polite. Tell your partner to bring a gift and offer to help clean up. Rules and manners should be top of mind. Wake up times are also crucial to get right. Let them know if you are a turkey-trot family or the type that hits the snooze button.
How to dress….
For women talking to men, push them to dress up slightly. No need for a suit, but a nice button down or sweater will work. As a woman, hopefully it is not a shock that you need to dress more conservatively. This includes sleepwear and lounge wear to wear around the house. It is a good time to upgrade to a matching set with a high neck line.
Alcohol use….
Some families are big drinkers, some are sober. It would be stupid to bring a bottle of wine as a gift for non-drinkers. A good alternative to wine is to make cookies or bring a nice olive oil and vinegar set in pretty bottles. Even if the family drinks, they can’t treat it like a frat party.
Tell them to ask questions….
It is a good reminder to encourage your significant other to think of stock questions to ask. They are hopefully naturally curious, but might be shy and awkward. To ease their mind feed them a few lines and topics to get them started.
Bottom Line….
Set your partner up for success. Do not watch them drown and then conclude they aren’t your person. At least, give them a shot to win. No one wants to spend a holiday without their family. Be honest with yourself and understand if your family is a “hosting family” or not. There is nothing wrong with grabbing a nice lunch to meet the family versus a whole Thanksgiving or holiday weekend. Lastly, this shouldn’t be a whole test of the relationship. It isn’t fair to set your partner up for failure.
I find it can be fun to have a few presents to open. However, I am a big advocate for a service gift. Christmas is the end of the year and many people are in a slump and need an extra push. What is your expertise? Everyone has skills that could be put to good use. Think of their lifestyle and what they are lacking. A small act of service might help them get to the next level. I want to stress that you are not becoming someone’s personal assistant for a year. Think of the gift as you being a consultant and don’t let it take up more than an afternoon of your time. Regardless, it is perfect for minimalists and anyone needing a specific favor….
Spa day….
Most people shy away from treating themselves to a facial, massage, or pedicure. To them it might seem too indulgent to book themselves. Snag a certificate from a great salon or spa.
Create your own bath and shower products….
There are tutorials on how to make bath / shower bombs. I personally love making salt body scrubs ( I use a black salt or anything upscale and gourmet). A sugar scrub to exfoliate lips in the winter months is a must have. Add them into clear mason jars scented or unscented. If you are skilled at knitting, you can create homemade washcloths. It’s fun to present them in a cute package.
Closet clean out….
There are types of people who just need permission to donate clothing. They might not have a clue what looks good or what is dated. It can be a lifesaver to someone who feels overwhelmed by their wardrobe.
Personal Shopper….
Anyone who wants to change up their style could use a stylist. Go shopping with them and say yay or nay to items while giving them ideas on what is going to be the most flattering colors, silhouette, and trends.
Clothing tailor….
For anyone who can work a sewing machine, you can tailor a clothing item on its last legs and bring it back to life. They might have a shirt or dress that no longer fits, but they love. Turn the fabric into a great throw pillow or transform it into another type of garment. You can also sew silk pillowcases and silk eye-sleep masks.
Interior Design Consultant….
Not saying to redo their home, so don’t panic. Give your two cents to someone who has been wanting to decorate for a while. Help them with a mood board, and research paint colors, decor styles, etc. For anyone who is knowledgeable in feng shui, suggest where certain furniture pieces can go to maximize the flow.
Spiritual Gifts….
This is kinda an LA gift or anyone who loves the woo woo. Book them a tarot reading appointment, aura cleanse, or reiki healing session.
Car wash and buff….
Take your loved one’s car to the car wash. It is a slept-on gift and cars tend to get neglected, especially in the busy season.
Maid Service….
There are certain packages you can buy from cleaning companies. Sign them up for a monthly, biweekly, or weekly clean up depending on your budget. Be very choosy on who you give this to. It could come off as insulting to some. If they are a new mother who does not have time, then this might fit the bill.
Baked goods and gourmet bites….
This is for the cooks and bakers. Everyone loves a fancy homemade treat. Cater it to their dietary needs such as gluten-free, vegan, ethnic, etc. It doesn’t have to be sweet, you can give savory bite-sized appetizers as well.
Help them with their resume….
For anyone on the job hunt, it can get overwhelming. Having a solid resume in the perfect format can make or break if you get an interview. Help make sure they have a great pic on LinkedIn and that their skills are being highlighted. A big leg up could be to help them network.
Become their matchmaker….
Most people are dying to be set up. Think of great guys in your social circle that you can introduce them to. Research speed-dating or mixers in their town and purchase a ticket for them.
Be their image consultant for the dating apps….
Help them pick great photos or take some new photos for them. Ghostwrite their prompts and give a few opening lines to get them started. Overall, make sure they are coming off classy and with a personality.
Event coordinator….
This is for the social butterfly in the know of restaurant openings and parties. Many people want to go to more events but have no clue where to start. Create an event calendar for concerts, comedy shows, karaoke and send them alerts for the holiday season.
Movie and TV buff….
Certain cinemas offer passes or memberships. For those who prefer to sit on the couch, pay for a niche streaming service they would be excited about. Britbox and Criterion are great options.
Sign them up for a class….
It could be cooking, cocktail making, or a fun art class. They will learn a new skill and meet more people.
Be an Apple Genius….
This would be a great gift for older relatives. Set them up with great apps and help declutter their desktop. Simplify their iPhone or laptop so it is more user friendly. Most people are not knowledgeable about certain features of the phone or computer.
Set up cyber and home security….
Again, great gift for people who aren’t up to speed with technology. Some people do not want an Alexa barking orders, so keep that in mind. However, you could install a safer doorknob that requires a code, as an example. Purchase air tags for their luggage and car if they travel or are someone who manages to lose their keys and wallet a lot.
Bottom Line….
Before you do anything think about your skill set. Anyone is capable of at least hiring a service for a loved one. Keep in mind you will probably still need a few gifts to open under the tree. It is best to plan the budget and figure how many people will be receiving a present. Save the service gifts for family and friends who you are very close to. Set your loved ones up for success for the upcoming year. You will make a larger impact than you think.
In the past there have been rules of when to decorate for certain holidays. Most people have been told to put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving or even December 1st. Once the pandemic started, I noticed the trend of skipping over Thanksgiving to decorate for Christmas. I actually read an article contending that people who do this are happier. Long story short, start the holidays when you see fit, here’s why….
People love sparkle….
Christmas decorations are all about sparkle, glitter, and shine. Humans love to look at shiny objects. It gives them a little hit of serotonin (not a doctor, but it gets my pulse going).
It encapsulates a lot of trends in one….
A Christmas cheer is exactly what a girl who romanticizes her life will do. She is probably in her “soft-life era.” This time of year encourages fuzzy blankets, hot tea, and curling up watching favorite shows in candlelight. You can pretend to be the main character in a Hallmark movie.
The holidays go by soooo fast….
The more time you get to have the decorations up, the better you feel. The holidays, especially post-Thanksgiving zoom by and frankly, you don’t have time after Black Friday to sit and sip your hot chocolate next to your tree.
You can decorate in your own color scheme and vibe….
Unlike other holidays you can showcase your own style within Christmas. If you only love silver and gold, great! You can also lean into arts and crafts style with Popsicle frame pics of family. I have even seen Christmas in a goth style.
You can still enjoy Thanksgiving….
We give fall our all. I don’t find it is skipped over. There is pumpkin spice and sweater weather, the leaves, etc. I do think the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays get recognized.
Before you decorate….
Do a clean out and donate unused decorations. Obviously, keep anything sentimental and precious to you. But go though the lights that do not work and are tangled and decide overall what the vibe will be. Like I said, you can decorate with your own taste in mind. This might mean out with old, in with the new.
Get ahead of the stress part….
Start making a list for presents and purchase your Christmas cards. Decide what your budget is and how many gifts per person. Keep in mind that certain people would prefer a service IOU present which can be priceless. Don’t limit yourself to physical items.
Bottom Line….
Give yourself permission to decorate. Honestly, this generation (Millennial and Gen Z ) are already doing it regardless. There is time that needs to be spent on brainstorming on the vibe you want to capture. I love when a person has their own Christmas style that is unique to them and their home. This year spend more time in the Christmas spirit versus the frantic stress ball that can occur.
In the past couple years, there have been a lot of gurus preaching “vulnerability.” Everyone should chose an authentic path and speak the truth to others. You cannot bottle up your own feelings and be a fake person. I do want to address that there is a gray area when it comes to early dating. I want to talk about what people mean by being vulnerable in a dating context. What should you say and do on the first few dates?…..
What is vulnerability on a first date / early talking…
I want to stress that these experts do not mean “trauma dumping.” It might feel like they are encouraging you to bare your soul to strangers. They simply mean to stop saying, “how was your weekend.”
Starting the conversation in the second act…
Shakespeare started his plays “in the middle.” He used very little setup and backstory and dove straight into the action. A lot of experts bring this up as a style of connecting to people. It is better to act like you already know the person.
Feelings, not facts…
I have brought this up before. It is so much better to tell a story through emotion. Facts should be avoided as they always come off cold and boring. Again, this does not mean you are in a therapy session. Example: Fact- “I went to college in Arizona in 2009.” Story- “I can’t even look at Sunny Dee anymore; going to college in Arizona people couldn’t get enough screwdrivers.”
Beware of generic topics…
In my own experience, as you get older it’s harder to speak about music and movies. When you bring up one thing and they say they haven’t heard of it, then you are dead in the water. I am guilty of wanting to chat about celebrity pop culture, but again, typically men aren’t as tuned in to that. You can certainly dip your toe in and see if you are aligned on movies. It does make a conversation flow better when you can connect on something. I would rather you speak about movies than trauma bonding. So, at worst, explain the movie or album.
How is your tone…
Men respond to women who make them feel relaxed around them. Most of their dates are interrogations; be a breath of fresh air. I understand you need certain answers to move forward, but when you push it and force questions, he will not like it. Also, keep in mind a man can just lie to you. It is better to get the feel and zero into your intuition around him.
A man will tell you what he is looking for…
He will put you in a box the moment he lays eyes on you. He has a certain standard for how a girlfriend acts or looks like. I say this to not put so much pressure on what you say. As long as you aren’t in a bad mood and complaining, you should be fine. Witty banter is the goal, of course, but positivity is more important.
Listen more than you talk…
The secret to charisma is the power of letting the other person talk about themselves. He will give you the answers you are seeking when he feels comfortable.
Learn how to flirt…
I admit it is a delicate dance. No woman wants to encourage a man to only want to sleep with her. I do think certain types of flirting can backfire. Think of it in terms of being charming and complimentary, not licking your lips and pulling his tie.
Bottom Line…
The biggest thing to keep in mind is if he likes you, he likes you. I have tried to be little-miss- witty and win a guy over. The decision has already been made. Not to say you should roll your eyes and look at your watch. There should be responsibility to be easy-breezy and be a good hang. On the flip side, vulnerability does not mean trauma-dumping or bonding. The best thing to practice with friends, co-workers, and dates is speaking with emotion and story. No one wants a dry interviewer or someone demanding answers. If you cannot be relaxed or calm, consider taking a break from dating. A lot of tensions and heartache can build up and cause you to come off mean and impatient. Men, in a nutshell, want a woman to be pleasant to be around and look like his type.
I have spoken about the downsides of hitting on bartenders or anyone in a service-based industry. I want to take it a step further and explore the BIG “off limits men.” These men can be more appealing because they are taboo. However, the reason men fall into the “no” category is because of how they affect other people. I will break down what type of men are forbidden and why it’s never a good idea….
A best friend / sister’s ex….
This is breaking “girl code.” You are being selfish and not putting your friend or loved one into consideration.
Married men….
He will say over and over he will leave his wife for you. And yet….you are still sneaking away to dark alleys and shady hotels while he goes back to his family in the morning. This is also a thing that you should go by the rule, not the exception. It is harmful to your self-worth and you are a home wrecker.
Anyone who you pay….
Even the man who mows your grass. This goes back to my “Hitting on Bartenders” article. There are always going to be men who seem appealing that you did not swipe on. You will feel seen when they remember your name and go the extra mile. This is a big trap that both men and women fall into and it only results in an awkward and inappropriate situation. There are men who will physically touch you (hair dresser, massage therapist, dermatologist, etc). You could feel the spark, especially if you are deprived of affection. It is never a thing to explore.
Your priest, rabbi, or spiritual counselor….
In the show, “Fleabag,” the main protagonist goes all the way with her priest. It was shocking and has an erotic element because of the forbidden and even immoral nature. This is not a common scenario, but I do think it comes from a man with no sexual agenda helping you that is appealing to women.
Your son’s friend….
I have been thinking of Jada Pinkett Smith since she is currently in the news. She speaks about her “entanglement” with rapper August Alsina who is 21 years younger. I am pretty open about age gaps, but an extremely large one when one party is below 27 is inappropriate. Not going to throw only women under the bus with this, men have been doing this for eons. Usually, he progressively dates younger after each divorce until she is younger than his daughter.
Your therapist….
I am separating this one from the “men you pay” category because women really do fall for their therapists. He knows your deep dark secrets, he listens, and he gives his thoughtful advice. To women, this is what intimacy is. Men aren’t usually attracted to a therapist, there are no porn categories of “therapist and patient.” Going back to the priest example, it is another time a man is helping without his own sexual agenda.
What is the solution?….
Not going to minimize the piercing attraction you feel with these forbidden men. Most women’s sexuality is tied to fantasy and “will they, won’t they.” It can be somewhat unbearable when you are hit with a strong spark from the wrong guy. There are some action plans to combat the feeling.
Recognize if you are in dry period of dating – Most of the time you will be fantasizing about the mailman when you have no options. Your brain likes to stay in a romantic energy and will find any man to fill the void.
Make a zen garden- The Buddhists believe in work that results in a “flow” state. This could be where you physically have no time to think outside of what you are doing. Some examples are re-wallpapering your room, gardening, or cleaning your gutters.
Reject yourself- Some people still hold onto to a crush because there was no “no.” When we are rejected, the door has shut and it is easier to wash our hands with it. In this case reject yourself in a firm way by giving a reality check. It is always better to go in with an assumption he is not interested or available.
Admit you are starved for affection / attention – When you are in this state this is when you make bad decisions. In this case, it’s much better to get that energy out though a dating app. Even if you don’t meet up it is better to flirt and get attention
A crush and fantasy can be healthy, yet I put an asterisk next to these type of men only because an obsession can build up more from people who are seen as forbidden and taboo. There are real consequences from pursuing these types of men. You can break up a marriage, hurt a person’s career, or simply have a humiliating experience. This is the time to put your shields up, assume they are not interested, and move on with your day. Anything interdict makes captivating television, but in reality, at worst, it can be life-ruining for both parties.
Halloween is a the perfect holiday to meet someone new. Being in disguise can break down some self-doubt and allow you to let loose. Men don’t normally have immense pressure to look sexy. The average Joe tends to lean into a funny costume or what I call “the mascot” costume where he is completely hidden. When you use your time wisely it can be a night to really maximize your social capacity. What are some tips for single men to stand out this season?….
Try on your costume before the night….
Make sure everything fits ok and is comfortable. Give yourself enough breathing time to replace something or scrap the idea for a better one.
Get noticed….
Costume choice matters. The worst move is only dipping your toe into a “costume.” I have seen men who wear a T-shirt that says, “this is my costume.” It might be a personal preference, but it gives me the ick when a guy half-way participates. This is one night to get creative and have some fun.
Have a game plan….
Bring in the wingmen for some assists. It’s best to get the crew together, maybe for a group costume if possible, and have a few hype men. Go barhopping and attend all the events to maximize meeting the most women.
Make sure your costume is practical….
Bathroom lines will be long, you need to be the backseat of an Uber, you need to be able to see, etc. It is best to show your face. Not saying a funny blow-up dinosaur costume isn’t funny. You will not connect with women when they cannot see your eyes and expressions.
It’s a numbers game….
Try not to get locked into one person. The mistake I see is when men laser focus on the first girl who speaks to them and holds her hostage for the night. Get into the flow of chatting, maybe getting contact info if the vibe feels right, and then keeping it moving. The reason is that this is a rare night when the homebodies are out and about. You will be meeting people you had no idea existed since they probably do not frequent the bars often.
Be safe….
I say this a lot, but it would be embarrassing to wind up in jail in a Halloween costume. Take Uber or walk to your destinations.
Pre-game….
Bonus points for being a host of the pre-game party. Only do this when you live close to downtown and it is on the way for people. This is also a great time to meet new women in a non- chaotic environment. For men who are not knowledgeable on how to host, this could be a learning opportunity. Just make sure to make the experience fun. You should provide drinks and a festive vibe. Put on a scary movie in the background, light candles, and have a goth playlist.
Have a budget…..
Anyone who gets a little too generous with buying people drinks should bring cash only. It will limit you to a certain dollar amount and you won’t get your credit card left or overspent. Also, when women know your tab is open, they can order drinks and you may get stuck with a higher bill than expected. When treating women to drinks, don’t get an expensive cocktail. In my city, we have half-shots that are inexpensive. If there are special cheap shots, then go with that. In general, offering a shot is better because it’s quick and easy while still appearing chivalrous.
“The walk of shame”….
Getting lucky can happen on Halloween. When you take a girl home, be kind and let her borrow or keep some clothing she can sleep in and go home in. Give her clothing you don’t care about losing, not expensive items. She wants to not be embarrassed the next morning and wants to not stand out when she makes her way home.
Bottom Line….
Singles on Halloween will be ready to mingle. Get noticed and do not hide yourself in a costume. Think practical in case you get lucky, and be safe so you don’t wind up with a mug shot of you dressed as a hot dog. Take charge and orchestrate your friends coming out and also host a pre-party to meet more women. Think in terms of getting numbers versus zeroing in on one girl. Have a budget and a plan overall, because in the witching hour things can get chaotic. Collect instagrams, not numbers. You will forget what the women look like and it’s good to have a visual reference. Finally, enjoy your night in a safe way and get into the spirit.
I start thinking of Halloween costumes in September. For me, it is a time to get creative and express myself in a way I cannot do on a daily basis. There have been years when I simply get “writers block” with a costume and other times when I hit it out of the park. When I brainstorm to make an impactful costume, the three ingredients are: #1 Instantly recognizable, #2 Funny or Creative, and #3 Sexy. In this article, I break down evergreen ideas and tips to spark some inspiration…
The Classics…
I think it’s almost better to be a classic because you just show up and enjoy your time. I would say the big classic costumes are : witch, devil, cat, angel, clown, vampire, skeleton, ghost, pumpkin , etc. It can always be modified to have a unique vision.
Mystical Costumes…
Halloween to me is a mystical holiday, so I like leaning into that. A few examples are: a tarot reader (fortune teller); a celebrity in the illuminati ( red dress with illuminati fake tattoo on the forehead); an alien; men in black; fairy; conspiracy theorist (tin foil hat)
Movie Characters…
This can be tricky and requires all the details to be there with no cutting corners. Meaning, you might need to spend more on the perfect wig, sunglasses, or other props. A few popular movie costumes are from: “Scream,” “Fight Club,” “Austin Powers,” “Scarface,” “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” “Blade.” Google a movie you like and see if someone has done a costume for it.
Makeup and Wigs…
There are many YouTube makeup tutorials out there to watch and learn, although it is fun to experiment for yourself and see what works. Most stores have makeup just for Halloween, which could be cheap eyeshadow palettes and body glitter. You don’t have to be a professional makeup artist, but give yourself enough time to mess up and redo it. Wigs can be expensive. I have noticed there are some good realistic wigs on Amazon. I got my wig (unopened) at a thrift store, so it was slightly cheaper than at a Halloween store. I actually went to Target the other day and noticed the basic wigs are slightly cheaper there as well.
Easy Last-Minute Costumes…
Sometimes we just can’t get it together. There also might be a situation where you are expected to go to multiple parties. In this case, you need to think simple, yet effective. One of my favorites is to be a jewelry thief. You will just need a black cat suit and eye mask with big fake costume jewelry. Your purse could be a pouch with the money symbol. Y2K is also big right now. You could be a trashy celebrity from that time — just, please, do not actually pluck your eyebrows.
What costumes you shouldn’t wear…
Cultural appropriation is a big no-no in Halloween. It does not matter what your intent was or wasn’t… just avoid it. It is not worth it in the long run. Someone could dig up an old photo of you and bad things could happen. Any costume that is another culture’s native dress should be avoided.
Time-period costumes…
When I see costumes of clothing I wore in middle school it makes me laugh. Stepping back in time can bring up fun nostalgia. You could be a 1920s flapper or 1950s housewife, a hippy, or an 80s hair-metal rocker. You could even go way back in time and be a medieval king, queen, jester, or pirate.
Purses and Jackets…
This can be tricky since you need a place to hold your money and you might get cold. Some places do have coat checks and that’s great, but most do not. A jacket and purse can take away from a costume. You also want to be hands-free to dance and move around. I love a simple belt bag that blends with your costume. Or have the purse be part of the costume. As far as coats and jackets, consider what climate you live in and if you can incorporate the coat into the costume. If not, you will be probably sweaty and hot from dancing so a jacket may not be necessary anyway.
Celebrity and pop culture…
I see more couples dressing up as celebrity couples. The thing to keep in mind is: does the celebrity couple have a recognizable look? ( A great example is Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wearing the iconic all-denim outfit). For a solo celebrity, do you already resemble the famous person? I remember when comedian Trevor Noah dressed as the musician “The Weeknd” and people lost their minds. Certain looks and outfits are firmly planted in the cultural lexicon and those looks should be used, not a meme from six years ago.
Occupation costumes….
There are a lot of occupation costumes you can pick from. In these instances, there needs to be a twist as a zombie or very sexy. This is the time for visual puns and a “wink and a nod” ideas. The occupations that are mostly used are police, nurse, chef, nun or priest.
Group or couple costumes…
I love when families tell a story though costumes. For example, the family could be dressed as The Addams Family, and a couples costume could be a pirate and a parrot.
Ease of wear and sustainability…
I do not like wearing a costume that comes in a bag. I understand in certain instances you have to do it. Try your best to shop your closet first and see what you can pull out. Next would be thrifting a costume. It is important to be practical. Bathroom lines will be long and you will be standing and dancing all night. Take into consideration being comfortable and safe. Six-inch heels might not work for someone who never wears them.
Sports….
This sort of goes with the occupation costumes. You need a twist on it to make it more scary or sexy. You can’t just walk around with a basketball jersey. A better option is to be a USA Olympian with a leotard with USA across it. A cheerleader is another great one that everyone will get immediately.
Another Holiday or Event Costume…
One year, this guy dressed as a Salvation Army bell ringer with a Santa hat. It got me thinking about other holidays you could dress up as, such as a New Year’s Eve partiers or a New Year’s Eve baby. As far as events, any sort of wedding event is recognizable and it’s easy to do a twist on it (slasher or zombie bride).
Have a pre- going-out photo shoot…
Nothing worse than not getting one pic of your costume while out. In a party and downtown, things are chaotic and everyone is moving though the crowd, and the lighting is bad. It’s great to orchestrate a ”getting ready” party with a photo booth. Hang a piece of fabric, cool patterned sheets, or tape some wrapping paper to a blank wall. Grab a bendy desk lamp to create dramatic lighting. Position the lamp or multiple lamps to get a cool lighting effect. Or you can have a beauty light to attach to a phone and people can take selfies.
Bottom Line….
Halloween costumes are a great way to express your creativity. Some years you are buzzing with ideas, and some require looking though Pinterest boards for inspiration. I try to avoid anything that is the hot costume of the year. I just don’t want to compete with 20 other girls dressed as the same thing. Not to say being a classic is bad. There might be a handful of witches or angels. However, you can always do your own twist and make it your own. As far as group or couple costumes, it is best to tell a story. Goes without saying to never dress in another culture’s dress. No matter how you feel or that it’s not fair, in the long run it is not worth it. Lastly, remember to combine the three important rules to all costumes: recognizability, creativity / funny, and sexy.
Mostly Casual 