Tag: toxic men

Users/Abusers/Losers

Toxic men are the worst men to date. These type of men can cost you financially, emotionally, and sometimes, physically. It can cause a lot of trauma and might force you to take a long pause from dating. When you decide to date again there will be a dark cloud of doubt that the next guy will be trustworthy…..

Why do women date toxic men?…

A lot of toxic men will be highly aggressive and will not respect boundaries, meaning, for example, that he can eventually wear a woman down to date him. This, combined with a woman being judged for remaining single, may result in a relationship with a toxic man. This is just one way it happens. It can also come from codependency or having low self-esteem.

What are signs that he is toxic?…

  1. Addicted to drugs or alcohol – His bad habits are keeping him from getting a job or finishing school.
  2. Gaslighting – ” The sky is green, not blue”
  3. High expectations for you, but not for himself- He is extremely hard on you, but very relaxed about his own life.
  4. Lying – Even little white lies can build up.
  5. Doesn’t care about your boundaries – Whether it’s sexual or basic ones.
  6. He calls you names – He will call you a bitch or crazy at every argument.
  7. He makes you feel ugly – He makes fun of your new haircut or new outfit.
  8. He compares you to his ex – He always manages to mention her in every conversation
  9. He is controlling – You going out with your girlfriends is always a fight.
  10. He withholds sex from you – He uses sex to control you and loves to turn you down.
  11. He is trying to keep you from the outside world- He might convince you that all your friends hate you, or that your family is embarrassing. He is trying to cut you off from the outside world.

Never let him “borrow” money…..

He will always try to get money out of you. He might ask you if you can cover the bills until he can pay you back. Before you know it, he owes you over a $1000 that you will never see again.

Don’t let him rush into things….

Toxic men love to lock things down sooner than later. This is not out of love; it’s for ulterior motives. He might need a place to live because he is getting evicted. If things seem like they are moving too fast, they are. He is making it harder for you to cut ties with him.

You attract what you put out….

If you are in a low point, then you are a target for con men. I know that sounds dramatic, but it happens more than you think. There is a reason why desperate people get swept up in giving their life savings to a Nigerian prince.

Bottom Line….

Toxic men will make it difficult for you to see his intentions. I would never advise revealing the details of your job to a man on a first date or on an app. Be very vague and make it sound like you don’t make money. You might think you should be bragging about your job to impress him. However, it only tends to attract users. Really check in with how he is making you feel. A good man will be constantly complimenting you and making you feel sexy; he also respects your needs and boundaries. If you are feeling upset or uneasy whenever you are around him, trust your gut and cut ties.

Early Signs Of A Controlling Man

Who hasn’t gone on a date or dated a controlling man? In the media, a controlling man is seen as romantic and persistent. My first boyfriend, when I was 16, was incredibly controlling, yet I didn’t have a reference point to know it was problematic. Again, the media glamorizes a man who is jealous or “makes sure his girl is safe.” But how do you nip it in the bud before we waste six months?

A controlling man will always “neg”….

If you don’t know what “negging” is, the term was coined by the book and reality show, “The Pickup Artist.” It is a tactic when a man uses insults to bring down a woman’s self-worth, then swoops in with a compliment. But sometimes it doesn’t even come with a compliment. I would say this is sign number one with a controlling guy. If he makes fun of your hat in a photo or your seashell collection, he is negging you.

A controlling man will ask about other guys…

Most guys want to know if you are single, or “single single.” This is fair, yet it also implies he doesn’t want to fight the competition.

A controlling man will have the exclusivity talk way too early….

This could happen around date number one or even before the date. Commitment doesn’t mean he is into you; it’s more than likely he is trying to control you.

A controlling man will always keeps tabs on you….

If he is the good-morning, good-night guy, it’s not always a cute thing. There is nothing wrong with consistency. Yet if he only asks where you are or what you are doing all the time, it’s a red flag.

A controlling man disapproves of your life style….

Hey, some people enjoy a cold beer at the end of the day or maybe too many fun-sized M&Ms. He will frown upon this and any other little vice you may have, even if it’s minor and not out of control.

A controlling man is never satisfied with your communication style….

He will tell you to “talk more” or gets furious when you miss a call.

A controlling man is charming….

Overall he has to be alluring or else he wouldn’t be able to hook anyone. He might “love bomb” you to a certain degree saying how gorgeous you are, etc.

Should I call him out?…

In the past I have called guys out. Unfortunately, he will more than likely apologize, then later on go back to his behavior. You can’t convince him to change.

Bottom Line…

These are the early signs. Usually all of his behavior will just amp up the more serious you get. Going back to my first boyfriend, he would call my home phone at 3am to just check up on me. But really, the very first sign is a cute funny jab that feels like he just insulted you (he did). Don’t feel bad about not responding or unmatching. He is driven by insecurity and feels it’s not cool to be “the nice guy.” Or worse, he feels entitled to control women as his right as a man. Either way, get out early before he drags you down.