Who hasn’t gone on a date or dated a controlling man? In the media, a controlling man is seen as romantic and persistent. My first boyfriend, when I was 16, was incredibly controlling, yet I didn’t have a reference point to know it was problematic. Again, the media glamorizes a man who is jealous or “makes sure his girl is safe.” But how do you nip it in the bud before we waste six months?
A controlling man will always “neg”….
If you don’t know what “negging” is, the term was coined by the book and reality show, “The Pickup Artist.” It is a tactic when a man uses insults to bring down a woman’s self-worth, then swoops in with a compliment. But sometimes it doesn’t even come with a compliment. I would say this is sign number one with a controlling guy. If he makes fun of your hat in a photo or your seashell collection, he is negging you.
A controlling man will ask about other guys…
Most guys want to know if you are single, or “single single.” This is fair, yet it also implies he doesn’t want to fight the competition.
A controlling man will have the exclusivity talk way too early….
This could happen around date number one or even before the date. Commitment doesn’t mean he is into you; it’s more than likely he is trying to control you.
A controlling man will always keeps tabs on you….
If he is the good-morning, good-night guy, it’s not always a cute thing. There is nothing wrong with consistency. Yet if he only asks where you are or what you are doing all the time, it’s a red flag.
A controlling man disapproves of your life style….
Hey, some people enjoy a cold beer at the end of the day or maybe too many fun-sized M&Ms. He will frown upon this and any other little vice you may have, even if it’s minor and not out of control.
A controlling man is never satisfied with your communication style….
He will tell you to “talk more” or gets furious when you miss a call.
A controlling man is charming….
Overall he has to be alluring or else he wouldn’t be able to hook anyone. He might “love bomb” you to a certain degree saying how gorgeous you are, etc.
Should I call him out?…
In the past I have called guys out. Unfortunately, he will more than likely apologize, then later on go back to his behavior. You can’t convince him to change.
Bottom Line…
These are the early signs. Usually all of his behavior will just amp up the more serious you get. Going back to my first boyfriend, he would call my home phone at 3am to just check up on me. But really, the very first sign is a cute funny jab that feels like he just insulted you (he did). Don’t feel bad about not responding or unmatching. He is driven by insecurity and feels it’s not cool to be “the nice guy.” Or worse, he feels entitled to control women as his right as a man. Either way, get out early before he drags you down.
Mostly Casual 