It can be a common trope in rom-coms and television (“Friends”) where you wonder if your soulmate is your friend. There will be ruminations about whether it is worth ruining a good friendship to find out. Before you make the plunge into friends-to-lovers it’s best to think it all the way through. Mainly because once intimacy is involved it is extremely difficult to walk it back. What are some questions to consider?….

Are you craving intimacy?….

You might just be dying to get the “boyfriend experience.” The late night chats on the phone, watching Netflix over dinner and wine, a back rub. It can just feel good to “play house.”

People are putting pressure on you….

Someone might have planted the seed that your friendship could be more. You might have been stopped by a mutual friend or even a stranger thinking you were a couple. Your brain might have taken what someone said on a whim to heart.

Can you picture the intimacy?….

There might be no deep desire or yearning to get close in an intimate way. You don’t really see them as a sexual option. On the flip side, you wanted it from the beginning and then got friend- zoned by them

Speaking of friend-zoned….

Who friend-zoned who? This can make a huge difference. When you are the one to friend-zone a man, he might just be waiting in the wings until you are drunk enough to have sex. However, when a man friend-zones a woman it is more of a sign that you are, in fact, friends.

You went for a kiss, how did you feel?….

Maybe you finally took the plunge and kissed on the lips. How did you really feel? Was it just a comforting feeling, or was did it fuel your fire?

If they started dating someone or went on a great date would you be jealous?….

You probably talk about dating with each other. Have you always been secretly jealous? Or have you thought the stories are funny and give date ideas?

Do feelings really change?….

You could absolutely get closer as friends, but do feelings of true friendship rarely flip? There was a reason you did not become a couple.

Bottom Line….

In fictional TV shows or other media, a friends-to-lovers is seen as romantic and brave. In reality, there is such a thing as romantic chemistry versus having love and respect for a close friend. It is fine to have opposite gender relationships, yet they usually get questioned by the outside world. It is ok to discuss your feelings with your friend when the moment is right. Some clarity will ease your mind and help you move on if necessary.