The Liking Complex Part 2: The Law of Detachment

So you have a new crush whom you know nothing about. He has enough mystery and allure that you put him straight on a pedestal. This can happen the most when you think this guy is perceived as out of your league. Your limerence will take over your thoughts and if you aren’t careful, your actions. How can you prevent yourself from repelling him energetically?

The power of detachment….

With any goal, career, or love you can’t have a choke hold on it. The more you want something and cannot see an option without it, the more it will slip through your fingers. Listen, there is no harm in having a secret crush. It motivates you to go out, wear the best outfit, and master the perfect makeup look. The only problem is when it turns into an obsession and you are plotting and scheming.

You have to trust….

When you are feeling obsessive you need to live in a reality when it doesn’t work out. Get back on the apps and on some dates to balance out the intensity.

Your mantra….

“it’s either this or something better.” That can diffuse the situation and not make him out to be the only man on earth. Maybe he isn’t a good fit and the universe is protecting you from him.

Play it cool…

When you tell your friends you have a little crush their first instinct is for you to take action. They will encourage you to add him on social media or go up to him and ask for his number. All of this if you are in the feminine energy is the worst move you can do. You are leaving it all up to him and now he knows you like him. It will put all the power in his hands and you are showing all your cards.

What can you do to loosen the grip?….

If it’s out of control, then switch up your routine and make other plans. If you are in a class with him, then sit further away. Especially when he has not spoken to you. In the case where he knows who you are and has spoken to you, then be polite and friendly and match his energy.

Do not orbit him on social media….

Did I say that already? You might think it’s all a part of the long game. It is a terrible habit to get into since you will now know where he is and who he is with. You will assume his sister is his new girlfriend and spend the weekend spiraling. Save yourself the headache.

Manifesting is nothing without detachment….

You might think manifesting is going after what you want. Think of it more as planting a seed, watering it, then trusting the universe will let it grow. Your part in manifesting isn’t every step. You have to trust that if he noticed you and is interested, he will take the steps to court you.

Bottom Line….

When you love someone set them free. You can’t be possessive or have a tight grip on someone without repelling it from you. Leave the room for him to come towards you. Not to say you should ignore him or be mean. Match his energy if he has decided to chat with you. It can be easy to take things too far when social media is involved. Too tempting to know his whereabouts and to plan your schedule around him. You new mantra is “it’s either this or something better.” You need to trust that if it’s meant for you, it would work out. The only action you need to put forward is being present and responding. Allow the courting process to happen if it’s meant to be.

How To Be “Delulu”

The term “Delulu” has become a Tik Tok buzzword for “being delusional.” In therapy years ago, I had an “aha moment” when I realized that when you speak about the future with a negative lens, it is seen as “practical.” When you try to speak positively about any future outcomes, you are viewed as “delusional.” I am a big advocate for mindset and attitude and how it shapes our life. How can you get over negative self-talk and why is it the safe go-to?…..

Our ego loves safety…..

When we say negative things, it is mainly to keep us from taking any sort of action. This keeps us the same and safe. Our ego doesn’t want us to be skydiving everyday. However, it also protects us from dreaming bigger, like asking for a promotion.

Pay attention to actions….

Before you judge a situation show yourself hard evidence through actions. When it comes to men, talk is cheap. There have to be actions to show you if he is serious or cares. As far as friends or lovers, collect data on past behavior. When making major decisions it is good to hope for the best, but to remain neutral.

Seize opportunities….

Pay attention when opportunities present themselves. When people are stuck in a negative outlook they won’t even bother (or notice) to apply for that job or to go to that party. Most things that come your way need to be jumped on immediately. It is the universe giving you a gift.

How to manifest…..

You have to start with believing you deserve it and that positive domino effects will come from it. Most things average people want are extremely humble, yet we are taught that desiring anything makes us greedy. You can create a vision board or have a motivating quote you can see daily. I prefer making digital vision boards though Pinterest or just on my phone.

You’re never going to be fully ready for anything….

Yes, the stars can align a little, but overall, it won’t be perfect. You might feel you are at your goal weight or at your financial peak. Yes, bad timing is real, but anyone who becomes a parent can tell you there is no amount of prep that can make you feel you are ready.

You can be “delulu” and practical….

It is ok to be grounded, but still have big dreams. Start small with goals and see if doors open or close. You know when you are on the right path when opportunities come your way. You can always give anything a shot. It is easier to conceptualize a goal with smaller actionable steps instead of being completely overwhelmed.

Bottom Line….

Surround yourself with people who think big, not small. It is usually narrow-minded people who accuse you of being delusional. Fight against the status quo and connect with people who value goal-setting. Your “network is your net-worth” is a real phrase and your circle could be preventing you from achieving anything. Make a point to go to networking events and meet-up groups. As far as dating, stop going to the dingy college bar and waltz into a high-end wine bar. If your friend is more connected, ask to be invited to a party or get-together. Jobs and opportunities are made in person, not though a cold email. Lastly, use visualization to picture the positive snowball affect a goal or dream will cause. It will most likely be a positive impact to others and to your community.

Scarcity Mindset

Our mind is a powerful thing. I am a believer in manifesting and the importance of a positive perspective. It goes back to the bike theory: If you tell yourself you need to buy a new bike then the next day you will notice all these bike shops you had not noticed before. Your brain loves to be proven right. This can be positive if you are thinking positive. However, if you have negative view point your brain still doesn’t want to be wrong and will present you with negative situations. This happens a lot with dating when women complain, “there are no good men left!”. Or “my town sucks for dating!” Saying negative statements like this out loud will only make them a reality….

“But, seriously, my town does suck for dating”….

Literally everyone has said this. I have heard this from women who live in New York City, to LA, to Portland. I live in a college town so I know about dating in a bad town. There is always an excuse. It puts the problem on others and not yourself. You need to think about how many people live in your town. (Maybe even look it up.) Think about how many people you haven’t met and who just moved to the town.

“But should I move”?…

Honestly, I think it’s more about attitude than just running away. You can make it work in every city if you remain positive. There are lists for “the best cities for singles” out there that change every single year. The important thing about a city for singles is: Is it affordable? Are there things to do? Is it walkable? And how many bars and restaurants are there? A lot of the cities that get on the lists are huge cities such as LA. In my opinion, a huge city has a ton of competition and you will be stuck in traffic. A “long distance relationship” might be ten miles away, but takes an hour to get to each other.

Stop saying negative phrases out loud….

Saying things like, “men are trash,” “all the good ones are taken,” and “I will never find the one” are very bad things to say to yourself. Again, your mind wants to be correct so you will end up manifesting toxic men in your life.

Have a dating mantra…

A good mantra to say is, “there are great men everywhere.” Think with an abundant mindset. Also, the saying is sort of true that when you aren’t looking then it will fall into your lap.

Go beyond the apps…

Even just going for a walk in a different part of town or grabbing a to-go coffee that changes your routine can help. Obviously, it is more difficult to meet someone in person these days. The important thing right now is to try to flip your negative thinking into positive. This could apply to finding a new job or achieving small goals. Once you practice the abundant mindset it will get easier to use it for dating.

Bottom Line…

It’s easy to blame your city for why you haven’t been on good dates. The reality is that most of your dates will be neutral no matter where you live. Practice abundance in your daily life. Put positive intentions out to the universe and see what happens. If you really want to move to a new city, consider your options carefully. Moving to a large city might make your life harder, not easier. Think about how your life will be and if you can navigate it on a daily basis. However, sometimes taking a big risk can really pay off and change the course of your life. If you choose to stay, then change up your routine and expand your social circle.