There has been a ton of commentary on the Jonah Hill scandal this week. I am sure, like all celebrity gossip goes, it will be yesterday’s news next week. However, it did bring me to some evergreen issues that do come up in dating. For anyone who does not know, Jonah Hill’s ex- of two years ago, aired their private text exchange to the internet. It showed how Jonah weaponized therapy-speak to control his then-girlfriend. As an example, she is a professional surfer / model. His insecurity brought out mean and it’s-my-way-or-the-highway verbiage. Every podcast in my rotation has brought up their take. I picked up what is called “The Madonna / Whore Complex.” This is when a man is attracted to the salacious woman who is beautiful and sends thirst traps. Yet, when he gets the girl, he needs to cage the wild bird. How can you avoid a man who views women in such a black and white way?…..

What he is attracted to will become the biggest fight….

How he found you will usually worry him once he gets you. He might have sent a DM slide with a fire emoji with a pic of you in a bikini. Then his insecurities will set in where he will think every guy could pull that move. 

Why playing hard to get can be in your favor…..

I briefly dated a guy from India. We had discussions about the differences in culture from America. The topic of dating came up and he said that in India the woman always turns down a man three separate times before agreeing to a date. In our modern American culture women tend to feel pressure to “help a guy out” and let him have the green light to ask her out. We view men as shy and not capable of showing a girl he likes her. In reality, a grown man, even if shy, will figure out a way to impress the girl he really likes. It is a reminder not to be so accommodating.

You don’t have to be tamed…..

If you want to be a free spirit, then do it! Unfortunately, the majority of men will eventually want to domesticate you. That is the pitfall of getting into an exclusive relationship. 

Clean up your self-image if desired…..

This is for the girl who either doesn’t realize how she is coming across, or is sick being shoved into the hook-up box. It is never a bad idea to take down the pics of you with a red solo cup in a bikini top. You might want to think of future employers as well. Any drunk pics or inside jokes, yet unflattering captions or photos should be deleted. Not to say you shouldn’t showcase your personality; just air on the side of classy. Same thing goes for in-person how you look or speak. You might want to stop cussing like a sailor and wearing cut-off daisy dukes. 

Dating goes in phases…..

It is perfectly ok to change your mind or your lifestyle. Outsiders will try to push you to remain the same if it benefits them. Your true friends will encourage you to drink less and go back to school. As far as dating, it is perfectly ok to find yourself, get messy, and date any man you desire. There will come a time where you want a guy that suits you and then you can cross that bridge when you get to it. But no shame in remaining the wild child, own it!

Bottom Line…..

A man is attracted to the wild woman until she becomes the girlfriend. There will be sacrifices you will have to make in a relationship. Jonah’s points and requests were a little extreme, however, there is a nugget of truth in them. No one wants to date a person who is stumbling in at 4am. Men like to provide and protect and mold a woman into someone they can be useful towards. The woman who met her man while doing shots at last call will be questioned and judged later on. Insecurities will creep in about how easy you were to get. Long-term, it is a better strategy to be a challenge. However, if you are a wild child and refuse to be anything different, then own it. Be you.