Tag: dating advice

Users/Abusers/Losers

Toxic men are the worst men to date. These type of men can cost you financially, emotionally, and sometimes, physically. It can cause a lot of trauma and might force you to take a long pause from dating. When you decide to date again there will be a dark cloud of doubt that the next guy will be trustworthy…..

Why do women date toxic men?…

A lot of toxic men will be highly aggressive and will not respect boundaries, meaning, for example, that he can eventually wear a woman down to date him. This, combined with a woman being judged for remaining single, may result in a relationship with a toxic man. This is just one way it happens. It can also come from codependency or having low self-esteem.

What are signs that he is toxic?…

  1. Addicted to drugs or alcohol – His bad habits are keeping him from getting a job or finishing school.
  2. Gaslighting – ” The sky is green, not blue”
  3. High expectations for you, but not for himself- He is extremely hard on you, but very relaxed about his own life.
  4. Lying – Even little white lies can build up.
  5. Doesn’t care about your boundaries – Whether it’s sexual or basic ones.
  6. He calls you names – He will call you a bitch or crazy at every argument.
  7. He makes you feel ugly – He makes fun of your new haircut or new outfit.
  8. He compares you to his ex – He always manages to mention her in every conversation
  9. He is controlling – You going out with your girlfriends is always a fight.
  10. He withholds sex from you – He uses sex to control you and loves to turn you down.
  11. He is trying to keep you from the outside world- He might convince you that all your friends hate you, or that your family is embarrassing. He is trying to cut you off from the outside world.

Never let him “borrow” money…..

He will always try to get money out of you. He might ask you if you can cover the bills until he can pay you back. Before you know it, he owes you over a $1000 that you will never see again.

Don’t let him rush into things….

Toxic men love to lock things down sooner than later. This is not out of love; it’s for ulterior motives. He might need a place to live because he is getting evicted. If things seem like they are moving too fast, they are. He is making it harder for you to cut ties with him.

You attract what you put out….

If you are in a low point, then you are a target for con men. I know that sounds dramatic, but it happens more than you think. There is a reason why desperate people get swept up in giving their life savings to a Nigerian prince.

Bottom Line….

Toxic men will make it difficult for you to see his intentions. I would never advise revealing the details of your job to a man on a first date or on an app. Be very vague and make it sound like you don’t make money. You might think you should be bragging about your job to impress him. However, it only tends to attract users. Really check in with how he is making you feel. A good man will be constantly complimenting you and making you feel sexy; he also respects your needs and boundaries. If you are feeling upset or uneasy whenever you are around him, trust your gut and cut ties.

The Friend Zone

When you are crazy and obsessed with a guy, you will accept any interaction with him. Sometimes, the “friend zone” happens after a relationship is over. Other times, it happens right off the bat. There really is nothing you can do to get out of a friend-zone situation. If a man you have been on a few dates with wants to be friends, it’s a huge red flag. He either is trying to be a nice guy by letting you down easy, or he is dating for the ego. Yes, female and male friendships exist, but that’s not what I am talking about. Being put in the friend zone is when you intended to date, then the guy didn’t want a romantic relationship…..

I have been put in the friend zone for years and tried desperately to crawl out of it….

  1. Spoiler alert…. it didn’t work – I read countless advice on the Internet about how to make him see you as a romantic interest. The concluding advice was to “get hotter, and change your personality.”….right.
  2. I used to think wanting to be friends was a compliment – At first, you think that his liking you for your personality is super flattering. However, after some time, he will fully lose interest in talking to you when you thought he was your new BFF.
  3. When he says “friends” he means “friendly”- There is a big difference. He really just doesn’t want to be the bad guy or have you mad at him.

How do you know you are in the friend zone…

  1. He tells you he wants to be friends – yea, sometimes there is no mystery.
  2. He constantly talks about other women – This can be a subtle tactic to tell you he has his eyes on other girls.
  3. He uses you as a therapist – He only texts you when it is a crisis or he had a bad day at work.
  4. He never pays for you – He always makes a point to split everything, even cheap things.
  5. You are always last on his priority list – He will only hang out if he has nothing going on or someone canceled.
  6. You are always reaching out to him – Men have no motivation to keep up with a girl they have no intention of sleeping with.
  7. He will turn you down a lot to hang out – he might cancel or just say he is busy.

Men put women in categories from the beginning – There are girls who they sleep with, girlfriend material, and friends….

Women are able to think in less simple and more fluid terms. I believe a woman can have her mind changed and can see a man in a different light. Men have a harder time with this. Right off the bat he will know what he wants from you.

How do you respond to him wanting to be friends?….

  1. The book, “The Rules,” has great advice on this – Simply say that you already have plenty of friends and then walk away. A man is demoting you and it’s not a compliment. So, don’t buy into it; just cut your losses.
  1. Sure, maybe you actually do want to be just friends – You need to not be wishy-washy about this. Decide if you want him to be your friend or not. Compromising just to have him in your life will backfire

Bottom Line…

Life is short. I think getting in the friend zone can waste years of your life. Same goes for not listening to a guy who doesn’t actually want to be with you. It might sting and you might feel some kind of way after he confesses he is still in love with his ex. However, you have the power to decide what he means to you going forward. Do you want to keep him as a casual friend or just cut your losses? This can be a very difficult decision to make when you are crazy about a guy. You have to remember that men will always tell you from the beginning what they are looking for. What you do with that information is up to you.