The Friend Zone

When you are crazy and obsessed with a guy, you will accept any interaction with him. Sometimes, the “friend zone” happens after a relationship is over. Other times, it happens right off the bat. There really is nothing you can do to get out of a friend-zone situation. If a man you have been on a few dates with wants to be friends, it’s a huge red flag. He either is trying to be a nice guy by letting you down easy, or he is dating for the ego. Yes, female and male friendships exist, but that’s not what I am talking about. Being put in the friend zone is when you intended to date, then the guy didn’t want a romantic relationship.

I have been put in the friend zone for years and tried desperately to crawl out of it….

  1. Spoiler alert…. it didn’t work – I read countless advice on the Internet about how to make him see you as a romantic interest. The concluding advice was to “get hotter, and change your personality.”….right.
  2. I used to think wanting to be friends was a compliment – At first, you think that his liking you for your personality is super flattering. However, after some time, he will fully lose interest in talking to you when you thought he was your new BFF.
  3. When he says “friends” he means “friendly”- There is a big difference. He really just doesn’t want to be the bad guy or have you mad at him.

How do you know you are in the friend zone…

  1. He tells you he wants to be friends – yea, sometimes there is no mystery.
  2. He constantly talks about other women – This can be a subtle tactic to tell you he has his eyes on other girls.
  3. He uses you as a therapist – He only texts you when it is a crisis or he had a bad day at work.
  4. He never pays for you – He always makes a point to split everything, even cheap things.
  5. You are always last on his priority list – He will only hang out if he has nothing going on or someone canceled.
  6. You are always reaching out to him – Men have no motivation to keep up with a girl they have no intention of sleeping with.
  7. He will turn you down a lot to hang out – he might cancel or just say he is busy.

Men put women in categories from the beginning – There are girls who they sleep with, girlfriend material, and friends….

Women are able to think in less simple and more fluid terms. I believe a woman can have her mind changed and can see a man in a different light. Men have a harder time with this. Right off the bat he will know what he wants from you.

How do you respond to him wanting to be friends?….

  1. The book, “The Rules,” has great advice on this – Simply say that you already have plenty of friends and then walk away. A man is demoting you and it’s not a compliment. So, don’t buy into it; just cut your losses.
  1. Sure, maybe you actually do want to be just friends – You need to not be wishy-washy about this. Decide if you want him to be your friend or not. Compromising just to have him in your life will backfire

Bottom Line…

Life is short. I think getting in the friend zone can waste years of your life. Same goes for not listening to a guy who doesn’t actually want to be with you. It might sting and you might feel some kind of way after he confesses he is still in love with his ex. However, you have the power to decide what he means to you going forward. Do you want to keep him as a casual friend or just cut your losses? This can be a very difficult decision to make when you are crazy about a guy. You have to remember that men will always tell you from the beginning what they are looking for. What you do with that information is up to you.