Tag: couples

Halloween Part 2: The Couples Costume

You might find yourself booed up for Spooky Season. It could be your first Halloween together and you want it to go well. The holiday can be celebrated in many ways: staying home watching thrillers, taking your niece trick-or-treating, a masquerade dance, or all of the above. What happens if you found out you are dating the “no costume guy”?….Will your relationship last when you both don’t align on activities and fun?……

You live for Halloween, he could care less…..

Ok, let’s talk about the “no costume guy.” I had a boyfriend who was this person. I took the time to paint on my David Bowie lightning makeup and cut my orange wig into a mullet. He….showed up in a gray hoodie. Is this a reflection on his personality, or is it nothing deep? To me, it says a lot about a person who doesn’t enjoy fun and camp. He might have an overall, “too cool for school” attitude and scoffs at anyone being a “sheeple.” It could be an indication he is self-conscious and fears judgment. Either way, I find it a red flag since it shows he lacks creativity, spontaneity, and well… fun.

What if he is pushy with his vision?…..

On the opposite end, you might be dating the Halloween fanatic. He could have a vision of you both doing an elaborate costume of you two as a socket and a plug who cannot walk apart. Always have counter ideas to bounce off of. Don’t let him bully you into a costume you don’t even like. Show him Pinterest boards and try your best to compromise. Bring up cost and ease of wear. You both want to feel free to move and not spend a fortune. Even if a compromise cannot be made, try your best to be in a similar theme so you look like you go together.

He wants to watch scary movies and give out candy, but won’t party…..

My younger self would have thrown on the most scandalous costume and kissed him on the cheek goodbye. (Side note, if he is triggered by a salacious costume, it can be a red flag. Yes, you should tone it down a bit if you have a boyfriend, but a sliver of skin should not make his blood boil). Anyway, there needs to be an understanding that you are going to enjoy yourself. It is alarming if he would rather sit on a couch than spend time with you. Talk it out fully and get to the bottom of why. Still plan to go out no matter what. Don’t let him suck you into his lazy vortex.

Long-lasting couples like the same activities….

I just watched Youtuber Shallon Lester’s video about soul mates (“Kourtney and Travis Engaged! Six Signs He is Your Soulmate”). She talks about mutually enjoyable activities (dancing, skiing, cheering on a favorite team) being the glue that holds a long-lasting couple together. Halloween is no exception. It represents how you enjoy your life. Are you “sit on the beach” people, or “renting a surfboard” couple? Attraction can only take you so far; you have to enjoy your time outside of the bedroom. In the case of Halloween, if he chose to stay home while you are out dancing, does this sound right to you?

What if he is the party boy and you could care less?….

Again, it is an alignment issue. Ask yourself why you don’t want to go out. Are you ashamed to be seen with him? Or are you a homebody who wouldn’t go out for anyone? In either scenario, it is not fair for the introvert to prevent the extrovert from having fun. You can muster up an easy costume and show up for a bit. Men should be doing this too, yet tend to be more stubborn. Do you want him to meet single girls or have his friends confused as to why you decided to stay in? You are showing the world there are cracks in your relationship that other people might take advantage of.

Bottom Line…..

Halloween can be a great test for new couples. It is a time to compromise, to see how controlling he is, or to discover if he has a stubborn nature. All this is great information to gather. Down the road, he might refuse to spend the holidays with your family, only his. His behavior bleeds out in other aspects of his life. Ask yourself if you can handle your boyfriend preferring the La-Z-Boy recliner to spending time with you. You could discover he does not want to be seen with you, or he is just boring. Do not let him off the hook for not making an effort to spend time with you. The homebodies need to let the party people have fun. Compromise and communication need to happen. Question your relationship if nothing resolved and you are constantly misaligned with how you want to spend your time outside the bedroom.

Valentine’s Day For Couples

“Roses are red, violets are blue; if he’s busy on Valentine’s Day, the side-chick is you”

In “The Rules” book, it is discussed how an exclusive boyfriend treats you on this holiday. Valentine’s Day is a huge test of how he sees you. What type of gift, if any, does he give you? Receiving a non-romantic gift (car wax, a gift certificate to Walmart, free soap from a La Quinta Inn), warrants a dumping….

Are gifts really a requirement?…..

Impressing you should be the goal, even when its early on. Obviously, he doesn’t need to spend money on a new designer bag, although something thoughtful should be required. A romantic gift that doesn’t break the bank is a romantic poem, writing a song about you, or a handwritten letter. However, understand that guys don’t want to go big early on because a woman will resent the lackluster effort later. All women care about is effort and quality time. The classic gifts are roses, jewelry, chocolates, a bottle of Champagne, or a nice bottle of perfume.

Is he spending time with you?…..

Some men will fix problems with money. He might mail you an expensive gift and say he is busy on the day. He needs to take you out to dinner or make a meal at home. It needs to be thought out. Quality time needs to be spent; he can’t ignore you or be scrolling on his phone the whole night. I worked at a hotel a few years back and was shocked at the effort that was made. Rose petals on the bed, champagne, candles. Yes, men are capable of this.

What if the holiday isn’t a part of his religion or culture?….

You might be dating a man from another country or religion who has never celebrated Valentine’s Day. Still, it means something to YOU. He needs to adapt and make you feel special; he should not make you feel left out. My ex-, as a Jehovah’s Witness, loved using this excuse. My birthday, Christmas to meet my family, Valentine’s Day….”sorry, Babe, it’s against my religion,” when he wasn’t involved in the church anymore.

What if he tells you to do a “Galentines or Palentine’s Day”?….

There is nothing wrong with spending time with your girlfriends or friends on the holiday. If he suggests it….yea, not great. He should be planning something, no matter how small, and frankly be excited. Shuffling you off to other people screams he doesn’t want the responsibility of being a boyfriend.

What if he is actually busy on Valentine’s Day?….

He can still send you flowers at your work, or your home, then celebrate when he is available. He needs to figure out the schedule and still make it special

What if you literally started dating?….

If you are exclusive, even if you became that a week ago, there still needs to be a plan. Exclusive / official means he is your boyfriend, and boyfriends make Valentine’s Day special….period.

What if you are sexually exclusive, but not official?….

Stop being sexually exclusive without him being your boyfriend! There is literally no point to that. Otherwise, he will not act like a boyfriend and bring you roses or make an effort to make you feel special. Do not expect anything except a late-night booty call.

Bottom Line…..

So yes, you can’t expect to be swept off your feet by the guy you are casually seeing on Valentine’s Day. In fact you probably won’t receive a text. However, your exclusive boyfriend needs to step it up! Why be with him if he isn’t acting like a boyfriend? Holidays bring out the true feelings of men. It’s not that he is forgetful–it’s very intentional that he does nothing for you on Valentine’s. You should not remind him of the day or be the planner. Quality time needs to happen because that is more important than fancy gifts. Dump him if you receive no gift or effort.