Tag: bumble

Bumble Part 2: Don’t Bee A Busy Bee

When using Bumble, the main pitfall is being only in masculine energy. It can be a snowball effect where you say hi, ask him out, become the social dictator, then get dumped for the mysterious girl. There have been changes to the app to help conversations from running dry. “The question game” helps with writers block and gets the wheels turning. How can we get dates from Bumble and stop ourselves from doing the heavy lifting?……

Sorting matches…..

There is a pre-step to the first message and it’s the second glance. The nice thing about Bumble is if you swipe too fast, you get a second peak. Make sure they actually live in your city (not just travel mode). Read though the profile twice and see if there are any red flags you missed.

The first message….

Don’t spend your whole evening in a coffee shop crafting the perfect message. If you connect with something in the profile or the prompts, then jackpot! If you do not connect on anything, then send him a GIF. Don’t go vulgar, but don’t go too friendly either. We all have gotten the cat-waving GIF. Search for a GIF with a feminine character you like and see if there is a waving one. Keep the reference current, unless it’s a well known classic character. If he thinks you are cute and wanting to chat anyway, he will pick up the conversation.

Wait….

See if he responds. Usually he will send a GIF back or a waving emoji. Treat it like a real life situation at a party. Go off his energy and let him lead. Sometimes a guy just wants to say hello back and that is all.

What should the conversation be about?…..Clever banter is the goal, but as long as there are questions and story- telling, then you are on the right track. Feel out the vibe and see if he wants to get to know you. Beware of sexual comments, or asking to exchange pics on Snapchat.

The question game….

The pre-made questions used to be only for the opening line. Now, at any point you can play “the question game.” The best part is that any party can initiate the game. It is nice to spice up a stale conversation or to jump topics. It is an extra tool in your belt in case you have brain freeze mid-conversation.

The 48-hour rule….

This is my rule with any app. In 48 hours he should at least suggest a date or work up to asking. Sure, some guys will take a week to get there, but they are not seeing your value. Not being concerned if someone else asked you out for the weekend, or if you will randomly unmatch him is a problem. There is a misconception that girls ask the guys out since it’s Bumble….No. Sure, you say hello, but beyond that you should not be doing all the work.

Bottom Line….

Still put your best foot forward with Bumble. Make sure your photos are classy and the prompts are normal. The big thing is to not to create a dynamic where he is the one receiving rather than pursuing when it should be the other way around. You should only be saying hi or ideally, asking a leading question. Make sure your profile helps men out with your prompts and photos. Have information he can grab onto and ask about. Stick to the 48-hour rule; it can save you some time. He needs to be thinking in a sales-minded, “this offer ends soon! Act now!” Don’t bee a busy bee, bee the queen bee!

The Do’s And Don’t Of The Opening Message On Bumble

Bumble now has pre-made openers to help with writers’ block. I have wondered if every guy only receives, “If you were an ice cream, what flavor would you be?” We used to roll our eyes at the guys who sent the simple, “Hey.” Now that the tables have turned, women have eaten their words. First of all, Bumble is the land of lazy dudes. It’s marketed as men who are “male feminists” who want women to feel empowered. In reality, it is guys who only like to dip his toe in the dating game while he is building his rolodex of lady callers. So… what can we say to a guy to stand out?….

  1. Cater to his interests-

If he is smart, he will include his extracurricular activities in his profile. This can go in a platonic direction or a fun one. I would say to stay away from sports. First of all, he probably knows way too much about it and will start to bore you. Unless you are a hardcore sport girl then go for it, but once those flood gates are open, it’s hard to stop.

  1. Don’t be boring-

Anything that is a greeting or asking about his weekend or work….yawn. It feels like a vague test to force the other person be the interesting one. Usually it ends up with two people saying “how are you?” – “good how are you?” For two weeks straight.

  1. Mention a photo he has –

It’s hard for a man to have pictures of himself that aren’t blurry snapshots or a very formal school pic. His photos are there for a reason. If he has a shot of himself doing a weird thing or if his hair looks different in every pic, then mention it. Asking a simple question such as, what beach did he go to can be a good conversation starter.

  1. Find your own voice – You shouldn’t have a ghost writer for your dating profile. If you did get an opening, you have to keep up the facade.
  2. Be flirty -I matched with a guy who plays Dungeons and Dragons. I said, “So when you say dungeon master…. (Black heart emoji)” Flirty means not crossing the line to vulgar. Keep it at a wink wink level.
  1. Use a popular reference –

Not saying you should throw down a quote. For example, if he is holding a martini glass say, “ Shaken or stirred?” Make sure the reference isn’t too obscure. There is nothing worse than backpedalling and explaining a joke.

  1. Be aware of some the pre-made openers-

If you do use one, look for one that asks a question. I would stay away from the ones that forces the guy to play a game. Such as a “two truths and a lie.” It feels like homework.

  1. Remember that you aren’t in high school –

Musical tastes, favorite movies, tv shows aren’t a deal breaker anymore. It can hit a brick wall when you mention a band and he hasn’t heard of them. Yes, people bond over certain tastes. Yet, if it’s not on his profile then assume he hasn’t seen it.

  1. Some of his prompts are helpful, some are not-

Bumble, like Hinge, has prompts on the profile. Unfortunately, most men don’t pick the ones that are conversation starters. Yet, if you are lucky there will be one that begs to be asked. If he has the right prompt then it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

Bottom Line….

Is Bumble the best App for dating? No. Women shouldn’t be going though all this trouble. As far as challenging yourself it’s good practice. It helps with flirting skills and getting creative with language. The main problem is you might have to do the opening line, then the follow up and so on. An opening line should simply be like saying hello to a guy at a party. If he doesn’t track you down later and continue the conversation then it’s pointless. Don’t stress too much over the opening line. If he thinks you are pretty and wants to talk to you anyway then that’s all that matters.