Tag: relationshipadvice

How To Keep Your Relationship “Evergreen”

How can you keep your relationship evergreen – fresh, new, and alive? Bonding beyond the bedroom is what is going to keep the relationship going strong. Passion and the honeymoon phase will fade eventually. The outside world can be rough and your partner should be someone who is an escape from that. Little things from shopping to watching TV ideally will be an enjoyable experience. What are some simple things to take up a notch to connect you further?…..

Play together….

You have to know how to have fun together. As a couple you will be put in boring situations all the time. How can you make it interesting? Play actual games, whether it is kicking a ball around or a card game. It helps pass the time and get into a fun competitive side.

Watch a funny or interesting show….

It’s tempting as a woman to throw on the “Bachelor” or any other reality tv show that your boyfriend cannot relate to. Same thing with him blasting the baseball game all day long. It is best to find common ground and actually get into a show together. It should open up discussion with a dialogue between the two of you. Watch a reality competition show that is gender neutral or stand-up comedy. Keep it light so you feel ok talking over it.

Make the simple things fancy….

When you go over to your boyfriend’s house he might have some beer or wine in the fridge. Why not create fancy cocktails together? It can be fun to experiment and try out flavors. You can invent drinks and name them together. (You can save money by buying the small “airplane bottles” as samples instead of full bottles of alcohol). Same thing with food. Make a special charcuterie board or pasta dish. Elevate your typical mac and cheese with added gourmet cheese and a crumble on top. Go to Trader Joes for cheese instead of a Whole Foods or anything too upscale. 

Have some hot gossip….

Nothing bonds people more than sharing some dirt. Try to keep the story interesting, not just you complaining. Talk about something scandalous that happened at work (no need to name names) and keep it funny. If you don’t want to put people on blast, then share some celebrity gossip. Work on your story-telling skills and try not to just drone on. You can even take an improv class to improve your communication. 

Go on group dates….

Involve the outside world on occasion, just make sure it is a fun activity. Try out miniature golf or have a beer pong tournament. Becoming a team for Trivia Night can help you get to know each other in a fun way. Avoid brunch or a dinner since it will result in the men chatting and then the women talking separately. You will fall into your comfort zone and not bond with new people.

Dance together….

This does not require a professional dancing background. Go to the club or your favorite DJ set and just groove to the music together. It will make your physical connection closer and will bond you. 

Go grocery shopping….

Make it a point to make mundane things fun. A great relationship has its own language and inside jokes. Make it a low stakes shop so it’s not super stressful. Have a list of things you need so you aren’t forgetting anything and getting mad at each other. 

Host a party….

See how well you can be welcoming to outsiders. It’s a good test to see how you thrive without depending on each other. Practice making others feel comfortable and have fun in your home. Be teammates with the same goal in mind. 

Bottom Line….

Getting to the “I married my best friend” energy starts with bonding outside of the bedroom. When there is no foundation, then your relationship will get stale and crumble. A couple that “plays together, stays together.” You should be having fun and enjoying life together. Take your usual activities up a notch by making it fancier and more special.

Wanting The Relationship To Evolve

It can be frustrating if you have great chemistry, he treats you well, yet he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. You begin to blame yourself and are convinced you are not girlfriend material. Most likely what happened was the relationship was rushed sexually and it became impossible to work backwards to get to know one another….

Can we avoid becoming casual in the first place?…..

How a relationship starts is so important! It’s easy to get in a pattern of going over to his place and hooking up. When you delay sex and insist of going on dates in public, you will avoid being stuck in limbo. It’s extremely hard to work backwards. If you already jumped the gun and slept together, see if he wants to scale things back. If he suggests dates in public and asks non-sexual questions about your life, you are on the right track.

You are always being tested…..

He might not have a clipboard on him, but he is constantly judging and testing you. When he brings you around his friends, that is the first test. Maybe you weren’t a great conversationalist with them and had your face in your phone.

What if you really catch feelings…..

If you are the type that gets easily attached to guys, then you need to pump the brakes at the beginning. Not every woman can do casual. Getting involved in an F-boy is the worst situation. Don’t accept bottom-of-the-barrel dates or send him nudes. Be firm about public dates. If he ghosts, then he was just after one thing. Get out sooner than later; he isn’t going to change his mind. You can waste years trying to impress a dude who doesn’t even know your college major.

Keep the “relationship” under wraps…..

The second you start talking to friends about how great he is, it will fall apart. Don’t glamorize or seek constant advice about him to your friends. Your bestie doesn’t want to see you hurt, however, her objections might “Romeo and Juliet” your attraction to him. Meaning, you will feel like it’s you and him against the world.

Can you turn it around and get serious?….

Hmmm….it’s hard. Men love murky and strive to be in a FWB situation for as long as you let him. He has probably put you in the hook-up bucket and cannot see you as more. If you don’t want to drop the hard ultimatum just yet, see what his actions are. Distance yourself a little and resist reaching out and texting. Pay attention to what he does on holidays and your birthday (if he even knows your birthday). He might be saying he wants to take you to a nice dinner, yet if you wind up only going to his place, then that was intentional. Actions speak louder than words in this case.

Keep dating people!….

Can’t stress this enough. A lot of the time a FWB will want to be exclusive. Yet it can be misinterpreted to mean boyfriend. It usually means he does not want you sleeping with other men. Do not agree to any form of exclusivity unless it is being boyfriend / girlfriend. In the meantime, keep going on dates, keep up with the apps. Don’t make him your entire world.

Bottom Line…..

If you are looking to get into a serious relationship, you have to do things differently. It involves patience and restraint. Resist having sex early on; it’s hard to work backwards to get to know a person. Don’t have the mindset, “whatever happens, happens.” You should be thinking of future consequences. Has a relationship ever formed based on a one-night stand?…sure, but you shouldn’t count on it happening and it’s not worth the risk. If you are just seeking casual and mean it, then great. You don’t have to force a casual guy to be your boyfriend. Just enjoy your time while you have it.