mental health – Mostly Casual

Everything runs smoother when there is a plan in place, from having a list for the grocery store to a work presentation. My best advice for women who are naturally cycling is to have a tracker to be forewarned and forearmed for when a sour mood may strike. In any situation, hormonal or not, there should be a protocol. Here are some tips that can help you get by…..

For women in the luteal phase….

This is hormonal, and every month in your luteal phase you have PMS. First determine the worst day of your cycle and do anything you can to lie low. Maybe you have the flexibility to work from home. A day or two before, buy yourself chocolate, chips, your favorite frozen food from Trader Joe’s …you get it. Plan to stick around the house and watch rom-coms. A lot of your annoyances will be quieted just by staying home.

The mood out of nowhere springs upon you….

Let’s say, if someone off the street yells,”your shirt sucks”, then try to remain calm. For 98% of the time, anything that anyone says has nothing to do with you. You cannot take what people say on a random whim as gospel.

No one is against you….

Inflation and gosh-darn fast food prices! I mean how can we not be in a bad mood daily? Most people rarely to never think about you when you are out of their line of vision. It’s probably not true that your friend Becky is jealous and does not want you to find true love. The world as a whole does not even remember your name most of the time. And that’s an amazing thing.

If your life is a trash pile in general…

The people who tend to be the moodiest are not in alignment with themselves. They could be holding onto resentment from working for a horrible ungrateful boss. Maybe your boyfriend never takes them on date night anymore. You have to put your needs first before anyone else. No one really needs your help in most cases and you are using it as a distraction or a bribe later on.

Expect less from others….

Your friends are great and love you. Stop expecting them to do hard emotional labor for you daily. Be the type of friend they can’t wait to invite or introduce to people.

When you are in a rut…

How are you waking up in the morning? Is it to jump up to a blaring alarm in order to work for no money for a boss who could care less if you exist? Quit your job and pursue your dream and passions. You will not be rewarded for your hard work, only your results. Be brave and meet with a career coach, talk to a mentor, take classes, network, watch YouTube videos. Find your life purpose and your joy.

Stop consuming sad or disturbing content….

This can include music, movies, the news, podcasts, etc. Listening to a brutal crime podcast isn’t going to make you feel rejuvenated. Be very strict with who you follow on socials and what you watch on TV. I am very influenced by music, so, truthfully, I choose to not listen to it as much. Pick the right comedic messenger to give you the news.

Drink alcohol sparingly ….

Cut way back on drinking. It will disrupt your sleep and next day you will have anxiety or low energy. Do yourself a favor and have a drink only on rare occasions. It’s not worth ruining your next day.

When in doubt….

Go for a long walk while listening to an uplifting podcast, get hydrated, take a nap, watch a funny show that you love, eat whatever your body wants. You can vent to someone if something happens and if it’s a funny story. Most bad moods are unprompted and pass like a ship in the night. I wouldn’t flame the fire and get gassed up for nothing.

Remember… celebrities get over scandals by lying low….

It is fine to go out less and reflect more. You are paying for streaming, so you might as well watch. Decline invitations and take time to rest. Your friends should be understanding if you need to focus on work or self-care. Good friends will be available when you are ready to resurface.

Go to therapy….

When bad moods persist, a therapist can help you come up with solutions. You might feel lost and spinning your wheels. That would be a good time to seek help and discover what you can do to get out of a rut.

Bottom Line….

Everyone on the planet has had a bad day. It could be caused by random, outside sources or because you are in a life rut. Be honest with yourself on how often you feel bad and what is causing it. Most things in life can be changed. You can quit your job, move, or start over. For hormonal issues, get ahead of the phase and be prepared. Allow yourself time to be home and rest. Everyone can use a therapist to learn healthy coping skills instead of bad coping mechanisms as a crutch. Put yourself and self-care before anything else.

I want to talk about the gray area of needing some extra help. In the extremes, it is immensely important to seek professional help. I will not be speaking of crisis mode. I remember going to therapy for a five-year stretch and then hitting a wall. I treated therapy like a spoken-word- improv set. For anyone who needs a little boost, what are some alternative paths for feeling more centered?…..

If you are in therapy….

In the beginning of therapy, you might be in a trauma phase where you don’t know what is wrong. This is where therapy is great and helpful. However, near the end of my sessions, I felt I had to rehash old trauma that no longer affected my life to produce “content” for the session. Have notes of what you want to speak about versus speaking freely.

Consider a coach or mentor….

Seeking out a life coach might be laughed at in your circle of friends. But why? First of all, a therapist legally is not allowed to give you direct advice. You have to come to your own conclusions. In certain cases, such as making career or dating decisions, a direct yes or no is more helpful.

Exercise and breath work….

Most stress presents in the physical body. It is important to move your body daily and get some fresh air and sunshine. Breath work does not have to be an hour-long thing; it can be for five minutes a day.

Diet, sleep, routines….

Any way to dampen stress will be life-changing. Reconsider a stressful job or relationship. You should not be overwhelmed and stressed daily. This can mean quitting caffeine, junk food, and alcohol and prioritizing sleep and rest.

Journal out your problems….

It is great to get your feelings on the page. It is best to do so either at the beginning or end of the day. Once it is in a notebook, it has cleared out “the muck” and now there is room for new thoughts.

Digital Detox….

I say this a ton. Everyone knows not to watch the news on TV all day. However, there are micro- detoxes to do. Ask yourself how often you are listening to other people’s problems. Yes, it can be helpful; however, when every podcast is an advice podcast, it makes it seem like life is full of endless problems. Balance out your rotation with uplifting motivating podcasts.

Who are you surrounded with?….

How many fires are you putting out for other people? It is not a bad idea to do a gradual fade-out for certain friendships. Your test should be how you feel when you leave the hang-out or what your gut reaction is when they text. These days, it is very easy to demote people and to “be busy.” Most will get the hint.

Bottom Line….

Bettering yourself can be in micro-shifts that can make a huge impact. Living situations, jobs, and friendships can shape your stress level and quality of life. All are temporary and fixable. For anyone currently in therapy, have a solid plan for the hour session. You may also consider only signing up for a few sessions versus an unending commitment. Coaches and mentors should be utilized more. With coaches you can be focused on one goal such as career or your love life. The free ways to feel better are exercise, giving yourself a routine, and journaling. Lastly, ask yourself what you are mentally consuming, such as the news or even podcasts that are not productive or motivating.