Valentine’s Day For Singles

Valentine’s Day can be rough for single people. Maybe it’s because in elementary school you were required to give out mini-Valentine’s cards with a Hershey’s kiss taped to it that always said a generic thing with zero-romantic connotation. Then once we reached high school, we had to watch girls with boyfriends who left a red rose on her desk. Nowadays, things haven’t really changed. You might receive a Valentine’s Day card from your mom and a confusing text from your ex….

What should you do on Valentine’s Day if you are single?…..

Some towns have events meant for singles- It could be a dance party or just nice drink specials. One year, I went to a music show that was themed as a 1950s-sock hop, with paper-heart decorations and everything. You never know with whom you might strike up a conversation.

One year I had my tarot read- It was a fun experience and, obviously, I asked about my love life.

What should you avoid?……

Going on a first date- Yes, it sounds romantic, yet it’s full of pressure. If it ends poorly, you will feel worse than any other date.

Third-wheeling on your friend’s date- This happened to me in college. My roommate forced herself into my romantic dinner plans with my boyfriend. It felt rude and ruined my night just to make hers a tiny bit better.

Texting your ex- Yea…never a good idea, but on this day you will feel way worse.

Staying at home vs. being social……

My vote is to be social. Even if you go out for a little bit, you will feel better. Don’t go to a restaurant; stick to bars or cafés. The restaurants will be full of couples overpaying for a fixed menu. Remember to treat yourself–this day is not about being frugal. If you decide to skip going out altogether, then make it special. Order your favorite take-out and watch a funny stand-up special, especially one where you can commiserate with the comic. My favorites are Aziz Ansari specials! He talks a lot about modern love and even has a book called, “Modern Romance.”

Don’t expect a text from that guy you are seeing casually…..

Guys make an effort not to confuse women. He knows if he texted on Valentine’s, then it would come up in a fight about exclusivity later on. Do not reach out to him.

On the same note, you will find out his true feelings…..

Maybe you don’t know where you stand with a guy. Instead of having “the talk” too early, see what he does on the day. Does he want to see you? (Yes, he knows what day it is.) Don’t be the social dictator by asking him to hang out or inviting yourself over. If he does nothing, or invites you over for a booty call, nothing extra, then decide if you want to continue dating him.

It’s tempting to throw a pity party for yourself…..

This can be fine as long as you don’t involve social media or your ex. Don’t write weird, passive-aggressive things on Twitter or Facebook. In fact, try to not scroll on Instagram as much. It’s better to turn off your phone for a night than calling out a fuck-boy or a guy who recently ghosted, or trying to make last-minute plans with a guy who isn’t interested. This isn’t your green light to break down in tears at your local bar and wince at every couple who holds hands around you. If you are going to be a loose cannon, then plan on staying home. Plan ahead, buy snacks, a bottle of bubbly, and fancy chocolate. Think of it as a self-love holiday.

Beware of players trying to play…..

Slimy men know that the day before Valentine’s and the day of will have desperate women. They will swoop in your Snapchat and beg to see your beautiful face and come over because it’s not like you have plans anyway, right? Don’t fall for it. Yes, you might feel left out and it does kind of suck to be reminded that you are single. It doesn’t mean you should humiliate and degrade yourself. Alone doesn’t mean lonely; stay strong and remember to turn off your phone.

Bottom Line…..

Don’t be that bitter single girl. I have been in relationships on Valentine’s and the guys would totally drop the ball. It’s way better to not have a boyfriend than one who disappoints you. If there is something going on, then go out! If you decide to stay in, then indulge and treat yourself. Remember to not go on a first date. It’s a rom-com plot gone wrong and will sting harder if it doesn’t work out. If you are in a weird gray area with a guy, see if he does anything on the day. If he completely ignores you, then it was intentional. It’s not because he forgot it was February 14th.

Conversation Dead in the Water: Should You Cut Bait?

Nothing is more frustrating then being on an app, wanting a date to happen, and it just…stops. The purple button on Hinge says, “his turn.” Or you are left with a “lol.” Is there a timeline from saying, “how is your weekend?” to “would you like to get drinks Thursday”? Also, should you be clearing out your matches and narrowing down the ones that actually asked you out?….

Time is money….

Obviously, it depends on your goals for dating. Maybe right now you do just want to chat on the app and keep it at that. However, if you are wanting to actually meet up, then there is a timeline. But… asking sooner is not necessarily better either.

Casual land versus I-might-want-a-real-date-guy….

If a guy, after saying “hey,” asks you to meet up in five minutes, then he is in casual land. It might feel spontaneous–that he is just a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy. Sadly, it’s because he wants a quick hookup and doesn’t want time wasted, or some other date fell though. A guy who actually wants to get to know you will spend a 24 to 48-hour period to chat and get to know you. Have a pre-date and then suggest you meet up for a planned date.

What if it’s been weeks….

If he can’t pull the trigger by at least suggesting there should be a date, then it’s time to let it go. Again, depending on your motives.

Poking the bear….

I have been guilty of “poking the bear.” I will do the obvious check-in message, hoping to wake him from his slumber and that he will ask me out. So far… has not worked. You end up being the little nat that flies around his ear that he swats away. Stick to the 24-48 hour rule.

Should you unmatch….

This is totally up to you. It might be therapeutic to just clean out your inbox of men, although it’s not crucial. I do say to keep the men around who asked you out as the contenders and stop wasting energy on the men who haven’t asked you out. Still, keep in mind to have an actual scheduled date, not just a meet-up in a few hours. Have a three-day buffer.

Bottom line….

Make decisions out of curiosity and not desperation. You are free to send that, “how have you been?” message just to see what happens. Although I wouldn’t hang your hat on it. Men who are fine with you potentially unmatching etc are not scared to lose you. He will have an “act now before the offer expires” approach.

The Art of the Selfie

Even professional models learn what angles work best and spend hours practicing in the mirror. You don’t need a fancy phone camera, it’s mainly about the lighting. Practice makes perfect, be prepared to delete 90 percent. Don’t get discouraged if it’s not working, you can switch up the location or angle. Below are some time saving tips to get a great shot…..

What is the best angle for a head shot?…

I have found that lying down gives the best angle. For whatever reason if you are upright it either gives you an alien head or a double chin. This is easy to do if you are in bed or a couch.

What about lighting?…

Natural light is always the best light! Bright light can wash away dark circles and light acne; it’s a natural FaceTune. Taking photos at night with a soft lamp can look really nice, too.

What about settings?…

Most people don’t know how many settings their phone camera has. With a new iPhone it’s best to use portrait mode. Have fun playing around with the types of light settings available. You can always tweak lighting and contrast in photo editing. Keep it subtle though. Some editing will give the sepia tone or it just looks over-processed. You need to make it look like you took it on a whim.

What about a mirror selfie?…

For a full body shot you need a full length mirror. You probably won’t get it on the first try, just be patient and find your best angles.

“What type of makeup should I wear”?…

Wear as little or as much as you want. Makeup junkies who wear it everyday should show off your skills. Natural girls, should try to capture that. It’s also fun to have a mix of natural and dramatic makeup. I like to do bare face selfies and then show up on the date with makeup on. I think it’s better to do it that way rather than have all your photos with heavy makeup and then show up without makeup.

Bottom Line….

It will take a lot longer than expected to get the perfect shot. I like to have a folder on my phone where I keep all my dating app pictures. It just speeds up the process when I re-download an app. Have fun with it! I get excited when I come across a really cool location with a full length mirror. I would avoid car selfies. It’s just super boring. Try to have shots of you from different angles. This is hard for me sometimes because I feel I have a good and bad side. Do a straight on shot and then maybe a half-side view. Every shot should not look the same. Every selfie has an expiration date after 2 years. You can’t be using your pics from five to ten years ago, no matter how amazing you looked.

Tinder Profile Reboot

I wanted to break down the basics and the common pitfalls that women ( and men) fall into. Most guys are swiping in nano seconds, this is why a good first photo really makes a difference between a left swipe and a right one….

How many photos do you need?….

You need about four to five photos – Having just one photo is extremely suspicious, “Is this a fake profile?, plus it’s way too limiting, you need to be telling a story.
The first photo is your main photo – It’s what everyone sees and it’s the photo that you will be judged the most on. This photo should always be a close up. I say you should have light makeup on. Don’t completely face tune your face. They need to recognize it is you. Even if you get a new hair cut or color I would recommend updating your photos.
You should always have a full length photo or two – You need to show your body. NEVER a good idea to hide behind headshots. Ask a friend to take a photo of you or do a full length mirror selfie.
Travel photos are always great to have -Do you have a photo of you outside the Eiffel Tower from your Paris trip last year use it! It’s a great conversation starter and shows you are well-cultured.
Capture you doing something you love – Maybe you love dancing, or you have the cutest puppy. It will show an aura of happiness.

What are some photo fails?….

Group photos – Do you really want a photo with your prettier friend and have a man compare?
Sunglasses – I think you can get away with one shot at the beach. It can look cute, don’t use every photo to hide your face
Outdated photos – I have said it before, but I think it needs to be said again. Show them the current you. It does you no favors to show up 20 pounds heavier and ten years older.
Car Selfies– I think selfies aren’t bad to have, but just think of the location of the selfie. I feel the impression I get from a car selfie is that person is pretty reckless and the shot is usually pretty boring.
Bad Selfies – Speaking of selfies, make sure it’s a good angle and good lighting. You don’t want the alien head or the double chin look. I would practice by yourself for a little while until you get the best one. Bathroom mirror selfies can be ok if it’s done right. Just make sure there isn’t anything weird in the background.
Too many thirst traps – Half naked shots will only attract fuck boys.

What about the bio?….

With tinder, the bio isn’t too important, however I think it’s still a good idea to say something fun. Treat it like a short headline to advertise yourself. Think of what is unique about you. It should be one sentence and be a conversation starter or a call to action.

What are examples of a bad bio?….

A list of what you don’t want. – “I don’t want hook ups or guys under 6 feet.” Keep that to yourself.
Any sort of negativity. – Stop airing your past baggage and explaining why you are on tinder.
Acting too cool for tinder. – “ I don’t know why I am here, might delete soon.” Stop wasting our time
Bad quotes or those fake “reviews”. – The review thing is like “ The hottest girl in town – people magazine”. If you see a weird trend don’t copy it. Try to be unique. Trying to appeal to everyone means you appeal to no one. Bad quotes that are too serious or from a movie or a tv show are silly.
Leaving the bio blank. – Pics are the most important and the bio isn’t read too often. However, it just shows laziness and a lack of creativity. Plus your matches have nothing to go off of besides , “how are you?”
Having your Snapchat handle or Instagram handle. – This might seen like a good idea. But it can be used by guys you didn’t match with to contact you. Do you want that?

Bottom Line…

That’s the basics to upgrade your tinder profile. Keep in mind to be your authentic self and be unique. The goal is to match with men who appeal to you rather than every random guy in town. Your profile should always be evolving and changing as you go. I like to upgrade my bio every couple months and switch out the photos when I feel my appearance has changed. Sometimes it’s nice to do a total refresh by deleting the app for a little bit then completely changing your profile. However, don’t do this too often because tinder may lock you out of the account after a while. Hopefully these basic changes will help get more right swipes. Remember it’s quality connections over a million matches.