Valentine’s Day For Couples

“Roses are red, violets are blue; if he’s busy on Valentine’s Day, the side-chick is you”

In “The Rules” book, it is discussed how an exclusive boyfriend treats you on this holiday. Valentine’s Day is a huge test of how he sees you. What type of gift, if any, does he give you? Receiving a non-romantic gift (car wax, a gift certificate to Walmart, free soap from a La Quinta Inn), warrants a dumping….

Are gifts really a requirement?…..

Impressing you should be the goal, even when its early on. Obviously, he doesn’t need to spend money on a new designer bag, although something thoughtful should be required. A romantic gift that doesn’t break the bank is a romantic poem, writing a song about you, or a handwritten letter. However, understand that guys don’t want to go big early on because a woman will resent the lackluster effort later. All women care about is effort and quality time. The classic gifts are roses, jewelry, chocolates, a bottle of Champagne, or a nice bottle of perfume.

Is he spending time with you?…..

Some men will fix problems with money. He might mail you an expensive gift and say he is busy on the day. He needs to take you out to dinner or make a meal at home. It needs to be thought out. Quality time needs to be spent; he can’t ignore you or be scrolling on his phone the whole night. I worked at a hotel a few years back and was shocked at the effort that was made. Rose petals on the bed, champagne, candles. Yes, men are capable of this.

What if the holiday isn’t a part of his religion or culture?….

You might be dating a man from another country or religion who has never celebrated Valentine’s Day. Still, it means something to YOU. He needs to adapt and make you feel special; he should not make you feel left out. My ex-, as a Jehovah’s Witness, loved using this excuse. My birthday, Christmas to meet my family, Valentine’s Day….”sorry, Babe, it’s against my religion,” when he wasn’t involved in the church anymore.

What if he tells you to do a “Galentines or Palentine’s Day”?….

There is nothing wrong with spending time with your girlfriends or friends on the holiday. If he suggests it….yea, not great. He should be planning something, no matter how small, and frankly be excited. Shuffling you off to other people screams he doesn’t want the responsibility of being a boyfriend.

What if he is actually busy on Valentine’s Day?….

He can still send you flowers at your work, or your home, then celebrate when he is available. He needs to figure out the schedule and still make it special

What if you literally started dating?….

If you are exclusive, even if you became that a week ago, there still needs to be a plan. Exclusive / official means he is your boyfriend, and boyfriends make Valentine’s Day special….period.

What if you are sexually exclusive, but not official?….

Stop being sexually exclusive without him being your boyfriend! There is literally no point to that. Otherwise, he will not act like a boyfriend and bring you roses or make an effort to make you feel special. Do not expect anything except a late-night booty call.

Bottom Line…..

So yes, you can’t expect to be swept off your feet by the guy you are casually seeing on Valentine’s Day. In fact you probably won’t receive a text. However, your exclusive boyfriend needs to step it up! Why be with him if he isn’t acting like a boyfriend? Holidays bring out the true feelings of men. It’s not that he is forgetful–it’s very intentional that he does nothing for you on Valentine’s. You should not remind him of the day or be the planner. Quality time needs to happen because that is more important than fancy gifts. Dump him if you receive no gift or effort.

Valentine’s Day For Singles

Valentine’s Day can be rough for single people. Maybe it’s because in elementary school you were required to give out mini-Valentine’s cards with a Hershey’s kiss taped to it that always said a generic thing with zero-romantic connotation. Then once we reached high school, we had to watch girls with boyfriends who left a red rose on her desk. Nowadays, things haven’t really changed. You might receive a Valentine’s Day card from your mom and a confusing text from your ex….

What should you do on Valentine’s Day if you are single?…..

Some towns have events meant for singles- It could be a dance party or just nice drink specials. One year, I went to a music show that was themed as a 1950s-sock hop, with paper-heart decorations and everything. You never know with whom you might strike up a conversation.

One year I had my tarot read- It was a fun experience and, obviously, I asked about my love life.

What should you avoid?……

Going on a first date- Yes, it sounds romantic, yet it’s full of pressure. If it ends poorly, you will feel worse than any other date.

Third-wheeling on your friend’s date- This happened to me in college. My roommate forced herself into my romantic dinner plans with my boyfriend. It felt rude and ruined my night just to make hers a tiny bit better.

Texting your ex- Yea…never a good idea, but on this day you will feel way worse.

Staying at home vs. being social……

My vote is to be social. Even if you go out for a little bit, you will feel better. Don’t go to a restaurant; stick to bars or cafés. The restaurants will be full of couples overpaying for a fixed menu. Remember to treat yourself–this day is not about being frugal. If you decide to skip going out altogether, then make it special. Order your favorite take-out and watch a funny stand-up special, especially one where you can commiserate with the comic. My favorites are Aziz Ansari specials! He talks a lot about modern love and even has a book called, “Modern Romance.”

Don’t expect a text from that guy you are seeing casually…..

Guys make an effort not to confuse women. He knows if he texted on Valentine’s, then it would come up in a fight about exclusivity later on. Do not reach out to him.

On the same note, you will find out his true feelings…..

Maybe you don’t know where you stand with a guy. Instead of having “the talk” too early, see what he does on the day. Does he want to see you? (Yes, he knows what day it is.) Don’t be the social dictator by asking him to hang out or inviting yourself over. If he does nothing, or invites you over for a booty call, nothing extra, then decide if you want to continue dating him.

It’s tempting to throw a pity party for yourself…..

This can be fine as long as you don’t involve social media or your ex. Don’t write weird, passive-aggressive things on Twitter or Facebook. In fact, try to not scroll on Instagram as much. It’s better to turn off your phone for a night than calling out a fuck-boy or a guy who recently ghosted, or trying to make last-minute plans with a guy who isn’t interested. This isn’t your green light to break down in tears at your local bar and wince at every couple who holds hands around you. If you are going to be a loose cannon, then plan on staying home. Plan ahead, buy snacks, a bottle of bubbly, and fancy chocolate. Think of it as a self-love holiday.

Beware of players trying to play…..

Slimy men know that the day before Valentine’s and the day of will have desperate women. They will swoop in your Snapchat and beg to see your beautiful face and come over because it’s not like you have plans anyway, right? Don’t fall for it. Yes, you might feel left out and it does kind of suck to be reminded that you are single. It doesn’t mean you should humiliate and degrade yourself. Alone doesn’t mean lonely; stay strong and remember to turn off your phone.

Bottom Line…..

Don’t be that bitter single girl. I have been in relationships on Valentine’s and the guys would totally drop the ball. It’s way better to not have a boyfriend than one who disappoints you. If there is something going on, then go out! If you decide to stay in, then indulge and treat yourself. Remember to not go on a first date. It’s a rom-com plot gone wrong and will sting harder if it doesn’t work out. If you are in a weird gray area with a guy, see if he does anything on the day. If he completely ignores you, then it was intentional. It’s not because he forgot it was February 14th.