These days it’s easy to feel insecure about everything! Your job, not having enough money, or friends, etc. We can’t live up to the beautifully curated world that is Instagram. How can women combat the feelings of low self-esteem while dating when we are supposed to project confidence?

Why do we feel insecure?….

Our past experience and trauma is trying its best from repeating the same mistakes. Bad dates and bad relationships seem like total failures. It gets exhausting to continue to go on bad dates. After a while we turn inward and start to blame ourselves. We are also projecting our baggage onto new guys.

Are you insecure about a particular body part?….

Maybe you dated a guy who always made fun of your short legs. So from then on you thought that your legs were hideous and never wore shorts again. This can go on for decades, and you might not even remember where the insecurity came from. It’s good to take a pause and reflect. Why do you feel ashamed or embarrassed about it? Who made you feel that way? What evidence is there that it is bad? Most of the time the person who tried to make us insecure is the insecure one. They needed to bully you to make themselves feel better.

How can we build confidence again?….

Perspective is a huge thing. If we always have a rain cloud over our heads, we will only see our life as gloomy. Swiping on the apps with a negative or jaded view does not help bring the right energy. We need to keep in mind that the shoe isn’t always going to fit. And it’s nothing personal. It happens on both ends.

Practice self-care….

There are plenty of things you can do at home. Listen to your favorite podcast, try out a new skin care routine. What would you suggest to a friend who needs to relax? It’s so unfortunate that we don’t allow ourselves to chill and recharge.

Have the mantra “his loss”….

You are awesome, really! If he cannot see how great you are, then that’s on him. There are so many people out there that will appreciate your sense of humor or taste in movies. Rejection is going to happen. The best thing is not let that person take up mental energy. They don’t deserve that privilege.

Stop taking everything so personal….

Dating with the apps can get everyone lost in the shuffle. Also, people from the past may come back. It’s super-fast paced and very overwhelming at times. I have men on Snapchat that I have completely forgotten. It’s really more about a volume issue.

Put yourself first…..

If you are a slave to men’s schedules, you will feel powerless and not attractive. He needs to be hunting you down. Stop bending to his every will. Think about your needs first and don’t break plans just because he is bored. If you have the mindset that if you reschedule then he will move on, that is not true. You need to be unavailable from time to time.

Sometimes you just need to practice….

Practice flirting and communication with men. It only has to go somewhere down the road if you choose. Test the waters of what energy works or what topics are a home run. The first step is to practice “leading questions.” This means ask questions that are not a yes or no question. It can be very simple such as, “How do you take your coffee in the morning?” vs. “Do you drink coffee?”

Set boundaries with men….

Some men will take full advantage of your time and treat you like a doormat. You have to put your foot down. Never do anything that you don’t want to do. If he throws a tantrum delete his number. If it feels overwhelming or wrong, don’t do it.

Bottom Line….

Confidence is hard to build out of nowhere. It’s more about being comfortable in your own skin and being totally fine just being alone. You don’t always need to be with another person to have fun. Confidence is about not being needy towards people. Let them come to you. This includes not using your friends as a 24/7 sounding board; they have stuff to do. The more you practice communication and flirting, the more secure you will feel. Do something for yourself everyday no matter how small. It doesn’t have to cost a ton of money. Even having a luxurious bath or going for a long walk while listening to your favorite podcast counts. Practice a mantra for dating. You have to keep a positive reminder especially when you feel powerless with the guys you are talking to.