Can A Guy Really Be Out Of Your League?

In dating, attitude is everything! If you think every guy is “so out of your league,” first off, probably not true, but secondly, that attitude and mind-set hurts your self-worth. Every guy has a type, and you might be surprised what his type is. Men base chemistry on physical attraction, then figure out the rest later. Things that women worry about such as her job, living situation, and how many friends she has means very little to a guy. What really matters is if you are his type and your easy-going attitude…..

What if he is rich and you are poor?…..

Because of dating apps, different classes and cultures are in reach. It used to be that you had to be a part of his social circle. Having said that, it might not mean you will be accepted by his community. If you are able to adapt into his world, then it can work. A difference in upbringing isn’t always a deal breaker.

What if he is semi-famous or super-popular?….

A man like this has a lot of admirers and options. The important thing is not to act like a fan girl. If everyone is freaking out in his presence, then you should play it cool. See if he reaches out to you, just don’t neg him or use heavy sarcasm. A lot of girls make the mistake of acting too cool in front of him. Keep the middle road and be sweet, but not overly available and eager. There are countless examples of a celebrity with a “normal” person.

What if he speaks five languages and has three degrees?….

It is easy to feel intimidated by someone’s education and intelligence. Not every guy wants his equal. He might be exhausted by school or philosophical conversations. Sometimes, it is nice to relax and have fun with a person.

What if he is a model?….

Models are surprisingly insecure. You would think they would be the most confident people out there. Even if he looks like a model, he might feel that is all he has to offer. Most importantly, his type might surprise you. It’s not always the case, but a dude with an 8-pack might want a girl who isn’t obsessed with fitness.

What if he was married before?….

If you have never been married or in a serious relationship, you think he is judging you. However, he might feel relieved that you don’t have a baby-daddy or a toxic ex-husband.

What if he is younger / older?….

For the most part, men in their 20s worship women in their 30s and 40s. They appreciate their wisdom and chill attitude. Older men love younger women. If he is 40-plus, he will more so favor women in their 20s or early 30s. Don’t get too caught up with age. It might help you stand out.

Bottom Line….

Thinking a guy is out of your league is a defense mechanism. You want to put some blame on an outside factor. It really comes down to types and preferences. If he doesn’t approach you, it’s not because he thinks you are poor or a mere peasant in his presence. Keep in mind he wants to be with you for a reason; you add something to his life. A guy hanging out with a girl out of pity probably never happens. If he is pursuing you and making an effort, then accept that he likes you and just relax.

How To Build Confidence

These days it’s easy to feel insecure about everything! Your job, not having enough money, or friends, etc. We can’t live up to the beautifully curated world that is Instagram. How can women combat the feelings of low self-esteem while dating when we are supposed to project confidence?

Why do we feel insecure?….

Our past experience and trauma is trying its best from repeating the same mistakes. Bad dates and bad relationships seem like total failures. It gets exhausting to continue to go on bad dates. After a while we turn inward and start to blame ourselves. We are also projecting our baggage onto new guys.

Are you insecure about a particular body part?….

Maybe you dated a guy who always made fun of your short legs. So from then on you thought that your legs were hideous and never wore shorts again. This can go on for decades, and you might not even remember where the insecurity came from. It’s good to take a pause and reflect. Why do you feel ashamed or embarrassed about it? Who made you feel that way? What evidence is there that it is bad? Most of the time the person who tried to make us insecure is the insecure one. They needed to bully you to make themselves feel better.

How can we build confidence again?….

Perspective is a huge thing. If we always have a rain cloud over our heads, we will only see our life as gloomy. Swiping on the apps with a negative or jaded view does not help bring the right energy. We need to keep in mind that the shoe isn’t always going to fit. And it’s nothing personal. It happens on both ends.

Practice self-care….

There are plenty of things you can do at home. Listen to your favorite podcast, try out a new skin care routine. What would you suggest to a friend who needs to relax? It’s so unfortunate that we don’t allow ourselves to chill and recharge.

Have the mantra “his loss”….

You are awesome, really! If he cannot see how great you are, then that’s on him. There are so many people out there that will appreciate your sense of humor or taste in movies. Rejection is going to happen. The best thing is not let that person take up mental energy. They don’t deserve that privilege.

Stop taking everything so personal….

Dating with the apps can get everyone lost in the shuffle. Also, people from the past may come back. It’s super-fast paced and very overwhelming at times. I have men on Snapchat that I have completely forgotten. It’s really more about a volume issue.

Put yourself first…..

If you are a slave to men’s schedules, you will feel powerless and not attractive. He needs to be hunting you down. Stop bending to his every will. Think about your needs first and don’t break plans just because he is bored. If you have the mindset that if you reschedule then he will move on, that is not true. You need to be unavailable from time to time.

Sometimes you just need to practice….

Practice flirting and communication with men. It only has to go somewhere down the road if you choose. Test the waters of what energy works or what topics are a home run. The first step is to practice “leading questions.” This means ask questions that are not a yes or no question. It can be very simple such as, “How do you take your coffee in the morning?” vs. “Do you drink coffee?”

Set boundaries with men….

Some men will take full advantage of your time and treat you like a doormat. You have to put your foot down. Never do anything that you don’t want to do. If he throws a tantrum delete his number. If it feels overwhelming or wrong, don’t do it.

Bottom Line….

Confidence is hard to build out of nowhere. It’s more about being comfortable in your own skin and being totally fine just being alone. You don’t always need to be with another person to have fun. Confidence is about not being needy towards people. Let them come to you. This includes not using your friends as a 24/7 sounding board; they have stuff to do. The more you practice communication and flirting, the more secure you will feel. Do something for yourself everyday no matter how small. It doesn’t have to cost a ton of money. Even having a luxurious bath or going for a long walk while listening to your favorite podcast counts. Practice a mantra for dating. You have to keep a positive reminder especially when you feel powerless with the guys you are talking to.

Self Care and Self Love Checklist

It is always a good time to practice self-care and to get back into activities that we kept putting off. Who knows? It might jumpstart us on a different path we never expected. Below is a list to keep our emotional and mental health in check….

Self care check list….

Take a bath – a long bath once a week is a great and cheap way to unwind. Listen to music, turn your phone on silent, and light candles.

Do yoga – It’s nice to make it to a class, but you can also do it on YouTube. Still nice to light some incense and pull out a towel or a yoga mat.

Watch a comedy special – Laughter is great for your immune system.

Unfollow or mute toxic accounts on Instagram– If it makes you feel a certain way, it’s not worth looking at.

Start writing – Journal or maybe dust off that old screen play.

Play an instrument – If you are a musical person, it’s good to keep up the habit of playing an instrument, even if you are only performing for yourself.

Go for a walk – Getting fresh air and sunshine is the best. Go on a walk around your neighborhood or a nearby trail.

Listen to a podcast– It feels like you apart of the conversation and can give you some great perspective.

Share a talent with the virtual community – If you are amazing at doing makeup, go on Instagram live and give a tutorial. Showcase your talents in the comfort of your home.

Have boundaries for yourself and others…

Yes, sometimes we push ourselves too hard – Listen to what your body needs. Allow yourself time to relax and don’t view your natural needs as laziness.

Stop beating yourself up for past mistakes

Yes, it’s easy to go down a rabbit hole of that dumb thing you said back in middle school. It serves you in no way to keep punishing yourself for your past. In that same vein, let go of your recent past – Don’t have a another bad day because yesterday was terrible.

Bottom Line…

Happiness comes from within. Don’t let a person affect your mood and how you see yourself. It’s perfectly normal to be upset if someone purposely makes you feel bad. However, most of time you are projecting your own feelings and meaning on a person. Treat yourself to something everyday. It doesn’t have to be expensive or lavish or have too many calories. Taking the time to paint your nails while listening to your favorite song is self-care. When you put yourself first you are actually a more helpful person to others. Stay away from the 24 news feed. Your mind is not meant to process constant bad news. Allow yourself to check once a day, then the rest of the day watch lighter conten