Conversation Dead in the Water: Should You Cut Bait?

Nothing is more frustrating then being on an app, wanting a date to happen, and it just…stops. The purple button on Hinge says, “his turn.” Or you are left with a “lol.” Is there a timeline from saying, “how is your weekend?” to “would you like to get drinks Thursday”? Also, should you be clearing out your matches and narrowing down the ones that actually asked you out?….

Time is money….

Obviously, it depends on your goals for dating. Maybe right now you do just want to chat on the app and keep it at that. However, if you are wanting to actually meet up, then there is a timeline. But… asking sooner is not necessarily better either.

Casual land versus I-might-want-a-real-date-guy….

If a guy, after saying “hey,” asks you to meet up in five minutes, then he is in casual land. It might feel spontaneous–that he is just a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy. Sadly, it’s because he wants a quick hookup and doesn’t want time wasted, or some other date fell though. A guy who actually wants to get to know you will spend a 24 to 48-hour period to chat and get to know you. Have a pre-date and then suggest you meet up for a planned date.

What if it’s been weeks….

If he can’t pull the trigger by at least suggesting there should be a date, then it’s time to let it go. Again, depending on your motives.

Poking the bear….

I have been guilty of “poking the bear.” I will do the obvious check-in message, hoping to wake him from his slumber and that he will ask me out. So far… has not worked. You end up being the little nat that flies around his ear that he swats away. Stick to the 24-48 hour rule.

Should you unmatch….

This is totally up to you. It might be therapeutic to just clean out your inbox of men, although it’s not crucial. I do say to keep the men around who asked you out as the contenders and stop wasting energy on the men who haven’t asked you out. Still, keep in mind to have an actual scheduled date, not just a meet-up in a few hours. Have a three-day buffer.

Bottom line….

Make decisions out of curiosity and not desperation. You are free to send that, “how have you been?” message just to see what happens. Although I wouldn’t hang your hat on it. Men who are fine with you potentially unmatching etc are not scared to lose you. He will have an “act now before the offer expires” approach.