Every girl has a ghostwriter. She will take a screenshot of an app conversation and poll the group chat to chime in. I used to do this all the time, out of insecurity. I didn’t trust that I was witty or had flirting skills. The problem with it is that I wasn’t being my authentic self. There is a lot of pressure to be engaging, so it makes total sense to want a room full of writers for every text exchange. How do we trust that what we are saying is good?

It takes practice, no matter what…

If you are outsourcing your conversations to other people, you aren’t practicing how to flirt yourself. And it’s false advertising. It will be hit or miss until you figure out a good rhythm.

Remember that you don’t have to do all the work…

You have to have the mindset of thinking that you are the receiver, not the pursuer. So, you shouldn’t have a legal pad full of jokes and limericks to impress him. You aren’t the hired entertainment. Yes, there should be witty banter, but you aren’t the birthday clown.

Yes and…

In improv, “yes and…” is a well-known technique. This means that you keep the conversation from hitting a wall. No conversation enders or one-word answers. Ask leading questions and let him talk more.

Keep it positive…

Misery loves company. It’s so easy to hate on things together. The problem with it is that it doesn’t move you forward. People claim they want someone who they can complain to, but it opens up a toxic dynamic. This works fine for friendships, but most people want relationships to be uplifting.

Sarcasm doesn’t come across well though text…

Most of the time it could be misunderstood. In text, a lot of jokes don’t land because it’s read as something literal. It is important to say you are joking or to use emojis.

Steer clear of trauma bonding….

Again keep it positive. There is no need to volunteer bad information about yourself. Self-deprecating humor works better in person and should be used sparingly.

Space out your replies….

It’s never a great idea to be responding in nano-seconds. Space out your response times a bit. Go by what he is giving you. If he is playing the three-day rule, wait half-a-day to respond back.

Bottom Line…

There is a ton of pressure to be witty, sexy, and cool all wrapped up into one person. Some personalities translate better in person. The problem is you won’t get to the date if your personality doesn’t shine though text. When you ask other people to write the text for you, it reinforces that you don’t know what you are doing. You use it as a crutch. You can’t take a friend on your date. It’s best to be authentic from the start with the positive sides of your personality. Trust that you can do it and if it fails, you are learning and getting better with practice.